Are gay Catholics condemned to loneliness?

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ConfusedLucy said:
Despite Catholic teaching on the value of celibacy and single vocations, on a cultural level we still seem to see it as a temporary state that just needs managing until the person reaches the proper state of being married. I guess there is always aspects of the secular world creeping into the church.

As a married but childless adult I am coming to terms with the fact I may well never be considered fully adult in my parish whatever the church teaches about confirmation. I imagine this can be similar for singles and now I’m aging out of the young adult category.
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That’s really very sad, but I don’t doubt you’re telling the truth.

One thought: I think many parents feel like their under siege in a culture that isn’t as favorable toward having-children as it could be. So when they meet someone without children there might be a little guilt by association.
 
Peter_J said:
That’s really very sad, but I don’t doubt you’re telling the truth.

One thought: I think many parents feel like their under siege in a culture that isn’t as favorable toward having-children as it could be. So when they meet someone without children there might be a little guilt by association.
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That depends on whether you care about what secular society thinks.
 
Peter_J said:
To the last few posts, I would chime in this: from my experience it seems like many wives and husbands don’t believe in “guy time” because for them it’s kind of like code for irresponsibility (I don’t mean doing anything really bad, but self indulgence and vices like drinking too much, eating whatever one feels like, spending too much time just having fun, being obnoxious, whatever) … which can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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What I have found is that when the married couple starts having children, that’s when it changes. Part of the reason is that they start associating themselves with other married couples with children, especially when the children start school.
 
I’ve been thinking about the show Friends (not specifically in relation to homosexual persons).

While I find it unfortunate that it (like Seinfeld) buys into the notion that sex doesn’t require marriage or even commitment, I do like the fact that it (unlike Seinfeld) has a positive view of roommates.

I wonder if there have been any threads about it in the Popular Media section.
 
Brassring said:
Replace the words “gay Catholic” with “priest” and see if that changes your perspective.

Everyone is expected to sacrifice something for God’s service. It’s just a question of what.
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Heterosexual priest, homosexual priest, bisexual priests. All humans are sexual in nature and sexuality diversity exists throughout nature. But when you choose not to act upon your sexuality, it becomes mute. A homosexual priest is no different than a heterosexual priest. Now pedophile priests, those like the infamous abuser at Archbishop Keough High School for girls in Baltimore, who has been in the media a lot lately, acted on his sexual aberrance, with both boys and girls. Pedophilia has nothing to do with healthy heterosexual or homosexual sex drives. Pedophilia is a fixation on children and involves characteristics of dominance, control and sadism. People who even remotely associate sexual predators with gay people need to also apply it equally to heterosexual people because statistically, the prevalence of pedophilia in both camps is about the same.

“The empirical research does not show that gay or bisexual men are any more likely than heterosexual men to molest children. This is not to argue that homosexual and bisexual men never molest children. But there is no scientific basis for asserting that they are more likely than heterosexual men to do so. And, as explained above, many child molesters cannot be characterized as having an adult sexual orientation at all; they are fixated on children.” - Dr Herek, “Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation”, UC Davis.
 
On the topic of single (not necessarily homosexual) people vs. married people…

The other day I was talking with a friend. A little background: we each know a bunch of people who have moved from one part of the US to another part of the US because relatives did so. (Aside, even though this is background I would like to ask if many posters have been in that situation or know others who have.) So whenever this friend and I see each other, which isn’t terribly often, that topic comes up.

But what I found particularly interesting about our conversation the other day is an aspect of this topic that I haven’t really thought much about before. Namely, how being single-or-married makes a difference. In particular, a couple (with or without children) might have a conversation starting with “Well, so many of our relatives have moved to _______ , we’re kind of like the only ones left in this area. Do you think we should move also?” Ultimately they may decide yes or no (or postpone the decision indefinitely) but either way it’s a “we” decision… whereas a single person isn’t exactly going to say to his or her group of friends “Maybe we should all move to such and such part of the country because so many of my relatives are moving there.”
 
Peter_J said:
On the topic of single (not necessarily homosexual) people vs. married people…

The other day I was talking with a friend. A little background: we each know a bunch of people who have moved from one part of the US to another part of the US because relatives did so. (Aside, even though this is background I would like to ask if many posters have been in that situation or know others who have.) So whenever this friend and I see each other, which isn’t terribly often, that topic comes up.

But what I found particularly interesting about our conversation the other day is an aspect of this topic that I haven’t really thought much about before. Namely, how being single-or-married makes a difference. In particular, a couple (with or without children) might have a conversation starting with “Well, so many of our relatives have moved to _______ , we’re kind of like the only ones left in this area. Do you think we should move also?” Ultimately they may decide yes or no (or postpone the decision indefinitely) but either way it’s a “we” decision… whereas a single person isn’t exactly going to say to his or her group of friends “Maybe we should all move to such and such part of the country because so many of my relatives are moving there.”
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I think a large part of it is we honestly treat friendships more or less as close situational acquaintances. When situations change more often than not people aren’t willing to make the effort to maintain the friendship. There isn’t a real virtue for friendship in our culture so people just don’t seem that invested in at a times. The counter is we seem an almost idolatry of romance and romantic relationships.

