Are Depressed People at Fault for Their Depression?

[JamalChristophr]

…specifically, in a spiritual sense, but also, in other ways? It seems to me that sometimes depressed people are in the position of Job in the Old Testament. Friends and family come along to try and make the person feel better, but they just make the person feel worse and they don’t understand. Do you agree/disagree with these observations and conclusions? It seems to me that 95% of people who have not themselves had depression, do not understand. And even more frustrating, some of those who claim to have had depression, still do not understand. It seems one gets at least one of two basic responses from others: (a) It’s your own fault for being depressed and/or (b) just cheer up! (There is probably another basic line of thinking, but it’s not coming to me at the moment. Thoughts from all perspectives are welcomed.

(Now, it is true, there are some who don’t try to get help/treatment…I’m not quite ready to blame them since they might be too depressed to help themselves…but many do try very hard to rid themselves of depression through medical treatment and other means.)

 

[Tenebrae]

Sometimes there’s a physical cause for depression–a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression can be hereditary and can run in families.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Depression is like trying to wade through quicksand.

For those who have never battled depression count your blessings.

It zaps your energy and robs you of joy.

There can be several reasons why people get depressed-situational or environmental or hereditary or medical.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Depression is like trying to wade through quicksand.

For those who have never battled depression count your blessings.

It zaps your energy and robs you of joy.

There can be several reasons why people get depressed-situational or environmental or hereditary or medical.

I like your analogy. It seems it might make you stronger and/or just very tired. Or…well…not everyone succeeds in making that trek. It can sometimes bring one closer to God and more dependent on Him, too, I think.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I have bipolar disorder, so I cycle from mania to depression. I am not at fault for my disorder.
Yes, people do seek treatment and then sometimes stop. Treatment can be exhausting. I was diagnosed over a year and I still don’t have my cocktail of drugs right yet. Do you know how upsetting that is? That’s depressing in itself.
It isn’t about cheering up, or snapping out of it. Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, complete loneliness even when people are around.
Just last night I had myself convinced that if I died, my husband would have to pay actors to come to my funeral because no one would care that I was gone. That those of my family who would show up, would do so out of feeling obligated to. Depression is utter hell and it isn’t my fault.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I like your analogy. It seems it might make you stronger and/or just very tired. Or…well…not everyone succeeds in making that trek. It can sometimes bring one closer to God and more dependent on Him, too, I think.

Sometimes you feel abandoned by God because you are doing what you are supposed and still see nothing good.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Sometimes you feel abandoned by God because you are doing what you are supposed and still see nothing good.

I can very much relate to what you’re saying here, too, Kendra, and I agree.

I find bipolar individuals often to be very intelligent and creative people with exceptional gifts that others may not possess.

Thanks for sharing and God Bless!

 

[thankulord]

Depression is baffling when one hasn’t had a taste of it. I think its important to teach young people that it is a disease and the possible symptoms so when they encounter it within themselves or others they will have a tidbit of understanding. 7sorrows explains so well in a nutshell.

 

[edwest2]

…specifically, in a spiritual sense, but also, in other ways? It seems to me that sometimes depressed people are in the position of Job in the Old Testament. Friends and family come along to try and make the person feel better, but they just make the person feel worse and they don’t understand. Do you agree/disagree with these observations and conclusions? It seems to me that 95% of people who have not themselves had depression, do not understand. And even more frustrating, some of those who claim to have had depression, still do not understand. It seems one gets at least one of two basic responses from others: (a) It’s your own fault for being depressed and/or (b) just cheer up! (There is probably another basic line of thinking, but it’s not coming to me at the moment. Thoughts from all perspectives are welcomed.

(Now, it is true, there are some who don’t try to get help/treatment…I’m not quite ready to blame them since they might be too depressed to help themselves…but many do try very hard to rid themselves of depression through medical treatment and other means.)

Having suffered from depression for decades, sometimes outside stress factors trigger it, other times it may be hereditary or the person experiences a chemical imbalance. No, people don’t get it. I mean, you look fine. That’s why I went to two different support groups so I could talk to other people who understood what I was gong through. Also, treatment is a must. I have a good psychiatrist and therapist. Those with low incomes can pay on a sliding scale depending on the clinic.

“Just cheer up.” is the last thing anyone wants to hear. Depending on the severity, you have to develop coping skills, and in my case, take medication as well.

Ed

 

[SeekerWillie]

Sometimes there’s a physical cause for depression–a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression can be hereditary and can run in families.

Yes, this. I’ve dealt with depression for about 10 years now. I’ve tried to wean off anti-depressant medications a couple of times over the years, when things are going well. I’ve learned that I just can’t do it. When I’m off the meds, I’ll find myself crying for absolutely NO reason, when things are fine and I’m otherwise feeling content. That’s how I know it’s a chemical imbalance, not a reaction to any particular situation.

