Applying to Catholic School Road Block

[Scienceteach82]

Hi Everyone,

I am in need of advice tonight. Tomorrow is the deadline for applying to a local Catholic school that I REALLY want my twins to go to. They are currently in a Catholic Pre-K (at a separate church), and I want to continue their education in the same path.
In order to apply I needed a Parish Verification form. I dropped off my form 3 weeks ago. The Monsignor called me Friday. He said he was concerned that I have not donated enough money to the church. Then asked me how I planned on paying tuition. Seriously? I was shocked and explained that I planned on applying for the Grace scholarship and financial aid. I also have family that has been helping me pay for their pre-k, and would help with their future school too. He said he would have to consult the Archdioceses and let me know. I was floored. I explained my involvement in the church, and how often I go. He said that my fellow parishioners donate thousands a year to support the parish. I’m sorry. I’m a single mom doing the best I can for my kids. I can’t afford to donate thousands. I give what I can, and donate my time and goods (clothing and food when I can). He then asked where I lived. I live about 25 minutes away. He looked up on the computer that I live in a different parishes area. I said yes, but my family had been going to this certain church since 1997, and my kids had been baptized there. Not to mention I was confirmed at the church in 1999.
The call was disconnected (stupid dropped call), so I called back immediately. His secretary said he was busy. I called back 2 hours later. She said he was in the middle of something. He finally called back. He said he faxed the form over to the school and said I was a non-active Catholic, and the school should check the other parish records (the church I live close to), because maybe I might have given more to them. I was in tears and hung up.
I truly don’t know what to do. The school prioritizes active Catholics as the best candidates. Now…this was no guarantee they would get in, but I know I have little to no chance of them being accepted (without being waitlisted) since he did that.

Sorry this was so long. The online application and fee are due tomorrow night. I don’t even know if I should still do it. $350 is a lot of money if I have no chance.

Any advice would be most welcome.

Thank you.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

I’m SO very sorry this is happening to you. If I were you I would be glad I know how little my heartfelt contributions were worth before my children were enrolled in that school. Does the church where they are doing pre K have a Parish school. If it is reasonable distance and you can afford it or make arrangement would that be a consideration? I know this is 11th hour but you may have to look into other schools in your area, prioritize Catholic and private schools as it seems that is important to you. Perhaps even keep an open mind if there is a good public school in your area or close enough to be feasible. I would focus on getting the kids into a school that fit my needs for the coming school year, after that year you can reassess and apply elsewhere for the following year if necessary but you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find. Wishing you best of luck.

 

[EasterJoy]

Hmm…what would I do? I’d ask myself if this parish school was “the best candidate” is the first thing I’d do. I know that parishes with very popular schools try to serve the members of the faithful who live in their geographical parish first–you can imagine how upset people might be when they do live within the parish boundaries, sacrifice to contribute generously, and give lots of time to the parish and THEY don’t get their kids into the school–but this is one of the most ham-handed things I have ever heard of, and I’m very sorry you had to go through it.

I wish you had a little more time to deal with this. Can you call someone in your parish to help you navigate this and perhaps talk to Monsignor on your behalf? Perhaps someone involved in a helping ministry that you work in or who got to know you well as you prepared for confirmation? I’m really not comfortable with suggesting you talk to him alone, because he’s really got me scratching my head.

PS They charge $350 for the privilege of *applying? *Not earnest money for those who have been accepted and promised to come, but for an application fee? Do they know that Harvard only charges $75 to apply, and even they give fee waivers? If it is really $350 to apply, even for a family, that is a total racket. I’d complain to the superintendent of Catholic schools, because that is far beyond the cost of processing applications.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m SO very sorry this is happening to you. If I were you I would be glad I know how little my heartfelt contributions were worth before my children were enrolled in that school. Does the church where they are doing pre K have a Parish school. If it is reasonable distance and you can afford it or make arrangement would that be a consideration? I know this is 11th hour but you may have to look into other schools in your area, prioritize Catholic and private schools as it seems that is important to you. Perhaps even keep an open mind if there is a good public school in your area or close enough to be feasible. I would focus on getting the kids into a school that fit my needs for the coming school year, after that year you can reassess and apply elsewhere for the following year if necessary but you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find. Wishing you best of luck.

