Apologia for Homeschooling?

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How have you explained your decision to homeschool with those who disagree with your choices? How do you do it without being negative about public school?

We have young kids and my husband and I are in agreement that we are going to begin homeschooling next year. Our families will not be happy with this choice. My husband grew up in a family where some cousins homeschooled. His parents spoke very disparagingly of this and said it was “limiting your children to what only you know.” His family is likely to remain quiet, but it will be uncomfortable with them considering their vocal disapproval of it in the past. I’m afraid SIL, who sends kids to public school, might distance herself from us which would hurt my husband.

My family are not fans of homeschooling either, but we can talk more openly and debate issues more freely with my parents. My parents have already brought up that it will be a lot of work for me (I don’t mind this) and that you can’t shield your children from the world forever (to which I replied that I wanted my kids to be well formed and confident before exposing them to everything)
 
Church teaching is very clear that it is the duty of parents to educate their children. Some parents may delegate some of their authority to schools, but you don’t have to. And nobody has the right to force themselves into the parent/child educational relationship.

It’s not an easy thing to talk through, but my experience is family will eventually get used to it, even if they don’t like it.

What is the purpose of your child? To go to college? No. To get a well paying job? No.

The purpose of your child is to go to heaven.

They can do that as President or an astronaut or a garbage man.

That doesn’t mean cultivating the mind isn’t good or important. It is, but it’s not the greatest good or the most important thing.

So you’re simply making the decision you think is best for getting your child to heaven. Or at least that is the fundamental argument I have for homeschooling my children.

I’m a product of both public schools and Catholic schools. The Catholic schools were worse. At least in the public school, parents can tell their children that the theological nonsense is theological nonsense without doing additional damage. When you have to tell the child that a priest or a sister is teaching them heresy than it undermines the father even further.

There’s a survey by Notre Dame that was included in the book Index of Leading Catholic Indicators by Kenneth Jones, which indicates that 90% of the religion teachers at Catholic elementary schools are dissenters from Church teaching.

So yes, I do see both public schools and Catholic schools as being in horrible shape. That said, even if the schools were great…I’d still homeschool. Because I am the parent, and God gives my wife and I graces for the education of our children that He doesn’t give to anyone else. Whether you send your kids to school or not, their education is your responsiblity. How effective can you be at executing that responsiblity when you don’t even know what is going on in the school every day?

From Mit Brennender Sorge by Pope Pius XI:

“Yet do not forget this: none can free you from the responsibility God has placed on you over your children. None of your oppressors, who pretend to relieve you of your duties can answer for you to the eternal Judge, when he will ask: “Where are those I confided to you?” May every one of you be able to answer: “Of them whom thou hast given me, I have not lost any one” (John xviii. 9).”

papalencyclicals.net/Pius11/P11BRENN.HTM
 
I was homeschooled all my life, and I will admit that I do not recommend it. It is a very limiting education.
If this is something you want to do, do your research first. You can find homeschool programs online, but stay away from religion based programs. I went through quite a few programs, all religion based, and they were horrid. They are written in such a way that treats your child like an idiot.
Make sure to join groups so your children can interact with kids their own age. Homeschooling can be very sheltering and lonely for a child, I can attest to that. It can be damaging in the years ahead. I wish you all the luck in the world, but I advise you to truely think this through. It’s not an ideal education by far. If you can find a good catholic school thay would be far better.
 
Dan_Daly said:
It’s not an easy thing to talk through, but my experience is family will eventually get used to it, even if they don’t like it.

What is the purpose of your child? To go to college? No. To get a well paying job? No.

The purpose of your child is to go to heaven.
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Yes! Unfortunately, I think most of our family think this is a “given” – not something you have to strive for or work hard to achieve therefore, why worry so much?

