Are emotional affairs grounds for divorce?

[Lady_Love]

When you don’t allow divorce to be an option and you can’t control the behavior of someone else. What do you do?..You work on yourself and pray to God to help you keep the covenant you made with Him. You pray that God removes that woman from your husband’s life, you go get counselling, you learn to communicate with your husband where both people’s hearts are heard.

If my husband was having an emotional affair with another woman I would not likely to point the finger at him first. I would first look and see if I am doing my part to meet his “needs.” Probably because my husband is such a wonderful man and I know he loves me. If he were having an affair there would have to be some serious intimacy issues not being addressed and some serious neglect on my part.

 

[on_the_hill]

It depends.

What’s an emotional affair?

 

[MJJean]

It depends.

What’s an emotional affair?

The term refers to an intellectual and emotional romantic relationship that has not become physical.

 

[on_the_hill]

The term refers to an intellectual and emotional romantic relationship that has not become physical.

Yeah, that’s why I say it depends.

When it’s physical, there’s a fairly well-defined line. When it’s emotional, the line is a lot more fuzzy, IMO.

 

[MJJean]

Yeah, that’s why I say it depends.

When it’s physical, there’s a fairly well-defined line. When it’s emotional, the line is a lot more fuzzy, IMO.

Yes, it is. Close friendships are possible between men and women. Some people might mistake that for an “emotional affair”. I think the line between friendship and emotional affair is crossed when there is “cyber-sex”, naked pictures exchanged, and/or when the married party gives more time, mental intimacy, and attention to their “friend” than their spouse.

I have an opposite sex buddy I met online playing a game. We’ve been internet and phone friends for about 6 years now. We have lively discussions and debates. We offer each other emotional support and sympathy. We have a lot of laughs. I offer him advice since he is close to my daughters age and sometimes needs wisdom but doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his mother. A few people have looked askance at me over the years. Including my husband. I assured him that my friend and I have strictly platonic conversations and I have made sure to include my husband in those conversations as much as possible. I also hang right up if my husband indicates he needs attention from me.

I am emotionally involved with my friend as I would be with any other close friend. It is for sure not romantic. I could see how someone might mistake it for something more if they hear us laughing and joking and debating on the phone, though.

Thinking about it all, I have to wonder if the OP might be mistaking a close friendship for something to worry about…

 

[LongingSoul]

I have an opposite sex buddy I met online playing a game. We’ve been internet and phone friends for about 6 years now. We have lively discussions and debates. We offer each other emotional support and sympathy. We have a lot of laughs. I offer him advice since he is close to my daughters age and sometimes needs wisdom but doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his mother.

How old is the guy out of interest?

A few people have looked askance at me over the years. Including my husband.

I feel that regardless of how you feel about the relationship, out of respect for your husband you shouldn’t indulge it really. Once an intimate relationship has been developed, it only takes a ‘final straw’ event or moment to flip the switch to something that quickly becomes out of ones control.

 

[MJJean]

How old is the guy out of interest?

I feel that regardless of how you feel about the relationship, out of respect for your husband you shouldn’t indulge it really. Once an intimate relationship has been developed, it only takes a ‘final straw’ event or moment to flip the switch to something that quickly becomes out of ones control.

My friend is 23. He’s 4 years older than my daughter. I have a secret fantasy they’ll meet, fall in love, and marry. He’s a good man in the making and would fit right in with the family. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking.

As for your concern, thank you. I am well aware of that being a possibility in some male-female friendships. However, that couldn’t be the case with myself and my friend. I have never in my life been attracted to younger men. Just the opposite! And the relationship really is a combination of friendship with a dash of favorite Aunt throw in. I’ve spoken to and passed on messages to his mother. He has spoken to and passed on messages with my husband. He’s also spoken to my daughter a few times for quite a while.

At this point in his life he is caring for a severely mentally ill relative. His relative is in and out of mental treatment centers. My friend lives with the relative and is far away from home. Complicated story, there’s no one else to do it. He’s taken over all of the responsibilities of running the household and caring for his relative. His mother cannot offer much help as she is dealing with a serious, possibly deadly, illness in a younger child of hers.

Other than the friendship being all on the up and up with my husband and kids, I’d feel like a total heel abandoning him now that he is going through such a difficult time. He’s been calling lately to mainly vent about the difficulties of caregiving and the insanity and annoyance of trying to get help from various agencies. I have been doing my best to give solid advice, be supportive, praise him for doing what he is doing (a lot of people wouldn’t nowadays) and to make him laugh a bit.

