Are Christians not obligated to forgive if the person is not willing to repent?

[fisherman_carl]

I came across this article recently - catholic.com/magazine/articles/the-limits-of-forgiveness , by Jimmy Akin. He says we are not obligated to forgive if the person is unrepentant. However, we must be willing to forgive should they repent. Since our own forgiveness requires it. I ask this question because I have never heard this before and am wondering if it is right. I always thought we were supposed to forgive unconditionally. What makes sense to me though is the statement that God would not require from us what he doesn’t do himself. Namely, if God does not forgive those who are unrepentant then he would not require us to do so either.

To quote Jimmy

We aren’t obligated to forgive people who do not want us to. This is one of the biggest stumbling blocks that people have regarding the topic. People have seen “unconditional” forgiveness and love hammered so often that they feel obligated to forgive someone even before that person has repented. Sometimes they even tell the unrepentant that they have preemptively forgiven him (much to the impenitent’s annoyance).

This is not what is required of us.

Consider Luke 17:3–4, where Jesus tells us, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Notice that Jesus says to forgive him if he repents, not regardless of whether he does so. Jesus also envisions the person coming back to you and admitting his wrong.

The upshot? If someone isn’t repentant, you don’t have to forgive him.

If you do forgive him anyway, that can be meritorious, provided it doesn’t otherwise have bad effects (e.g., encouraging future bad behavior). But it isn’t required of us that we forgive the person.

This may strike some people as odd. They may have heard unconditional love and forgiveness preached so often that the idea of not indiscriminately forgiving everybody sounds unspiritual to them. They might even ask, “But wouldn’t it be more spiritual to forgive everyone?”

I sympathize with this argument, but there is a two-word rejoinder to it: God doesn’t.

 

[Allegra]

Obligated? No. In the same way, God only offers us absolution if we repent of our sins. That being said, it’s really a good idea to get into the practice of forgiving people who’ve wronged you, even if they aren’t repentant, because to do otherwise just allows them to continue hurting you, even after they’ve moved on and completely forgotten what they’ve done!

 

[DaveBj]

Here we go again

 

[fisherman_carl]

Here we go again

That’s interesting. You’ve done this before?

 

[fisherman_carl]

I don’t imagine a person forgives because they are obligated to do so…or because it’s supposed to be* unconditional.*…they do it because they want to, or because it is better and healthier for them or the forgivee or others around them.
Do to it because they feel they have to doesn’t seem so honest.

Anyway…in one of the greatest acts of forgiveness I ever heard about, Immaculee Illibagiza forgave the man who slaughtered her family in the Rwandan genocide.
He was on the dirt in front of her, ready to be kicked–unrepentant–at the jail, but instead…she said, “I forgive you.”
And it has made all the difference in her life and in the lives of thousands around her.

So I’d say this Jimmy Akin is totally wrong.

How would he know if God does not forgive those who are unrepentant? Is he there when God does his forgiving each and every time? No.

When Jesus say, “forgive them, they know not what they do…” he was specifically talking about people who in that moment were very, very far from repentant.

.

You are not a Christian. So you might not understand. Christians have an obligation to forgive as God has forgiven us. This is clear in Scripture. I was wondering if that obligation does not include the unrepentant. If so that is news to me. Now, it may be sometimes good to give someone your forgiveness preemptively, like in your example, which can inspire others. But, it also may be sometimes unwise to do ao. Like for instance if forgiving them prematurely causes them to offend again.

Someone can not always be left off the hook for their crimes. For instance, there are some Christians who thought the US should not retaliate after September 911,because they said we should just forgive them. And not seek justice.

 

[fisherman_carl]

Obligated? No. In the same way, God only offers us absolution if we repent of our sins. That being said, it’s really a good idea to get into the practice of forgiving people who’ve wronged you, even if they aren’t repentant, because to do otherwise just allows them to continue hurting you, even after they’ve moved on and completely forgotten what they’ve done!

I have always believed that we were obligated to forgive whether they were repentant or not… So this is all new to me. I am still not sure if it is right or not. I should maybe pray about it.

 

[Kay_Cee]

I don’t imagine a person forgives because they are obligated to do so…or because it’s supposed to be* unconditional.*…they do it because they want to, or because it is better and healthier for them or the forgivee or others around them.
Do to it because they feel they have to doesn’t seem so honest.

