Appropriate actions

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gailmjones

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I am a 68 year old married women and I like to help people. I began a conversation with a single man about age 63 years and he was having problems with his father. He was visiting him in the hospital when we began talking. I am a retired registered nurse and I know all about medical affairs so after a conversation, I felt I should give him my cell phone number in case he wanted to talk about his father or needed information.

He did call and my husband heard the conversation. He asked me who it was I was speaking with. When I explained the situation, he insisted it was inappropriate for me to have given him my cell phone number. When I asked him why, he basically told me I was a married women and should not have given a strange man my phone and told him he could call me if he needed anything.

I just like to help people and give back, what was so wrong or inappropriate with giving him my cell phone.

:confused: Perplexed - Thank you
 
gailmjones said:
I am a 68 year old married women and I like to help people. I began a conversation with a single man about age 63 years and he was having problems with his father. He was visiting him in the hospital when we began talking. I am a retired registered nurse and I know all about medical affairs so after a conversation, I felt I should give him my cell phone number in case he wanted to talk about his father or needed information.

He did call and my husband heard the conversation. He asked me who it was I was speaking with. When I explained the situation, he insisted it was inappropriate for me to have given him my cell phone number. When I asked him why, he basically told me I was a married women and should not have given a strange man my phone and told him he could call me if he needed anything.

I just like to help people and give back, what was so wrong or inappropriate with giving him my cell phone.

:confused: Perplexed - Thank you
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I am a retired registered nurse and I know all about medical affairs
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No you do not.

The hospital provides the information and personnel this man needs.

As Christians yes! We should “help” people. But we also should be aware of our spouse and their feelings. My wife and I have an agreement that if one person thinks something is inappropriate then the other will immediately stop. Even if they do not agree. This has been employed twice in our marriage. And it has been successful. It can be annoying because I am sure from your point of view that it is innocent and helpful but perhaps you should also realize your husbands point of view and how you might feel if a woman was calling him for emotional support.

You also do not seem to understand how vulnerable this man might be and what feeling he might develop towards you.

I side with your man on this one.
 
I think you were trying to be helpful but marriages are under constant attack and we must be careful and protective. I try not to even joke that I would be unfaithful to my wife because I don’t want to disturb her peace.

If I was you I would explain calmly to your husband what you were trying to do and apologize if it made him uncomfortable.

All that being said he probably overreacted but that doesn’t change my advice.

It’s good that you have a giving heart, but spouses come first.

God bless.
 
You did this innocently and chances are your husband is more worried about this stranger being a dangerous nut than any affairs. Any kind of (non-work) acquaintances of the opposite sex can get awkward when a person is married - even if you meant nothing by it. Just because you have the best intentions it doesn’t mean he does.

In future, just for your own safety more than anything else, refer a person to an organization or a help desk of some sort rather than yourself. A lot of stalking cases start with a person that let’s a stranger have too much access too soon. It’s best to avoid giving out phone numbers. You can still offer the help you want to offer, but help through an organization. By giving someone a more public phone number or e-mail address, you protect yourself from a lot of risk. If, as a former nurse, you still have an interest in helping people with medically-related questions, you could volunteer for an information desk of some sort within a hospital system.
 
gailmjones said:
I am a 68 year old married women and I like to help people. I began a conversation with a single man about age 63 years and he was having problems with his father. He was visiting him in the hospital when we began talking. I am a retired registered nurse and I know all about medical affairs so after a conversation, I felt I should give him my cell phone number in case he wanted to talk about his father or needed information.

He did call and my husband heard the conversation. He asked me who it was I was speaking with. When I explained the situation, he insisted it was inappropriate for me to have given him my cell phone number. When I asked him why, he basically told me I was a married women and should not have given a strange man my phone and told him he could call me if he needed anything.

I just like to help people and give back, what was so wrong or inappropriate with giving him my cell phone.

:confused: Perplexed - Thank you
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I do not think it was inappropriate. There is nothing wrong with married people helping others, single or not. What if it was your husband in the same position? Would you have gotten upset with him? Please talk to your husband about this. Has he shown jealous tendencies before, is he controlling? You used the word “inappropriate” so he was not worried about your safety and cell phone numbers can always be changed.
 
I respectfully disagree with HoosierDaddy about one thing: YES you DO know all about medical affairs since you are a retired Registered Nurse. I’m sure you gave the man comfort by offering and giving your knowledge about medical procedures and things. You’ve done every procedure possible hundred’s of times and know all about patients just by looking at them. You probably just did what came natural by explaining to him what was going on with his dad. A hospital can be a very scary and lonely place and I’m glad you reached out to him. But please remember you are not employed at the hospital as an R.N. Plus you should have NEVER given him your phone number. That’s way overboard. If you are interested in helping people you can do volunteer work at the hospital. I wouldn’t go blabbing about medical conditions of patients to their families because you are NOT employed by the hospital as an RN. In fact you might even get sued for that. Just do your volunteer work and enjoy every minute of it. 🙂
 
Your husband is overreacting.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and you deserve more credit than you’ve been given.