Now that I think about it, please pray for my friend and his younger sister. I don’t feel comfortable giving his name, but I am sure God would know who you’re talking about.

 

[on_the_hill]

My friend is 23. He’s 4 years older than my daughter. I have a secret fantasy they’ll meet, fall in love, and marry. He’s a good man in the making and would fit right in with the family. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking.

As for your concern, thank you. I am well aware of that being a possibility in some male-female friendships. However, that couldn’t be the case with myself and my friend. I have never in my life been attracted to younger men. Just the opposite! And the relationship really is a combination of friendship with a dash of favorite Aunt throw in. I’ve spoken to and passed on messages to his mother. He has spoken to and passed on messages with my husband. He’s also spoken to my daughter a few times for quite a while.

At this point in his life he is caring for a severely mentally ill relative. His relative is in and out of mental treatment centers. My friend lives with the relative and is far away from home. Complicated story, there’s no one else to do it. He’s taken over all of the responsibilities of running the household and caring for his relative. His mother cannot offer much help as she is dealing with a serious, possibly deadly, illness in a younger child of hers.

Other than the friendship being all on the up and up with my husband and kids, I’d feel like a total heel abandoning him now that he is going through such a difficult time. He’s been calling lately to mainly vent about the difficulties of caregiving and the insanity and annoyance of trying to get help from various agencies. I have been doing my best to give solid advice, be supportive, praise him for doing what he is doing (a lot of people wouldn’t nowadays) and to make him laugh a bit.

Now that I think about it, please pray for my friend and his younger sister. I don’t feel comfortable giving his name, but I am sure God would know who you’re talking about.

Just my opinion, but this relationship seems oddly close.

 

[MomtoEandM]

My friend is 23. He’s 4 years older than my daughter. I have a secret fantasy they’ll meet, fall in love, and marry. He’s a good man in the making and would fit right in with the family. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking.

As for your concern, thank you. I am well aware of that being a possibility in some male-female friendships. However, that couldn’t be the case with myself and my friend. I have never in my life been attracted to younger men. Just the opposite! And the relationship really is a combination of friendship with a dash of favorite Aunt throw in. I’ve spoken to and passed on messages to his mother. He has spoken to and passed on messages with my husband. He’s also spoken to my daughter a few times for quite a while.

At this point in his life he is caring for a severely mentally ill relative. His relative is in and out of mental treatment centers. My friend lives with the relative and is far away from home. Complicated story, there’s no one else to do it. He’s taken over all of the responsibilities of running the household and caring for his relative. His mother cannot offer much help as she is dealing with a serious, possibly deadly, illness in a younger child of hers.

Other than the friendship being all on the up and up with my husband and kids, I’d feel like a total heel abandoning him now that he is going through such a difficult time. He’s been calling lately to mainly vent about the difficulties of caregiving and the insanity and annoyance of trying to get help from various agencies. I have been doing my best to give solid advice, be supportive, praise him for doing what he is doing (a lot of people wouldn’t nowadays) and to make him laugh a bit.

Now that I think about it, please pray for my friend and his younger sister. I don’t feel comfortable giving his name, but I am sure God would know who you’re talking about.

I don’t think this relationship sounds weird or unusual at all. It is great that you can provide comfort and support to someone who needs you.

I, too, am very close to a younger male friend. We are both ridiculously happy in our marriages and he, his wife, my husband, and I all spend time together frequently. We met at work six years ago, and we really got along. We have very similar backgrounds and upbringings and our sense of humor are very much alike. When I was going through a tough time at work, I really relied upon him, because he was in the trenches with me and knew exactly what I was going through. When I ended up leaving, he said it was really hard for him to not have me there to support him.

Through it all, my hubby has completely understood and encouraged our friendship. He is normally sitting right behind me while I vent to my friend. They’ve become close friends as well. My friend and his wife are the godparents to our younger daughter, and our older daughter was the flower girl in our wedding. My dad has driven my friend to job interviews and taken him out for lunch.

I can say 100% that nothing even slightly inappropriate has ever occurred between us, and it NEVER will. He is a friend who just happens to be a man. Much as I rely on my closest female friend for support, I rely on him.

