Are Catholics more lonely?

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Liberanosamalo said:
Yes, it can get lonely. But consider the alternative…

I think of Catholicism not as simply a faith, but a way of viewing reality. Imagine it as glasses you put on and view the world. And you go to a pool and everyone is splashing around and having fun. You jump in. Great times! Then you put on the glasses and look around you and see that you’re all splashing in sewage. All of a sudden you want to get out of that water. Before you get sick or infected.

So you stand at the edge of the pool and watch everyone having a good time. You don’t think you’re better than them. You feel sorry that they don’t want to look at the world through your glasses and see what they are really splashing in. You are sad for them. A few others are standing on the edge watching too. But most of the people are still in the pool having a great time.
And they laugh at you when you suggest maybe the water isn’t too clean.

Would you chuck the glasses and jump back in?

Sometimes the best choice is not always the fun choice.

But once you view the pool through those glasses, you can never convince yourself to jump back in.
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Excellent analogy! It is posts like this that make it worth it for us to participate in CAF. Is this yours, or did you hear/read it somewhere?
 
misfitz said:
I never thought of it that way, but I believe you may be right. The more serious a person is about their beliefs, the more likely they might be “lonely”.

I feel this way most especially at work. I can think of only one woman in my office who comes close to sharing my views. Others that I work with who are Catholic, see nothing wrong with shacking up, premarital sex, multiple marriages, etc.

The world can be a very lonely place for one who does not fit in.
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Remember there is a difference between being “lonely” and solitude. I somehow don’t think the saints were all that lonely. But then if one has only those around s/him that don’t concur in the same beliefs of faith, then I guess that could cause some lonliness.
 
This is a very interesting thought. It seems only natural that the more standards one has, the more one is shunned by others. I mean, isn’t it more desirable to hang out with people who will do whatever you want, rather than stick their nose up in the air and say “Nope, won’t do it no matter what”? Don’t misunderstand me, I’m a Catholic through-and-through. I just think serious Catholics are viewed as killjoys.

Not that it bothers me; I’m a complete introvert. 😃 I prefer it this way. Also, I don’t feel the desire to hang out with people who think my beliefs are complete bogus. I have a good handful of friends; about half of them are Catholics. Though even my protestant/agnostic friends are very accepting of my faith, and don’t question me on it at all.

As for it being a cross, I think the OP got it spot-on. It’s human nature to crave companionship, so this is a test to see how devoted we are. (A pretty good one, too.) Either we give it up for the sake of being well-liked, or we stick to it, despite the possible loneliness.

I think Protestants, generally, are more friendly/open because they have a certain kind of apathy. I hope to not offend anyone, but it seems that if one cared so much about analyzing religion, one would be Catholic. 🙂

Edit: By the way, that was a great analogy.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Perhaps this is only my own observation, but I find that serious Catholics are often more lonely than others. It’s as if we purposely separate ourselves from the rest of society due to our religious beliefs; and even if we didn’t, sometimes others will do that favor for us, as in not wanting to associate with “religious nuts.” Oftentimes I choose not to participate in certain activities that would go against my beliefs, and when that happens, it’s unlikely that you’ll be invited again. The other thing with Catholics is that even at Church, we’re not that sociable, as opposed to our Protestant brethren.

As for me, I have my close circle of friends, but it’s been hard for me to make new friends, because if they’re not Catholic, as soon as they hear that I am, they tend to run away. It’s almost like they respect you, but they don’t want to be near you. I suppose it’s probably easier if you’re an introvert, but for me, it’s harder, because I consider myself an extrovert, and I like to hang out with people.

So I’m curious as to know what your experience has been like. Perhaps this is just a cross that we all have to carry. Alright, I’m done ranting. Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be welcome. TGIF!
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Maybe it is our Cross, or part of it. I’ve had a couple of people give me that you’re-an-idolator-goin’-to-Hell song and dance.