Was it a good idea to give a stranger (man or woman) your cell number? Only you can judge that, because only you were there and only you knew what the situation was.

My wife is a college instructor. She gives our phone number out to her students. Sometimes she gets calls from “strange men” :eek: It’s all in a day’s work.

🤷
 
on_the_hill said:
Your husband is overreacting.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and you deserve more credit than you’ve been given.

Was it a good idea to give a stranger (man or woman) your cell number? Only you can judge that, because only you were there and only you knew what the situation was.

My wife is a college instructor. She gives our phone number out to her students. Sometimes she gets calls from “strange men” :eek: It’s all in a day’s work.

🤷
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Agreed.
 
maryjk said:
:rotfl::rotfl:

Sorry, but that is a joke.

The hospital does not provide personnel to explain everything or to go over what is happening.
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And the OP does NOT know EVERYTHING about medical things.

So I guess there are two “jokes”

My point was that there are people that deal with situations like this. And not onnly that but you do not know what the hospital does or does not do.

Sadly I am not surprised that some here jump to the OPs defense. Just another opportunity to bash a spouse that we don’t know or have not hear their side of things.

I think if the husband is uncomfortable with this then that should be given a huge priority. Rather than jumping to the conclusion that he is a jealous irrational insecure man.

I just did not like the OPs phrasing of medical things. It smacked of the kind of know it all ego that can be dangerous with medical personnel.
 
I’m not bashing the OP’s husband. I think he’s overreacting, but it’s hard to know for sure. My bashing, if there’s any actual bashing going on here, is more directed at people who are teetering on the edge of criticizing the OP
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
And the OP does NOT know EVERYTHING about medical things.

So I guess there are two “jokes”

My point was that there are people that deal with situations like this. And not only that but you do not know what the hospital does or does not do.
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The joke is that every hospital that I have ever dealt with, has never provided someone to explain everything. Or to talk about what is happening. Nurses are too busy. Doctors make rounds and leave. And that leaves you to figure out what you can, when you can.

Having a nurse that knows the ins and outs of hospital workings, well, that would be an advantage.
 
maryjk said:
The joke is that every hospital that I have ever dealt with, has never provided someone to explain everything. Or to talk about what is happening. Nurses are too busy. Doctors make rounds and leave. And that leaves you to figure out what you can, when you can.

Having a nurse that knows the ins and outs of hospital workings, well, that would be an advantage.
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I don’t think that relying on an outside nurse who is not employed by the specific health care facility that you are dealing with is really an advantage. It actually sounds like a great way to hear something from this nurse who actually has no idea what is going on with the facility’s policies and procedures, take it as gospel, and then be upset/confused/angry when things don’t go the way she said they would. Bad idea.

Now what is a good idea is to have the OP teach this man how to advocate for himself or a loved one when it comes to health care. Because doctors and nurses are busy and all too often don’t make time to explain everything you have to learn how to feel comfortable asking questions, demanding answers, and making sure that you get the time and attention that you or your loved one needs.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I don’t think that relying on an outside nurse who is not employed by the specific health care facility that you are dealing with is really an advantage. It actually sounds like a great way to hear something from this nurse who actually has no idea what is going on with the facility’s policies and procedures, take it as gospel, and then be upset/confused/angry when things don’t go the way she said they would. Bad idea.
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Certainly that could happen if you took what the OP said as Gospel. But you are just getting pointers, that is very helpful.

A friend of mine it the head of nursing at the local hospital.

When my mom was in the hospital, about 100 miles from here, I learned a lot from my friend. Stuff like, “After two tries, you should demand a Phlebotomist do the blood draw.” Or, " When your mom is admitted, request a central line." Or, “Make sure you have a copy of your medical power of attorney with you, they tend to get misplaced.”
Now what is a good idea is to have the OP teach this man how to advocate for himself or a loved one when it comes to health care. Because doctors and nurses are busy and all too often don’t make time to explain everything you have to learn how to feel comfortable asking questions, demanding answers, and making sure that you get the time and attention that you or your loved one needs.
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It also helps knowing WHAT questions to ask.

When Mom was dying, I knew to ask, “Hours to days, days to weeks, or weeks to months?” No one can give you a day and time. But doctors should be able to narrow it down to one of those three.
 
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