Apprehending Forgiveness In The Aftermath Of Rape ('It's In God's Power & Ours")

  • Thread starter Thread starter centurionguard
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

centurionguard

Guest
For each one us who are rape victims trying to apprehend true reconciliation in most cases
we need a force that transcends both the oppressed and oppressor. (“As a last resort, for
most of us we cannot define what constitutes our total humanity. In reality it transcends us.”)
I think that we all tend to wear masks, the mask of superiority, and some of us the
masks of inferiority, and the mask of worthlessness especially for those of us who know
and feel what it is to be victimized. It is not easy to let our masks come off
(“or our walls of defence to come down”)…to discover the little child hidden inside us
who yearns for the light of hope and love and who fears being hurt.

The concept of forgiveness however; implies the removal of all those masks,
and entering into a vulnerable acceptance of who we (“truly”) are.
The realization that yes; we have been hurt and yes; we have sometimes hurt others.
Forgiveness of ourselves, then, implies an acceptance of our true value.
The loss of a false self-image, if it is an image of superiority, or the need to hide the shame
and the brokenness of our heart that most often causes anguish and inner pain.

We can only except this pain if we discover our true self “beneath” all
those masks and realize that if we are broken, we are also more beautiful
than we ever dared to suspect. When we realize our brokenness in this
manner, we don’t have to fall into depression and despair.
When we see our true beauty inside as human beings; we do not have to become
proud as peacocks. Seeing our own brokenness and beauty allows us to recognize,
hidden under the brokenness and self-centredness of others, their beauty,
their value, and their sacredness.

I realize that this discovery is sometimes a leap in the dark, a blessed moment,
a moment of grace, a moment of enlightment that comes in a personal meeting
and relationship with the God of Love, who reveals to those who try to be
receptively meek of heart, that we are His beloved and so is everyone else.

When we have this earnest desire to struggle and grow for wholeness in ourselves,
in others, in our communities, and the world, and as we desire to be free in order
to free others from their prison of pain and victim hood, a new energy is born within us.
An energy that flows freely from God. It is as though we were crossing the Red Sea
from slavery to freedom. It is then that we can start to live the pain of loss and
accept anguish because a new love and consciousness of self are being given to us.

Looking back to the time of Jesus; his teachings and his invitation to love one’s
enemies must have appeared dangerously utopian to the Galileans as I’m sure it is
for many even in present day. Maybe it was only when they saw him standing up to
the religious leaders of his day, pursuing a courageous and dangerous course of love,
truth, and the liberation of the oppressed, that some of his followers began to understand
that this was a new way to struggle for peace and to break the seemingly
unending chain of human oppression.

Loving our enemies means to see them as individuals who are perhaps caught up in
a cycle of fear, and of oppression, and in their weak character traits and need for power,
but who are individuals nonetheless and are, beneath everything sacred and precious.
Their secret person is hidden behind walls of fear. To love them is to hope and yearn that
instead of living a form of self-destruction, locked up in their own pride and power,
hoping they can be liberated.

On the night before he died, Jesus knelt humbly down before his disciples, washes their feet,
and called them to do the same. Was it not because Jesus knew how power can be used to
crush and enslave people, rather than to empower and free all sinners ?
Indeed; I think we all need to discover this new force of love and kindly friendship of
forgiveness that comes from God. This vision of love and forgiveness is humanly possible.
Jesus’ invitation to love our enemies is also a promise, true for Christians and non Christians alike.
What we cannot do by ourselves, we can do with this inner power of the Spirit, which transforms
our hearts of stone, founded on fear and pain, into the hearts of human flesh, open and vulnerable to others.
Through the gift of God’s Spirit we receive a new power that humbly permits us to stand firm in love.
To forgive is to break down the walls of hostility that separate us, and bring each other out of anguish,
of loneliness, fear, and chaos into oneness. This oneness is born when we walk in mutual trust, and
acceptance, and the freedom to be ourselves in our uniqueness and beauty. The freedom to
exercise our talents and gifts. We need no longer be contained or held back by fear, prejudices,
or the need to prove ourselves. We need this sense of oneness and belonging which is necessary
for opening our hearts in this needing of each other. Accompanying each other whether we are
weak or strong, capable or not. This oneness and belonging need not bring feelings of superiority
if we are walking towards “inner freedom”. It should be important to us not to exclude the weak,
the needy, and those who are different, because they all have a secret power that opens up
people’s hearts and leads them to compassion and mutual trust.
Of course it takes time and patience. But are we not all called to take this journey in life ?
I believe it’s necessary if we want to become fully human, to conquer divisions and oppression and to work for peace.
If each of us together begins this journey today and has the courage to forgive and be forgiven, we will no longer
be governed by are hurts.
 