I think my parents will come around after awhile. Not sure about my husband’s family but the important thing is that we make the best choice for our kids.
 
child_of_God85 said:
Make sure to join groups so your children can interact with kids their own age. Homeschooling can be very sheltering and lonely for a child, I can attest to that.
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Would you mind elaborating on this a little more? PM me if you don’t want to share openly. There are some associations around here for homeschooling families and also opportunities for our little ones to take catechism at our church and my thought was to enroll her in dance or art classes as well. I am concerned that it not be a lonely experience for my kids.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I was homeschooled all my life, and I will admit that I do not recommend it. It is a very limiting education.
If this is something you want to do, do your research first. You can find homeschool programs online, but stay away from religion based programs. I went through quite a few programs, all religion based, and they were horrid. They are written in such a way that treats your child like an idiot.
Make sure to join groups so your children can interact with kids their own age. Homeschooling can be very sheltering and lonely for a child, I can attest to that. It can be damaging in the years ahead. I wish you all the luck in the world, but I advise you to truely think this through. It’s not an ideal education by far. If you can find a good catholic school thay would be far better.
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I will say I can agree that most homeschool curriculums are designed to treat children as idiots to put it bluntly. “Textbooks” as a general rule make topics boring and uninteresting whether they are used at home or in a school, at least that is my opinion.

The one redeeming quality most homeschool curriculums have is that they encourage more parents to homeschool who don’t have enough confidence to do so if the curriculums weren’t there. Being homeschooled with a lame curriculum is better than being institutionally schooled with a lame curriculum.

I again agree on the interaction with other families. It is important. However, many people miss that institutionally schooled children are very limited in their interactions as well. It’s not normal to spend all day in a room full of children the same age and one adult. Other children will not teach your child how to be a responsible adult. Finding other families who you can do things with together and have a variety of ages (babies, young children, older children, young adults, older adults, etc) is something very valuable.
 
@dan daly: so, spill! 😃 Did/do you homeschool? Did you design your own curriculum?
 
Yes we homeschool. Yes we do our own thing. Pick and choose from various ideas and make up some of our own. Read books. Do stuff. Have conversations. It’s not rocket science or brain surgery.

I went to college. I saw what elementary education majors did in college. Anything they can do any parent can do, and if you are teaching your own child you will do a far better job than any school teacher can do. Because even if the school teacher is a wonderful, smart, hardworking, dedicated teacher…it’s not their child.

And maybe someone reading this totally disagrees with me and thinks that curriculums are great for homeschooling. Guess what? We disagree and that’s fine. You go ahead and do what you think is best for your family. There is no one size fits all program for everyone, which is why institutional schools, Catholic, private, or public, have a fundamental problem even if the teachers are all great and the materials are all good (they’re not). People are not herd animals or widgets on the assembly line. A six year old should not need to raise their hand to go to the bathroom. They should simply…go the the bathroom.

Pax
 
1ke said:
Why do you feel the need to explain anything to anyone?
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In theory I could just tell our families it is none of their business, but in practice, that doesn’t lead to great relations, does it?

Besides, I think it is good to get people thinking with good arguments.
 
Papaececi,

Here’s a good one for you to throw out there with your family and others to get them thinking…

How come when people find out that you’re homeschooling they almost never ask:
-How is your child going to learn algebra?
-How is your child going to know how fast they can do the shuttle run?
-How is your child going to memorize the perodic table or the state capitals?

Now they don’t ask those questions, or at least very few people do. People understand you don’t need to do any of that stuff, because most adults are honest enough to admit that they forgot most of the “knowledge” they learned in school, and what they remember they very rarely use.

Instead 90%+ ask the exact same question…

How is your child going to be socialized?

Which means on a fundamental level, everyone understands what you and I, and the people who designed our nation’s school system understand.

School is not about learning knowledge or gaining wisdom

School is about achieving social control by establishing social conformity.

And what are children conformed to in the school? It’s certainly not the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Pax
 
Not talking about Apologia ?

