Anyone homeschooled? Afraid for my daughter

[CatholicRaven]

We are a homeschooling family, and we love it. Though I still have to let them face the world, and teach them how to live in it (but not of it), I feel I can “filter” more (not shelter) with homeschooling than I could when they were in a brick-and-mortar school.

That said, I agree with those who say not to homeschool out of fear, but out of a real desire to homeschool. Those fears are good reasons to pull them from a specific situation, don’t get me wrong, but they will likely not be enough to sustain you when you have bad days if there are other alternatives. And homeschooling won’t solve all the problems completely, anyway–and comes with its own set of challenges! The grass is not necessarily greener…

Homeschooling does not mean they will be perfect angels. It does not mean that they will never be confronted with other (and opposing) views, with controversy, with profanity, with peer pressure, with temptation, and, yes, with sin.

You should do what is best for your family–and regarding education, the format may be different at different times. It may be homeschooling, or it may not be.

Some days, Homeschooling is very, very hard. But then again, so is parenting.

It’s our job as parents to be their first and most important educators; to guide them, to help them discern right from wrong and good from evil. We hope we can teach them to be able to stand on their own, to not have to hide behind us or depend on us forever (but to depend on God). And especially to know, love, and serve God.
It’s not that we want them never to make mistakes–how would they grow?–but to learn from their mistakes, to move forward, to not be afraid of a challenge or take a risk that’s worth it because they fear making a mistake–and not to fear admitting they made a mistake. We can’t expect them to never sin, but we can teach them how to repent and confess, and get back up and try again. And again, and again…

Mostly, we teach by example. Which makes me feel both and

Anyway, enjoy this stage while you can. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. Trust me, it’s worth paying attention to the moment, instead of focusing too much on the future.

 

[pensmama87]

I feel that true intelligence is knowing how to think critically and logically, not simply obeying authority like the entire school system proposes.

Sorry, that’s my libertarian side talking.

That was not my experience in public school, and not likely to be my children’s, either. However, I have seen that issue distinctly in some people I know who were homeschooled. I wouldn’t say that’s a necessary feature of a type of education, but a reflection of the values of the particular educators.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t think this is a question of homeschooling vs not homeschooling. This is a question of sheltering due to fear vs having the confidence to give your daughter the tools she needs to live in the world and time in which she lives and to be prepared to handle that.

You are your daughter’s primary educator, regardless of what type of school she attends. You also have no idea what type of career path your daughter might choose and how she will need to interact with people of different religions and lifestyles.

Sheltering due to fear is never helpful. Educating our children about our values is.

I 100% agree with this. My father was one to shelter due to fear and as an adult I know first hand the negative effects it has had on me. As hard as it is, you will need to entrust your child to the Lord. Pray for guidance to the Holy Spirit as to what you should do and for strength to listen to the Holy Spirit when He is telling you to let go

 

[john_ennis]

I don’t think this is a question of homeschooling vs not homeschooling. This is a question of sheltering due to fear vs having the confidence to give your daughter the tools she needs to live in the world and time in which she lives and to be prepared to handle that.

You are your daughter’s primary educator, regardless of what type of school she attends. You also have no idea what type of career path your daughter might choose and how she will need to interact with people of different religions and lifestyles.

Sheltering due to fear is never helpful. Educating our children about our values is.

Public school may work out fine, but you are parenting against a strong current:

I teach in a public high school and homeschool my kids (till high school, when they go to a small Lutheran school). What critics call “sheltering” is really our effort to minimize the usurping of parenting that our culture gladly imposes on kids.

Public schools gradually and incessantly present this society’s current views on kids. You will have to constantly address this, be aware of it, put it in context. This is hard, for you aren’t in the classroom to get a heads up. There’s so much…Monday through Friday, year after year…
Example: how many public school parents know that the ADL and anti-bullying training (which most schools are afraid not to implement) explicitly teaches that homosexual activity must be accepted as normal–that parents who do not accept same-sex marriage are haters, bigots just like those who denied civil rights to minorities?
There’s much more which I see every day, regarding criticism of religious thought, and sex as recreation to be practiced safely (just avoid babies–they will ruin your life).

Of course, kids will be exposed, and good teaching by parents can thwart public school errors. But I prefer that my kids be exposed to error not by the very authority figures who ought to be helping me teach truth. And I prefer that they hear it in amounts they can handle and weigh against what Christ teaches, rather than an overwhelming flood which is largely not up for discussion.

 

[john_ennis]

Re-reading your post, Ellam, your fears sound very sensible. It sounds like your are sensing a truth based on observing your sister: being immersed in a culture where friends as well as the adult figures all believe a certain way, is going to strongly influence a kid.