stbruno, you just directed centurionguard to his own thread! :confused:

centurionguard, this may sound unkind, but this seems to be something of an obsession for you. All your threads are about rape. Are you in counseling for own trauma? Are you getting help and healing for yourself? I just worry about you because you never talk about anything else here… :o
 
You may want to look into “Grief to Grace”. It is from the founders of Rachel’s Vineyard (not Project Rachel). It’s a new program so it’s not as widespread as Rachel’s Vineyard - yet. They invite men on the Rachel’s Vineyard retreats so they are not strangers to dealing with the male side of things. I hope it’s an option for you.
 
st bruno, you just directed centurion guard to his own thread! :confused:

centurion guard, this may sound unkind, but this seems to be something of an obsession for you. All your threads are about rape. Are you in counseling for own trauma? Are you getting help and healing for yourself? I just worry about you because you never talk about anything else here… :o
Greetings Basilisk;

It’s somewhat interesting that you in your opinion would call what I write about here an obsession. I’m not sure how much time you took to really delve and contemplate the (“full scope”) and message of what I was trying to convey in my post here which not only applies to victims of rape but to all people who carry a deep hidden pain within them that has a profound effect in their lives. If you had taken the time to click my name centurionguard you would see that my post’s are not primarily on rape affliction itself.

Without any disrespect I should tell you that most people in society including the clergy; ("who have ("never “) been raped”) have a very narrow superficial understanding about what spiritual and psychological difficulties any rape victim bears upon their shoulders. I’m not judging you or anybody else about these facts.
Societal mainstream thinkers have a habit to generalize and make little understanding about individual people afflicted by any kind of personal human suffering and sickness. Many conjectural viewpoints and biased myths surround discussions about the topic of rape.

I surmise that you yourself Basilisk are not a victim of rape.
My Ravaged rape affliction has been part of me for thirty-one and a half years. Being a lone “heterosexual” male rape victim I have only crawled out of my SILENT safe vulnerability of dealing with utter shame and heart wrenching pain in the last six years.
You say that I am obsessed with my past. Perhaps you might be partially correct. But; then again you have not walked in my shoes, nor do you know what it is to have experienced what torture I myself have been through. There are EXTREMELY few resources for Male Rape Victims. I do not have the space or lengthy time discussing this topic further unless you yourself have the genuine time to investigate for yourself the harsh difficult road that all victims of rape are faced with. Sadly; so very few in the Catholic Church are willing to make that humble commitment of supporting ALL victims of rape.

My obsession as you chose to point out is my commitment to reach out with other Catholic Rape Victims both female and male, including childhood victims in hopes of sharing a supporting Catholic Spiritual atmosphere of Hope, Faith, and Love in the understanding that we are not alone in our cry of pain.
 
Seeing our own brokenness and beauty allows us to recognize,
hidden under the brokenness and self-centredness of others, their beauty,
their value, and their sacredness.
Beautifully put.

I have been thinking lately about sin as debt. In one way or another, whoever sins against us has taken something from us. That makes it a debt. Sometimes it can be repaid, but most of the time it can’t. Especially when it is a personal violation, an invasion of what should be a safe and private place.

The Greek for the Our Father says, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Contemplating this idea, I have been able to forgive some old debts, thus getting rid of some old resentments. Is this what Jesus meant, when He said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ****For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light”?

My burden is certainly lighter, now that I’ve decided to forgive them their debts. I don’t have to like them or understand them or *trust *them - but I can begin to admit them into the company of my neighbors, whom I must love.

Dear Centurion. My heart is full for you. I am sure you will be greatly blessed in your growth towards forgiveness. The debts owed to you are massive. So is your courage in speaking out about it.

God bless you. I’ll say a Rosary for you before I go to bed.

