Approaching a girl at Church?

[James94]

Hello, first post,

Ok, so, I’ve seen this very beautiful girl at mass a few times, she pays attention to everything during the liturgy and doesn’t leave before the Mass has ended . But this time she was just a few pews ahead of me and she was distracting me, I kept fussing at myself in my head to pay attention. I want to talk to her, but on top of being a shy guy, I have no idea how to approach a girl in church, I can’t talk to her during mass of course, I usually go with my family, I’m 20 by the way, and my mom CAN NOT get to church early if her life depended on it, so talking before mass is out, and in my parish, after mass has ended, most everyone races to their cars to avoid being stuck in the parking lot, plus to top it off she is always with her family also. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, I’m just getting free of my mom’s overprotective hand, I need a little advice from some fellow Catholics, thanks.

 

[CatholicRaven]

1. You could drive yourself to church sometimes instead of depending on your mom. Then you could get there as early as you like and if an opportunity presents itself, you could speak to the girl before Mass. Or you could try saying something to your mom like, “Hey, Mom, I know we’ve run late for Mass a few times lately, but I’d really like to start getting there a little bit early. Is there anything I can do to help make it easier for everybody to get out the door on time?”
2. When the pretty girl is walking near you or past you on the way out of Mass, meet her eyes and say, “hello.” And remember to smile when you say it. You might even do this a few times and gauge her response before taking the conversation further (unless she gives you an opportunity before then). You don’t need to purposely (or obviously) hurry to catch up to her or hang around to wait for her to leave her pew. Just say hello when you actually do end up near her coincidentally. Actually, I suggest doing this with anyone you see often at Mass and elsewhere, not just cute girls.
3. Many women will notice how a guy treats other people, especially those from whom he isn’t likely to “get” or want anything. Yet some guys your age seem to be oblivious to everyone outside their age range, except as obstacles to move around (and some don’t even seem to notice when they bump into people!). Don’t fail to notice the disabled or the elderly, such as the lady with bad knees who dropped her glove on the floor and is slowly bending down to pick it up while everyone else just walks on by.
4. Get more involved in your parish. Not just in case she might be there or because you might strike up a friendship with a mutual acquaintance of hers who could introduce you (although those may be nice side benefits), but because it will get you out of the house and meeting new people, it will give you an opportunity to practice social and people skills, and because it’s just a way to do some good!
5. Keep in mind that you don’t have to get the girl’s phone number or ask her out in the first few conversations (especially if the first conversation or two consists of mostly just, “hello”). Don’t treat the first conversation as though it’s your last chance (or your only chance). You know she’ll probably be at Mass again in the next week or two. And you’ve been learning a little about her from a distance by watching how she interacts with others, after all. Give her a little of the same opportunity.
6. Consider the time (or timing), place, and situation, and adjust accordingly. These things are important to your approach. Your approach should be respectful and relevant–you generally shouldn’t use the same approach in a quiet church parking lot as you do at a college friend’s party. I’ve seen so many guys make that mistake! To a girl who doesn’t know you, especially in a place that’s not intended for dating, approaching her with intent to flirt/get her number/ask her out may come across as inappropriate, creepy, rude or disrespectful, annoying or frustrating, or even downright frightening–no matter how “nice” and/or attractive a guy you are!
7. Pray, of course, and continue to refocus your attention at Mass when her presence distracts you from worshipping God. Putting God first? That’s awesome.

 

[JackVk]

Ah, the cute girl at Mass. I know that feeling, bro.

when you get the opportunity, just come up to her (act natural, don’t visibly wait for her or “stalk” her), say hello and something like “I see you here often”, and introduce yourself.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hello, first post,

Ok, so, I’ve seen this very beautiful girl at mass a few times, she pays attention to everything during the liturgy and doesn’t leave before the Mass has ended . But this time she was just a few pews ahead of me and she was distracting me, I kept fussing at myself in my head to pay attention. I want to talk to her, but on top of being a shy guy, I have no idea how to approach a girl in church, I can’t talk to her during mass of course, I usually go with my family, I’m 20 by the way, and my mom CAN NOT get to church early if her life depended on it, so talking before mass is out, and in my parish, after mass has ended, most everyone races to their cars to avoid being stuck in the parking lot, plus to top it off she is always with her family also. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, I’m just getting free of my mom’s overprotective hand, I need a little advice from some fellow Catholics, thanks.

After Mass just go up and say “Hi, My name is James. Wasn’t that an awesome Homily?” My favorite part was… What was Yours?"

At 20, shy or not, you should be able to communicate with another adult human.