Are daily toddler temper trantrums a concern?

[underacloud]

This may be part of the problem. Try handing him over to Daddy and let Daddy put him in his place without babying him.

But why should daddy (in our household, that’s me) always be the bad guy? So daddy sticks him in the naughty corner or his room, and mummy comes along later to cuddle him, and reinforce a classic parental disparity. Both parents need to be invloved in discipline (or whatever it is in the case of tantrums) and in affection.

Sorry to hijack the thread. Tantrums are hard to deal with. I’m not sure at what point you seek some professional help, but if in doubt, I’d err on the side of getting help. Depending on which country you live in (I’m in Australia), early intervention in childhood social and psychological issues is often not expensive as it is recognised as crucial for their development. I’d at least go see your GP.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

This sentiment is horribly misguided.

If one teaches a 2.5 year-old child that he is not under the authority of both of his parents, dad and mom, one is positioning him for a lifetime of failure in relationships with female authority figures (teachers, bosses, etc,) as well as in personal relationships with girls and women. His relationship with his own mother will be strained at best as he grows up. And God help any children he has.

I used to teach anger management classes, the kind judges order as part of conditions for parole, child custody, and as part of sentencing guidelines for convictions for domestic violence, etc. Ninety percent of my students were male. As part of the class the students had to complete a psych profile that I read. The vast majority of these guys grew up in homes where mom had little to no authority, either because of power disparity between mom and dad or because she was being victimized by one or more person in the family. A lot of these guys weren’t thugs or career criminals. They were just men damaged by the idea that guys don’t need to accept women as authority figures.

No, all children should learn from day one that both mom and day are in authority. It’s neglectful to do otherwise.

Luna

 

[mini_me640]

Umm, I thought the commandment was to honor your father and your mother, not just father. Doesn’t the Bible say "Children, obey your parentS? And like you said, real world does not always happen according to a schedule when dad keeps regular hours. What about dads commuting during the week and only home on weekends? What about deployed spouses? What about spouses working opposite shifts so someone is always home to be with the children? Are you saying boys shouldn’t be taught to obey mom? Wow.

And the Bible also says that a mother’s authority over her sons is confirmed…

 

[themeginthemoon]

My 2.5 year old has intense temper tantrums everyday. I never went through this with DD. I am concerned about it. He loses control and starts screaming, kicking and biting. It will happen at least once a day and up to 3 times a day.

We have been isolating him in his bedroom until he calms down - may take up to 15 min, but b/c he’s kicking and biting, comforting him only makes it worse. Then we go and get him and cuddle him. Sometimes, when I come to him, he tells me he wants to be alone some more and I leave him alone until he calls me.

Should I consult with his doctor? Is this behaviour normal for a 2.5 year old? I worry about ADHD and unnecessary medications.

*Edited to add: * He also hits other kids at the park when my nanny is looking after him. He doesn’t do this under my watch b/c I give him a time-out. I’ve told my nanny to give him time-outs also, but I think she’s softer than me.

Hi Serap,
This sounds like my now 3-year old to a tee
Some children are just wild cards. She has calmed down dramatically since turning 3. Also remember that boys develop their social skills a tad later than most girls; they develop gross motor skills faster, but always lag a bit with their emotional control and interactions.

I think it sounds like it falls on the normal spectrum of toddler behavior. The thing that helped us was being on the same page as daycare and any babysitters and caregivers other than us; time-outs are 100% consistent. There is a warning count to 5, and if the behavior doesn’t cease, time out every time. If she would come out of time-out or act aggressively in time-out, than that meant a time-out in her room until she could calm down.

You can mention it to your pediatrician, and they may refer you to a child psychologist if you feel it really is a big problem. Medication is the last resort for ANY reputable child specialist, and usually only recommended in the most extreme cases.

I just want you to know that you are not alone here; when Fiona was 2 and a half, I really thought she was on her way to becoming a delinquent. She sounds a lot like your fella. I think God gave me a break on the second child, the baby is the easiest little thing ever.