Ruthie
 
I thought this post was beautiful. To the OP, good for you for facing your past. Sometimes writing about it really helps get out all your feelings so you can heal.

I too am a childhood survivor and sometimes even when you think you have finally healed, a memory will be triggered and BAM…you’re back where you started for a few weeks and then it finally passes.

People who have never been in this situation will not understand, but that’s ok. We should be happy that they have never had to experience this kind of pain.

Good luck in your healing and if you need to continue writing about it, do so. CAF has many compassionate readers that will offer their support and prayer.
 
For each one us who are rape victims trying to apprehend true reconciliation in most cases
we need a force that transcends both the oppressed and oppressor.
Centurionguard,

From what you have experienced in this violent sexual crime, you are indeed experiencing the mercy and love of God to be able to comprehend what you wrote above. It takes a great man to go within himself and pull away the masks that keep us from seeing this. You chose your user name with solid reason! My heart breaks for the pain you have had to endure over this. Greater pain comes from the particular secrecy that guards such atrocities because of homophobia and misunderstandings surrounding such situations. I would encourage you to keep telling your story for as long as you need to do so. You will reach out and touch other people’s lives and hopefully dispel the shame surrounding it.

As for resources to help - you are right. A quick search of what was available in Australia (where I reside) showed an overwhelming number of services offered for women (of all different ages and dispositions) and children, of rape crimes. However, I did manage to find the following – not a huge lot considering Australia is quite a large continent:

SAMSSA: Service Assisting Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse
www.apex.net.au/~samssa/

Yarrowplace: (Rape and Sexual Assault Service)
www.yarrowplace.sa.gov.au/rape_support_man.htm

CASA Forum: Victorian Centres(15 of them) Against Sexual Assault
www.casa.org.au/index.php?page_id=1

And this I found on another web site about the myths surrounding male rape:
Myth: Rape doesn’t happen to men.
Fact: Women are the main victims. But this doesn’t mean it can’t happen to men. Males, both children and adults, are also victims of sexual assault. A study of men in NSW prisons found that a quarter of those between 18 and 25 have been sexually assaulted in jail. Younger, smaller and gay prisoners are at greater risk; the rapists are almost always other male prisoners (Heilpbern, D., Fear or Favour: sexual assault of young prisoners, 1998).
**
Who believes the myths?**
Myths about sexual violence have been around for a long time. Women and men in all parts of society, from family members to a judge in a rape trial, may believe them.
The trouble with myths
The trouble with the myths is that they:
  • Make the rapist’s actions less risky
  • Make it harder for the victim to find support or get the police to act
  • Make it harder to prosecute the rapist
  • Make it harder for the victim to recover.
Rapists benefit from these beliefs.
As for Catholic resources – I don’t know of any specifically relating to this kind of situation re counseling etc. Others may be able to help out here. My only advice I could give you is to seek it within the domain of Catholic counseling generally – perhaps there are people there that may have the ability to understand the issues involved and perhaps help you work through linking this traumatic experience with the much needed spirituality to understand it –

TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE:heaven:

Sounds like you are doing an awesome job at it already!!! You’ll be in my prayers.❤️

Thank you for sharing your story with us here - I hope many people here come to see the reality of this situation in life as a result of your posts and thereby we will all be more informed about such lack of support and understanding of the ordeal people like yourself have had to endure in shame and secrecy.
 
stbruno, you just directed centurionguard to his own thread! :confused: MEA CULPA, MY DEMENTIA:shrug: IS SHOWING
centurionguard, this may sound unkind, but this seems to be something of an obsession for you. All your threads are about rape. Are you in counseling for own trauma? Are you getting help and healing for yourself? I just worry about you because you never talk about anything else here… :o
 
I have been through a lot of trauma in my life. I think it helps to talk about your feelings, healing, etc. It’s not like you can go to a counselor and wipe away the painful memories. One thing that has helped me was to not look at myself as a victim, but as a survivor.
Don’t let what happen to you define you as a person.

Every day I place my life in God’s hands. I also have a mantra. Come hell or high water, through the Grace of God, my rusty butt is still going to be standing.

I pray for every person who has inflicted grave emotional, spiritual, and physical pain on me. It’s a long list, but I offer my masses for them.

Keep searching and you will find the peace of God. May God Bless you.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top