Are doulas silly?

[chinchiller]

Oh- if my wife wanted a doula she would get one.
She will have whatever she wants in that process I assure you. Well, except having her mother and sister there-

But then again I am lucky she doesn’t want that!

lol. I’d feel the same way.

I began this thread not to offend but to be educated! THanks, everyone who has contributed.

I have read that doulas cannot provide medical opinions. What is known about this. I also know that they can rub the FATHERS back- That is awesome!

They can offer their opinion, just like any family member might, but they can’t offer it as a medical opinion. What they can do is, say a doctor pushes the mother to get a c-section because labor is progressing slowly, the doula can then say to the parents, “This was in our plan. Remember, you decided that you would not get a C-section unless the child was distressed. Since the child is not distressed, I would suggest continuing to follow the plan. Is this what you want to do?” They give her their answer and she relays it to the doctor, acting as the patient’s advocate.

And yes, that’s another reason I want a doula when I have a baby. My husband would be absolutely freaking out and panicking (he’s got a lot of anxiety), which would be really unhelpful for me. He’d need lots of calming reassurance and stuff like back rubs would totally help him.

 

[happymommy]

And yes, that’s another reason I want a doula when I have a baby. My husband would be absolutely freaking out and panicking (he’s got a lot of anxiety), which would be really unhelpful for me. He’d need lots of calming reassurance and stuff like back rubs would totally help him.

he does know that you are the one in labor right? I think your anxiety at that time wins out over his!! Sorry, not trying to be mean, I understand that the dad is going to need reassurance in coaching mom and not all dads are good at it, but if anyone gets a backrub when I’m in labor, it’s going to be me!

 

[TravisandJill]

So you had a home birth without doctors or other nurses present? Just the two of you?

Yes that is what “unassisted” childbirth means. Just the person birthing and her spouse

 

[chinchiller]

he does know that you are the one in labor right? I think your anxiety at that time wins out over his!! Sorry, not trying to be mean, I understand that the dad is going to need reassurance in coaching mom and not all dads are good at it, but if anyone gets a backrub when I’m in labor, it’s going to be me!

He has anxiety. It’s a natural reaction to a situation that he cannot control, he cannot experience, and he cannot “fix.”

And yes, I’d be getting backrubs too.

 

[chinchiller]

Yes that is what “unassisted” childbirth means. Just the person birthing and her spouse

She didn’t specify. That’s why I was asking.

 

[Feanor]

Regarding different views on contemporary birth practices,

My wife has decided to keep the umbilical chord attached for 2-3 minutes… She is a scientist and I, a therapist so we look at research on aspects of the process. So there has been some research that has shown that keeping the chord attached can can help in certain ways- like an increase in iron, and some other stuff of which I cannot recall.

Have any of you heard of this?

I understand that some cultures keep the chord attached for an hour or more and I do not really see the benefit in this.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Nope, doulas are not silly.

I think it really depends on the couple as to whether or not a doula is a good fit for them.

I have 3 kids, all of them born in hospitals, all of them induced (planned induction, with medical reasons, discussed beforehand with doctor, not “forced upon me” at the hospital or anything like that). I never had an epidural and dh was my only non-medical assistant, and that is the way we like it . It is a very tiring job for DH, he puts up with a lot and takes care of me while I am in labor. If my husband wasn’t like this, I would definitely 100% consider a doula. Also, if I felt insecure and wanted an “advocate” I would also consider hiring an experienced doula. With our last birth a very nice woman offered to be my doula, free of cost. I felt terribly ungrateful, but I told her we would rather not have a doula. I just felt having an extra (opinionated) person in the room would be an impediment for me doing my “labor work” rather than a help for us. Plus, I enjoy the connection with dh and the birthing process. Nevertheless, I would never call a doula silly or useless, or any other name like that, because I can see how they can be a huge help for many with their experience and wisdom.

 

[happymommy]

He has anxiety. It’s a natural reaction to a situation that he cannot control, he cannot experience, and he cannot “fix.”

And yes, I’d be getting backrubs too.

That was the hardest part for my husband, he wanted to take the pain away from me.

 

[tomarin]

OK that’s the question. I am a therapist and I feel like I can tell my wife “You’re doing a good Job,” “I’m so proud of you,.” “You are being so strong.” etc…etc.

In my experience (we interviewed two doulas but did not end up hiring any b/c my wife ended up having a c-section) they are very knowledgable and have a completely different take on the entire birthing process than the ob/gyn. Many aspects of the birthing process are a matter of opinion not science and the doula’s training is focused on helping the mother before, during and after the birth, whereas the physician’s training is more focused on the event itself as if it were an operation (which it sometimes is); and sometimes even if he or she is a good doctor his decisions will be based on the realities of hospital management today, and not the welfare of the mother and child.

A husband is certainly no substitute for a doula – at least not if he’s anything like me! I would highly recommend serious consideration about hiring one, or at least letting one inform you about what they do.

 

[Joannm]

Have any of you had your mothers present for the birth…or if you are a grandma where you present when your daughter gave birth. My daughter isn’t even married yet, but I have spoken with her about wanting to be there when she gave birth and she said OK. I don’t want to interfere, but I think it is sort of a natural progression for a mother to be there to help or support her daughter in any way…not to get in the way of the husband, but for motherly support.

 

[lovemysix]

I would never in a million years have allowed either my mother or mother-in-law in the room when delivering any of our babies. Mostly because they would have driven me out of my mind. But also because I felt very possessive about that being an intimate moment I wanted to share only with my husband (and a couple necessary medical personnel).

