Approaching Confession

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Antonio5

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I have come to the point where my confessions have simply become laundry lists rather than a heartfelt admission of my sin. The Sacrament is so mechanical and cold when I rattle off a list of sins with estimates of number. Its come to the point where I type out a long script to use in the confessional. Can I celebrate Reconciliation without having to estimate the number of times I committed a certain sin?

For example, instead of saying “I was uncharitable abut 34 or 36 times” or the suchlike, can I simply say “I was uncharitable”. This idea that I must estimate the number of times I have done something wrong is really distracting me from the real purpose of the Sacrament. I can even tell my confessor becomes impatient with me and it seems, and to a certain extent feels, as though Confession is this automatic, dry procedure rather than a heartfelt encounter with the merciful Lord.

I remember returning to the Sacrament after a long absence. I was unaware that I had to confess in number so just told the Priest my sins with simplicity and brevity, not having to add-on the number of times, which, in most instances, I simply cannot remember. That particular Confession was brilliant and I wish to return to that “style” of Confession.

So do I have to confess sins whilst scrupulously guessing the number of times I have committed them?
 
Antonio5 said:
I have come to the point where my confessions have simply become laundry lists rather than a heartfelt admission of my sin. The Sacrament is so mechanical and cold when I rattle off a list of sins with estimates of number. Its come to the point where I type out a long script to use in the confessional. Can I celebrate Reconciliation without having to estimate the number of times I committed a certain sin?

For example, instead of saying “I was uncharitable abut 34 or 36 times” or the suchlike, can I simply say “I was uncharitable”. This idea that I must estimate the number of times I have done something wrong is really distracting me from the real purpose of the Sacrament. I can even tell my confessor becomes impatient with me and it seems, and to a certain extent feels, as though Confession is this automatic, dry procedure rather than a heartfelt encounter with the merciful Lord.

I remember returning to the Sacrament after a long absence. I was unaware that I had to confess in number so just told the Priest my sins with simplicity and brevity, not having to add-on the number of times, which, in most instances, I simply cannot remember. That particular Confession was brilliant and I wish to return to that “style” of Confession.

So do I have to confess sins whilst scrupulously guessing the number of times I have committed them?
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You could just do what I do. “I committed the sin of x uhm… a few times. Then the sin of y, maybe many times, and the sin of z I lost count, sin xy more than 10 times, sin yx probably 20 times”.

You get the idea. This process is not an investigation. Say what is on your mind, and if you truly don’t know, there is no harm in saying “I forgot the number, but it was a lot”.
 
Antonio5 said:
I have come to the point where my confessions have simply become laundry lists rather than a heartfelt admission of my sin. The Sacrament is so mechanical and cold when I rattle off a list of sins with estimates of number. Its come to the point where I type out a long script to use in the confessional. Can I celebrate Reconciliation without having to estimate the number of times I committed a certain sin?

For example, instead of saying “I was uncharitable abut 34 or 36 times” or the suchlike, can I simply say “I was uncharitable”. This idea that I must estimate the number of times I have done something wrong is really distracting me from the real purpose of the Sacrament. I can even tell my confessor becomes impatient with me and it seems, and to a certain extent feels, as though Confession is this automatic, dry procedure rather than a heartfelt encounter with the merciful Lord.

I remember returning to the Sacrament after a long absence. I was unaware that I had to confess in number so just told the Priest my sins with simplicity and brevity, not having to add-on the number of times, which, in most instances, I simply cannot remember. That particular Confession was brilliant and I wish to return to that “style” of Confession.

So do I have to confess sins whilst scrupulously guessing the number of times I have committed them?
Click to expand...
For mortal sins, you need to state or estimate the number. But the estimate doesn’t need to be overall, it could be “five times a day” or “about once a week.” That might actually be more helpful IMO, because it gives a sense of how much of your life it impacts. If you had one really bad day where you got horrible news and screamed at five people because you were so upset, that’s different than, “Over the past week I screamed at someone every day.” Still worthy to confess either, but the circumstances give the priest a better sense of how to guide you.

It’s good to confess venial sins, but I tend to be much less exact about the number, using descriptors like “often” or “frequently” or “a few times.” As you say, it’s hard to know with venial sins - they get committed often. 😊
 
You only need to confess the mortal sins. The venial ones are optional. Perhaps you’d feel more comfortable focusing on an example of a venial sin that you struggle with and have the priest help you with that one. Often they say something helpful if they have something concrete and simple to work with. You might find the process more refreshing and lightening that way. I gave two ways I’d been selfish last time and that seemed to work out well.

But do give some type of approximation of number, like weekly or every time I see my mother in law or ten times or something, when you confess a mortal sin. 👍 Remember, it is there to help the priest understand the need you have and for you to be honest with yourself. It is not there to require difficult feats of memory or such.
 
“…so just told the Priest my sins with simplicity and brevity… That particular Confession was brilliant and I wish to return to that “style” of Confession.”

There you go. You’re right, you are going to confession to encounter a loving and merciful Lord, so keep it simple and focus on Jesus.

As others have said, you really ought to give the priest an idea of the frequency of serious sins. If he needs a little more information, he may ask you. In other words, adultery could be kissing a woman to whom I am not married or it can be having sexual relations with that woman each day for a month, right?

I recommend a short book by Vinny Flynn called Seven Secrets of Confession. It’s a great look at the awesome gift of confession and how to embrace it more productively in our everyday lives.

God bless you!
 
Actually kissing someone is not adultery. It would seem to be necessary to clarify this more because it is kind of a gray area. Yes, kissing a married woman on the lips, hoping to get her to want to commit adultery is wrong, but if you asked a lawyer, you would probably be told that you did not commit adultery. You may have a wish to, but you didn’t. It’s not that you’re innocent, it’s just that you are “not guilty” of doing it. (I’m looking at it from a legalistic viewpoint of course. You would still need to confess.)
 
It would be funny, though, (if you knew the priest fairly well and he wouldn’t get angry) if you were to go into the confessional and hand him some algebraic formulas, some numbers increasing to the power of ten, and tell him this is how I figured out how often I did this.

If he was anything like a couple priests I am acquainted with, he’d probably find the humor in it. Once I told a priest he should bring his Yorkie to confession with him. This priest reminded me of a kindly grandfather. Unfortunately, he died a few years ago.
 
Dodge_pursuit said:
I recommend a short book by Vinny Flynn called Seven Secrets of Confession. It’s a great look at the awesome gift of confession and how to embrace it more productively in our everyday lives.
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I also highly recommend this book. In fact, I own it on kindle, and if you have a kindle, I’d be happy to loan it to you. If you’re interested, send me a private message.
 
Thank you all for your replies. I haven’t a Kindle, but that book sounds to be exactly what I need.

God bless you all.
 
Mortal sins are to yes have the number given. Or of one does not know them after ones examine -one can approximate according to what one knows.

Venial sins can be confessed with out any number. And one does not need to confess any venial sins (one needs of course at least one sin and contrition for a confession…but one does not need to confess all venial sins …)

I accuse my self of missing Mass on Sundays or Holy Days 3x, also I accuse my self of impatience, lying, and being uncharitable and all the sins of my life.

(I am assuming in this example that all but the first were venial sins).
 
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