Are Catholics more lonely?

[Larowyn]

I was told to “stop being an old fashioned Christian” when I didn’t want to write an article about Valentine’s Day sex for the college newspaper I wrote for. It was really frustrating.

You could have written it, but taken a very creative approach and wrote about chastity and Valentine’s Day. Since you would have told the editors that you were writing that article, they would have left it up to you to write. When they realized that your article was advocating chastity, they would either have to throw together a fluff piece, publish your article, or just not include anything about Valentine’s Day sex since they’d have so little time so close to publication.

 

[gettingthere]

You could have written it, but taken a very creative approach and wrote about chastity and Valentine’s Day. Since you would have told the editors that you were writing that article, they would have left it up to you to write. When they realized that your article was advocating chastity, they would either have to throw together a fluff piece, publish your article, or just not include anything about Valentine’s Day sex since they’d have so little time so close to publication.

That’s what I did. I ended up writing about the “perfect” Valentine’s Day date, and it was perfectly chaste. They ended up tossing it and having some other guy write a horrible one. When they didn’t like his, they disciplined both of us.

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

I also just wanted to add, I found a lot of my friends volunteering back in high school. While they weren’t all Catholic, however I got to meet a lot of really great people! Maybe getting involved and volunteering with a Catholic charity or pro-life group would be a good way to make more friends.

 

[KingAlfred]

Perhaps this is only my own observation, but I find that serious Catholics are often more lonely than others. It’s as if we purposely separate ourselves from the rest of society due to our religious beliefs; and even if we didn’t, sometimes others will do that favor for us, as in not wanting to associate with “religious nuts.” Oftentimes I choose not to participate in certain activities that would go against my beliefs, and when that happens, it’s unlikely that you’ll be invited again. The other thing with Catholics is that even at Church, we’re not that sociable, as opposed to our Protestant brethren.

As for me, I have my close circle of friends, but it’s been hard for me to make new friends, because if they’re not Catholic, as soon as they hear that I am, they tend to run away. It’s almost like they respect you, but they don’t want to be near you. I suppose it’s probably easier if you’re an introvert, but for me, it’s harder, because I consider myself an extrovert, and I like to hang out with people.

So I’m curious as to know what your experience has been like. Perhaps this is just a cross that we all have to carry. Alright, I’m done ranting. Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be welcome. TGIF!

Your analysis is dead-on. It describes my life very accurately.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

I’m not sure this is a Catholic thing…I’ve experienced the same thing in other denominations as well…

It’s almost like the more you press in to God, the fewer people you find who will understand that…

 

[stbruno]

I don’t hang out in bars, but I do hang out in volunteer places…I still play sports, still have lots of people on my facebook and I am usually the one people open up too to confide in, because they respect my ability to not judge but offer helpful and reasonable advice. So I guess it works for me. I wouldn’t trade my faith for the world. Not one day, not one friend. One thing, I have discovered, when you put God first…all other things fall into place very well.

Well, you put him as an afterthought…in the long run, you struggle. I let Go and Let God! Everytime.

 

[ladylinguist]

I’ve been told before that refusing to have casual sex gives me a “holier than thou” attitude and thus makes me unlikeable.

I’ve discovered that people who interpret my refusal to engage in what I consider immoral acts as being judgmental and bigoted are very rarely the type of people who are worth hanging out with. Their inability to accept my right to have standards at odds with their own makes them guilty of the very same thing that they accuse me of.
I have been very lucky in my current duty station, and I’ve found an awesome group of people to hang out with. We’re all different faiths and have different moral compasses, but we all click. I don’t do things that I consider immoral, but I don’t ever try to tell them that they, as non-Christians, should behave by Christian standards. Of course, it helps that we’re all a bunch of geeks who like to stay in and play Rock Band or Settlers of Katan, rather than go out and party.
I don’t know if Catholics are really more lonely. I’ve never felt that being Catholic has been an impediment to my enjoyment of other people’s company. In fact, I seem to have had better luck finding people to hang out with than before I converted. I think it really depends on how well you can interact with non-Catholics.
Besides, there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. One doesn’t automatically equate to the other.

 

[dakotagirl]

Ditto that people respect you, but as soon as they find out you’re Catholic and serious they suddenly realize that they are not your type.

CAF people are cool, but flesh and blood types are hard to hunt down.

 

[lottied]

well Larowyn…I for one am so glad you atuck it out! i am a new convert (i was recieved on april 20th this year)- in reality you are the one who was being mature by sticking up for what you believe in and you were not being ‘holier than thou’ it was just that your actions meant that the people with whom you were cinversing were being convicted by the Hly Spirit that’s all and were therefore knew they were in the wrong- well deep down inside anyway!

as for Catholics being lonely…i agree we probably are a bit,sometimes, but that is because we don’t compromise what we want like the rest of the world! It is hard but…the disciples were lonely at times as was our Lord.

God bless you

 

[KingAlfred]

I’m not sure this is a Catholic thing…I’ve experienced the same thing in other denominations as well…

It’s almost like the more you press in to God, the fewer people you find who will understand that…

Amen. I couldn’t agree more. Out of 25 or so colleagues, I can only think of two who are committed Christians. The rest are either hostile toward religion or indifferent.

