Appropriate attire at mass for women

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mommamaree said:
Not one person in my family has “Sunday Best” clothing. Not one person in my family works in an office that has “Business Casual” dress standards. Why should we be expected to buy a special outfit that we are only to wear on Sunday to Mass? That would be at a cost of several hundred dollars each season (because my kids are growing like weeds). For family portraits, for special occasions, for Mass, for going on outings, we just choose a nice, well-fitting, color-matched and clean outfit. We make sure we are well-groomed and our bodies are clean. We make sure our mouths are clean (as my son says, we must polish our throne for Jesus to be placed upon!). But most importantly, we do an examination of conscience, so that we may avail ourselves of confession if necessary, or make an act of contrition if that is all that is required. And then we merely focus upon arriving on-time and finding seats.

Our parish hall (where we have Mass, since we are in the process of building a huge church), we are standing room only. It is HOT. Plus, we are in the middle of summer in the Deep South.

My son and husband wear shorts and nice sandals almost every week.

Me and the girls all wear dresses that come to the knee (I often wear maxi dresses). The dresses are all sleeveless.

Everyone in our parish, which is situated in a town that has a lot of wealth, alongside a lot of poverty, is dressed pretty much in the same way.

If a person is attired similarly to all of their Christian brothers and sisters, and they are being neither provocative nor ostentatious, THAT is modest. There are different cultural standards of modesty, and to claim that there is a universal standard across the globe and throughout time actually contradicts the explanations of modesty that we have been given by our bishops and popes.

A person simply cannot say that what is considered appropriate for their cultural background and their social class is universal. That is tying burdens upon the backs of others without lifting a finger to help them carry it. Sunday Best and Business Casual have no meaning in the lives of many, many people around the world. Neither do the ban on the appearance of upper arms or calves. 🤷
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Excellent! Very well stated by a devout Catholic woman/wife/mother.

I love the statement “Sunday Best and Business Casual have no meaning in the lives of many many people around the world” I would add, in the United States, too. If you check out those Glamour Magazines, you will see that “Business Casual” is a far-cry from what most of us imagine.
 
CatholicGuy31 said:
In the school I went to, the girls’ blouses had to at least cover the elbow and the skirts had to cover at least the knee at all times, even when kneeling. This was just on an ordinary school day. At Mass in our parish, the Priest could refuse Holy Communion to anyone dressed inappropriately.

Maybe things have changed a bit since I was last in school.
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Yes, they have.

I think that any priest who refused Holy Communion to anyone dressed inappropriately would be cruisin’ for a bruisin’, as my mother used to say.
 
Cat said:
Excellent! Very well stated by a devout Catholic woman/wife/mother.
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You are too kind, Cat. While I am thankful to be Catholic, I still have a long way to go before “devout” would be an appropriate description. Maybe someday…

God bless you.
 
white_sheep said:
So what do you think is a minimum acceptable length for women’s skirts and dresses at mass? Knee length. No more than 3 inches above the knee. Ankle length. Somewhere below the knee.
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Very difficult for even an older woman to find a skirt that is going to hit right at the knee. Usually come in at 20 to 21 1/2 inches. Wish they’d drop them to 23 at least. Same with dresses. Wish they’d make them longer and let the purchaser opt to have the hem taken up.
Ends up being pants are more modest.

Some women in my church are trying to bring back skirts and dresses.
 
Long pants for me no matter what time of year. It’s not so much the actual clothing as it is about showing respect for where you are. When I lived in LA, it was not uncommon to find one or two male ushers in shorts in the summer. Occasionally a male EM in shorts as well. Grrr! Flip flops abounded in that parish. Gaah! I stay quiet about this stuff, no use stirring up fertilizer …

Women should cover their shoulders, short sleeves okay, but not sleeveless let alone strapless. I don’t need to see cleavage either, I get enough of that during the week at this time of year. Long pants/jeans okay, skirts shouldn’t be shorter than mid-thigh. okay, okay, that’s just me, I’m a voice in the wilderness about this stuff. But everywhere I’ve gone in the US, women go over the line in the summer, not just in LA. Take it from me, I’ve driven around the country a few times now.
 
Id say tailored black slacks not baggy but not skin tight, or a knee lentgh at least dres or skirt,quarter sleeve top at least up to 2 inches from your collar bone bone or with a pretty cami under it to be modest or a top with shorter sleeves that isnt see through or skin tight. Modesty can be a fun thing to try to figure out and live by

Try this stand in front of a mirror lean over can you see down your shirt? Can you see your lower back or is your skirt riding up too high?