 

[mini_me640]

Rainaldo,

I assume you don’t have children?? A young child (I would say up to 5 if not longer) can’t wait for consequences, they can’t wait until dad gets home (an older child perhaps can but I still question the point of that). They can’t make the connection that the discipline at 6 p.m. has something to do with their behavior at 1 p.m. If discipline is necessary for a toddler or preschooler, it has to immediately follow the offending behavior, or it is useless.

And the best solution to a tantrum is to ignore it anyway. Toddler tantrums are generally either thrown to get attention or because the child is frustrated with their inablitity to communicate. In the first case, ignoring the tantrum means that the toddler gets no “payoff” to their behavior. In the second case, the child needs to be alone to settle and “cool off”.

 

[themeginthemoon]

I’m going to disagree with you. Partly because I am a man. We men know all about you ladies’s world.

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

I’m sure you live in a sweet-smelling world where everything happens according to schedule, but … real men do not live that way.

Oh for heaven’s sake. What makes you the authority on how all ‘real men’ live? Some women are the disciplinarians in their households. I don’t do all of the discipline, but I decide punishments and make sure they are followed through on at all times; I’m in the mental health field, so I come from a place of understanding more than my hubs, who is in technology.

 

[Serap]

When ours had that type of tantrum, we’d put her in her room, and let her know she could come out when calm and done crying. If she wasn’t calm and done crying, she’d go back in- we only did that once. After that, she’d calm herself down, and come out in a bit. We are very matter of fact about it. When she’s out, we don’t ask if she’d done, etc, just continue with the day. I treat the kids in my class (2yr olds) the same way if they have an extreme meltdown at school- go in the library/pillow corner until you are done and ready to join us. It can take 5-25m.

Thanks so much! Yes, it does take my son about 15 to 30 minutes.

 

[Serap]

Not much to add, Serap, except that the other posters are very wise. And also that tantrums are normal. Don’t validate the trantrum, let him work it out himself and learn that the behavior is not appropriate.

Is this the high-needs child you are still nursing? If so, that probably helps him. Good luck.

yes, my high needs little guy

last night after him being on my bed for 1/2 hour, he called me to help him off my bed (he can get off, but wanted my attention). I helped him and then he told me he was ready to eat his dinner and watch Diego. It was like nothing happened.

I didn’t get kicked, bitten, slapped…I just let him be for 1/2 hour while he worked it out alone.

 

[Serap]

I’m going to disagree with you. Partly because I am a man. We men know all about you ladies’s world.

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

I’m sure you live in a sweet-smelling world where everything happens according to schedule, but … real men do not live that way.

…

 

[Serap]

But why should daddy (in our household, that’s me) always be the bad guy? So daddy sticks him in the naughty corner or his room, and mummy comes along later to cuddle him, and reinforce a classic parental disparity. Both parents need to be invloved in discipline (or whatever it is in the case of tantrums) and in affection.

Sorry to hijack the thread. Tantrums are hard to deal with. I’m not sure at what point you seek some professional help, but if in doubt, I’d err on the side of getting help. Depending on which country you live in (I’m in Australia), early intervention in childhood social and psychological issues is often not expensive as it is recognised as crucial for their development. I’d at least go see your GP.

yes, here in Canada too. I agree…I don’t want daddy to be the “bad guy” either. My husband works a lot of hours and I don’t want my son’s only memories to be discipline from his father.

 

[Serap]

Hi Serap,
This sounds like my now 3-year old to a tee
Some children are just wild cards. She has calmed down dramatically since turning 3. Also remember that boys develop their social skills a tad later than most girls; they develop gross motor skills faster, but always lag a bit with their emotional control and interactions.

I think it sounds like it falls on the normal spectrum of toddler behavior. The thing that helped us was being on the same page as daycare and any babysitters and caregivers other than us; time-outs are 100% consistent. There is a warning count to 5, and if the behavior doesn’t cease, time out every time. If she would come out of time-out or act aggressively in time-out, than that meant a time-out in her room until she could calm down.

You can mention it to your pediatrician, and they may refer you to a child psychologist if you feel it really is a big problem. Medication is the last resort for ANY reputable child specialist, and usually only recommended in the most extreme cases.

