Anyone NOT want to get married? Why?

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Bataar said:
The idea that we are supposed to make vows that dictate what we are supposed to do for the remainder of our lives without knowing what the future holds seems absurd to me. It obviously works for some people, a lot of people, but I just don’t want to put my life in another human’s hands.
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Interesting that you should phrase it in this way, because it brings to mind the very words that used to be said to the couple by the priest, just before the exchange of vows.

That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and failures, its pleasures and pains, its joys and sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

This little “Exhortation Before Marriage” is itself a simple expression of the meaning of sacramental marriage.
Is the fact that it is no longer used perhaps a recognition that most people can no longer follow this ideal?
 
JimG said:
Interesting that you should phrase it in this way, because it brings to mind the very words that used to be said to the couple by the priest, just before the exchange of vows.

That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and failures, its pleasures and pains, its joys and sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

This little “Exhortation Before Marriage” is itself a simple expression of the meaning of sacramental marriage.
Is the fact that it is no longer used perhaps a recognition that most people can no longer follow this ideal?
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For me anyways, it’s not just marriage. I don’t see myself wanting to make any vows because I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I don’t want to take religious vows and then meet the girl of my dreams after that. To me, it’s too big of a risk.
 
Bataar said:
For me anyways, it’s not just marriage. I don’t see myself wanting to make any vows because I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I don’t want to take religious vows and then meet the girl of my dreams after that. To me, it’s too big of a risk.
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Batar, just out of curiosity: Isn’t meeting the girl of your dreams kind of a non-issue anyway because you had stated before that with the divorce factor, etc… you wouldn’t want to marry anybody???
 
HeWillProvide said:
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Batar, just out of curiosity: Isn’t meeting the girl of your dreams kind of a non-issue anyway because you had stated before that with the divorce factor, etc… you wouldn’t want to marry anybody???
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At this point in my life, yes it is a moot point. Again because I don’t know what the future holds, my opinion might change. I just don’t see it happening at this time.
 
It wasn’t my intent to pick on Bataar with my post about the “exhortation before marriage.” I think many people feel the same as he does.

My point is that it is precisely the uncertainty of the future and all it holds, that the Church asks marrying couples to accept. They are to accept the spouse in a permanent commitment no matter what the future holds (“for better or for worse,” etc.) That’s a serious commitment, but one which once made fully and freely by both parties, frees them to set out on their new life with full confidence in each other even while not knowing what the future holds.

I think perhaps that as part of marriage prep, couples ought to just study that little instruction.
 
Regarding the original post,

I myself have been discerning a vocation to the priesthood, here are my reasons why I am giving up marriage.

First of all, I’m not giving up the meaning of marriage.
Genesis 1:18

The LORD God said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.”

Who will be my suitable partner? The Church herself!

Second, both marriage and celibacy can be chosen for selfish reasons, the trick is to make sure your reasons are selfless.

Some men get married so that they have a part time housekeeper/sex partner; some women get married so that they will be provided for without working “golddiggers”. Now note that in a loving, self giving relationship a woman can certainly do the housewife thing and the man can certainly provide for his family, but here intention makes all the difference. The woman allows her husband to provide for her out of love and house-wifes out of love, the husband provides out of love and allows his wife to do the home maker thing out of love, but if motives are internal and self serving then it turns to wickedness.

(please understand that this is one example of home life, I am not suggesting that this covers all cases! Its just what came off the top of my head).

Likewise, if you are staying single because you don’t want to share your wealth, or if you go into a religious vocation so that you don’t have to do some other work or because you know that you will be provided for, then yes, its very selfish.

But just as marriage can be selfless and self giving, so can religious vocations and single life, if one has the right motives and allows those motives to reach the end that God has planned.

Why am I giving up marriage? To build up the Kingdom, to participate in the work of God on Earth, that is not a selfish thing at all! Also, remember that in the end, if we preserver and hold the course, we will all be united with God and the saints in a union that will make marriage like a pale reflection of happiness.

Peace!
 
HeWillProvide said:
Do you want to remain single for the rest of your life? Why? Do you think your reasons are selfish?
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I want to remain single. Marriage is just not appealing to me. Perhaps but I see more selfishness with people who are married.

Thus spoke Zarathustra;)
 
Bataar said:
At the risk of sounding like a Vulcan from Star Trek, I pretty much get by on logic and reason and leave emotion by the wayside. That makes it extremely, extremely difficult to have any kind of relationships with women when I can’t empathize with their more emotional (usually) personality.
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What? Women are not logical?!

Thus spoke Zarathustra;)
 
Bataar said:
For me anyways, it’s not just marriage. I don’t see myself wanting to make any vows because I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I don’t want to take religious vows and then meet the girl of my dreams after that. To me, it’s too big of a risk.
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In that case, isn’t life itself too big of a risk? It seems to me that what you are saying is, simply, that you fear commitment of any sort.
 
chicago said:
In that case, isn’t life itself too big of a risk? It seems to me that what you are saying is, simply, that you fear commitment of any sort.
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When ever a guy doesn’t want to get married he must fear commitment or be unresponsible. When women don’t its celebrated.
 
chicago said:
In that case, isn’t life itself too big of a risk? It seems to me that what you are saying is, simply, that you fear commitment of any sort.
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You’re right. I don’t want to get involved with something I can’t get out of as unscathed as possible if it goes sour. Life is a huge risk, but it was one that was kinda forced on me and now I just need to get through it. Like I said in another thread, due to a health condition I have, my flight or fight reflex pretty much runs in overdrive all the time. The bigger the risk, the least likely I am to participate.
 