😦
 
For me, the opposite is true. Parish life provides a great opportunity to meet people and expand your social network…
 
Urf said:
Yes… I would say that moreso than other Christian faiths, Catholicism tends to draw deeper and thicker lines, which do in turn prevent uninhibited human interaction with people that have differing beliefs.
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I would definitely agree with this comment. I will say that I am probably the opposite of almost everyone on this thread. I am a non-Catholic who is completely surrounded by Catholics. My Catholic fiance and his large extended family live right in the area. We (fiance and I) live down the street from one of the largest Catholic universities in the area and our neighborhood is about 95% Catholic. When we go out socially, we usually go out with his friends, who are almost all Catholic. My family does not live in the immediate area and my best friends from college all live out of state.

My fiance does not at all understand how I sometimes feel extremely lonely and overwhelmed by the lack of anyone “like me” in the area. He says that it is in my mind and that I make too much of it. I keep telling him that I feel like I am completely out of my comfort zone. It’s just the little things he doesn’t realize, like the way he and his family pray before dinner and things like that that make me feel very excluded and lonely.

I just thought it was interesting that the OP was wondering about Catholics being more lonely, when I am surrounded by Catholics and feel very lonely. Kind of an interesting coincidence. 🤷

edit - I know that once again I am in the minority, but I don’t think that analyzing religion has anything to do with being Catholic. I think that many people are introspective about their religions, and choose not to go the route of Catholicism, and that there is nothing wrong with that. Different people have different sets of beliefs that work for them, and they are all equally as valid. But that’s just my opinion of course! 😉
 
Hmm…I guess this is true. As if is haven’t distanced myself enough from “normal” society by being serious about my religion, I also happen to go to a Catholic college run by monks. In a way, this distances me from other Catholics who do’t live around monks for most of the year. On top of that, I was at another monastery over the summer for an internship. It was very hard attending mass at my home parish where everyone was so chatty and the priest was trying to be funny and amusing during his homilies. Getting used to crying babies again wasnt easy because there aren’t many babies at monasteries :cool:
I definately felt a little more than isolated as I was not willing to join in with what I would consider disrespectful behavior at mass, especially since it was coming from the older folks who should know better.
 
So many people in this thread seem to be against drinking and going out to bars with friends… can someone explain while either of these activities are wrong, especially if one drinks in moderation? Or if you are uncomfortable with drinking, why not go and have a soda? As long as nothing immoral is going on, I don’t see any reason not to enjoy such social activities. I have many non-Catholic friends, and I enjoy going out with them, and see nothing wrong with spending my Saturday night in a bar, if we are going to hang out and have a good conversation.

There are many decent people in this world who never have had the benefit of learning about the Catholic faith; there is no reason to only consider other devout Catholics as close friends. Part of growing up is going outside our comfort zone, and interacting with people who don’t share our worldview; it serves to deepen faith when you are forced to defend it, and figure out your own reasons for believing in Christ. Such friendships should be looked upon as opportunities both for yourself and for others. You may never know what effect your friendship might have on them. Who was it that said, ‘Your life may be the only gospel some people read’? Sure, I probably can’t discuss the latest homily with them or how much I enjoy adoration, but there are many other ways to share my faith and beliefs without coming across as religious nut!

Dating, as some other posters have mentioned, is a different story! It is difficult to find devout, available, and socially adjusted Catholics! 😛
 
This really has not been my experience. I have two dear friends that I’ve known since we were 12. Neither is Catholic. One practices no religion but believes there is a God, the other began attending a non-denom church about 6 years ago. I have other friends I’ve made over the years some Catholic, some not. I never have had to(nor would I) hide my beliefs. I’m certainly not confrontational or judgemental towards my non-Catholic friends. But they all know I’m a serious practicing Catholic, and have been nothing but respectful. My closest friends attended my daughter’s baptism, first communion and our wedding convalidation ceremony.

We share similar values in most cases. Most are now stay-at-home married woman. None are into excessive drinking, partying or anything like that. Their not into new age practices or occult like things. I gravitate toward like minded people I guess. You certainly don’t have to be Catholic to be decent with morals and values.
 
macian said:
So many people in this thread seem to be against drinking and going out to bars with friends… can someone explain while either of these activities are wrong, especially if one drinks in moderation? Or if you are uncomfortable with drinking, why not go and have a soda? As long as nothing immoral is going on, I don’t see any reason not to enjoy such social activities. I have many non-Catholic friends, and I enjoy going out with them, and see nothing wrong with spending my Saturday night in a bar, if we are going to hang out and have a good conversation.