I just want you to know that you are not alone here; when Fiona was 2 and a half, I really thought she was on her way to becoming a delinquent. She sounds a lot like your fella. I think God gave me a break on the second child, the baby is the easiest little thing ever.

LOL! I am wondering if my son has issues too

God gave me a break with my first child, so when son was born, I was like WHAT THE??? He had colic for 4 months and then he was a wonderful baby until he started teething…now he’s finished teething and we are dealing with horrible temper tantrums.

I’m so exhausted from him!!! I bet he’ll be a really easy teenager

 

[Serap]

Oh for heaven’s sake. What makes you the authority on how all ‘real men’ live? Some women are the disciplinarians in their households. I don’t do all of the discipline, but I decide punishments and make sure they are followed through on at all times; I’m in the mental health field, so I come from a place of understanding more than my hubs, who is in technology.

don’t take the bait sweetie…

 

[Rainaldo]

Umm, I thought the commandment was to honor your father and your mother, not just father. Doesn’t the Bible say "Children, obey your parentS? And like you said, real world does not always happen according to a schedule when dad keeps regular hours. What about dads commuting during the week and only home on weekends? What about deployed spouses? What about spouses working opposite shifts so someone is always home to be with the children? Are you saying boys shouldn’t be taught to obey mom? Wow.

You forgot widows, divorcees, single moms, foster care, war-torn lands, and two-mommy households.

 

[Rainaldo]

But why should daddy (in our household, that’s me) always be the bad guy?

You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that. Daddy should be meek, submissive and uninvolved, and leave the child-rearing to Mom.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I’m going to disagree with you. Partly because I am a man. We men know all about you ladies’s world.

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

I’m sure you live in a sweet-smelling world where everything happens according to schedule, but … real men do not live that way.

The child is 2.5 years old.

Normally, through out history babies are taken care of by their moms.

What is Serap supposed to be, the maid with no authority of her child? What is she supposed to do when he’s 7 and wants to do something and Dad’s not home.

“Oh I’m sorry, you are a male, not my jurisdiction”

Seems like so many threads lately turn into the battle of the sexes, for no reason.

 

[faithfully]

You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that. Daddy should be meek, submissive and uninvolved, and leave the child-rearing to Mom.

Rainaldo, you’re getting quite defensive here. Not sure about your personal set up, but many mothers, like myself are SAHMs. We have the children for most waking hours. It’s quite important that our children male and female realize we are the authority figure in the house hold. The children do not run the house until daddy gets home.

No one is suggesting that a father not be involved with the disipline of any of his children. Dad can’t be a push over either. We want boys to grow to be men, and girls to know what a man looks like so she doesn’t marry an idiot.

Many fathers, especially in this economy, work very long heavy schedules. It’s often left up to the mothers to make sure all is well on the home front. Most fathers don’t have the time to go to school for all the parent teacher conferences, as they are at work. Most fathers don’t run the school PTA’s that generate all the cash to pay for the education the state has stopped funding. Mother’s are very involved with their children. To suggest that mothers aren’t a child’s authority figure is quite rediculous. We were first attached. We have quite good instincts, many of us, as to what is going on with our children. And we are one of their 2 (generally speaking) primary disiplinarians.

With regards to Serap, she has expressed some solid insight on her OWN child. A little boy she carried in her womb. Whether you want to believe it or not, they are connected. She also has experience with an older child. So she can see clearly that her younger child is having problems coping when something goes awry.

Again, I have no idea if this little guy actually has any sensory processing disorders. What she has talked about here would make me look into it. That is all.

If he has none, then it’s likely just a stage. If he has any, it will be something they need to figure out specfically to him and his needs. Then she and her husband BOTH need to learn how to address his needs. It’s not about disiplining a naughty little boy at that point. It’s about helping him figure out how to behave appropriately when he’s having a really tough time.