I like and support Homeschooling,

But the bad is only coming from outsider/pressure (in case there is no law for homeschooling and there is only compulsory schooling legislation in your region)
 
Dan_Daly said:
Papaececi,

Here’s a good one for you to throw out there with your family and others to get them thinking…

How come when people find out that you’re homeschooling they almost never ask:
-How is your child going to learn algebra?
-How is your child going to know how fast they can do the shuttle run?
-How is your child going to memorize the perodic table or the state capitals?

Now they don’t ask those questions, or at least very few people do. People understand you don’t need to do any of that stuff, because most adults are honest enough to admit that they forgot most of the “knowledge” they learned in school, and what they remember they very rarely use.

Instead 90%+ ask the exact same question…

How is your child going to be socialized?

Which means on a fundamental level, everyone understands what you and I, and the people who designed our nation’s school system understand.

School is not about learning knowledge or gaining wisdom

School is about achieving social control by establishing social conformity.

And what are children conformed to in the school? It’s certainly not the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Pax
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You hit the nail on the head. We homeschool our child. Everywhere we go, their are whispers that our child will be socially retarded. It’s almost like society is brainwashed to believe that homeschooled children will be social outcasts!

It’s a strange phenomenon.

Btw–Our child is bright and social. 😉
 
How about the fact that you are trying to give them the best teacher-student ratio possible. 😉

Its also true that some kids just don’t learn as well in a school setting, they can’t focus and the abstract lessons just don’t work for them. I know a family where one of the kids can’t do math at school to save his life, but when he is doing math in the context of some practical real-life situation, such as on their family farm, he is really good at it. If any of your children would have any problems with such a traditional school environment that can be another reason.
 
papaececi said:
In theory I could just tell our families it is none of their business, but in practice, that doesn’t lead to great relations, does it?

Besides, I think it is good to get people thinking with good arguments.
Click to expand...
You can mention it casually when it comes up. If families disagree or make negative comments, remind them it’s your responsibility as parents to make such decisions and it’s not up for discussion.

Sometimes, the more you try to ‘explain’ the more people get the idea that they have some say in it.
 
Dan_Daly said:
There is no one size fits all program for everyone, which is why institutional schools, Catholic, private, or public, have a fundamental problem even if the teachers are all great and the materials are all good (they’re not). People are not herd animals or widgets on the assembly line. A six year old should not need to raise their hand to go to the bathroom. They should simply…go the the bathroom.

Pax
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At Patrick Coffin likes to say when he whole heartedly agrees with a passionate answer from a guest “Preach it!”

👋 can I ‘go’ now? LOL!!
 
papaececi said:
How have you explained your decision to homeschool with those who disagree with your choices? How do you do it without being negative about public school?

We have young kids and my husband and I are in agreement that we are going to begin homeschooling next year. Our families will not be happy with this choice. My husband grew up in a family where some cousins homeschooled. His parents spoke very disparagingly of this and said it was “limiting your children to what only you know.” His family is likely to remain quiet, but it will be uncomfortable with them considering their vocal disapproval of it in the past. I’m afraid SIL, who sends kids to public school, might distance herself from us which would hurt my husband.
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Start by hoping that your family all have your kids best interest at heart, and they really want what’s best for your kids. No one needs another family war, right?!? So, like my mom always said, you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar…
Kill 'em with kindness! Let the homeschooling teach them as well as your kids…
Some phrases that might help:

I’m so glad that we are all concerned about Tommy and Billy’s education!
I’m looking forward to taking advantage of all of the homeschooling classes and co-ops that are out there now, some of them didn’t exist even a few years ago!
Wow! I just met some great homeschooling families that have access to incredible resources for Tommy and Billy for next year!
Did I tell you about this great website that has all sorts of fun stuff to do and ways to get kids involved in their community?
I’m having so much fun coming up with creative ways to engage the kids in their learning…would you like to go to the zoo/museum/aquarium with us next Tuesday?
I think it would be great for my kids to learn about history first hand…would you be willing to be interviewed by them so that they can document what life was like 60 (?) years ago? Do you have any information about any ancestors that we can use for our family tree?
Tommy is really interested in firefighting, but I don’t know anything about it…do you know any firefighters that would be willing to talk to him or give him a tour of a firehouse? (substitute any profession you want!)

