Are Chastity and Contentment Both Possible?

[HelenRose]

I have known several women, my mother is one, who after divorce or death of a husband choose in their 30’s and 40’s not to remarry and not to have boy friends in and out of their lives.

They were free to pursue their intellectual dreams. They were free to live where ever they wanted to. They did not introduce drama and discord into the lives of their children. They were free to think and to follow their dreams without having to please a man. Contentment can sound rather blah but I do know they were happy with their decision.

 

[TruthSkr]

I would like to note that I recently finished reading the book “Christian Self-Mastery” by Basil W. Maturin. This is a Catholic oriented book that appears consistent with all Catholic teaching. It has been very helpful, along with all the comments in this thread. I thank everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut and am very hopeful of a better life ahead.

 

[OraLabora]

I have known several women, my mother is one, who after divorce or death of a husband choose in their 30’s and 40’s not to remarry and not to have boy friends in and out of their lives.

They were free to pursue their intellectual dreams. They were free to live where ever they wanted to. They did not introduce drama and discord into the lives of their children. They were free to think and to follow their dreams without having to please a man. Contentment can sound rather blah but I do know they were happy with their decision.

I’m a man and think if I ever found myself widowed or separated, I doubt I’d remarry or have a steady “girlfriend”. I do love the company of women (in many ways more so than men), and I don’t think I’d like to complicate those friendships with amorous desires. Mind you I’m in my late 50s and no longer have the drive of a 20 y.o,

If I could I’d even consider asking my abbey to accept me as a claustral oblate.

But you never know what curve balls life can toss you. My kids are all young adults now, and no longer live in our home.

My deepest prayer though is for my beloved wife and I to enjoy a long life together. Part of the reason I think I’d stay single is that I couldn’t imagine living with another woman.

 

[Jack_Common]

Once after praying to the Blessed Virgin Mary and to blessed virgin & martyr St. Philomena I woke up with a feeling of great purity and chastity. I felt purer than I had ever felt, even as a child; it was angelic purity. I believe I received this grace to increase my devotion to the Blessed Virgin and the saints, to show me the power of their intercession, and to show me the great joy of chastity and the saints. I will say this: this feeling of purity was so sweet in itself that I knew that it could last forever and I would never tire of it. In contrast, pleasures of the flesh quickly become boring and even painful; they are short lived and leave feelings of shame; they darken the mind.

Not only is chastity compatible with contentment, it is in itself a wonderful source of contentment and is a great source of joy to those in heaven. On earth we struggle against temptations of the flesh, but we would struggle against those even if we were married and not celibate. There is no permanent contentment in this life at all. There are only short consolations from God to strengthen us in our struggle against this world by which we merit life everlasting and its everlasting contentment. If you have committed many sins against chastity then naturally you will struggle more to find joy in chastity, but this definitely CAN be corrected by contrition for sin, repentance, and prayer, and the greatest proof of this is St Mary Magdalene, who went from being a great sinner to being a completely chaste saint, so holy that she was one of only three that was faithful to Christ all the way to the cross, and the first to discover His glorious resurrection. Pray to her.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Once after praying to the Blessed Virgin Mary and to blessed virgin & martyr St. Philomena I woke up with a feeling of great purity and chastity. I felt purer than I had ever felt, even as a child; it was angelic purity. I believe I received this grace to increase my devotion to the Blessed Virgin and the saints, to show me the power of their intercession, and to show me the great joy of chastity and the saints. I will say this: this feeling of purity was so sweet in itself that I knew that it could last forever and I would never tire of it. In contrast, pleasures of the flesh quickly become boring and even painful; they are short lived and leave feelings of shame; they darken the mind.

Not only is chastity compatible with contentment, it is in itself a wonderful source of contentment and is a great source of joy to those in heaven. On earth we struggle against temptations of the flesh, but we would struggle against those even if we were married and not celibate. There is no permanent contentment in this life at all. There are only short consolations from God to strengthen us in our struggle against this world by which we merit life everlasting and its everlasting contentment. If you have committed many sins against chastity then naturally you will struggle more to find joy in chastity, but this definitely CAN be corrected by contrition for sin, repentance, and prayer, and the greatest proof of this is St Mary Magdalene, who went from being a great sinner to being a completely chaste saint, so holy that she was one of only three that was faithful to Christ all the way to the cross, and the first to discover His glorious resurrection. Pray to her.