Your fear is a healthy fear. It’s not simply that The World is always going to teach error, and we must live in it even as we fight it. It’s about HOW MUCH of your parenting will you surrender to The World. You wouldn’t send your kid to a church that taught that the Pope is the anti-christ. You wouldn’t send her to a school that taught 2 plus 2 is five, or that the earth is flat.

So do we need to send our kid to a school that teaches other errors? If you don’t, you’re “sheltering” them, “isolating” them, out of “fear”? Really.

 

[john_ennis]

An example of the errors? I’ve watched this stuff for fifteen years:

Your 14-year-old daughter and her classmates are told to stand in the center of the room. No one is allowed to talk. Just move to one side of the room or the other in response to this question: Would you be uncomfortable to find out that one of your parents is gay?
Kids who move to one side of the room are indicating No; those on the other say Yes. The unspoken implication: some kids are already enlightened about this issue, the others are admitting that they aren’t and are still working on coming around.
This is ADL training. I got to watch it close up for years, in my own English classroom. I wasn’t involved; upper-class students trained in ADL ran it.

Of course, things have changed a lot–over the years, they’ll change more. As your kid approaches school age, you may find that your decision about public school isn’t really that hard to make.

 

[john_ennis]

Another error, which should bother any Christian:

To teach your son and daughter the best reasons for not getting pregnant, our Sexuality/Parenting classes send them home with a mechanical baby, which will annoy the heck out of them all weekend.

For our (schools’) truth is, the most significant thing about babies is how annoying they are, and that they will ruin your life.

The words never ever breathed, are the notion that our sexuality is special–so special that it is only properly enjoyed alongside a lifelong promise to your lover and any Life that may result.
Or that a good reason not to get pregnant is that children are best off with a committed mother and father, who agree to give themselves to this child.
Or that a real baby’s NEED for us makes the annoyances and inconveniences trivial. She has a right to our love. Our response to that makes us BETTER PEOPLE.

No, sex, like a good meal, can be mainly for pleasure. It can have other uses, too, but the main thing is to make sure you are not harmed by it.

So THAT is another teaching many of us would prefer to “shelter” our kids from.

 

[SusanneT]

My daughter is only 6 months old but already I am thinking of homeschooling her. My sister is 15 and I have witnessed first hand what public school has done to her. All of a sudden she is pro gay, has tons of “gay” friends and even a trans friend and if you say anything disagreeing with gay marriage she gives all these reason why you should support it. Nevermind she was raised Catholic her friends are more important now. I do not want my daughter to end up this way and to be “of the world”. I want to teach her about God without having a teacher suggesting he doesn’t exist or that all religions are the same. I don’t want her thinking a man in a dress is acceptable. I don’t want her to turn away from God and be part of a culture where girls are having sex at 14. I have anxiety everyday that she grows and I know this sounds terrible but I just want to take her to a remote area and keep her there. I know that is not realistic but I am stressing everyday. any advice as a fellow parent? I never thought being a mommy would be so fulfilling and stressful at the same time.

As the mum of an 8 year old girl, I entirely understand your concern. It is incredibly difficult to shelter daughters from the androgynous amoral and over sexualised society, which encourages sin, discourages virtue and modesty and ridicules traditional femininity and family values.

 

[ineedofmercy]

I am 15 and homeschooled and I understand your fears

I have two female friends, that go Catholic School, that a pro and super supportive of gay and trans I fear one of them might actually be gay but I have no evidence just a thought

I believe homeschooling is best education method and while its not 100% effective against the worlds ignorance
You can still take control and teach her right from wrong

Praying for your family

 

[Gliggle]

Yes. The Lord gives us the grace to get through our actual trials, but not much for the trials we imagine we’ll have to go through in some possible future that might not even happen.

From the Screwtape Letters, Letter XV:

THANKYOU I really needed to read that quote today

 

[Lea101]

Nothing wrong with having gay friends. They are human beings too and homosexuality is not contagious. As for the pro gay thing, I understand your fears but if you raised her up telling her about the Church views and she has love for her religion, she won’t succumb to what the world believes. Sheltering her away would not solve your problems and it would make her quite hateful/ignorant towards homosexuals. I’m not saying that’s what homeschooling does, but your post seems to imply you want to shelter her away from all of these stuff.

I hope you are not offended. It’s just that many true homophobic people (people who actually bully or insult homosexuals) are usually people who have been sheltered and they don’t seem to understand that they are “people” and they just don’t understand them. It’ll be easier if they actually interact with people and develop sympathy and love instead of being told about them, if that makes sense?

