Thank you. I don’t take anything mentioned in the thread personal because I did ask for opinions, and everyone made very valid points for which I am grateful to hear. I frequently visit other public forums online and sometimes find it annoying when a newbie comes along and “disturbs the peace”, so I just want to make it clear that this was not my intention. I regret being unable to check back with the topic while I was out of town, as there were many questions and comments that I would have addressed in order to give a better understanding of the situation. The following is very long but maybe it will help clear something up……As I mentioned in my original post, my husband I were together for 5 years prior to getting married. We were from the same hometown, but met in college, I was a freshman and he was a junior, we had been assigned to the same post for a fundraiser sponsored by his fraternity and my sorority. I hate to sound corny, but it was love at first sight. It was probably a few weeks into our relationship before religion was even mentioned, after all it is not uncommon for students to go off to college and stop attending church regularly like they would if they were still at home and encouraged to do so by their parents. When we did discuss religion it was still not a very big deal… he told me that he was raised Catholic, but had not attended mass in over 3 years (other than Christmas with his parents). I told him that I was raised Episcopalian and that since going off to college; I too only attended when I went home for holidays. That was pretty much the extent of our discussion on religion and we very rarely brought the subject up because, and I don’t want this to come out the wrong way, it was not a big deal in our lives at that point. One thing that was brought up in the thread was if his parents showed any dismay about me not being Catholic, prior our marriage. I described them as being devout, because in my non-Catholic opinion they seem to be……they attend mass several times a week, abstain from meat during lent, and are very active in their church. I’m sure that they always wanted him to marry a Catholic (all of his brothers did) and hoped that he would return to their church, but they never made us feel guilty for things not working out that way. I think that they wanted their son be happy, rather than risk pushing him away by discouraging a relationship with someone of a different faith. As far as my family goes…they are very much involved in the church and always encouraged me and my siblings to be as well. They are also extremely accepting of other opinions and faiths, in fact my sister has been dating a Jewish man for 2 years now and my parents could not be happier for her. After I graduated we both moved back to our hometown where we were offered jobs (once again not living together), and I started attending church again with my family. He did not choose to attend mass with his family, I did not question it….that was his choice. Not too long after moving home, he started going with me to miscellaneous events through my church……cocktail parties, silent auctions ect. He began to make good friends with a lot of the members our age, and eventually asked to attend Sunday services with us. When we got engaged, he had been attending our church for about 2 months and really enjoyed participating in all of the young member’s groups. I made it clear to him that if he wanted to marry in our church, then I of course would be happy, but that if he would rather have a non-denominational service, that would be fine too (he already said that he had no desire to be married in the Catholic church). Like I said originally, his parents were disappointed, but they made no attempt to spoil things for us, held their tongues, and hosted a lovely after rehearsal dinner for us. The problems with my in-laws did not start until I started graduate school at a nearby university. My parents were thrilled, his however were asking “but when will you have children?” At first DH and I laughed it off, although I knew that they were expecting children right away, because apparently that’s what they do in their family. All of their other daughter’s in-law started families right after marriage, as did his parents, but having children was not and still is not at the top of our “to do list”. Do we want children, yes, would we be happy if we got pregnant now, yes, but we are also very happy with it being just us and the dog! When the time is right it will happen……Time goes on and the nagging worsens…we never told my in-laws that we were attempting to prevent pregnancy but MIL informed me that she just knew we were, because it usually takes a healthy couple only one year to conceive. She made this assumption based on the fact that I have yet to become pregnant and have made statements regarding the wish to finish my masters. I never confirmed nor denied her assumptions because I felt it was crossing the line. She informed me that because of my “selfishness” I am denying the very purpose of marriage and therefore, along with my husband, committing a sin. Up until this point they had never used their faith as a way to inflict guilt upon us, therefore I can’t help but wonder why now? I can’t help but think that their actions are motivated not necessarily out of concern for us, but rather than the desire to have grandchildren, and do things the way they think it should be done. Even though my husband has constantly told them that he is happy with our life the way it is, they still put all of the blame on me. To be continued due to character restrictions…
