Are Catholics more lonely?

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Perhaps this is only my own observation, but I find that serious Catholics are often more lonely than others. It’s as if we purposely separate ourselves from the rest of society due to our religious beliefs; and even if we didn’t, sometimes others will do that favor for us, as in not wanting to associate with “religious nuts.” Oftentimes I choose not to participate in certain activities that would go against my beliefs, and when that happens, it’s unlikely that you’ll be invited again. The other thing with Catholics is that even at Church, we’re not that sociable, as opposed to our Protestant brethren.

As for me, I have my close circle of friends, but it’s been hard for me to make new friends, because if they’re not Catholic, as soon as they hear that I am, they tend to run away. It’s almost like they respect you, but they don’t want to be near you. I suppose it’s probably easier if you’re an introvert, but for me, it’s harder, because I consider myself an extrovert, and I like to hang out with people.

So I’m curious as to know what your experience has been like. Perhaps this is just a cross that we all have to carry. Alright, I’m done ranting. Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be welcome. TGIF!

 

[Larowyn]

The only safe Catholics at my college were cafeteria Catholics who accepted abortion, contraceptives, and same-sex marriage. I was dismissed from the student newspaper because the editors did not want someone with bigoted and hateful views writing for the paper, and I dared not tell my professors that I was considering the priesthood. Aside from the newspaper, I couldn’t get into any clubs because I lived off-campus, so I usually went right home after classes and only made a few acquaintances.

There are no parishioners who are my age in my parish, and the high school kids avoid me and consider me an adult. The adults consider me a kid and most hardly say anything to me beyond asking about what I’m going to do after college.

No matter what I do I’m pretty sure I’ll be alone all the time. I’m an extrovert, but I’ve gotten used to the “alone in a crowded room” feeling that I’ve always had.

 

[misfitz]

I never thought of it that way, but I believe you may be right. The more serious a person is about their beliefs, the more likely they might be “lonely”.

I feel this way most especially at work. I can think of only one woman in my office who comes close to sharing my views. Others that I work with who are Catholic, see nothing wrong with shacking up, premarital sex, multiple marriages, etc.

The world can be a very lonely place for one who does not fit in.

 

[clock]

It never really occurred to me either, but maybe the people don’t mind being lonely though because they do pray a lot etc so don’t mind having as many friends; does that make sense?

It’s no true in my life, because all my friends are atheists and I’ve never been friends with catholics my own age. I don’t generally bring up religion though, it’s always other people that ask me and don’t know I’m catholic. So my religion doesn’t affect my social life at all I don’t think!

Larowyn- thats seems quite sad, why do you limit your friends to being catholic? Sorry if I’m jumping to a conclusion, it’s just the way you write seems as if you only had the three options for friends and all of them were dead ends, so why not join other things, talk to people in classes, go to your local pub and end up sitting with a lonely old guy that turns out to be the most wise guy you ever meet (does happen, my friend was an 2 hours late meeting me and didn’t ring, the guy was a genius I swear!).
Go and sit in a cafe, go to the gym, park, local student hangouts, gigs, you can make friends anywhere you go, and you never know what that friendship will turn into, don’t be alone in a crowded room any longer, go find people!

 

[Larowyn]

Larowyn- thats seems quite sad, why do you limit your friends to being catholic? Sorry if I’m jumping to a conclusion, it’s just the way you write seems as if you only had the three options for friends and all of them were dead ends, so why not join other things, talk to people in classes, go to your local pub and end up sitting with a lonely old guy that turns out to be the most wise guy you ever meet (does happen, my friend was an 2 hours late meeting me and didn’t ring, the guy was a genius I swear!).
Go and sit in a cafe, go to the gym, park, local student hangouts, gigs, you can make friends anywhere you go, and you never know what that friendship will turn into, don’t be alone in a crowded room any longer, go find people!

I don’t limit my friends to Catholics, it’s just that the people I most often encounter seem to hate Catholics.

I don’t drink and the student hangouts are usually bars where people go to get drunk and have casual sex. Gyms are expensive, and people here in New England like to keep to themselves and are aloof to strangers anyway. It’s a lot harder to meet people than you make it sound.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

** I have definitely lost some friends since my conversion. But that isn’t because I didn’t like them anymore or that they thought I was a “religious nut”… we just didn’t share the same taste in activities anymore.