Sit down in a chair does your skirt ride up to high on the leg sitting, are your pants showing your undies or lower back?

Kneel down does your skirt at least cover to your knees kneeling?

If you have on pants can you pull at least 2 inches of fabric away from your leg?

Theses were modesty requirements at an evangelical school i attemded not the best guidelines but easy to check for and follow
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Long pants for me no matter what time of year. It’s not so much the actual clothing as it is about showing respect for where you are. When I lived in LA, it was not uncommon to find one or two male ushers in shorts in the summer. Occasionally a male EM in shorts as well. Grrr! Flip flops abounded in that parish. Gaah! I stay quiet about this stuff, no use stirring up fertilizer …

Women should cover their shoulders, short sleeves okay, but not sleeveless let alone strapless. I don’t need to see cleavage either, I get enough of that during the week at this time of year. Long pants/jeans okay, skirts shouldn’t be shorter than mid-thigh. okay, okay, that’s just me, I’m a voice in the wilderness about this stuff. But everywhere I’ve gone in the US, women go over the line in the summer, not just in LA. Take it from me, I’ve driven around the country a few times now.
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At the church down the street from me where I occassionally go to Saturday PM Mass, there are no altar servers. The man who brings the cross up and down the aisle for the processional and recessional has been wearing a cotton tank top, canvas shorts, and flip flops every week this summer. His hair is also gelled and spiked, and he has lots of visible tattoos on his bare shoulders and arms. He would look really nice - at a beach in San Diego. It’s not immodest per se, just completely inappropriate for church.
 
Cat said:
I think that any priest who refused Holy Communion to anyone dressed inappropriately would be cruisin’ for a bruisin’, as my mother used to say.
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I should add that in the twenty odd years I was in that parish, that this never happened once. In any case you would get still a blessing and wouldn’t just be coldly turned away. Our priests were strict but also very kind.

I hope I haven’t deviated attention from the original question of this thread. My answer to this would be in the form of a question and is not just for the women but the men as well:

What do you think you would wear if Jesus invited you to His Father’s House for a meal this Sunday?
 
Business casual as in.

Women: knee length shorts (none of this tight fitting clothing) and skirts.
Tops- no sleeveless but as long as it has a good strap that covers the bra strap and it doesn’t show any cleavage nor it is too tight - I don’t think it matters.

Guys, dress shirts, no jeans and nothing fitted is fine.

Catholicism isn’t the only denomination that has a dress code. Many of the Protestant churches also have similar preferences.
 
CatholicGuy31 said:
I should add that in the twenty odd years I was in that parish, that this never happened once. In any case you would get still a blessing and wouldn’t just be coldly turned away. Our priests were strict but also very kind.
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I’m pretty sure priests do not have the authority to deny the Eucharist to someone because they weren’t wearing a blouse or the sleeves weren’t long enough for the priests liking.
I hope I haven’t deviated attention from the original question of this thread. My answer to this would be in the form of a question and is not just for the women but the men as well:
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What do you think you would wear if Jesus invited you to His Father’s House for a meal this Sunday?
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To be perfectly honest, it would depend. Varying from jeans and a T-shirt to a fancy dress with heels and make-up etc depending on the feel of the gathering. 🤷
 
thewanderer said:
I’m pretty sure priests do not have the authority to deny the Eucharist to someone because they weren’t wearing a blouse or the sleeves weren’t long enough for the priests liking.
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As I said before it never actually heard it happened once. I think it was mostly just to get everyone to dress decently for mass and to approach the Eucharist with respect (which wasn’t a bad thing).
 
CatholicGuy31 said:
As I said before it never actually heard it happened once. I think it was mostly just to get everyone to dress decently for mass and to approach the Eucharist with respect (which wasn’t a bad thing).
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It is generally speaking a bad idea to threaten consequences you do not have the authority to carry out, whether or not it is effective.
 