Yes. This is not the last chance to choose an elementary school–lots of children change grades in the early years, so if you make a choice and regret it, you can fix it later. I recently spoke with a family that moved a child from public to private for 5th grade. He’s now in 7th grade and is doing great.

Also, a lot of public schools are fine for the early elementary years. If money is an issue, it might be a good idea to save your limited private school dollars for the more problematic years (namely, middle school).

If you are still interested in this particular parochial school, come up with paperwork and character witnesses to demonstrate that you are an active parishioner and an all-round good person. If it will take you a while to gather it, ask for an extension. There are often exceptions and extensions available for good cause–but you need to ASK.

I see your handle is scienceteach82. It might be helpful to hint broadly that you are a science teacher (if you are) and that you’ve DREAMED of teaching at your kids’ school. That can’t possibly hurt.

Best wishes!

 

[Xantippe]

Hmm…what would I do? I’d ask myself if this parish school was “the best candidate” is the first thing I’d do. I know that parishes with very popular schools try to serve the members of the faithful who live in their geographical parish first–you can imagine how upset people might be when they do live within the parish boundaries, sacrifice to contribute generously, and give lots of time to the parish and THEY don’t get their kids into the school–but this is one of the most ham-handed things I have ever heard of, and I’m very sorry you had to go through it.

I wish you had a little more time to deal with this. Can you call someone in your parish to help you navigate this and perhaps talk to Monsignor on your behalf? Perhaps someone involved in a helping ministry that you work in or who got to know you well as you prepared for confirmation? I’m really not comfortable with suggesting you talk to him alone, because he’s really got me scratching my head.

PS They charge $350 for the privilege of *applying? *Not earnest money for those who have been accepted and promised to come, but for an application fee? Do they know that Harvard only charges $75 to apply, and even they give fee waivers? If it is really $350 to apply, even for a family, that is a total racket. I’d complain to the superintendent of Catholic schools, because that is far beyond the cost of processing applications.

Also, consider asking for a waiver for that, too, if it’s a hardship.

 

[Scienceteach82]

Thank you for the responses. The public school they would be assigned to is AWFUL! It truly is. I break down thinking about putting them there. Gangs are a big issue. I planned on being in a better area (and I still might…but it’s not looking good) by now.
The $350 is for both kids. It’s $175 each. Quite expensive, yes. The school is not affiliated with any 1 Parish. It takes students from all over. The best chance I have at getting them in this school is for Kindergarten. They have 50 slots open. The Principal said they MAYBE have 10 slots open a year for the rest of the grades (1-8). Even then…everything is on a lottery system…so she says.
I have an email all typed out to the Director of Admissions, but haven’t hit “send” yet. I explained what happened, and asked if there was anything I could do to help rectify the situation.
I was a science teacher. I actually taught at the Catholic High School that is across the parking lot from the school I want them in. Another reason I want to stay there. It didn’t work out for me at the school, but I think it’s still a great one, and would love to send my kids there when they are older.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you for the responses. The public school they would be assigned to is AWFUL! It truly is. I break down thinking about putting them there. Gangs are a big issue. I planned on being in a better area (and I still might…but it’s not looking good) by now.
The $350 is for both kids. It’s $175 each. Quite expensive, yes. The school is not affiliated with any 1 Parish. It takes students from all over. The best chance I have at getting them in this school is for Kindergarten. They have 50 slots open. The Principal said they MAYBE have 10 slots open a year for the rest of the grades (1-8). Even then…everything is on a lottery system…so she says.
I have an email all typed out to the Director of Admissions, but haven’t hit “send” yet. I explained what happened, and asked if there was anything I could do to help rectify the situation.
I was a science teacher. I actually taught at the Catholic High School that is across the parking lot from the school I want them in. Another reason I want to stay there. It didn’t work out for me at the school, but I think it’s still a great one, and would love to send my kids there when they are older.