I am always bothered by posts on the forums that imply that danger is lurking in every male/female friendship. In posts about premarital sex and NFP, there is constant talk that we are not animals. We have the ability to control ourselves and our impulses. However, when talk shifts to male/female friendships, suddenly we are like animals that will mate with any member of the opposite sex. It really would be a shame to miss out on a great and supportive friendship, just because your friend has the wrong external parts.

Frankly, I’ve never had an “impulse” to do anything sexual with my friend. It kind of grosses me out to even write about it. I imagine MJJean probably feels the same way about her friend.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

If a person becomes attached to the opposite sex and nothing physical has happened is it grounds for divorce?

The way you’ve worded this question, no.

If it was clearly demonstrated that this was occurring at the time the couple got married, and as a result the consent of the spouse was defective, then possibly. After-the-fact affairs of any type in and of themselves are not grounds for divorce.

 

[LongingSoul]

But be honest, ladies. If you husbands had a friendship with a 23 year old female of the same nature as your friendships with your 23 year old males… would you feel completely secure and unconditionally trusting. I’d find the situation one to watch carefully, personally and I’m sure many other ladies would as well.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

But be honest, ladies. If you husbands had a friendship with a 23 year old female of the same nature as your friendships with your 23 year old males… would you feel completely secure and unconditionally trusting. I’d find the situation one to watch carefully, personally and I’m sure many other ladies would as well.

It depends on the circumstances. Some people can be friends with people of the opposite sex and have no physical attraction to the other person. Both my wife and I have such friends, we both know who they are, and we are never alone with these people unless its in a strictly professional, business-type situation.

 

[MomtoEandM]

But be honest, ladies. If you husbands had a friendship with a 23 year old female of the same nature as your friendships with your 23 year old males… would you feel completely secure and unconditionally trusting. I’d find the situation one to watch carefully, personally and I’m sure many other ladies would as well.

Considering I trust my husband, I would feel totally fine with it. He happens to be friends with his former co-worker, who is a very attractive woman. Doesn’t bother me a bit. I’ve taken dance classes with her, and she is a very nice person. She is a newlywed, and I don’t think she is running around trying to seduce middle aged co-workers. Even if she was trying, my husband wouldn’t go for it.

Humorously, my husband once thought his hairdresser (who was 21 or 22 at the time) was hitting on him because she’d given him her e-mail address in a sort of secretive way. He told me about it and asked for my opinion because he was uncomfortable. I guessed (correctly) that she was leaving the salon and was hoping to take clients with her to her new business, and that is why she’d give my hubby her e-mail. I was reassured, but not surprised, that the first thing he did when he thought an attractive young woman was interested in him, was to tell me.

And my friend is 28, not 23. And he is not attractive to me in any way other than as a friend. It really makes me sad that people can’t grasp the idea of a platonic friendship. This was in Time Magazine today: “The human part of us doesn’t leave when we get to work,” Harter says. Employees should seek out supervisors who care about them and their work, someone they can connect with on a more personal level. But friendships between co-workers also help. “If you’re having a bad day, it’s good to have someone to talk to about it.” Having a friend at work (even one who happens to be of the opposite sex) is good for your emotional health.

 

[LongingSoul]

It really makes me sad that people can’t grasp the idea of a platonic friendship. This was in Time Magazine today: “The human part of us doesn’t leave when we get to work,” Harter says. Employees should seek out supervisors who care about them and their work, someone they can connect with on a more personal level. But friendships between co-workers also help. “If you’re having a bad day, it’s good to have someone to talk to about it.” Having a friend at work (even one who happens to be of the opposite sex) is good for your emotional health.

I suppose I’m see the worst case scenarios having worked with a Catholic marriage and pre-marriage counselling service for the last 10 odd years… but the process of friendship turning to more, is honestly so predictable. People confide ever more deeply in one another, either in the workplace or on a benign (not dating) internet site… can even happen in University, school or other professional situation. Confident turns to ‘friendship’, turns to ‘special’ friendship, turns to best confident ever had, turns to secret ‘lovers’. Spouse thought it was a good marriage. So shocked and utterly devastated.

We really do have to observe certain taboos and always be careful with these ‘special’ friendships. Human nature is human nature. All of the affairs that have ever happened in my observations, started with ‘special’ friendships.

 

[MJJean]

Just my opinion, but this relationship seems oddly close.