There are many decent people in this world who never have had the benefit of learning about the Catholic faith; there is no reason to only consider other devout Catholics as close friends. Part of growing up is going outside our comfort zone, and interacting with people who don’t share our worldview; it serves to deepen faith when you are forced to defend it, and figure out your own reasons for believing in Christ. Such friendships should be looked upon as opportunities both for yourself and for others. You may never know what effect your friendship might have on them. Who was it that said, ‘Your life may be the only gospel some people read’? Sure, I probably can’t discuss the latest homily with them or how much I enjoy adoration, but there are many other ways to share my faith and beliefs without coming across as religious nut!
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great post.
 
Rayne89, you make a very good point. One of my best friends in the world is not officially Catholic, but we are like-minded. There are many people out there who are Catholic, but they just don’t know it yet. They see the world through the same glasses. Friendships can be wonderful with them too.
 
macian said:
So many people in this thread seem to be against drinking and going out to bars with friends… can someone explain while either of these activities are wrong, especially if one drinks in moderation? Or if you are uncomfortable with drinking, why not go and have a soda? As long as nothing immoral is going on, I don’t see any reason not to enjoy such social activities. I have many non-Catholic friends, and I enjoy going out with them, and see nothing wrong with spending my Saturday night in a bar, if we are going to hang out and have a good conversation.

There are many decent people in this world who never have had the benefit of learning about the Catholic faith; there is no reason to only consider other devout Catholics as close friends. Part of growing up is going outside our comfort zone, and interacting with people who don’t share our worldview; it serves to deepen faith when you are forced to defend it, and figure out your own reasons for believing in Christ. Such friendships should be looked upon as opportunities both for yourself and for others. You may never know what effect your friendship might have on them. Who was it that said, ‘Your life may be the only gospel some people read’? Sure, I probably can’t discuss the latest homily with them or how much I enjoy adoration, but there are many other ways to share my faith and beliefs without coming across as religious nut!

Dating, as some other posters have mentioned, is a different story! It is difficult to find devout, available, and socially adjusted Catholics! 😛
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Great post! This is my situation. I’ve been blessed with good friends that aren’t Catholic but are interested and respectful of what I believe. In fact I didn’t realise just how much until just recently when one of my friends said he thought I was a really strong person (he was trying to cheer me up as I’ve been going through a bad time) and he admired the way that I would go against the tide. I really didn’t think this came across that strongly as I don’t usually discuss my faith with others but it was so heartening to hear 🙂

Yes I’ve been lonely without Catholic friends but having moved recently I’m hoping that will change eventually. Lonely in general -no I’m not usually except I am right now as I’ve just moved. But that will change of course 🙂

The most difficult thing I’ve found in the past is relationships. It can be very lonely when you’re interested in someone but you know that however nice that person is - eventually they will want to go further than you’re willing to and therefore you have to turn away.
 
It is funny, because most of my friends aren’t Catholic or are non-practicing.

Most of my friends from grade school and high school have chosen to leave the Faith either because they are too “cool” or felt it was forced upon them for so long and “need to find themselves.”

I went to a Lutheran college, where I made a lot of friends…most of whom are Lutheran or non-denominational Christian.

My Atlanta friends are almost all Baptist [obviously].

I do find that I drift to friends with similar core beliefs, but I have a lot of friends who are just wonderful people and range from agnostics to Catholics to Jews to Mormons.

Catholicism is my faith. My core belief system. However, there are a lot of factors in my life that guide me to friends. I have learned a lot from my friends, and I believe God put them in my life to teach these lessons to me. My best friend is Southern Baptist, and we have a great time discussing the differences in our faith, and the importance of Christianity.

I try not to let Catholicism dictate my friends too much. However, I do tend to not hang out with people who are promiscuous, drug users, alcoholics, etc etc.
 
