Are avoiding gay marriages possible moving forward in today's society?

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Walterross

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Let me elaborate on my question. Obviously yes, we can avoid these “marriages,” but my question pertains more to the fact of finding a future spouse. What I mean is, with how strong the gay rights propaganda is being pushed, is it possible to find a spouse who has no ties to any gay family members or friends? I ask this because I recently got out of a relationship where we disagreed on the church’s teaching on gay marriage as well as abortion and other moral issues. Before we went our separate ways she hinted to me, “Everyone is different, and you won’t find someone who believes exactly what you do.” This somewhat scares me because in this relationship, her sister identified as gay. I could see how this would be hard to see eye to eye with her and it would be hard to raise kids in the church with the different ideologies. But what if I meet someone down the line who is close with her gay cousin, and is invited to a “wedding”? Or a friend? Or a sister? If my future spouse is close to someone such as these, how do we reply to a wedding invitation? What if she wants to go and I don’t? I guess my question is, how do we approach this in today’s increasingly sexualized society? Do we search for someone who believes what we do or should we “settle” in some regards and compromise our faith? I want to raise my kids in the truth and I’m just confused as to how to do this. Is this an unavoidable reality, with mostly everyone having a tie in with someone who may be homosexual? I know this is a tricky situation, but how do we approach this? Yes, we need to show the homosexual person love. That is without doubt. But what exactly does that entail? Telling them to be celibate? Hinting at being celibate while denying the wedding invitation? Any comments would be very helpful.
 
You sound like you’re hurting from your break up. I’m sorry! But worrying about how a hypothetical future-spouse might have a hypothetically gay cousin who proceeds to invite you to a wedding where your hypothetical wife wants to attend but you don’t… it just seems premature. You can’t foresee all the places you and a future spouse will disagree - even on your wedding day (let alone before you’ve even met the person!) Marry someone respectful and committed to seeking wise answers with you. Together y’all will figure out life as a team & as you go. Ultimately marriage is a leap of faith, trust, & love. There is always uncertainty about what life will throw your way and how life will challenge and change you and person you marry. You can’t see all that ahead of time. None of us can. But marriage is a wonderful adventure!!
 
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I don’t think you can get away from these problems. I think we should learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
 
“Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”
Matthew 6:34 http://www.usccb.org/bible/matthew/6

I recommend you stop overthinking things that may or may not happen. Instead, pray for your wife. She’s out there and needs you to help her keep preparing for your life together.

Doing so, will help you to become the loving rock you need to be.

Your fears will melt away.
 
Walterross said:
is it possible to find a spouse who has no ties to any gay family members or friends?
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Why would this be necessary?
Walterross said:
I ask this because I recently got out of a relationship where we disagreed on the church’s teaching on gay marriage as well as abortion and other moral issues
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Having someone in the family who is gay by no means means that a person will have stances contrary to Church teaching on moral issues.

I had a gay uncle and a lesbian aunt (two different sides of the family). They’ve both passed away now.

I don’t think anyone would confuse me for anything other than a fully practicing Catholic.
Walterross said:
Before we went our separate ways she hinted to me, “Everyone is different, and you won’t find someone who believes exactly what you do.”
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That’s just not true.
Walterross said:
But what if I meet someone down the line who is close with her gay cousin, and is invited to a “wedding”? Or a friend? Or a sister? If my future spouse is close to someone such as these, how do we reply to a wedding invitation? What if she wants to go and I don’t?
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Wow, that’s a lot of anxiety over something that “might” happen sometimes in the future.

First, just because someone is invited it doesn’t mean they will go. Also, just because someone has a gay friend or relative doesn’t mean that friend or relative will invite them. Knowing I’m a practicing Catholic, several friends of mine who are same sex attracted did not invite me to their “wedding”.

This is something you simply talk about with your significant other beforehand if you think it is an issue or a possible dealbreaker.
Walterross said:
I know this is a tricky situation, but how do we approach this? Yes, we need to show the homosexual person love. That is without doubt. But what exactly does that entail? Telling them to be celibate? Hinting at being celibate while denying the wedding invitation?
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Just be a kind person and treat them with respect. I treat those who are same sex attracted like any other person I know.
 
Oh, and FYI, finding someone with a perfect family is unrealistic.

My parents are divorced. My dad, a non Catholic, was married 4 times and now has a live in girlfriend at the age of 73.

My brothers all lived with their spouses before marriage.

My sister got pregnant at 19 and gave her baby up for adoption. So I have a nephew we see through his open adoption.

One of my stepbrothers is bi-polar and possibly has narcissistic personality disorder. He’s been married 3 times, had a slew of girlfriends, and is a baby daddy at least three times that we know of.

So, yeah, if my husband was hoping my family would never have awkward moments he picked the wrong wife.
 
Try not to be so afraid of gay people. Maybe work on that before trying to fined someone who has no relationship with a gay person.
 
Walterross said:
What I mean is, with how strong the gay rights propaganda is being pushed, is it possible to find a spouse who has no ties to any gay family members or friends? I
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That is a very interesting trait to look to in a potential date. Today’s readings come to mind!

I do not judge people by the sins of their relatives nor their friends.

The Catechism does not tell us to shun homosexual family members or friends, in fact Catechism says:

**2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. **
 
I know what you mean. Many girls nowadays have male friends that are homosexual. You don’t want to be a jerk to the gay guy because the girl will hear about it (from him). Treat the homosexual friend with respect, but at the same time, be firm in your convictions. Don’t change your beliefs simply to accommodate someone. The gay friend was made in the image of God, so he is entitled to some level of respect.
 
My plan is to not get married and avoid attending weddings in general under other grounds. Then I won’t be put in a compromising position.
 
It’s a lack of creativity if you are unable to figure out a middleground.
 
JMMJ said:
Try not to be so afraid of gay people. Maybe work on that before trying to fined someone who has no relationship with a gay person.
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Not afraid, just want to avoid sin is all.
 
Walterross said:
and also teach our kids that being gay is not wrong or sinful?
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The Church does not teach that being gay is sinful. Sexual acts outside of a valid marriage is sinful. Being homosexual is not a sin.
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
I plan on becoming a hermit, and avoiding all humans and any possibility of conflict.
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I hear the sarcasm, but I’m really being sincere when I ask these questions. I obviously will want to care about my future spouse, soul included. If we teach our kids that sinful gay acts are okay, won’t our souls be in jeopardy for not showing them the way to Jesus?
 
I want both my spouse and our possible future children to get to heaven.
 
I realize that, but it goes back to my original question. I wonder if I’m being too picky in finding someone who will help me raise my kids in the church.
 
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