Public schooling and homeschooling both have its advantages and disadvantages. But just remember to make sure your child has her own connection to God, simply teaching in the way that is like “this is wrong, that is wrong” will probably make her think that we are the bad people that just don’t understand. This applies to everyone, I’m not saying you will teach your child like that. But that’s a good way to make sure your child is on the right track

I’m just saying this bc you seem so paranoid about it. Your child will find out about the world’s morals/lack of it. You need to focus on giving her the tools to deal with it, and focus on making her want to obey God bc she loves him, instead of simply sheltering her!

 

[Anglewannabe]

I teach in a public high school and homeschool my kids (till high school, when they go to a small Lutheran school). What critics call “sheltering” is really our effort to minimize the usurping of parenting that our culture gladly imposes on kids.

That is a valid concern and IMO the only real solution would be for Catholic parents to start a protest to regain their religious freedom, not simply a ‘everyone has a right to their religion’ on paper society but a ‘parents have the right to teach God’s truth’ in action

Alas… if that ever did come to pass it would not be for years. So in the interim, how do we handle it.

Home schooling may work for some but not all. I live near a menonite (sp?) community that are know to be very strict. I hear stories about how the kids misbehave when they go to town without their parents. If not done properly, home schooling can create kids who become very good at sneaking around behind their parents back.

I was also the type of kid that would by other kids be considered a push over. In a way, going to school and learning that I needed to say no and not follow the gang was a good experience

So, yes, I disagree it is horrid what the school system teaches. But guess what, most people need to work as adults to pay rent and where I work, at lunch in the cafeteria, the same sin is being taught

 

[Seamus_L]

In the nearly 20 years since I came back to the church, I’ve seen too many
boys and girls grow up in the parish, there every Sunday thru ages 12, 13.
14. 15, etc, and then all of a sudden, they graduate HS have a car, you see
them less and less until you finally find out that they still consider
themself Catholic, but don’t believe you have to attend church every Sunday, so they just go a couple times a year. And then it really get’s scary when you learn that they see nothing wrong with living with there boyfriend or girlfriend, and can’t understand what’s wrong with being ‘gay’. In fact, almost everything you tried to teach them is now being politely rejected. And how did it all happen ? Well for starters, those public school teachers you paid so much for on your property taxes spent alot more time with them each day than you did, and how are you ever going to compete with that.

 

[pensmama87]

In the nearly 20 years since I came back to the church, I’ve seen too many
boys and girls grow up in the parish, there every Sunday thru ages 12, 13.
14. 15, etc, and then all of a sudden, they graduate HS have a car, you see
them less and less until you finally find out that they still consider
themself Catholic, but don’t believe you have to attend church every Sunday, so they just go a couple times a year. And then it really get’s scary when you learn that they see nothing wrong with living with there boyfriend or girlfriend, and can’t understand what’s wrong with being ‘gay’. In fact, almost everything you tried to teach them is now being politely rejected. And how did it all happen ? Well for starters, those public school teachers you paid so much for on your property taxes spent alot more time with them each day than you did, and how are you ever going to compete with that.

Yes, that’s what I did as a public school teacher everyday. Rubbed my hands together nefariously just looking for my chance to corrupt the youth.

Here’s the thing. You can do everything “right” and your kids will still make mistakes, even very stupid ones. It may be for the OP that homeschooling is their best option. I agree that parents need to be aware of what’s going on at school and who their kids’ friends are. But seriously…let’s quit making Bad Thing That Happened to Me into What Will Certainly Happen to You if You Do Something Similar to What I Did.

(People swap homeschooling horror stories too, you know.)

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes, that’s what I did as a public school teacher everyday. Rubbed my hands together nefariously just looking for my chance to corrupt the youth.

Here’s the thing. You can do everything “right” and your kids will still make mistakes, even very stupid ones. It may be for the OP that homeschooling is their best option. I agree that parents need to be aware of what’s going on at school and who their kids’ friends are. But seriously…let’s quit making Bad Thing That Happened to Me into What Will Certainly Happen to You if You Do Something Similar to What I Did.

(People swap homeschooling horror stories too, you know.)

True.

That’s the risk of being a parent. You try your best but somehow your child makes stupid and questionable decisions.

Even God was unable to prevent Adam and Eve from making a stupid decision. Now we are stuck with the consequences.

 

[Eliza10]

My son - my only - is twenty now and is in college. I have done all three - homeschooling, private Catholic School, and public school - and I have to say homeschooling was the VERY best of those, BY FAR, and it was the nicest and EASIEST way of life.