Ah, it is a private Catholic school, not a parish school. Yes, that may be an entirely different horse–although is that is an application fee, it is is still a racket. That is what our local Catholic prep school charges as earnest money on the intention to continue. Sorry, but if Harvard can process your application for $75, so can a Catholic grade school.

I would not address this via e-mail, except to have people who know me send e-mails on my behalf, to attest to my “active Catholic” status. Does the principal or one of the deans at the high school still know you? Catholic grade schools tend to be feeders for the Catholic high schools nearest to them, and so often the administrative people know each other. Is there someone in your parish who knows Monsignor or the Director of Admissions well? Have that person tug an ear for you, to convince the grade school and Monsignor that you are an active and would make an excellent addition to the school. I would make my personal entreaties to the school by phone or via a hard-copy letter dropped off at the office tomorrow, because that seems more earnest than an e-mail.

 

[EasterJoy]

You are a great mom and you love your children, first thing to do is take a deep BREATH.

Sometimes this is not about the amount of money as such, sometimes it is about priests checking to see if people are parishioners as they claim to be. You said it was a “Parish Verification” form. As a school they are called to serve yes! However realistically they have limits, and have probably discerned (as many schools do) to give priority to active parishioners. Going through church donation envelopes, sometimes even seeing if there was a $2 or $5 donation every week for the year would be verification that you attended Mass weekly and were involved but just didn’t have a lot of money!

It seems the parish staff went through your application already and turned it over to the pastor. Perhaps they saw that you didn’t turn in very many donation envelopes and that you lived 25 miles away. This may cause suspicion (perhaps unfair suspicion but still suspicion) that you may be a parishioner somewhere else but just trying to register as a parishioner there to get your children registered, and perhaps get church help with tuition. Either that or you may not be active at all. That may seem unfair and I am so sorry, but unfortunately many people have tried it before so perhaps Father was following up. It sounds like he wonders if you are not really more of a parishioner in another place?

Most important of all remember that Jesus loves you and Jesus loves your children. Maybe good to take this to prayer, sleep on it and in the morning after good sleep and prayer if you are able make a phone call to the admissions director. That way you can have a real discussion, better yet go down there in person if you can.

From all eternity the Living God, the Creator of the Universe has known you would be going through this stressful time. God is good, He will help you through this journey wherever it leads. Remember that He loves your children even more than you do, entrust them to Him, **trust. **

I will pray for you, God bless.

If you haven’t been able to give much in the way of money, find the person or persons who know you from your donations of time. If you know anyone in the Altar Society who knows you dropped off cookies for the cookie sale, for instance, or if you helped put on the last parish fundraiser, ask if those who can verify your contribution to call Monsignor to verify that you’re active in the work of the parish.

 

[YADA]

Our parish school’s mission is to provide an education for active practicing parishioners - it is after all a parish school …

School families are expected to attend Mass weekly and in addition to tuition and fund raising activities donate $10 per week … that’s $520 per year - which is less then 4% of a minimum wage $7 per hour full time [2080 hours per year] … the parish subsidizes the parish school in order to keep tuition costs down … there are scholarships for families based on income [parents fill out the same forms that college students and families fill out for scholarships] also the archdiocese offers tuition assistance for active practicing catholic families.

Donation records are one aspect of being an active practicing Catholic - every parish has many ministries for parishioner participation and our school application asks what parish activities applicants are involved in … one cannot be involved in a parish and remain anonymous at the same time … you have to interact …

And - in my very urban large upscale parish - even people who are less then active in ministry but who attend Mass every Sunday, wander into the parish hall for donuts and coffee after mass and the annual spaghetti dinner get known …

If no one knows your name - Can it be that You failed to formally register with the parish and if you do not attend Mass each week, volunteer for some ministry, speak a thank you to father after Mass nor use the envelopes …then how would you expect to establish yourself as an active practicing parishioner …

If you have registered in the parish - use the envelopes - attend Mass each week - volunteer … then get one of those other parishioners to vouch for your attendance and participation …

In my experience [and I have been on both our pastoral and administrative parish councils] it is never just about the money … though $520 is very small for parish support and is why father checks envelops for weekly attendance even if the school family fives monthly, quarterly or once a year … because our school families are expected to participate in the life of the parish - not merely pay the $$s [parish donation and tuition]

 

[Xantippe]

I was a science teacher. I actually taught at the Catholic High School that is across the parking lot from the school I want them in. Another reason I want to stay there. It didn’t work out for me at the school, but I think it’s still a great one, and would love to send my kids there when they are older.

