I’m totally confused why your post got flagged. I think there are some jerks on here who were mad that you came to the conclusion it was better for you to wait to veil. Your curiosity and piety are totally fine.
I don’t cover, but I don’t generally discourage others from, either.
That said, given what you revealed about trying to “go it alone” with raising your son in the Chruch, you might want to contact the Knights to see if there are any men who could help you to foster good behavior. I’d especally hope for you that’d there’d be an older Knight who could be an extra grandfather and perhaps his wife could help you learn, develop and teach you how to educate your son, too.