Anyway…in one of the greatest acts of forgiveness I ever heard about, Immaculee Illibagiza forgave the man who slaughtered her family in the Rwandan genocide.
He was on the dirt in front of her, ready to be kicked–unrepentant–at the jail, but instead…she said, “I forgive you.”
And it has made all the difference in her life and in the lives of thousands around her.

So I’d say this Jimmy Akin is totally wrong.

How would he know if God does not forgive those who are unrepentant? Is he there when God does his forgiving each and every time? No.

When Jesus say, “forgive them, they know not what they do…” he was specifically talking about people who in that moment were very, very far from repentant.

.

Loathe as I am to disagree with Jimmy Akin, I have to say you’re right. I think at the very least God holds out forgiveness to everybody, but some spurn His offer.

And what if you’ve lost contact with the person who wronged you and therefore don’t know if he ever repented? What if the person who wronged me actually forgot what he did and therefore doesn’t repent? Do we refuse to forgive in cases like that?

Let’s not forget that forgiveness isn’t only for the person being forgiven. It’s also for the person doing the forgiving. It’s all too easy to hold a grudge when we haven’t forgiven our neighbor.

For anyone who’s interested, I have a short blog post on how cathartic forgiveness can be and how to let go of the pain others have caused. You can find it here: reflections911.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/as-we-forgive-those-who-trespass-against-us

 

[Bahman]

Obligated? No. In the same way, God only offers us absolution if we repent of our sins. That being said, it’s really a good idea to get into the practice of forgiving people who’ve wronged you, even if they aren’t repentant, because to do otherwise just allows them to continue hurting you, even after they’ve moved on and completely forgotten what they’ve done!

One either feel guilty or not depending on whether she/he realise the fault. She/he repents if she/he realises the fault otherwise she/he is not responsible for her/his action.

 

[fisherman_carl]

Here we go again

I preemptively forgive you.

 

[bitterhope]

I don’t imagine a person forgives because they are obligated to do so…or because it’s supposed to be* unconditional.*…they do it because they want to, or because it is better and healthier for them or the forgivee or others around them.
Do to it because they feel they have to doesn’t seem so honest.

Anyway…in one of the greatest acts of forgiveness I ever heard about, Immaculee Illibagiza forgave the man who slaughtered her family in the Rwandan genocide.
He was on the dirt in front of her, ready to be kicked–unrepentant–at the jail, but instead…she said, “I forgive you.”
And it has made all the difference in her life and in the lives of thousands around her.

So I’d say this Jimmy Akin is totally wrong.

How would he know if God does not forgive those who are unrepentant? Is he there when God does his forgiving each and every time? No.

When Jesus say, “forgive them, they know not what they do…” he was specifically talking about people who in that moment were very, very far from repentant.

.

I agree with you. Very well put

 

[fisherman_carl]

Loathe as I am to disagree with Jimmy Akin, I have to say you’re right. I think at the very least God holds out forgiveness to everybody, but some spurn His offer.

And what if you’ve lost contact with the person who wronged you and therefore don’t know if he ever repented? What if the person who wronged me actually forgot what he did and therefore doesn’t repent? Do we refuse to forgive in cases like that?

Let’s not forget that forgiveness isn’t only for the person being forgiven. It’s also for the person doing the forgiving. It’s all too easy to hold a grudge when we haven’t forgiven our neighbor.

For anyone who’s interested, I have a short blog post on how cathartic forgiveness can be and how to let go of the pain others have caused. You can find it here: reflections911.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/as-we-forgive-those-who-trespass-against-us

What do you make of Scriptures like these that imply some sins will not be forgiven?

Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.† And whoever says a word against the Son of man will be forgiven; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

I don’t think Jimmy is advocating holding onto grudges or anger, only that justice still needs to be satisfied. Even if we forgive a criminal for harming us they still undergoe prison. We still need to let go of the anger for our own sake even if the person does not repent.

 

[Allegra]

One either feel guilty or not depending on whether she/he realise the fault. She/he repents if she/he realises the fault otherwise she/he is not responsible for her/his action.

True.

 

[1neophyte]

I have always believed that we were obligated to forgive whether they were repentant or not… So this is all new to me. I am still not sure if it is right or not. I should maybe pray about it.