But I lost the chance to do that when my son’s father left in 2nd grade, putting us through a custody battle. The ex was very hostile and combative, and since in my state, homeschooling was not allowed unless BOTH parents agreed - even though I was given primary custody. And *anything *I wanted my ex was going to fight, and since homeschooling was what I MOST wanted, I would never get that again.

Faced with school, local Catholic homeschooling moms advised me that our diocesan Catholic schools were more likely to influence your kids NOT to be Catholic, since rather than a religious education, it was a “private school experience”. This was clear to me, too, from what I could see. And “exclusive, private” is not what I was looking for in a Catholic school.

So that was the situation there, then, but knowing that such can be a problem in some places, you could start becoming aware of how Catholics you admire in your area view the Catholic schools near you, especially with regard to areas of your concern.

We opted for a small Independent Catholic School that was very devout. But it was not an easy fit, as it was run sort of like a reform school - except they worked with really nice, smart kids, so that was odd, and unnecessary, and a waste of good minds. So it was not a smooth fit, for sure, but it was truly Catholic, and it basically worked for a year. But the following year, a new hire came for the 5th grade, and while she seemed *impressive *at first meeting, before school started, in her empty classroom, the first week of school I had serious doubts, and my alarm quickly increased. She was psycho, IMO, and not just on board with the “reform-school” technique, but she wanted to take that to its fullest crazy extent. But the school’s administration was a little tired of dealing with parent concerns, and anyway I was a newbie with no relation to them (many of them working there were related) or any of the families they had worked with over the years - I was not only a stranger not -of-their circle (a new convert at that) but I really feel they saw me as simply a stressed-out divorced woman - and my life was stressful at the time - so *they dismissed my concerns. *

I removed my son from the school that November, and put him in the dreaded public school, and it was not an easy transition. The 5th grade class he entered had been together as a group since kindergarten, as this was how that large elementary school had ordered their classes at that time, and that class was not friendly to the newbie. What a horrible year that was; a nightmare. God had to sustain me in all that unhappiness. But I am now* grateful* for that very unhappy period, as it was what it took for me to learn to walk in trust of God.

I heard that at the end of the year the Catholic School let the teacher go, after a whole 5th-grade year of psycho-mind games for that poor class. Then a Diocesan Catholic School hired her for September and *fired *her in October…

In 6th grade it was the big middle school where the kids in that district broke out of their classes they had been stably with since Kdg., and were suddenly mixed up with kids from several big elementary schools, plus changing classes. Some of those kids really struggled with the change. But this is when school started to get better for my son. We had one more move to a better school district. I would not have picked the public schools but I had not other choice.

We had another unexpected life turn, new struggles, but the school move for my son was a better district and we stayed there grades 7-12. What made it work for my son was getting involved in wrestling those years, as it was big in his school. I would never have picked that but several of the directions I tried to make work for his life did not work, for lack of support or other things, and I kept my concerns to myself. But I came to appreciate the sport, and the discipline did him much good; it was a positive. So getting involved in some school related discipline, be it music or sports or other if other is available, it one way to make it through public school years.

I taught in public schools before my son was born, and I substitute taught in his school years, in an “A+” school district, one that had always been A+. And I was there when Common Core began to get implemented, and I can tell you, it is a BAD thing. If homeschooling only saves you from Common Core, then that’s a plus. I don’t think I could take the time to explain why, but I can tell you its BAD. There is a lot you can read on it.

But I am digressing from what I really wanted to say. I do think Homeschooling is wonderful, and a wonderful way to be a family. Public School was a GRUELING contrast to homeschool, because your child comes home EXHAUSTED and you have top put them through homework - homework you will understand LESS and LESS as your public school gets embroiled in the Common Core monopoly. If you are homeschooling you will love projects because you picked them addressing your and your child’s ways and your learning goals, but the projects the school sends home for you to do with your child may have you pulling your hair out - a trial of endurance, where completion is the great relief.

I assure you, life is easier and richer and more rewarding and sane when homeschooling. So its worth learning about.

[continued in next post]

 

[Eliza10]

[continued from previous post]

I learned a lot before my son was even born. I wrote my papers on it for my Masters as much as I could, anyway, and I kept learning. I couldn’t wait to homeschool when my ex was finally ready to start family and by then I had read pretty thoroughly. So you would be getting a late start learning, compared to me. Its great becaseu you are under no pressure, and any questions you have on the subject you can find answers in an unhurried way. Whatever questions you have, you can be sure, lots of others ask them!

