Are Chastity and Contentment Both Possible?

[TruthSkr]

There are many reasons why a person might be called to chastity. Maybe you’re single, maybe you’re separated from your spouse, maybe you suffer from illness or disability, or maybe you’re a member of the clergy. In any case, there are a great number of people called to this lifestyle. From reading the many posts on this website of people who relentlessly struggle with this requirement it appears that to live in chastity means living a life of torment. On the other hand it is hard to believe that God would want us to live a life tortured by our own sexuality. To those of you who have successfully lived in chastity, what has been your experience? Is it possible to live without sex without being tormented by its absence? Is it possible to live a chaste life in peace and contentment? Are we such a sex obsessed society that we no longer believe this is possible, or are we expected to accept that chastity means relentless suffering?

 

[Sarcelle]

I think you mean continence not chastity. Continence is the avoidance of sexual activity.

Chastity is required of both married and singles. For married people chastity means being faithful to their spouse, for singles, chastity means practicing continence.

Yes it is indeed possible to be continent and not only content but also happy. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to live life without sex.

 

[AttendeDomine]

Chastity is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and fruits are sweet.

Of course there’s a great deal of natural joy that exists when one’s sexual faculties only move when reason allows them to.

To quote the Catholic Encyclopedia:

Further, in order that [the Fruits of the Holy Ghost, like chastity] may fully justify their metaphorical name of fruits, they must belong to that class which are performed with ease and pleasure; in other words, the difficulty involved in performing them must disappear in presence of the delight and satisfaction resulting from the good accomplished.

I think you are correct: our society is so utterly effeminate, so utterly unable to put aside a desire for pleasure in order to pursue something arduous, that mastering its desires is not even on the radar, let alone something it can conceivably undertake outside of tremendous graces. Everything from dieting to education has to have a fun and entertaining and easy veneer, or very few people would even bother.

… and, of course, I myself am no exception to that particular rule.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Here is the definition of chastity per the Catholic Encyclopedia, and an excellent explanation:

catholicculture.org/culture/library/dictionary/index.cfm?id=32459

All people are called to be chaste, not all are called to be celibate or continent. Many of the Saints were celibate and were extremely happy. There need not be a conflict or unhappiness if one lives according to the Will of God.

 

[AttendeDomine]

By the way, some folks have mentioned continence. It’s important to keep in mind that there’s basically two things that are meant by that word.

Fr. Hardon:

CONTINENCE
Definition

The virtue by which a person controls the unruly movements of sexual desire or other bodily emotions. It is connected with the virtue of temperance. It generally means the chastity to be observed by the unmarried. But it may also refer to the abstinence, in marriage, voluntarily agreed upon by both parties or forced by circumstances to abstain from marital intercourse. (Etym. Latin continentia, holding together, coherence; containing in itself, inclusion, restraint.)

In other words, continence is a virtue, a good habit, and it is a form of self-control.

The best analogy for the virtue is the person who’s just been in an accident, who is overflowing with various emotions, but who can control them well enough to think logically and to speak clearly. That person has a certain kind of continence.

In sexual matters, someone who has developed continence might be very much so tempted to certain illicit acts, but is able to resist them because of their virtue.

Chastity, as a Fruit of the Holy Ghost, goes even further: the illicit desires themselves simply never arise.

 

[multitude]

Oh it is definitely possible. I don’t get how it should feel like torment. The more I practice chastity, the more free I feel. It is society that constantly tries to say that it is not. Whether you wish to listen to this corrupt world, or whether you wish to listen to the Church, is really your choice though. Choose wisely.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Oh it is definitely possible. I don’t get how it should feel like torment. The more I practice chastity, the more free I feel. It is society that constantly tries to say that it is not. Whether you wish to listen to this corrupt world, or whether you wish to listen to the Church, is really your choice though. Choose wisely.

I believe, though, that there are some persons who have sexual urges that are basically uncontrollable, but this is often a physiological or psychological anomaly. I won’t go into this any further, though, as it would derail the thread.

 

[1ke]

There are many reasons why a person might be called to chastity.

Everyone is called to chastity.

Maybe you’re single, maybe you’re separated from your spouse, maybe you suffer from illness or disability, or maybe you’re a member of the clergy.

In addition to being chaste, these people are also called to be continent, and in the case of clergy, celibate.

In any case, there are a great number of people called to this lifestyle. From reading the many posts on this website of people who relentlessly struggle with this requirement it appears that to live in chastity means living a life of torment. On the other hand it is hard to believe that God would want us to live a life tortured by our own sexuality.

It certainly may be torment for those who have not learned, or are not inclined to, self-mastery.

To those of you who have successfully lived in chastity, what has been your experience? Is it possible to live without sex without being tormented by its absence? Is it possible to live a chaste life in peace and contentment? Are we such a sex obsessed society that we no longer believe this is possible, or are we expected to accept that chastity means relentless suffering?