You are correct. Jimmy Akin is absolutely mistaken in this case.

 

[mackbrislawn]

It seems clear from the parable of the prodigal son that the father had already forgiven the son, even when the son was still sleeping with pigs and consorting with gentiles. Of course the full benefit for the son didn’t occur until the son repented and came back to his father, who was waiting for him half way.

 

[o_mlly]

I came across this article recently - catholic.com/magazine/articles/the-limits-of-forgiveness , by Jimmy Akin. He says we are not obligated to forgive if the person is unrepentant.

If one sins against you then the same one has sinned against God.
Two souls are now in the breach.
The sinner’s charity – his friendship with God – is diminished.
God, the sinless and holy One, requires repentance from the sinner to regain His friendship.
But what of you, also a sinner? Can you make the same demands of the sinner that God does?
If your affection, attitude and behavior toward the sinner become and remain negative, i.e. disaffection, resentment and excommunication; are you permitted to no longer follow the command – love your neighbor as yourself?
Forgiveness is for the forgiver.

 

[E_7]

If we don’t forgive, I don’t know with what face we should pray the Our Father…

 

[fisherman_carl]

You are correct. Jimmy Akin is absolutely mistaken in this case.

Tim Staples also seems to agree with Jimmy here in this article
catholic.com/blog/tim-staples/to-forgive-or-not-to-forgive-that-is-the-question

I think the key here is that both equate forgiveness with reconciliation. We can not reconcile with someone if they are still hostile towards us. We may be able to forgive them in our hearts and let go of the burden of unforgiveness in our hearts, but complete forgiveness with reconciliation can not happen without repentance.

In the Sacrament of reconciliation we must be repentant in order to receive forgiveness / reconciliation with God right? Sure, God holds out forgiveness/ reconciliation to all, but he doesn’t force it on anyone.

And, while Jesus prayed on the Cross that they might be forgiven that doesn’t mean that anyone was actually forgiven without them being sorry/repentant for their sins.

 

[E_7]

1. Where do I find in the Holy Bible the reference to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit?
   A. Through its Catechism, the Catholic Church teaches that:

“‘Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgivness, but is guilty of an eternal sin.’ [Mk. 3:29; Mt. 12:32; Lk. 12:10] There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. [John Paul II, DeV 46] Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss.”

Q. 2. More specifically, what sins offend the Holy Spirit?
A. There are six sins that offend the Holy Spirit. These are:

(1) Despair,

“By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God’s goodness, to his justice - for the Lord is faithful to his promises - and to his mercy.” (C.C.C. # 2091)

(2) Presumption of God’s mercy,
“There are two kinds of presumption. Either man presumes upon his own capacities, (hoping to be able to save himself without help from on high), or he presumes upon God’s almighty power or his mercy (hoping to obtain his forgiveness without conversion and glory without merit).” (C.C.C. # 2092)

(3) Impugning the known truth,
(Clarification: To “impugn” the known truth means to attack it by word or argument, to resist it, to contradict it, or even to oppose the known truth or to challenge it as false.)

(4) Envy the spiritual good of another,
(Clarification: Regarding the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians states, “All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually as the Spirit chooses.” To envy the spiritual good of another is to question the Divine judgment of the Holy Spirit in His distribution of spiritual gifts. It is to be jealous of another person who has a gift different than one’s own gift. Through envy, one rejects the gift that he has received from the Holy Spirit, determining in his own mind that the gift he has received is not good enough for him and he wants someone else’s gift.)

(5) Obstinacy in sin,
(Clarification: To be “obstinate” means to resist the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, to be stubborn, to persist in sin, to be unyielding.)

(6) Final impenitence.
(Clarification: “Impenitence” means to be uncontrite, unrepentant, hardened, unconverted, to be without regret, shame or remorse.)

Q. 3. Where do I find in the Holy Bible the reference to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit?
A. All of the following passages make reference to it:

“Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” [Mt. 12:32]

“But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never have forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin.” [Mk. 3:29]

“And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.” [Lk. 12:10]

More to think about.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I think I have to disagree with Mr. Akin on this one.

 

[Paganus]

If we don’t forgive, I don’t know with what face we should pray the Our Father…

Exactly. I would not present myself for Holy Communion if I was still holding a grudge.