So I have explained how my homeschooling got “taken” from me, and it was a loss I felt very very deeply. But the only thing for me to do was accept that - and it took me awhile. A love lost. But unexpectedly as my son finished high school I fell in love, and (after annulments) married my son’s senior year, and as smoothly as anything I have have sort of “adopted” his two grown children as my own family - as they have adopted me and my son - and as a bonus, I also have in my life now my husband’s two young granddaughters, who are being homeschooled by their grandmother (husband’s ex) (their Mom works), and I am assisting with the youngest, two days a week, teaching her to read and math basics, like I taught my son, while grandma has her the other days. So I never expected to be doing this again, and I love it, and I love how teaching helps me love her more, and I love living a live with homeschool learning knit throughout.

Their grandmother had renewed her life some years back as an Evangelical Christian, so that is a big part of her life and her approach, but I get it since I lived that tradition for so many years. And I was just invited to a Homeschooling Convention with her, and the elder daughter, and I LOVED it. What an experience. I went to one before, years ago, when my son was small, with my ex, who, before the convention was totally against homeschooling, but after, was converted. So I recommend a homeschool convention with your husband one of these years, before you would start it, if you discern this is the direction you should go.

The MOST exciting thing I learned at the convention was the lectures and books on Classical Education. Remember that! CLASSICAL EDUCATION. * Its an AMAZING approach to education - the BEST - I really think. And this is after researching about every *curriculum and approach, because as I said, homeschooling for me is a passion. And I am always seeking the best - how else do you think I got to be Catholic, when I was perfectly content Evangelical Protestant?

Keep Classical Education in mind also because there are *Classical Education schools *popping up everywhere, and its a awesome option for a school, and maybe there is one near you. Many are Catholic Classical Education schools, which would have to be about the best, IMO. It goes through high school - and college. Its the best college, IMO. Great Books programs. So much to get excited about.

But you would b e thinkign about Kdg. and elementary. I have got the BEST WEBSITE/blog for you to see. Its a Mom doing Classical Education homeschooling - a busy mom. With twin infants, and a bunch of older kids. She has a book, Teaching From Rest, but most of that is on her blog. She has podcasts, which I have not followed yet but if you are an auditory learner you’d like that. But do look at her blog, and I will start you with this most appropriate one on how to teach without anxiety.

Here it is. I hope it blesses you (you can click on her blog at the top of the page. Its full of treasures. You will see how simple a day of homeschooling can be.):

amongstlovelythings.com/on-teaching-from-state-of-rest/

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[john_ennis]

Yes, that’s what I did as a public school teacher everyday. Rubbed my hands together nefariously just looking for my chance to corrupt the youth.

Here’s the thing. You can do everything “right” and your kids will still make mistakes, even very stupid ones. It may be for the OP that homeschooling is their best option. I agree that parents need to be aware of what’s going on at school and who their kids’ friends are. But seriously…let’s quit making Bad Thing That Happened to Me into What Will Certainly Happen to You if You Do Something Similar to What I Did.

(People swap homeschooling horror stories too, you know.)

But Seamus never said the teachers are just rubbing their hands… More precise than mentioning teachers at all might have been the words, “Public Schools, reflecting society’s morals.”
That would be a good way to look at it–it’s not simply This Happened to Me. It’s about recognizing that public schools continuously present the culture’s views on things. The few that I mentioned a few posts back are just prominent.
The well-meant suggestions that the OP seeks to “shelter,” or is paranoid, don’t show a great deal of knowledge about home schooling in 21st century America, or about how valid are the concerns of parents who are convinced about Catholic teaching.

 

[thephilosopher6]

That was not my experience in public school, and not likely to be my children’s, either. However, I have seen that issue distinctly in some people I know who were homeschooled. I wouldn’t say that’s a necessary feature of a type of education, but a reflection of the values of the particular educators.

I just honestly think the entire school system is stupid. Whether it be public or home schooling.

 

[pensmama87]

But Seamus never said the teachers are just rubbing their hands… More precise than mentioning teachers at all might have been the words, “Public Schools, reflecting society’s morals.”
That would be a good way to look at it–it’s not simply This Happened to Me. It’s about recognizing that public schools continuously present the culture’s views on things. The few that I mentioned a few posts back are just prominent.
The well-meant suggestions that the OP seeks to “shelter,” or is paranoid, don’t show a great deal of knowledge about home schooling in 21st century America, or about how valid are the concerns of parents who are convinced about Catholic teaching.

That’s precisely why knowing the local school matters so much. The local school my children will be attending is not a lightning rod of immorality. In fact, lots of good Catholic families go there, and for the most part people around here are traditionally minded.

I know the same can’t be said everywhere…which is why I said, “do your research and know your options.”