Lean hard on that.

Also, down the road, if you don’t do kindergarten, you could apply for a job there as a teacher and make it a condition of acceptance of a job with them that your kids get in.

There are a multitude of ways to skin this cat if you can’t get them in this year.

 

[Xantippe]

I would not address this via e-mail, except to have people who know me send e-mails on my behalf, to attest to my “active Catholic” status. Does the principal or one of the deans at the high school still know you? Catholic grade schools tend to be feeders for the Catholic high schools nearest to them, and so often the administrative people know each other. Is there someone in your parish who knows Monsignor or the Director of Admissions well? Have that person tug an ear for you, to convince the grade school and Monsignor that you are an active and would make an excellent addition to the school. I would make my personal entreaties to the school by phone or via a hard-copy letter dropped off at the office tomorrow, because that seems more earnest than an e-mail.

Ah, very good.

I think the OP actually has an excellent hand. The kids still may not get in, but she has good cards.

 

[Scienceteach82]

Thanks again for the replies. The school is actually not an independent Catholic school, but one that is in the Archdiocese. The independent schools charge 2x-3x more for tuition. It’s crazy.
I am formally registered with the church. My family went through a foreclosure this time last year, so a lot of things were turned upside down. I didn’t get my envelopes for several months, and had to go inquire to get them restarted. My checks ran out, and I used cash for many things. Sounds like excuses, which maybe they are, but it’s the truth. Last year was so hard for me and my kids. Really prayed for a good year this year.
I do know a few people at the church I’m registered at, so I will give them a call this morning.
I appreciate your prayers during this time.

 

[pianistclare]

You are a great mom and you love your children, first thing to do is take a deep BREATH.

Sometimes this is not about the amount of money as such, sometimes it is about priests checking to see if people are parishioners as they claim to be. You said it was a “Parish Verification” form. As a school they are called to serve yes! However realistically they have limits, and have probably discerned (as many schools do) to give priority to active parishioners. Going through church donation envelopes, sometimes even seeing if there was a $2 or $5 donation every week for the year would be verification that you attended Mass weekly and were involved but just didn’t have a lot of money!

It seems the parish staff went through your application already and turned it over to the pastor. Perhaps they saw that you didn’t turn in very many donation envelopes and that you lived 25 miles away. This may cause suspicion (perhaps unfair suspicion but still suspicion) that you may be a parishioner somewhere else but just trying to register as a parishioner there to get your children registered, and perhaps get church help with tuition. Either that or you may not be active at all. That may seem unfair and I am so sorry, but unfortunately many people have tried it before so perhaps Father was following up. It sounds like he wonders if you are not really more of a parishioner in another place?

Most important of all remember that Jesus loves you and Jesus loves your children. Maybe good to take this to prayer, sleep on it and in the morning after good sleep and prayer if you are able make a phone call to the admissions director. That way you can have a real discussion, better yet go down there in person if you can.

From all eternity the Living God, the Creator of the Universe has known you would be going through this stressful time. God is good, He will help you through this journey wherever it leads. Remember that He loves your children even more than you do, entrust them to Him, **trust. **

I will pray for you, God bless.

THIS^ plus what Xantippe said.
I’ve worked at a Catholic school and am currently at the parish. Both of these ladies are spot on.
You can’t believe how many people “register” at a parish in Georgia and never step foot in the church. Never. I mean it. Their kids go to Mass with the school, and that’s it. If it’s a very large parish, the only way a pastor knows you is by your envelopes. Although the amount is mitigated by service in the parish.
Do as both of them say, and see if things don’t go better.
Also, grade school for little ones is not nearly as important as Middle School. Honestly.
Been there.
Good luck on your quest.
And if it’s going to be 350 for a month? That’s a bargain! The school I was previously associated with is now 450 per month per child. No discounts.