Of course it is possibile to live both chastely in one’s state in life and to live in continence when unmarried, or even if married with serious reasons.

Chastity is a virtue. Virtues bring beatitude, the opposite of suffering.

 

[eazyduzit]

I actually understand what you mean and the answer is No and Yes.

If you are looking for a partner to fulfill your need then the answer is no.

If you seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and let Him fulfill your needs, then yes.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will GIVE you the desires of your heart.

Shalom
Jerry

 

[OraLabora]

Contentment without chastity is essentially impossible. Trying to fulfill disordered desires is like trying to fill a bottomless pit. That applies not only to sex but to other addictions as well. Chastity, sobriety, and measure in food, drink, recreation and speech all fit together like a hand in a glove.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Absolutely - even if it can be arduous.

For men in particular, it will be helpful to pray to St. Maria Goretti, Bl. Alexandrina, Yvonne-Aimee, St. Mary Magdalene, St. Margaret of Cortona and St. Philomena.

 

[surritter]

Absolutely - even if it can be arduous.

For men in particular, it will be helpful to pray to St. Maria Goretti, Bl. Alexandrina, Yvonne-Aimee, St. Mary Magdalene, St. Margaret of Cortona and St. Philomena.

Interesting that all of those you suggest for men happen to be women

As a guy, I always put St. Joseph at the top of my list.

 

[Dorothy]

Interesting that all of those you suggest for men happen to be women

As a guy, I always put St. Joseph at the top of my list.

Those were great women saints mentioned; and St. Joseph is an awesome saint!

 

[littlestsouls2]

Interesting that all of those you suggest for men happen to be women

As a guy, I always put St. Joseph at the top of my list.

Yep - can’t go wrong with St. Joseph. Also, St. Thomas Aquinas: patron of purity. I think I mentioned females exclusively because when I am tempted to impurity, I tend to instinctively turn to them.

I need to pray more to St. Joseph…

 

[1neophyte]

I think you are correct: our society is so utterly effeminate, so utterly unable to put aside a desire for pleasure in order to pursue something arduous,

The people I’ve known to be most skilled at putting aside the desire for pleasure in order to pursue something arduous are all mothers. Using the word “effeminate” as a negative in this context is quite bizarre.

 

[lakotak]

I am single and I have lived a life of chastity for the past 40 years or so. I have been content with this. I believe this was God’s plan for me. I have not been bothered by sexual desires. I believe this has been His grace. I can’t find another reason.

 

[ChibiViolet]

I think you mean continence not chastity. Continence is the avoidance of sexual activity.

Chastity is required of both married and singles. For married people chastity means being faithful to their spouse, for singles, chastity means practicing continence.

Yes it is indeed possible to be continent and not only content but also happy. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to live life without sex./QUOTE]

Yeah, especially if you don’t want it.

I hate it how so many people view virginity as a bad thing, especially if it’s perpetual.

 

[TK421]

Suffering and discontent is a constancy of life, and this is felt more profoundly for the one who denies themselves nothing than it is for the one who does. Christianity is a shrewd and burdensome faith, but less so than any other way, therefore in comparison its yoke is easy and its burden is light.

The chief antidote of discontent is thanksgiving… but it is never fully eliminated. If a person were to achieve complete contentment, it is held by many saints that such a person would face Purgatory, not on account of sins, but on account of not longing for Heaven. Christianity and Buddhism part ways here.

 

[TruthSkr]

I am single and I have lived a life of chastity for the past 40 years or so. I have been content with this. I believe this was God’s plan for me. I have not been bothered by sexual desires. I believe this has been His grace. I can’t find another reason.

Please tell me, do sexual desires not exist for you, or do they simply carry no weight?

 

[fhansen]

There are many reasons why a person might be called to chastity. Maybe you’re single, maybe you’re separated from your spouse, maybe you suffer from illness or disability, or maybe you’re a member of the clergy. In any case, there are a great number of people called to this lifestyle. From reading the many posts on this website of people who relentlessly struggle with this requirement it appears that to live in chastity means living a life of torment. On the other hand it is hard to believe that God would want us to live a life tortured by our own sexuality. To those of you who have successfully lived in chastity, what has been your experience? Is it possible to live without sex without being tormented by its absence? Is it possible to live a chaste life in peace and contentment? Are we such a sex obsessed society that we no longer believe this is possible, or are we expected to accept that chastity means relentless suffering?

The problem isn’t about chastity vs contentment; its about anything vs contentment. Because its about concupiscence vs contentment. We tend to believe that we’re deprived even when were not. We have unfulfilled desires because we look for contentment and happiness in all the wrong places. We’re discontent, IOW, because, first of all, we’ve decided-or become convinced-that we need this or that in order to be content.

IOW, misguided desire leads to discontentment, rather than authentic needs or authentic deprivation. Its almost as if we look for a reason to feel deprived or jealous. We can’t help but look for happiness and yet nothing on this earth can satisfy that quest. Sex is just another temporary fix, and discontentment soon returns after its over.