That said, I would LOVE it if any of my daughters (or daughters-in-law) asked me to be present at their births. I’ll let them know I’d be honored, but I would never pressure them about it. Of course, they are still little girls, so that’s a way off for me!

Lauren

 

[roanoker]

OK, I still don’t quite understand. What is the difference between a doula and a midwife?

 

[samcarter14]

OK, I still don’t quite understand. What is the difference between a doula and a midwife?

A midwife is certified to actually deliver a baby; they have more medical training and in states where midwifery is legal, are qualified to provide certain medical care (such as giving pitocin after the birth to help the uterus contract, stitching up perineal tears). A doula is solely trained to provide support for the mom–backrubs, emotional support, and they are trained to offer advice such as positioning for the mom to help the baby move down the birth canal, or to turn the baby. BUT they are not medical personnel and cannot give medical advice.

For instance, a midwife, if the baby is posterior, can say, “The baby needs to get turned, so I need you [the mom] to get on your knees in the bed to get that to happen.” The doula would say, “The doctor/midwife says the baby is posterior, and sometimes it helps if the mom gets in a different position.”

 

[chinchiller]

Have any of you had your mothers present for the birth…or if you are a grandma where you present when your daughter gave birth. My daughter isn’t even married yet, but I have spoken with her about wanting to be there when she gave birth and she said OK. I don’t want to interfere, but I think it is sort of a natural progression for a mother to be there to help or support her daughter in any way…not to get in the way of the husband, but for motherly support.

I haven’t had a child, but I already know I wouldn’t want her there. She’d just stress me out too much. She’s as stubborn as a mule and gets her feelings hurt way too easily. If she were to suggest, say, getting an epidural and I was adamant about going natural, she’d not only continue suggesting I get the epidural, but she’d be upset that I did not use her suggestion and start pouting. She can be immensely frustrating sometimes and I don’t want to deal with that.

However, that said, my aunt had her mom (my grandma) there for her first birth. Her husband actually wasn’t present (he’s a lot like mine who I mentioned earlier). My aunt wanted her mom and only her mom. It was sweet and sentimental. If I recall correctly, she was present for all three births.

 

[chinchiller]

OK, I still don’t quite understand. What is the difference between a doula and a midwife?

Sam said it pretty well.

Midwife: can give medical advice, administer pain medicine, deliver the baby, etc. Many midwifes are registered nurses who have had extra education to get the midwife title. Those that aren’t nurses before-hand had to go through rigorous medical training to get the title. So, in either case, a midwife can essentially do everything that a nurse can.

Doula: can give emotional and physical support, act as a third party advocate for the mother, document the event, etc. Doulas technically don’t need certification, but it is strongly recommended. Certification is primarily home-based learning with several births attended and can take as few as three months or as long as 2-3 years (depending on the program’s time limit to complete everything).

 

[Jennifer_J]

Have any of you had your mothers present for the birth…or if you are a grandma where you present when your daughter gave birth. My daughter isn’t even married yet, but I have spoken with her about wanting to be there when she gave birth and she said OK. I don’t want to interfere, but I think it is sort of a natural progression for a mother to be there to help or support her daughter in any way…not to get in the way of the husband, but for motherly support.

Yes, my mother was there for my first birth, along with Dh. She was a Godsend! She was patient with me and understood why I wasn’t talking…I get very silent (besides low groans) and just can’t talk. She understood and was able to help my dh understand. I think he was made a better birth coach after seeing my mom help me. She also fanned me for HOURS–I was soooo hot and there were no fans (it was very crowded that day, I wasn’t even in a proper room until right before delivery!). I would have her there again, but she gets to watch the older children now!

I couldn’t imagine having my MIL there, though. She would drive me out of my mind…

 

[samcarter14]

Never in a million years would I have wanted my mom at the birth of any of my kids. For several reasons:

She often belittled my body, so I can’t imagine feeling relaxed enough to give birth with her there in a situation where my body was kind of center stage.

She’s a narcissist and the attention nearly always has to be on her.

She is not good with ill people, or hospital settings, or sympathetic to anybody going through medical things. She woud have been urging me to get pain medication “if it hurts that much!”

I envy those moms who have a good enough relationship with their own mothers to even consider having them at the birth! My best friend had her mother and sisters at all three of her home births. She is very close to them.

 

[KittyKat]

I would hire a doula if I had a hospital birth again. My husband would not do well, he wanted to sit with a magazine for my first birth.

With my two home births he was great. My midwife gave him tips to help the second time. This last time if he hadn’t decided to call the baby would have beat the midwife.

 

[Phemie]

Have any of you had your mothers present for the birth…or if you are a grandma where you present when your daughter gave birth. My daughter isn’t even married yet, but I have spoken with her about wanting to be there when she gave birth and she said OK. I don’t want to interfere, but I think it is sort of a natural progression for a mother to be there to help or support her daughter in any way…not to get in the way of the husband, but for motherly support.

Gee, my mom wasn’t there when we were born how the heck would she help? Oh, I mean, she wasn’t conscious when we were born.

No, I had no desire to have Mom in the delivery room, or the labour room and honestly, she couldn’t figure out why DH wanted to be there so you can see what a help she would have been.

OTOH, I’m hoping that when DD finally gets pregnant (1 year today that they’ve been trying) she will want me there at the delivery – but I’ll keep that desire to myself so that she doesn’t feel any obligation.

 

[MrsMW]

I had my best friend there when I had my c-sections. She would be with me until I went in. She was great. she even had me laughing. She knew just what to say and do. The first one I was at deaths door and she was very calming. The best part was she would run and call the family for updates so my husband wouldn’t have to leave me. I am sure she was better than a doula!