 

[PhiloMed]

I know you seem to have your heart set on this school, but if I was in your shoes this experience would really sour me on the place. I would be really unsure if this si the environment I’d want my kids in.

Thousands? Really? Our parish school closed this year due to poor enrollment and the parents who did send their kids there didn’t have thousands on TOP of the tuition to send to the school/parish.

Other parish schools in the area do have families that can afford that (I attended one as a kid) and from my experience with them it wasn’t the nicest environment for the kids whose families weren’t quite so blessed with financial security.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it works out, but your description of the conversation with had with the priest really smelled slimy.

 

[KnitNut]

Hopefully things will work out…but do you have a backup plan just in case? Many of the Montessori and Waldorf based schools are wonderful for the early years. Is kindergarten required in your area? What other options are available beyond the public school?

 

[EasterJoy]

I know you seem to have your heart set on this school, but if I was in your shoes this experience would really sour me on the place. I would be really unsure if this si the environment I’d want my kids in.

Thousands? Really? Our parish school closed this year due to poor enrollment and the parents who did send their kids there didn’t have thousands on TOP of the tuition to send to the school/parish.

Other parish schools in the area do have families that can afford that (I attended one as a kid) and from my experience with them it wasn’t the nicest environment for the kids whose families weren’t quite so blessed with financial security.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it works out, but your description of the conversation with had with the priest really smelled slimy.

I thought the conversation was handled poorly, but parishes need to run, too, and it isn’t unusual to find someone, if allowed, to contribute nothing to the parish in time or money excepting tuition, not realizing that their 10K a year payment is only 80% of the actual cost of educating their child at the parish school, never mind the other expenses that a parish must incur to run and the need the parish has to come up with some extra money for the families that cannot pay the total amount for tuition.

It is not inherently nasty for a pastor to talk about money and to poke people into being generous, nor to give preference in school admission to the most generous families, because to be blunt Catholics are not all so generous to their parishes in either time or money as they sometimes like to think.

The problem is making yourself known when you are so strapped that you have both very little money and very little time to give. Because of the unfortunate number of the faithful who are not so strapped but who give just as little or less, it takes some proactivity to distinguish yourself from those who come to the parish far more interested in what they can get than what they have to give. Having persons well-known to Monsignor and the admissions people vouch for you is one way to do that.

 

[Xantippe]

I know you seem to have your heart set on this school, but if I was in your shoes this experience would really sour me on the place. I would be really unsure if this si the environment I’d want my kids in.

Thousands? Really? Our parish school closed this year due to poor enrollment and the parents who did send their kids there didn’t have thousands on TOP of the tuition to send to the school/parish.

Other parish schools in the area do have families that can afford that (I attended one as a kid) and from my experience with them it wasn’t the nicest environment for the kids whose families weren’t quite so blessed with financial security.

Yes.

As I always say in discussions of private school on CAF, putting your kids into private school is like joining a cult. It’s much easier to get in than to get out. If there is any question in your mind that you won’t be able to afford it, don’t do it.

One thing to bear in mind is that it’s not just going to be tuition or “voluntary” giving. There will also likely be ongoing expenses for uniforms, gifts for teachers (birthdays, Christmas, end of year, teacher appreciation day, etc.), costumes, materials for projects, field trips, a senior trip (I recently discovered that my kids’ school is now doing a trip to Europe for senior trip), non-federally subsidized hot lunch etc., etc. I can easily imagine a poorer family sending kids to our school with a full scholarship and still not being able to afford it, thanks to all of those gotchas.

Also, there’s the cost imposed by an affluent peer group.

Good luck!

Edited to add: And don’t forget contributions to parties. In the early grades, it is now common to have a seemly endless round of parties: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s, end of year, etc.

 

[Norm_The_Robot]

Hi. My 2 kids go to our Parich Catholic School. Our local public school is GHETTO and we want our kids to get a religious education and be surrounded by kids from families that have the same values as us so we struggle to send them to Catholic school, but man they do nickle and dime you every chance they get. It makes me furious and I am am contantly ranting and raving to my wife about it. But out other option is to send them to a ****** ghetto public school so I suffer though it.