I can give you more if you want to pm me, I will help come up with some specifics!
 
Frequent repetitions of the phrase " my husband and I have decided what we think is best for our family. Try some of this bean dip? " Theyll get the picture.
 
OP, from your post it doesn’t sound like your or your husband’s family is going to give you a real hard time. It sounds more like you want them to accept and validate your decision. That may never happen. Your SIL might distance herself- that’s something you can’t control.

It helps to remember while they are your children, they are still their family. Their objections and disagreement comes from a place of love. They want the best for those kids just like you do. I think it very rare to come across a family member that doesn’t agree the parents have the final say.

So I agree with the others, pick some favorite lines and have some topics on hand so you can redirect the conversation.

If you really want to debate them I’ll list some of my objections below. These are just so you can think about how you want to answer them- if you even do.

I agree with DanD assessment a lot of public school system is about socialization- but I don’t agree with his quick dismissal. A lot of what school does is prepare you for the outside world.
  1. It is impossible to get through any school system without having bad teachers, classmates you don’t like/respect, classmates who won’t do their share of the work, etc, and just people that come from a very different set of life circumstances and worldview. When you become an adult- you have bad bosses, you have bad co-workers and you have to deal and work with people you don’t like or respect. What experiences/resources/opportunities are you going to be able to give your child in a homeschool setting for them to develop the skills the need to deal with these different circumstances?
  2. Another benefit of a school system is the parents aren’t always there. It gives the children opportunities to develop and explore their world on their own. It gives them a chance to develop their own identity outside the role of sister/brother/daughter/son. Are they going to get enough opportunities to do things without their parents?
  3. Most parents seem concerned about all the “bad influences” on their children but forget we are called to be witnesses of our faith. You don’t have to be full flown expert of your faith or have a fully well-developed conscience to be this witness. Why would you limit your child’s ability to be a witness for Christ in this world. We aren’t called to be perfect witnesses or never make mistakes- we are just called to try.
  4. While no one asks about teaching algebra- it is an important concern. While you may be limiting your child’s exposure to “bad” experiences you are also limiting their exposure to good ones. A teacher who has taught algebra (or another subject) for 40 years and has learned a lot of tips and tricks to help young minds understand the concepts is going to be better than a parent who had to “refresh” first.
Just some starting places. I think some of these are what your family means when they say “limited to what you know.”
 
child_of_God85 said:
I was homeschooled all my life, and I will admit that I do not recommend it. It is a very limiting education.
If this is something you want to do, do your research first. You can find homeschool programs online, but stay away from religion based programs. I went through quite a few programs, all religion based, and they were horrid. They are written in such a way that treats your child like an idiot.
Make sure to join groups so your children can interact with kids their own age. Homeschooling can be very sheltering and lonely for a child, I can attest to that. It can be damaging in the years ahead. I wish you all the luck in the world, but I advise you to truely think this through. It’s not an ideal education by far. If you can find a good catholic school thay would be far better.
Click to expand...
Well, just as a counter-anecdote, I was also homeschooled from third grade on. My parents moved a lot, often to countries that did not have English as the native tongue, and they wanted me to have a good education. Let’s just say that when I go to college, stepping into an official classroom for the first time since third grade, that I found it … easy. My friends, from various public and private schools, had difficulty, but as a freshman I was put on the academic tutoring program – as a tutor. 🤷 I was politely asked by my upper division Shakespeare teacher to take the final in the second week of the semester and just not come back to class as it was a waste of my time. That was the thoroughness of my homeschooling program. A large portion of it was “religious-based”, too. I went on to get a Master’s degree, and the work was far from too difficult.

Currently I am homeschooling my three oldest. My oldest is a freshman in high school, and her program is extremely rigorous. I would defy many college seniors to match her education in history or literature. Science and math, of course, follow a more gradual path, but she is well above her fellow high school students.

Homeschooling is what you make it.
 
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