I’ve also learned that there’s a BIG difference between depression and “situational” reactions, such as sadness or grief. There are times when it’s a perfectly reasonable reaction to feel sad, cry, etc. When my parents died, I felt sad and I cried. A LOT. There was a reason for that. Struggling to get myself out of bed, to care about anything, getting angry over something incredibly minor, or crying while I’m driving somewhere when everything is actually pretty hunky-dory? That’s a chemical imbalance. For me, anti-depressant medication helps me react to situations appropriately.

 

[leviman]

Depression is to be broken spiritually and psychically. When it happened to me it made me cry out to God for a reason to exist. Just like psalm 51 says:

“The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

When your broken, God comes and fixes you and makes all things new in Christ.

Psalm 51

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment. Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.

You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be wither than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodshed, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your deliverance.

O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you have no delight in sacrifice; if I were to give a burnt offering, you would not be pleased. The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, then you will delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then young bulls will be offered on your altar. Amen"

 

[Ophelia23]

Hi Friend,

My husband struggles very deeply and intensely with depression. The depression is not his fault. It is an illness. There is a line, however, where the actions of a depressed person require culpability on their part. My husband, for example, can not beat me and blame the depression for it. He would still be responsible. More realistically, my husband can not berate me or degrade me or shame me and simply blame it on his depression. These behaviors are what come forward when he is in a depressed state, yes–but he is still fully responsible for apologizing and making it right, just as much as he is responsible for seeking treatment for his illness. I do not hold him at fault for being ill, and I support him with as much love and understanding as I am able to give. Part of that love and understanding isn’t saying “Just cheer up!”. But the fullness of that love also includes not allowing his depression to become a crutch for inexcusable behavior. It is so hard for a depressed person to function. It is equally as hard for the people around them; for their wives or husbands and children.

“Just cheer up” is as good as saying “Go buy an elephant”. Totally useless, and for the most part, impossible. (Legally, anyhow. I suppose one could buy an elephant somewhere…) It is such a complex and deep disease.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Hi Friend,

My husband struggles very deeply and intensely with depression. The depression is not his fault. It is an illness. There is a line, however, where the actions of a depressed person require culpability on their part. My husband, for example, can not beat me and blame the depression for it. He would still be responsible. More realistically, my husband can not berate me or degrade me or shame me and simply blame it on his depression. These behaviors are what come forward when he is in a depressed state, yes–but he is still fully responsible for apologizing and making it right, just as much as he is responsible for seeking treatment for his illness. I do not hold him at fault for being ill, and I support him with as much love and understanding as I am able to give. Part of that love and understanding isn’t saying “Just cheer up!”. But the fullness of that love also includes not allowing his depression to become a crutch for inexcusable behavior. It is so hard for a depressed person to function. It is equally as hard for the people around them; for their wives or husbands and children.

“Just cheer up” is as good as saying “Go buy an elephant”. Totally useless, and for the most part, impossible. (Legally, anyhow. I suppose one could buy an elephant somewhere…) It is such a complex and deep disease.

Very good posts, everyone.

Your elephant metaphor made me laugh a bit. I was thinking, hey, I could maybe go buy an elephant, It’s much more feasible than just cheering up, but I’m not sure what the neighbors would think or say, me having an elephant in the backyard. He or she would definitely not be allowed in the house.

You are quite right about all you said. I’m sure it can take a big toll on those near the depressed person at times. But yes, your husband can’t make excuses for sins against you. He definitely needs to ask forgiveness when he does something not right. But being highly sensitive and tending towards anger for little reason are quite common with depressed people.

 

[LoyalViews]

In addition to all that’s been said, the doubt experienced during a depression can be beneficial to the soul in that one solved, can make our faith thousands times stronger than what it was. Lack of faith doesn’t cause depression, but having it can make it easier.

 

[Sunbreak]

Depressed people are not at fault for their depression. When you wake up depressed there is nothing you have done to be in that state. Depression is kind of like driving a car with a bad transmission - you press the accelerator and nothing happens so you can’t make it go no matter how much or how hard you press the accelerator.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Depressed people are not at fault for their depression. When you wake up depressed there is nothing you have done to be in that state. Depression is kind of like driving a car with a bad transmission - you press the accelerator and nothing happens so you can’t make it go no matter how much or how hard you press the accelerator.

 

[Robert_Sock]

They say that depression can be either biological or psychological. In either case, I would search my soul diligently. I have it, along with panic attacks and GAD.

This prayer helped me a lot:

PSALM 42
1 For the leader. A maskil of the Korahites.

2 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so my soul longs for you, O God.