Yeah, I can understand that view. It’s not uncommon for people to think that male-female friendships that are close are also suspicious or odd. Since I was a pre-teen most of my friends have been males. I just like the way men think and the things that men enjoy are also the things that I happen to enjoy. I’d much rather have a conversation about household and car repairs, computer gaming, politics etc. than basically gossip or spend hours talking about and analyzing everything the hubby and kids did lately. (My few female friends are also moms and sadly lacking in conversation unless it’s about the kids and husband or gossip about other people)

I don’t think this relationship sounds weird or unusual at all. It is great that you can provide comfort and support to someone who needs you.

I am always bothered by posts on the forums that imply that danger is lurking in every male/female friendship. In posts about premarital sex and NFP, there is constant talk that we are not animals. We have the ability to control ourselves and our impulses. However, when talk shifts to male/female friendships, suddenly we are like animals that will mate with any member of the opposite sex. It really would be a shame to miss out on a great and supportive friendship, just because your friend has the wrong external parts.

Frankly, I’ve never had an “impulse” to do anything sexual with my friend. It kind of grosses me out to even write about it. I imagine MJJean probably feels the same way about her friend.

Nice to have someone else who understands! As much as my friend gets advice and support from me, he gives advice and support. I have a baby brother who is close to his age and, of course, I have the husband. Sometimes how those men in my life think is a complete mystery. I can always go to my friend and ask that he explain the male point of view. He’s a great male-female translator! I think everyone should have at least one friend of the opposite sex.

And…EWWWW! NO! The very idea of something physical with my lil buddy is icky! Not only would it be a betrayal of my marriage and a betrayal of the friendship, but he’s literally young enough to be my baby brother or my own child.

But be honest, ladies. If you husbands had a friendship with a 23 year old female of the same nature as your friendships with your 23 year old males… would you feel completely secure and unconditionally trusting. I’d find the situation one to watch carefully, personally and I’m sure many other ladies would as well.

That depends. If I got the “vibe” that something was “off”, I would be suspicious. If everything felt ok, I’d be fine. My husband has been friends with a couple women over the years and I have been ok with those friendships. We have a coupe mutual female friends that he will chat with when he’s bored at work (he’s a truck driver locally and sometimes has to wait a long time to be loaded or unloaded) and I am busy. One in particular is a woman I have been friends with since we were kids. She knows me well and they will get together and vent. They offer each other support and advice. Apparently, I am not the easiest person on the planet to live with.

It depends on the circumstances. Some people can be friends with people of the opposite sex and have no physical attraction to the other person. Both my wife and I have such friends, we both know who they are, and we are never alone with these people unless its in a strictly professional, business-type situation.

Good policy! I am also not alone with male friends for any length of time.

I had another close male friend that has passed away. I miss him. He once came to my house very upset and looking for someone to talk to. His marriage was falling apart, his life was falling apart. My husband was working and the kids were in bed. I didn’t want to turn my friend away in a time of need, but I also didn’t want to have the appearance of anything improper. We ended up sitting on the front porch for a few hours.

I suppose I’m see the worst case scenarios having worked with a Catholic marriage and pre-marriage counselling service for the last 10 odd years… but the process of friendship turning to more, is honestly so predictable.

I bet you very rarely see people with healthy platonic friendships in your work. When you’re a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail, you know? Platonic friendships that last for years are out there. The people involved in them either don’t end up in counseling offices or don’t have to mention their platonic friends because the friends aren’t the problem they are there to work on.

 

[on_the_hill]

Truth be told, I’ve had some close female relationships that remained platonic. Mostly, I think, because of my own social anxieties–in other words, the relationships could may have developed into something more, but I had the brakes on. In other words, this may be why I do have a tendency to develop female friendships outside my marriage, because I’m “safe” if that makes any sense. (although I do notice the husbands tend to keep an eye on things… ).

When I was in college I regularly went dancing with a girl friend who was my friend’s girlfriend. We’d go to dance clubs, he wasn’t 21 and couldn’t go. She’d tell me what to wear, etc. We made an attractive couple. But there was never any “attraction,” to the relationship.

I spend more time with two women at work than I do with my wife. We do spend a lot of time discussing no work topics: family, kids, life in general. My wife is fully aware, because I’m a talker. In other words, I’d never be able to have an affair, emotional or otherwise, because I’d never be able to keep my mouth shut.