But yeah, there are fees for everything. $200 annual registration fees, annual fundraising obligations which NOBODY in the parrish can meet so it is essentially an additoinal $500 annual fee, an annual obligation to volunteer a certain amount of hours that turns into a $50 and hr fee if you don’t get enough hours, and the the constant nickle and diming for gifts and activities and room parents constantly asking for donations for this and that or coming up with ideas for the class that require us to buy something (or kick in cash) and you pay for like every single thing they can think of and you look like a major a hole if you don’t participate. I feel like Al Bundy in married with childeren, where he comes home on payday with a stack of cash, and everyone in the family walks by and grabs a handful. And yes they track you weekly envelopes and if they don;t get enough in the envelopes they withhold the parish discount (which amounts to another $1000 annual fee).

It is such a scam and a racket but unless you want to send your kids to a really bad school with bad kids in godless school district that, as an institution, promotes all sorts of things that are in opposition to our faith and essentially functions as a goverment propaganda prision/re-education camp, you have no other option.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes.

I’d like to add as well, that families from our school believed that the high tuition was their “tithe”.
They really had no idea that their tuition covered SCHOOL expenses…salaries, books, etc. and had nothing whatsoever to do with the church budget. In fact, it was a Regional Catholic School, not affiliated with the parish on the same property at all. The Pastor made none of the school decisions, didn’t even sit on the School board, was never consulted, and pretty much told the school was none of his beeswax.
So you can imagine that our pastor was less than thrilled when a family came around who never came to Mass never gave a dime, and wanted him to tell the school that they were registered “in good standing”.
Now, this is not the case with the OP, as I understand it. But it does give people some idea of what 's going on today.
The sentimental notion of the Catholics schools of yesteryear, with Father so and so at the helm, and Sister so and so teaching darling children is lone gone.
People think the Church is unhelpful and mercenary. And indeed there are reason why it appears that way. Whether it’s right or not, is another discussion for another thread.

To Xantippe’s point: My daughters received an excellent education, never less than straight A’s in college. BUT…they always said to me *“Mama I wish you would have just put me in Public school.
I would have been Valedictorian, I would have gotten a full ride scholarship, and I wouldn’t have grown up being so jealous of the cars, the clothes, the vacations, and the everything that the other kids had that we could never in our wildest dreams afford. We spent our teen years wishing you were rich. It was stupid. You can learn calculus anywhere. You work in a Church. We got that memo. We love our faith. But we were not like the other kids at all. And it hurt.” *

 

[Xantippe]

Hi. My 2 kids go to our Parich Catholic School. Our local public school is GHETTO and we want our kids to get a religious education and be surrounded by kids from families that have the same values as us so we struggle to send them to Catholic school, but man they do nickle and dime you every chance they get. It makes me furious and I am am contantly ranting and raving to my wife about it. But out other option is to send them to a ****** ghetto public school so I suffer though it.

But yeah, there are fees for everything. $200 annual registration fees, annual fundraising obligations which NOBODY in the parrish can meet so it is essentially an additoinal $500 annual fee, an annual obligation to volunteer a certain amount of hours that turns into a $50 and hr fee if you don’t get enough hours, and the the constant nickle and diming for gifts and activities and room parents constantly asking for donations for this and that or coming up with ideas for the class that require us to buy something (or kick in cash) and you pay for like every single thing they can think of and you look like a major a hole if you don’t participate. I feel like Al Bundy in married with childeren, where he comes home on payday with a stack of cash, and everyone in the family walks by and grabs a handful. And yes they track you weekly envelopes and if they don;t get enough envelopes they withhold the parish discount (which amounts to another $1000 annual fee).

It is such a scam and a racket but unless you want to send your kids to a really bad school with bad kids in godless school district that, as an institution, promotes all sorts of things that are in opposition to our faith and essentially functions as a goverment propaganda prision/re-education camp, you have no other option.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot the mandatory volunteering. Ours is a relative bargain, though–it’s only $10 an hour for 10 hours a year of service. (The fine is a new development–until the last year or so. My husband is actually THRILLED that we can now buy out.)