Zarathustra89 said:
When ever a guy doesn’t want to get married he must fear commitment or be unresponsible. When women don’t its celebrated.
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As a woman who at the ripe old age of 34 is unmarried and unlikely to be so in the foreseeable future, I can tell you it is far from universally celebrated :nope: more like condemned in some circles.
 
There are lots of married couples. It’s good to see good examples of them, but we also need more priests and religious, and we’re getting pretty desperate. Somehow, I feel the need for more good priests is more immediate and severe than the need for more good Catholic marriages (although both are great). I do not want to get married because I want to devote myself to the Church- whether it be the priesthood, or otherwise.
 
Ryan Love TEN Commandments for why he should remain single
  1. Mainly because God made me a Loaner.
  2. Right now my life sucks because I am not an efficient human being.
  3. All the times I tried getting into a relationship I always loose.
  4. The definition on insanity and I am proud to say I’m not insane.
  5. right now all i can do is bring another human being down, if I really cared about the person, I would have to acknowledge anyone is better without me.
  6. Marriage is great if one can achieve it,but I agree one cant truly be them-selfs when they become one wither another person.
  7. all attempting to date as brought me is despair and torment.either because I wanted more out of the friendship or maybe my bad choices it does not matter anymore.
  8. It seems to me every woman I ever talked to is going to abandon or leave me even if i am just friends with them. I had perfectly good friendship die for no reason and I cant rap my mind around it.
  9. Marriage is for the social type. I fail to see how it logically makes sense to give someone like me the desire when it goes against my nature.
  10. Asthma it speaks for itself.
after observing all of these things I find my self most happy when I am away with people. My faith and character are always challenged in the presents of people. Isolation is the best way a human can center him self. the more we get tangled in this world the more dirty we become.

If I ever meet the Right girl then I would change,but why should she wont useless space such as I. All I can do is promise not to cheat but in the end, Wealth and a pay down the road is all that matters. I could could care less.
 
I have never felt an inclination towards marraige. Since childhood my primary focus was God and once I realized as a child that one could live with God as primary focus and no other, that was my goal. Though I have no inclination for marriage, I do realize that one can be called by God to marriage and in fulfilling that call, then one’s primary focus is God expressed through marriage and children if God sends them - I have just never felt or been inclined to that call. I can still value platonic relationships with the opposite sex - in fact, where my friendships are concerned I don’t tend to distinguish re gender. My friends are my friends.
I did try religious life twice but it was not my vocation and call and have found my place and call in the single state under private vows to the evangelical counsels with direction and for over 30 years now. I am rather unconcerned about what others may think about me - some positive, some negative. The negatives might hurt on the human level in a passing sort of way, but then the positives can too if another is unaware of the Grace of God freely gifted and the positive description and praise His Grace alone truly deserves.
Where negative opinions are concerned, I try to recall what St. Teresa of Avila wrote - that in the face of negative opinions and criticisms to be comforted by the fact that the other does not know EVERYTHING about one. 👍
TS
 
I’m in my mid-fifties, and am still single. And will probably stay that way.

I don’t have inclination to get married. I honor it as a sacrament and as a human institution, however.

I never wanted to have kids. Ever. I never cared much about sex-it’s vastly overblown, IMO-and I was always terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. I never had much of a ‘maternal instinct’, and I’m not all that patient around kids. Plus, I didn’t want to do things like changing diapers-as Bill Cosby said in one of his old recordings, ‘No sir-do not like surprises’.

On a more serious note, I didn’t want to marry and have kids because the world we live in is such a horrible place. If it was bad in the late 1960s-early 1970s when I was a teen-early twenties, it’s worse now.

I’m more of a loner now. I’ve lived alone since my mother died seven years ago this month. It’s better for me that way. I’m tired of the ‘community’ or ‘herd’ mentality that’s prevalent nowadays.
 
I am not entirely sure yet. At first, yes I did want to be married and have children, but now, I’m not so sure. I’m thinking about becoming a religious sister. However, that is marrying in a way. It’s marrying God.
God bless y’all,
Jessica 🙂
 
I wish to not get married because I wish for the treasure in Heaven to be gained from such a sacrifice and the freedom along with it to directly pursue the spiritual.

And so too, I made that decision first, and then to pursue a religious vocation. The one seems to follow naturally, since, if one can enter, practically, one should seek to since one gains the spiritual benefits of being under vows and obedience rather than doing one’s own will.

Marriage has many hidden difficulties.

I think most people if they saw clearly the roads ahead, would pursue the religious life rather than marriage. But, being young, and not knowing all that has to be weighed, the more immediate and tempting course is taken.

A holy family is a beautiful thing, with its priceless gifts. But, the course that is more conducive in the general sense to holiness is refraining from marriage.

If you are not going to get married, but not going to or able to enter into a religious order completely, at least what is now the equivalent of the third orders I am thinking is best. Some kind of rule, some kind of obedience, is of great help towards gaining what is valuable in the next life. To gain treasure in Heaven most greatly one has to submit to some sort of rule, so one can sacrifice one’s own will.
 
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