I suggest, Rainaldo, that you not assume this is mothers against fathers. Serap is married, from what I gather to a man she loves and respects. Sure, they have probs like the restof us. But she is one with her husband. She has not once mentioned that he’s not important, nor has anyone else. But many here know much of her story, and that man works like a dog. She is having to deal with much. And she will likely have to take the lead with this issue and keep her husband in the loop. Like many of women who have incredibly hard working husbands. We all do what we can. We’re little teams.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Like many of women who have incredibly hard working husbands. We all do what we can. We’re little teams.

Amen! Amen, I say to you! We’re an army of two!

 

[Sarabande]

Serap - I think it is normal for toddlers to have temper tantrums. Since my son was born, my 2.5 year-old daughter has been having tantrums almost everyday as well. I think a lot of it has to do with 1) wanting attention since it’s not all about her anymore, 2) A very strong/defiant personality trying to test her boundaries and wants her own way (what toddler isn’t lol!) and 3) she’s 2.

Needless-to-say, it has been exasperating at times especially when I haven’t gotten enough rest the night before to stay calm when handling her tantrum. Yesterday and the day before I was ready to explode and was asking for Calgon to take me away, (Never understood that commercial as a kid until I had kids.) I couldn’t wait for my husband to come home so that I could decompress for an hour. But he’ll be doing some side work at home for extra income to pay the bills, so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself with handling the parenting work all day/night for a while. I’m sure you have been experiencing the same, so :hug1: from one mommy to another. I do agree with others, though, that if you are concerned, just check it out with your ped.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

LOL! I am wondering if my son has issues too

God gave me a break with my first child, so when son was born, I was like WHAT THE??? He had colic for 4 months and then he was a wonderful baby until he started teething…now he’s finished teething and we are dealing with horrible temper tantrums.

I’m so exhausted from him!!! I bet he’ll be a really easy teenager

:nope::nope:

Yeah, I tried to tell myself that lie…Didn’t work. So far, all the stages with my son have been difficult. The irony is that I had him in 4 hours total, with 2 good pushes. He was easy to give birth to, but has been a challenge ever since!



When things are going well with him, it’s like a bit of heaven though.

 

[Serap]

Rainaldo, you’re getting quite defensive here. Not sure about your personal set up, but many mothers, like myself are SAHMs. We have the children for most waking hours. It’s quite important that our children male and female realize we are the authority figure in the house hold. The children do not run the house until daddy gets home.

No one is suggesting that a father not be involved with the disipline of any of his children. Dad can’t be a push over either. We want boys to grow to be men, and girls to know what a man looks like so she doesn’t marry an idiot.

Many fathers, especially in this economy, work very long heavy schedules. It’s often left up to the mothers to make sure all is well on the home front. Most fathers don’t have the time to go to school for all the parent teacher conferences, as they are at work. Most fathers don’t run the school PTA’s that generate all the cash to pay for the education the state has stopped funding. Mother’s are very involved with their children. To suggest that mothers aren’t a child’s authority figure is quite rediculous. We were first attached. We have quite good instincts, many of us, as to what is going on with our children. And we are one of their 2 (generally speaking) primary disiplinarians.

With regards to Serap, she has expressed some solid insight on her OWN child. A little boy she carried in her womb. Whether you want to believe it or not, they are connected. She also has experience with an older child. So she can see clearly that her younger child is having problems coping when something goes awry.

Again, I have no idea if this little guy actually has any sensory processing disorders. What she has talked about here would make me look into it. That is all.

If he has none, then it’s likely just a stage. If he has any, it will be something they need to figure out specfically to him and his needs. Then she and her husband BOTH need to learn how to address his needs. It’s not about disiplining a naughty little boy at that point. It’s about helping him figure out how to behave appropriately when he’s having a really tough time.

I suggest, Rainaldo, that you not assume this is mothers against fathers. Serap is married, from what I gather to a man she loves and respects. Sure, they have probs like the restof us. But she is one with her husband. She has not once mentioned that he’s not important, nor has anyone else. But many here know much of her story, and that man works like a dog. She is having to deal with much. And she will likely have to take the lead with this issue and keep her husband in the loop. Like many of women who have incredibly hard working husbands. We all do what we can. We’re little teams.

what a lovely thing to have written…quite beautiful actually.

thank you