Dear Jack,

I found your post very edifying; thank you for sharing!

I was particularly pleased to read your account involving Our Lady and St. Philomena. Lately, I have been more tempted to purity than ever before, and St. Philomena - who I have been inexplicably drawn to lately - has been helping me greatly. In fact, I said a prayer for purity to her only 1hr ago and I confess to having felt some sweetness… For those reading: pray to St. Philomena!

 

[Brendan_64]

I think we are conditioned by the society we live in to view sexual pleasure as one of the things necessary for happiness, to the point of being conditioned to think that having lots of sex is necessary for a healthy life. Sadly, this message is also being aimed at children who are being sexualised at a very young age. They are being given the message that having casual sex is normal and fun, so they grow up thinking that if they don’t do this then they’re not ‘normal’.

 

[HelenRose]

I think that young people who have a deep calling to serve the poor, the needy, orphans etc. will find great contentment within chastity. I have known several such young women, but I am thinking of two in particular. One young woman is a lay Catholic missionary who works in Mexico with orphans. The other is a young contemplative nun. Both young women are at peace with themselves. Their lives are full and rich.

 

[HelenRose]

I don’t think that anyone can find contentment without chastity. Faithful husbands and wives and chaste young and older people can work diligently for the good of humankind. They are able to live without the drama and confusion that follows so many people these days who are being hurt and hurting others by moving from one sexual disappointment to another.

 

[Marie5890]

It depends on the hormones of each person, especially while young, as well as other factors.
Some have higher sex drives than others. Being continent can be very difficult for those with high sex drives due to hormones. Others, it’s much more easy.

There is no real black or white answer to this kind of a question.

 

[HelenRose]

It depends on the hormones of each person, especially while young, as well as other factors.
Some have higher sex drives than others. Being continent can be very difficult for those with high sex drives due to hormones. Others, it’s much more easy.

There is no real black or white answer to this kind of a question.

You may be right but I think that a young person with a great deal of drive and energy for service for God, would be the same person whose senses are heightened in all aspects of their being and would find chastity more difficult if they were not channeling their emotions and energy toward that which is chaste and good.

 

[Sarcelle]

Chastity is easy to attain for some but not for others.

There are vices which beset us and some virtues that come easy for us. Depends on the individual.

We all struggle with different things.

Prayers for all.

 

[Marie5890]

You may be right but I think that a young person with a great deal of drive and energy for service for God, would be the same person whose senses are heightened in all aspects of their being and would find chastity more difficult if they were not channeling their emotions and energy toward that which is chaste and good.

Maybe, maybe not.

It’s a spectrum and at best all we can do is speculate as to how each person, as an individual, experiences their libidos.

 

[Marie5890]

Chastity is easy to attain for some but not for others.

There are vices which beset us and some virtues that come easy for us. Depends on the individual.

We all struggle with different things.

Prayers for all.

Exactly.

 

[TK421]

Chastity is easy to attain for some but not for others.

There are vices which beset us and some virtues that come easy for us. Depends on the individual.

We all struggle with different things.

Prayers for all.

Generally speaking, chastity and impurity are regarded as the most intense and overwhelmingly most common confrontation. St Alphonsus Liguori, drawing from the compounded wisdom of the 16 centuries of saints that came before him, concluded that those who master chastity will frequently master all other virtues by default. Because when chastity is acquired, you’re almost always also going to already have acquired humility, since that - among others - is a necessary weapon against the burning pull of impurity. When you’re fighting an opponent that is bigger & stronger than you are, you simply can’t afford to be cocky or presumptuous. Perhaps at first, but it eventually gets purged from you through fire. Either that, or you never find victory. You have to learn to depend on God. To make him your oxygen and your sun and your moon.

For a relative few, for various reasons, the grail of chastity isn’t guarded by a proverbial wall of Troy, but these are exceptions and not norm. Impurity is not comparable to something such as alcoholism or kleptomania. It’s far more universal in terms of its presence on the fallen human condition.

 

[HelenRose]

Maybe, maybe not.

It’s a spectrum and at best all we can do is speculate as to how each person, as an individual, experiences their libidos.