So much of today’s social scene is based on immoral activities. Even neutral things like playing board games or going out for coffee become a challenge when you have to sit through people taking the Lord’s name in vain, gossiping, being dressed very immodestly etc etc etc.

So while I don’t go out of my way to exclude non-Catholics, I just find it is best to have friendships with people that I have some common interests with. Unfortunately it DOES get pretty lonely because it is very hard to find people who share my outlook on life and the values I hold dear. Call me a loser, but some of my best friends are right here at CAF. Sure, we may not ever meet or be able to hang out, but at least I can get some affirmation that there are others out there who value what I do and it strengthens me for “real life”.**

 

[gettingthere]

This has been a very real thing for me lately. My husband and I are new Catholics (not “technically” Catholic yet, we’re attending RCIA in 3 weeks *) and I’ve found since making decisions that separate us from the protestants we used to be, it’s very lonely. We have no Catholic friends, so it feels like we have no one to talk to about certain things, and most of our friends just don’t “get it” (i.e. fasting and not using birth control and other things).

It sometimes feels like we are on a deserted island! Not to mention we are now moving to a new (and BIG) city and it’s all kind of scary!*

 

[Larowyn]

**
So I didn’t fully read Larowyn’s post and just assumed that he refuses to make friends with non-Catholics, and here is where I proceed to show how better I am than him.**

cough cough

Call me a loser, but some of my best friends are right here at CAF. Sure, we may not ever meet or be able to hang out, but at least I can get some affirmation that there are others out there who value what I do and it strengthens me for “real life”.

Considering how nitpicky and arrogant many people here at CAF seem to be, I’m kind of glad I don’t run into them offline.

 

[clock]

I don’t limit my friends to Catholics, it’s just that the people I most often encounter seem to hate Catholics.

I don’t drink and the student hangouts are usually bars where people go to get drunk and have casual sex. Gyms are expensive, and people here in New England like to keep to themselves and are aloof to strangers anyway. It’s a lot harder to meet people than you make it sound.

Okie dokes, never been to america so I don’t know what it’s like over there, everyone generally talks to everyone over here, when your in a line at shopping, then getting random peoples opinions in changing rooms, just walking down the street, you always find yourself talking to people over here.

cough cough

Where did Feanero’s Wife mention you? I don’t get why you thought her post was about you and trying to make out she’s better. She was just stating her opinion like anyone else here

 

[Lady_Bug]

I haven’t sought out to make Catholic friends yet (shame on me) but as a person who is probably going to convert to Catholicism one day - I am finding it very hard to connect spiritually with Protestants. It’s simply hard for me to discuss faith with them anymore. I had a friend who was a fundamentalist in her beliefs - she started out as a mentor when I first converted to Christianity - when I realized that my emerging beliefs were Catholic - it unfortunately put a terrible strain on our friendship - I would like to call her now and then but something stops me. She’s very lecturing when she expresses her beliefs and it’s off-putting. I think that if she and I had started out as simply friends first - without discussing religion, it may have been a different story. But some people don’t like to refrain from discussing God - and she is one such person.

I wish I could say that becoming a Catholic (or even thinking of becoming one) did not put a strain on my communications with Protestants - but I can’t. In the meantime - it is very likely that a Protestant would consider me arrogant and say “you only want to make friends with Catholics, don’t you?” Well…no, not really. But if you (the Protestant) likes to discuss faith, then yes, a friendship will be difficult, unfortunately.

 

[Larowyn]

Where did Feanero’s Wife mention you? I don’t get why you thought her post was about you and trying to make out she’s better. She was just stating her opinion like anyone else here

It would be the sort of thing she would do.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Getting this thread back on topic…I found that I was a very isolated person when I was a serious Catholic when I chose to be judgmental and “holier than thou.” Not saying that is the case for the OP, but in retrospect that was what I did.

When I started actually observing the good in people who maybe weren’t as religious as me, I was able to be more friendly…which has led to more friendships.

Now obviously I’m not going to do immoral things with someone…like go to a strip club or something like that…but I’ve learned to loosen up a little and just have good fun with people who may have very different personal beliefs than I do but I come into contact with.

They know where I stand on many things and, honestly, I’ve corrected a lot of their misperceptions about Catholicism by being friendly and charitable.

Also, volunteering opens lots of doors if you’re feeling alone!

