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Cw4801
Guest
I am struggling with how to live in respect to God’s instructions and forgiveness, in short: How am I to live a married relationship with an unrepentant adulterer?
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BamaRider
Guest
Before I weigh in lemme be sure. Your wife/husband had an affair, you found out, and he/she is not sorry for it?
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Cw4801
Guest
Yes, but not just once, repeatedly. Spouse says sorry when caught.
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GracedUpon
Guest
I am so sorry for your struggles. I cannot imagine how it must feel to be so betrayed in such a way. Have you attended marriage counseling or a Retrouvaille retreat? I would suggest looking into those. If he is unwilling to attend, individual counseling may be helpful for you to learn how to cope with your current situation.
This is a really tough situation because it sounds like he didn’t just make one mistake, but simply has complete disregard for your emotional and physical health. You should make sure you are clear of STD’s, and for your own safety, refrain from having sex with him, since you never know how many women he’s slept with, what what diseases they may carry. Condoms are not foolproof, nor are they morally permissible in Catholic teaching.
Also, since he is a serial adulterer, there is a possibility that he may never have intended to be fully faithful to you, even when you got married. Do you know of any transgressions he may have committed before you were married? Did he state his vows without really valuing marital fidelity? Note: I am NOT advocating for you to get a divorce and annulment, simply stating that this is a possibility.
We don’t really know much about your situation. Are either of you Catholic? If you are, then you should speak with your priest about your situation. A good, orthodox priest will be able to give you much better advice than us anonymous internet posters.
I will say a prayer for you and yours, that all may work out for you according to God’s will. God bless you both.
This is a really tough situation because it sounds like he didn’t just make one mistake, but simply has complete disregard for your emotional and physical health. You should make sure you are clear of STD’s, and for your own safety, refrain from having sex with him, since you never know how many women he’s slept with, what what diseases they may carry. Condoms are not foolproof, nor are they morally permissible in Catholic teaching.
Also, since he is a serial adulterer, there is a possibility that he may never have intended to be fully faithful to you, even when you got married. Do you know of any transgressions he may have committed before you were married? Did he state his vows without really valuing marital fidelity? Note: I am NOT advocating for you to get a divorce and annulment, simply stating that this is a possibility.
We don’t really know much about your situation. Are either of you Catholic? If you are, then you should speak with your priest about your situation. A good, orthodox priest will be able to give you much better advice than us anonymous internet posters.
I will say a prayer for you and yours, that all may work out for you according to God’s will. God bless you both.
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GracedUpon
Guest
I just realized that both your posts are gender-neutral, so if you are actually the husband, please forgive my assumptions.
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BamaRider
Guest
Has the infidelities been with just one, or different invididuals?
How long have y’all been married?
You say he/she is not sorry for doing this, that is evidenced by the fact it happens over and over.
Do you still love him/her?
I suggest moving out. If this keeps happening over and over I don’t know what else you can do. It is one thing to be lied to, but to keep having your face rubbed in it? No thanks.
Mind I didn’t say the D word, but I’d move out and gather myself to see what my options might be. Being someone’s door mat is not a good thing.
How long have y’all been married?
You say he/she is not sorry for doing this, that is evidenced by the fact it happens over and over.
Do you still love him/her?
I suggest moving out. If this keeps happening over and over I don’t know what else you can do. It is one thing to be lied to, but to keep having your face rubbed in it? No thanks.
Mind I didn’t say the D word, but I’d move out and gather myself to see what my options might be. Being someone’s door mat is not a good thing.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
I’d do just about everything Guy said, EXCEPT I would not move out. And I wouldn’t let the spouse take the kids, either. But I would ask the spouse to go find himself or herself another place to live temporarily.
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Cw4801
Guest
Approx 30 yrs married, started about 4 yrs into marriage, many series of counseling even Retrouvaille only when I find out it is occurring again (many different people). Both of us are Catholics but anyone can call themselves whatever they want, doesn’t make them what they claim to be.
The only remorse expressed by spouse is because caught. Attitude is ‘what spouse doesn’t know won’t hurt’, but I eventually find out, probably don’t know all the occurrances.
I believe divorce is wrong and have maintained this over the years, obviously, seeking help. Nothing seems to have helped a great deal, although I am thankful for what I have learned.
An annulment requires that I have proof of spouse’s inability to make/keep vows and proof of indiscreations during engagement prior to marriage. This is impossible. It is not based on what occurred within marriage.
Yes, I still love spouse but not like I did. I do not trust or feel inclined as a married person should any more.
I believe that spouse is perhaps mildly sociopathic due to the extreme selfish disposition.
Perhaps there is nothing else can be done. I do pray often throughout every single day for my spouse, not just for my benefit but for spouse’s. So much is missed, so much has been lost.
The only remorse expressed by spouse is because caught. Attitude is ‘what spouse doesn’t know won’t hurt’, but I eventually find out, probably don’t know all the occurrances.
I believe divorce is wrong and have maintained this over the years, obviously, seeking help. Nothing seems to have helped a great deal, although I am thankful for what I have learned.
An annulment requires that I have proof of spouse’s inability to make/keep vows and proof of indiscreations during engagement prior to marriage. This is impossible. It is not based on what occurred within marriage.
Yes, I still love spouse but not like I did. I do not trust or feel inclined as a married person should any more.
I believe that spouse is perhaps mildly sociopathic due to the extreme selfish disposition.
Perhaps there is nothing else can be done. I do pray often throughout every single day for my spouse, not just for my benefit but for spouse’s. So much is missed, so much has been lost.
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Eucharisted
Guest
Imitate God. How dose He deal with you when you turn away from Him or leave Him? Mercy and love. Meditate on the Lord.I am struggling with how to live in respect to God’s instructions and forgiveness, in short: How am I to live a married relationship with an unrepentant adulterer?
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