I know exactly what you mean. I wsa recently in Moscow for about a year, in a student hall. There were lots of people my age, some I really liked, but the social life revolved SO MUCH around going out drinking, and to clubs (which are ‘wilder’, than in the UK in my experience so could be a pretty uncomfortable experience). Because I kept myself back from all that, and I’m naturally rather quiet, I think I was perhaps viewed as a little boring? I didn’t get the ‘group bonding’ opportunities they did from going out together several nights a week. I did still manage to make some very nice friends though so it wasn;t all bad 🙂

However I think it is so important to not hold oneself back too much socially because of being Catholic. I’m trying to get into the habit of reaching out more to people of all different types… We are called to help people, how can we if we essentially cloister ourselves off from them?
 
SOO TRUE!!! i live in a small,farm community, and like 2 percent are Catholic and i’m like the only Cathollic in the whole school, so i don’t really have any friends,cuz to get friends you have to go the Protestant’s “youth groups” or something. if you don’t… then no friends. i also think that Catholics are more introverted during their teen years, cuz in order to get attention in high school or college, you got ot do some pretty stupid,morally wrong stuff, just to get a LITTLE attention. plus my high school is so perverted its not funny. so yeah… Catholics are basically loners. i can’t really think of any extroverts. and as a result no friends= depression=lonliness=hopelessness=worthlessness.
 
outcast said:
SOO TRUE!!! i live in a small,farm community, and like 2 percent are Catholic and i’m like the only Cathollic in the whole school, so i don’t really have any friends,cuz to get friends you have to go the Protestant’s “youth groups” or something. if you don’t… then no friends. i also think that Catholics are more introverted during their teen years, cuz in order to get attention in high school or college, you got ot do some pretty stupid,morally wrong stuff, just to get a LITTLE attention. plus my high school is so perverted its not funny. so yeah… Catholics are basically loners. i can’t really think of any extroverts. and as a result no friends= depression=lonliness=hopelessness=worthlessness.
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Join the Catholic Youth of your Diocese.

You can find a link to all Dioceses here:

usccb.org/state.shtml

Once you find your Diocese, go to the web site and find the office of Youth Ministry. Those people will be able to direct you to your nearest Catholic Youth Group. They can let you know of your State or Regional Youth Conferences.

You can also find Catholic youth at www.lifeteen.com
 
outcast said:
SOO TRUE!!! i live in a small,farm community, and like 2 percent are Catholic and i’m like the only Cathollic in the whole school, so i don’t really have any friends,cuz to get friends you have to go the Protestant’s “youth groups” or something. if you don’t… then no friends. i also think that Catholics are more introverted during their teen years, cuz in order to get attention in high school or college, you got ot do some pretty stupid,morally wrong stuff, just to get a LITTLE attention. plus my high school is so perverted its not funny. so yeah… Catholics are basically loners. i can’t really think of any extroverts. and as a result no friends= depression=lonliness=hopelessness=worthlessness.
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It is unfortunate that Catholics don’t have as much emphasis on social activities for youths as many other Christian denominations, but there are several retreat programs like TEC specifically for teens. Perhaps there is a TEC community in a nearby city? There’s also no reason why you can’t join a non-Catholic Christian youth group; often such youth groups revolve more around social activities and prayer than theology, so you probably wouldn’t run into problems being a Catholic, and you could meet many faithful Christians your own age who share your values. When I was about 14 I joined the youth group one of my good friends belonged to, and I don’t think I ever felt out of place being Catholic.
 
macian said:
It is unfortunate that Catholics don’t have as much emphasis on social activities for youths as many other Christian denominations, but there are several retreat programs like TEC specifically for teens. Perhaps there is a TEC community in a nearby city? There’s also no reason why you can’t join a non-Catholic Christian youth group; often such youth groups revolve more around social activities and prayer than theology, so you probably wouldn’t run into problems being a Catholic, and you could meet many faithful Christians your own age who share your values. When I was about 14 I joined the youth group one of my good friends belonged to, and I don’t think I ever felt out of place being Catholic.
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Only advisable if the teen in question knows their faith well, knows and understands the foundational teachings, regularly uses references like the Catechism and Church documents and is very well versed in Scripture and Scriptural Apologetics. If not, this group will succeed in pulling the teen away from the Faith.
 
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