 

[gettingthere]

Getting this thread back on topic…I found that I was a very isolated person when I was a serious Catholic when I chose to be judgmental and “holier than thou.” Not saying that is the case for the OP, but in retrospect that was what I did.

I agree with this. I know when I get into that “holier than thou” mindset I can turn people off (which is why I had no friends in my teen years :doh2. I think the majority of my loneliness has nothing to do with actually being alone. I have a few friends who are not Christians, but who I enjoy spending time with. The loneliness comes from a place of wanting to build a more spiritual-based relationship where I can talk to someone about the things I have questions about or even ask for prayer, and different things like that. I often feel I need a Catholic friend to kind of lead by example, 'cause sometimes I just get so confused!

 

[kevinsgirl]

The loneliness comes from a place of wanting to build a more spiritual-based relationship where I can talk to someone about the things I have questions about or even ask for prayer, and different things like that. I often feel I need a Catholic friend to kind of lead by example, 'cause sometimes I just get so confused!

With religious stuff, I talk about a lot it with my DH…I am very, very blessed to have a Catholic hubby.

And I also talk to my friends on here at CAF. Love you guys!

 

[Larowyn]

I’ve been told before that refusing to have casual sex gives me a “holier than thou” attitude and thus makes me unlikeable. When I was dismissed from the student newspaper, I was told that I should grow up and learn from my classmates and leave the Catholic Church and its hateful and bigoted ways.

 

[gettingthere]

With religious stuff, I talk about a lot it with my DH…I am very, very blessed to have a Catholic hubby.

That’s great! My hubby is converting with me, so we usually try to help each other out when we have questions (which are usually like “how do I use holy water?” and “what are we supposed to do on Holy Days of Obligation?” heh).

Larowyn:

I've been told before that refusing to have casual sex gives me a "holier than thou" attitude and thus makes me unlikeable. When I was dismissed from the student newspaper, I was told that I should grow up and learn from my classmates and leave the Catholic Church and its hateful and bigoted ways.

I was told to “stop being an old fashioned Christian” when I didn’t want to write an article about Valentine’s Day sex for the college newspaper I wrote for. It was really frustrating.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

I’ve been lonely as a direct result of being Catholic during some periods of my life. High school was particularly difficult because, in my hometown, teenagers get plastered every weekend if they have any kind of a pulse. Since I wasn’t interested, I only had friends on the weekdays, and they weren’t that great even then.

I was extremely blessed to go to a very Catholic university, and I was surrounded by very wonderful Catholic friends. I actually went through a period of mourning after I graduated because the outside world seemed very cold. Nowadays, I can’t say that I’m very lonely for the most part, but I’m definitely lonely for Catholic friends. My sister and her in-laws are Penecostal; my husband and my in-laws are Baptist. The rest of my family is far away. I went through Just Faith, but the other group members were much older, and I never really fit in. My church has a Young Adults group, but it’s rapidly shrinking as everyone moves away. It’s very difficult to have Catholic friends here in the Bible Belt.

 

[LilyM]

Alone? Sometimes it feels like it. Not ‘of the world’, sure, sometimes at least.

Lonely? Absolutely not. We’re in the best company of all - “If the world hate you, know ye, that it hath hated me before you.” John 15:18 - and our aloneness (‘alone with none but thee, my God’ as the song says) and separateness from the world should be a source of strength for us.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

cough cough

Considering how nitpicky and arrogant many people here at CAF seem to be, I’m kind of glad I don’t run into them offline.

**First off, please don’t put words in my mouth. I never said what you “quoted”.

I was sharing my experience and I really felt empathy with you. It is tough to be Catholic, especially if you don’t drink etc like you… I don’t know what your problem is:shrug:**

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

I’ve found that after my conversion of sorts back to the Church (when I was 18), that I’ve actually had more friends and better friendships. Although, initially after my conversion two of my closest friends became more of acquaintances, but I became better friends with a Christian friend of mine, mostly because she didn’t party & whatnot. I didn’t lose those two friends completely, but rather I just didn’t hang out with them if I knew there was going to be drinking, etc.

Although I found that I had probably twice as many acquaintances; I think because of my new outlook on life. (I’m sure going daily Mass helped too.) It has been over three years and I really think I have much better friendships, and that’s including friendships with people who aren’t Catholic.

However, I currently am going to a very Catholic University, which helps a lot!