And that can be an excuse as well, as in, “I can’t help myself. My libido made me do it.”

 

[TK421]

Maybe, maybe not.

It’s a spectrum and at best all we can do is speculate as to how each person, as an individual, experiences their libidos.

(Hi Marie. Sorry for harping on two of your posts in a row, but I feel the need to comment/expand on this post as well)

Sexual desire is an amoral bodily urge that, in itself, isn’t such an unbearably potent thing. Waking up with an erection in the morning isn’t what sunders families, fuels human trafficking, destroys children, and spreads pain throughout the world. If it were, we would be aggressively developing drugs to suppress the libido by now.

What is truly powerful is lust, which is using the sexual impulse as a channel, through which a human being can project their desire for power and control. This is the sum of what impurity is. It’s a union of the sexual impulse with an inordinate desire for power and possession. That hunger for power and possession becomes expressed through the sexual faculty, in the form of collecting one-night-stands as trophies, rape, adultery, fornication, as well as the more pedestrian masturbation. Decreasing your libido has a very, very limited effect (if any at all) on the issue of lust. A 75-year-old man might and will gratify his lust if he is able, even if he is unable to do so with the same frequency that he once did. In centuries past, it wasn’t uncommon for the aristocracy, and in the present age, it still isn’t uncommon for men of wealth & fame & influence.

 

[Louman127]

There are many reasons why a person might be called to chastity. Maybe you’re single, maybe you’re separated from your spouse, maybe you suffer from illness or disability, or maybe you’re a member of the clergy. In any case, there are a great number of people called to this lifestyle. From reading the many posts on this website of people who relentlessly struggle with this requirement it appears that to live in chastity means living a life of torment. On the other hand it is hard to believe that God would want us to live a life tortured by our own sexuality. To those of you who have successfully lived in chastity, what has been your experience? Is it possible to live without sex without being tormented by its absence? Is it possible to live a chaste life in peace and contentment? Are we such a sex obsessed society that we no longer believe this is possible, or are we expected to accept that chastity means relentless suffering?

Here’s my take on chastity and contentment. First and foremost we have God’s grace to remain chaste. Without it many would fall. Now we have a weakened hindered nature due to original sin. So we have God’s grace to counteract that weakend nature so we should be fine and content logically right? But actually no. We have God’s grace yes but the problem is the devil. Many are under his influence whether it be knowingly or unknowingly, or whether it be partially or fully. Or whether it be by constant temptation but not being influenced because of their will being strong and in God’s grace.

Lets analyze the male and female aspect and starting back with Adam. Adam and Eve’s sin was God’s sovereignty over them but there were also other factors as well. Adam when he fell chose woman instead of God Almighty. Male humans have always more predominantly been seduced and/or overcome by women’s beauty and the overwhelming passions that arise upon looking at a beautiful woman and history can attest to it. But usually woman has more self control in this area to the point many women can “take it or leave it” and not be overcome by passions. Of coarse not always but there is a trend within the human race that shows that as a reality. I speculate it has to do with the degrees that Adam sinned since he chose woman over God.

Even if one knows fully the understanding of the union between man and woman and even though one respects that marital union and preaches about it there will never be full contentment in this life because of our fallen weakened nature that automatically is inclined to sin.

So will we ever feel contentment without our passions always there and bothering us? To be honest in the 22nd century I believe NO there is not much contentment that will last 24/7. There will be times you are content but not always. It is a cross that many bear in today’s world.

The following is a speculation ONLY of the probable temptations of religious vs lay people and is not intended to “blankent” anything as factual or diminish the suffering of anyone. Everyones temptations and crosses are different whether lay or religious:

If one is of a religious order I would speculate that it would be easier because of the seclusion one has from the outside world and its constant oppressive temptations. And I would speculate it would be harder for lay people living in a world where the common style is sexually enticing with every other person who crossses your path.

So I say no, we will have not full contentment like we’ll have in heaven but we do have some and that contentment is weakened by constantly having temptations thrown in our face everyday. I believe chasity is much harder today than 100 years ago because of a plethora of temptations and distorted thinking of marriage which is a spoiled rotten fruit of the devil.

Basically full contentment will come when the devil has absolutely zero dominance over our flesh that we received via original sin. And that only happens when we’re in heaven.

That’s my take on the matter.