 

[Larowyn]

At this point I’ve pretty much given up on finding other people my age who are serious Catholics, especially if they are potential candidates for marriage. If I become a priest I doubt I’ll be any less lonely.

 

[kage_ar]

To have friends it is important to be friendly. One can be friendly and kind and loving and fun and still be a witness for Christ.

The Catechism, the writers of the Church, Scripture all tell us the importance of friends. Jesus was not a loner when He walked this earth, He sought out friends.

 

[Urf]

Yes… I would say that moreso than other Christian faiths, Catholicism tends to draw deeper and thicker lines, which do in turn prevent uninhibited human interaction with people that have differing beliefs.

 

[bayoubutterfly]

I live in southeast Louisiana, a VERY Catholic part of the country. As far as I have seen the Parishes in the area are very social with each other. I have never lived anywhere else though, so I’m not sure how it is other places. I’m sure the amount of Catholics here makes the difference though.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Yes, it can get lonely. But consider the alternative…

I think of Catholicism not as simply a faith, but a way of viewing reality. Imagine it as glasses you put on and view the world. And you go to a pool and everyone is splashing around and having fun. You jump in. Great times! Then you put on the glasses and look around you and see that you’re all splashing in sewage. All of a sudden you want to get out of that water. Before you get sick or infected.

So you stand at the edge of the pool and watch everyone having a good time. You don’t think you’re better than them. You feel sorry that they don’t want to look at the world through your glasses and see what they are really splashing in. You are sad for them. A few others are standing on the edge watching too. But most of the people are still in the pool having a great time.
And they laugh at you when you suggest maybe the water isn’t too clean.

Would you chuck the glasses and jump back in?

Sometimes the best choice is not always the fun choice.

But once you view the pool through those glasses, you can never convince yourself to jump back in.

I’d suggest you move if everyone in CT is so aloof. Come to the South. We’re all friendly.

 

[Tonks40]

It’s a Saturday night, and I’m sitting here while the friends that I used to associate a lot with are out in some bar trying to find any resemblance of fulfillment or self-satisfaction in their lives. Judgmental? Perhaps. Lonely? Far from it!

When I reverted back to my faith, not only did the association with my friends falter, but I found that I was gaining new friends that are devoted and committed to the faith. I am also an extrovert, and could not wait to get back and involve myself in parish life. So far, I’ve been involved in the music ministry (my true calling), bible studies, church councils and other ministry groups. I also involve myself with attending First Fridays, seminars and talks about the faith, meeting so many different people in the process. I also find that much of my time is devoted to prayer and centering on Christ. Kinda hard to do when distractions of this world are constantly tempting you.

I don’t regret the new direction my life has taken. It has given me a peace and a balance that I know I couldn’t have had without Our Lord. Even when I don’t have the constant calls from friends, I find that the ones who understand my faith, whether they’re Catholic or not, respect it, and do not do anything to deter me from it are the ones that I find I have a deeper, more meaningful friendship with.

 

[KingAlfred]

To have friends it is important to be friendly. One can be friendly and kind and loving and fun and still be a witness for Christ.

The Catechism, the writers of the Church, Scripture all tell us the importance of friends. Jesus was not a loner when He walked this earth, He sought out friends.

Careful there. He sought out disciples. There’s a difference. Some scholars believe he started out as an under-study or colleague of John the Baptist. Perhaps he was a ‘friend’. Jesus was very much alone in much of what He taught, did and died for. He was a teacher, preacher and healer. ‘Friendship’ to Him meant leadership of his flock.

 

[kage_ar]

Careful there. He sought out disciples. There’s a difference. Some scholars believe he started out as an under-study or colleague of John the Baptist. Perhaps he was a ‘friend’. Jesus was very much alone in much of what He taught, did and died for. He was a teacher, preacher and healer. ‘Friendship’ to Him meant leadership of his flock.

You might want to do some more study on friendship. Jesus used the word often.

Off the top of my head, John 11, John 15. Jesus called Lazarus his friend.

The Catechism also teaches us the value of friendship.

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.
Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.

 

[chevalier]

In a certain way, Catholics are nearly sure to be lonely. By this I mean the solitude caused by few other people sharing our views. We are not necessarily much more likely than anyone else in terms of friendly interaction. Being a good Catholic doesn’t leave room for being a jerk, right? Of course, in some situations, the wet blanket factor will chime in, since there are some things Catholics don’t do, and in some environments that’ll leave us quite deserted, but perhaps not in most.

An area of life where a Catholic might be quite lonely, though, is love life, as things which don’t divide friends may well divide romantic lovers. It’s difficult with women or men these times.

 

[WH1988]

As one priest once said to me and to a couple of other young people: “Quem não acredita em nada é amigo de todos” - One who doesn’t believe in anything is everybody’s friend.

You have to be ready to feel alone. First, become you’ve got to realize that “feelings” are not too important. Second, because God is always with you.