A strong counterexample is this: washingtonpost.com/local/they-met-in-a-1960s-group-house-nearly-50-years-later-theyre-still-roommates/2016/01/29/3ef27e30-a5de-11e5-b53d-972e2751f433_story.html?utm_term=.089632625d9a
 
All unmarried adults are free to have friends but must remain chaste according to the Catholic Church. That applies to gay or straight. Sure, people move away. It doesn’t matter because I still care for them and they for me.

Ed
 
It’s definitely hard being single. Take this past 4th of July. I only have a few friends and they’re all married guys and most have kids. They were all doing family stuff for the 4th, going to family BBQs, parties, etc. I’m not family so I wasn’t invited. I spent the 4th sitting in my room watch TV because I couldn’t think of anything to go do by myself.
 
Bataar said:
It’s definitely hard being single. Take this past 4th of July. I only have a few friends and they’re all married guys and most have kids. They were all doing family stuff for the 4th, going to family BBQs, parties, etc. I’m not family so I wasn’t invited. I spent the 4th sitting in my room watch TV because I couldn’t think of anything to go do by myself.
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It’s similar at Christmas, everyone dissapears off to their families.
 
at9009 said:
I think a large part of it is we honestly treat friendships more or less as close situational acquaintances. When situations change more often than not people aren’t willing to make the effort to maintain the friendship. There isn’t a real virtue for friendship in our culture so people just don’t seem that invested in at a times. The counter is we seem an almost idolatry of romance and romantic relationships.

A strong counterexample is this: washingtonpost.com/local/they-met-in-a-1960s-group-house-nearly-50-years-later-theyre-still-roommates/2016/01/29/3ef27e30-a5de-11e5-b53d-972e2751f433_story.html?utm_term=.089632625d9a
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👍

Also reminds me of my earlier thought …
Peter_J said:
I’ve been thinking about the show Friends (not specifically in relation to homosexual persons).

While I find it unfortunate that it (like Seinfeld) buys into the notion that sex doesn’t require marriage or even commitment, I do like the fact that it (unlike Seinfeld) has a positive view of roommates.

I wonder if there have been any threads about it in the Popular Media section.
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Bataar said:
It’s definitely hard being single. Take this past 4th of July. I only have a few friends and they’re all married guys and most have kids. They were all doing family stuff for the 4th, going to family BBQs, parties, etc. I’m not family so I wasn’t invited. I spent the 4th sitting in my room watch TV because I couldn’t think of anything to go do by myself.
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😦

All I can really say is to keep trying – I don’t mean trying to think of things to do by yourself, but to find friends with whom you can get together on such occasions.
 
Bataar said:
It’s definitely hard being single. Take this past 4th of July. I only have a few friends and they’re all married guys and most have kids. They were all doing family stuff for the 4th, going to family BBQs, parties, etc. I’m not family so I wasn’t invited. I spent the 4th sitting in my room watch TV because I couldn’t think of anything to go do by myself.
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ConfusedLucy said:
It’s similar at Christmas, everyone dissapears off to their families.
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And this is why we should not shame people for seeking spouses if they are eligible to marry.

(hey, a thought just occurred to me - maybe you two could try to get together!)
 
I’d like to see more media that explores friendship rather than romance for adults (I know its different with kids media, maybe that gives the impression that the need for friends is something to grow out of) as it is a part of life that deserves more focus and whether we want to admit it or not society is influenced by it.
 
Norseman82 said:
And this is why we should not shame people for seeking spouses if they are eligible to marry.

(hey, a thought just occurred to me - maybe you two could try to get together!)
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I’m already married 😃
 
[BIBLEDRB][/BIBLEDRB]
Norseman82 said:
And this is why we should not shame people for seeking spouses if they are eligible to marry.

(hey, a thought just occurred to me - maybe you two could try to get together!)
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This thread is kinda about gay/ssa people who have determined thst marriage is not their vocation abd you bring up the solution of marriage to loneliness. I’m not sure why. No one I mean literally no one shames someone for looking for a spouse.

The issue is those who are not called for marriage have traditonally received little support as a we are often hyperfocused on marriage.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I’d like to see more media that explores friendship rather than romance for adults (I know its different with kids media, maybe that gives the impression that the need for friends is something to grow out of) as it is a part of life that deserves more focus and whether we want to admit it or not society is influenced by it.
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One thing that I have noticed is that many tv shows for kids now have romantic subplots including kids who are way to young to even think about romance. Yet at ages as young as 8 they are already being basically told that romance is the most important thing.
 
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