3 My soul thirsts for God, the living God.
When can I enter and see the face of God?

4 My tears have been my bread day and night,
as they ask me every day, “Where is your God?”

5 Those times I recall
as I pour out my soul,
When I would cross over to the shrine of the Mighty One,
to the house of God,
Amid loud cries of thanksgiving,
with the multitude keeping festival.

6 Why are you downcast, my soul;
why do you groan within me?
Wait for God, for I shall again praise him,
my savior and my God.

7 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I remember you
From the land of the Jordan and Hermon,
from Mount Mizar,

8 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your torrents,
and all your waves and breakers
sweep over me.

9 By day may the LORD send his mercy,
and by night may his righteousness be with me!
I will pray to the God of my life,

10 I will say to God, my rock:
“Why do you forget me?
Why must I go about mourning
with the enemy oppressing me?”

11 It shatters my bones, when my adversaries reproach me,
when they say to me every day: “Where is your God?”

12*** Why are you downcast, my soul,
why do you groan within me?
Wait for God, for I shall again praise him,
my savior and my God.***

 

[Anne1964]

I have had depression for 40 years. For me, it is a chemical imbalance and anti-depressant meds work very well. I have also tried to come off the meds but the depression always comes back and I find myself sliding down into that dark place again.

For a long time I bought into the false belief that I should be able to control the depression through will power. The last time I tried to come off the meds was about two years ago and I finally accepted the fact that I will likely take medication for the rest of my life, and guess what? There is nothing wrong with that. It is just like taking high blood pressure medication or medication to treat any other sort of disease.

 

[mommy_k]

People who say cheer up to a depressed person are confusing depression with ‘the blues’.

As other posters said-depression is an illness and is much deeper then the blues-so a depressed person is not commiting any wrong doing.

I don’t suffer fronm depression, but I know if I focus on negative things that just fall into my brain, I can make myself sad. --where the mind goes, the man follows-type of thing. I also avoid the news.
In a case like mine it would be wrong not to change habits, becasue it is not depression, its self inflicted sadness.

 

[Bob_Crowley]

I have had depression for 40 years. For me, it is a chemical imbalance and anti-depressant meds work very well. I have also tried to come off the meds but the depression always comes back and I find myself sliding down into that dark place again.

For a long time I bought into the false belief that I should be able to control the depression through will power. The last time I tried to come off the meds was about two years ago and I finally accepted the fact that I will likely take medication for the rest of my life, and guess what? There is nothing wrong with that. It is just like taking high blood pressure medication or medication to treat any other sort of disease.

I had depression for quite a number of years. It wasn’t the deep kind, bipolar disorder or anything like that. But it got to the stage where I needed to see a psychiatrist (actually this was the third psychiatrist I’d seen, but he was the first to be of any real help).

He put me on Prozac, stating that “when you’ve been depressed for a long time, your brain chemistry changes. Prozac slowly (very slowly) puts the brain chemistry back where it should be.”

It doesn’t work for everybody, but it helped me. I still get frustrated, but I don’t get depressed like I used to, and I haven’t used Prozac for some time now.

But what also helped was the psychiatrist was / is Catholic (like me, “Catholic by choice” ie. we both used to be Protestant). He’s also quite spiritual and that was useful.

He’s also written a few books on psychiatry for laymen. One is “Understanding Psychiatry” by Dr. Wiliam Wilkie.

I might quote a few paragraphs. Bear in mind it was first published in 1987, so may be slightly out of date.

Chapter Four - Three Faces of Depression.

… In psychiatry, ‘depression’ refers to a prolonged lowered mood…

1. The first, endogenous depression, is a biological illness which does not respond to
   psychotherapy. The treatment is medical.

1. The second, reactive depression, is a human reaction occurring in response to significant loss or hurt. It can be described as psychological in nature, because it is a pattern of adaptation which has itself become the cause of distress.

1. The third, negative self-image disorder, is a negativity directed towards the self, having its origin in a self-protective device which may have once been useful in childhood. Psychotherapy for negative self-image requires an approach that goes deeper than the supportive counselling which may be effective in treating reactive depression.

He treated Manic-Depressive Psychosis in chapter 8.

The term manic-depressive psychosis is used to describe a tendency to experience episodes of abnormal mood, either mania, when the mood is elevated, or depression, when the mood is lowered. The first point to remember about this disorder is that he change in mood comes first. Any irrational or psychotic behaviour comes later.

… A ‘uni-polar’ affective disorder is one in which the the abnormal mood is always in the same direction … always experience episodes of raised mood, or always experiences episodes of depression. A ‘bi-polar’ affective disorder is one in which the mood can swing either way in the same person. This bipolar pattern is said to be more likely to run in families than the uni-polar pattern.