Several times in the thread so far, a mention has been made regarding necklines of blouses and dresses. I agree that plunging necklines are rather scandalous, and that actually cleavage is inappropriate, but the “two fingers below the pit of the throat” rule is far too high for a couple reasons. First, for breastfeeding mothers, such a high neckline on a blouse or dress would make breastfeeding her baby impossible, unless she were to remove the garment entirely. A lower neckline that can be pulled down or buttons that can be undone are an absolute necessity for breastfeeding mothers. Also recall that women around the globe throughout human history have been considered plenty modest even when they have the top or side of their breast exposed for feeding their baby. There is even a genre of fine art devoted to the Blessed Virgin nursing baby Jesus, called Maria Lactans. We would never consider such art immodest or indecent, and all other mothers breastfeeding their children should be given the same consideration.
Second, for women that are fuller figured on top, high necked garments greatly emphasize the size of the breasts, whereas a slight scoopneck or a ballerina neckline or a V-neck garment minimizes the apparent size of the bust. Button-down Oxford shirts can often cause great problems for bustier ladies as well.
So here we have two exceptions to the rule that are valid and apply to a sizeable percentage of the population. I mention these as an example of how a universal standard with regard to neckline or sleeve length or hemline can create such an obstacle for a person as to make it impossible for them to adhere to it. Modesty is actually an interior virtue, and not merely an external following of rules. Charity is another virtue, one which requires us all to examine both our own conduct and our thoughts/judgements regarding others.
So if you see a hint of shadow of cleavage on a busty woman who is unable to completely disguise her chest, or if you see a portion of breast of a breastfeeding woman, or you notice that tall woman over there has a skirt that doesn’t completely cover her knees when she sits down, or you notice a woman is wearing an outfit with cap sleeves so her upper arms are bare, please assume the best of her intentions. It is incredibly hard to find the middle ground for proper attire in the Western world today. Christian women have to worry about how to dress nicely without showing too much skin, how to dress modestly without looking like a frump to their husbands or potential suitors, how to dress functionally without looking like a man, and all without spending a fortune on clothing. Every woman has to find a way to clothe her own unique body shape. So I encourage those who are worried about how modesty is or is not being expressed through women’s attire to just assume the best, and if a scandalous outfit is worn by a woman in your presence, practice custody of the eyes as best as you can without treating her as a pariah and pray for her and think of how she is a child of God, too. It is very hard in our immodest culture, so I know it isn’t easy, but what else can we do besides pray for each other and be patient with each other’s weaknesses?
 
Well I am 19 and that means girls around my age seem to not believe in wearing too much clothing these days no clue what is up with that. But my general rule of thumb is if you have to pull it up or down don’t wear it. I am one of those self conscious females that feels very uncomfortable when people are looking in the wrong places so I tend to make sure everything is well hidden. I love wearing layers so if I have a low cut shirt that I want to wear I put a tank top underneath or a camisole and I won’t showing any chest. Sleeves are always a must for me. I hate any kind of shirt that I have to pull up especially in church it just draws too much attention to myself. If I wear a mini skirt (I would never at church) I always wear tights or leggings underneath. I own plenty of cardigans and sweaters I always pull those over. I mean modesty really isn’t so much a measurement as it is the way you wish carry and present yourself. If you want people to be staring at your bum then you likely will reflect that in your appearance. If you don’t want people to be sneaking peeks then will probably dress in a way that doesn’t show too much. This can go for guys too. If you don’t want girls to see your pants falling down in church then you’d most likely buy a pair that fit wear a belt.
 
thewanderer said:
I’m pretty sure priests do not have the authority to deny the Eucharist to someone because they weren’t wearing a blouse or the sleeves weren’t long enough for the priests liking.

To be perfectly honest, it would depend. Varying from jeans and a T-shirt to a fancy dress with heels and make-up etc depending on the feel of the gathering. 🤷
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In the United States. In other countries is not uncommon to see priests denying Eucharist to people based on attire. In Italy specifically I have seen priests denying communion to women wearing no sleeves shirts.
 
marymary1975 said:
In the United States. In other countries is not uncommon to see priests denying Eucharist to people based on attire. In Italy specifically I have seen priests denying communion to women wearing no sleeves shirts.
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I wouldn’t say that it as all common but I have seen priests deny communion based on the way a lady is dressed. Both times I witnessed it it was due to, I assume at least, an inappropriate amount of cleavage. I’d be curious to know if a priest can make that sort of decision or if he is stepping outside of his authority.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
I wouldn’t say that it as all common but I have seen priests deny communion based on the way a lady is dressed. Both times I witnessed it it was due to, I assu**me at least, an inappropriate amount of cleavage. I’d be curious to know if a priest can make that sort of decision or if he is stepping outside of his authority.
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As to Latin american countries and Italy I can say that priests can and will do make that decision. The case I pointed at the church of the Santa Croce in Italy particularly called my attention because the lady had long pants and to me she was not dressed immodestly. There are also about two other churches in the area if Rome that won’t even allow you to go in the church if you are wearing shorts (both men and women). As to Latin america I have seen a million times priests denying communion due to attire and other reasons so I think they absolutely have that discretion. I think that the issue in the US is that the church has become in many places is afraid to lose people and they have become laxed in the rules.
 
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