Are kids today more immature?

[Dorothy]

I think that depends on the parents.

When children have chores to do, and when they get older they deliver newspapers, babysit, shovel snow, rake leaves to earn money…that helps them to mature. If they are babied and have everything handed to them that they want, then they will be immature.

 

[puzzleannie]

I can’t say, but the adults sure are, particularly 20 somethings

 

[Chiltepin]

do any of you think kids today are more immature/less able to deal with adversity today than they were when you were kids?
…
I asked a friend who teaches HS about this same incident. Her response, “That’s no suprise. They’re all like that.” My question: Do you agree with that statement? If so, why and what do you think is responsible for our children’s lack of maturity? God bless.

I teach in a high school. Some of my students are terrible people and some of them are immature and less able to deal with adversity.

Others have lived through horrors you cannot even imagine. Those who have bourne more than their fair share with unimaginable grace and dignity rarely stick out but they number more than you would think. I have had students tell me after class things about their lives that absolutely floor me and make me want to cry. Last time it happened I’m pretty sure the kid saw me shed a tear its too hard to listen to that and not. Kids are dealing with a lot of really dreadful home issues. I won’t tell any of my student’s stories about their lives as they are not my stories to tell, but has anyone seen the movie Precious?

And to think that is only the students who felt compelled to tell me those things, think how many other keep that too themselves.

So yes there are spoiled, sheltered, entitled students, but there are also humble ones who have dealt with so much termoil. Perhaps the generation ranges more in the extremes or perhaps it is exactly the same as any other generation.

 

[Laura_Ic]

I think it depends on the parents and how children are raised. At work, there are a lot of high school students working to earn money for college. There are also a lof of college students putting themselves through college by working 2 jobs. The young people I work with don’t want to graduate with loads of debt. Plus they have great work ethic and seldom complain. On the other hand, the seasonal help a few Christmas’s back were lazy, rude to customers, and didn’t want to listen to direction. They were all young. They felt like they were entitled.

 

[psr13]

In reality, a lot of coaches do, particularly at the high school level and particularly if they have a tradition of success. As a former HS athlete myself, I can attest to coaches coming absolutely unglued in the locker room or at the bench towards players. I don’t think it’s right. I personally think it’s demeaning and not particularly helpful towards motivating a player or correcting a performance issue. But, it happens. As to my original post, it wasn’t that the player was upset per se…anyone would be. No one likes to be humiliated. My point was more how she handled herself. Pouting (regardless of why you’re pouting) when you’re 16 or 17 just strikes me as incredibly immature. I’m nearly 50 now, so perhaps I’ve just forgotten, but I truly can’t recall anyone I played with in HS who would have behaved that way. Yes, you would have been embarrassed, but you’d have sucked it up and not exacerbated your embarrassment by drawing further attention to yourself. But, along with everyone else, yes, I do think the coach was a jerk about it.

You know, I played high school softball in a city with an extremely strong softball tradition. By extremely, I mean that one of the schools in the city is often said to be the number one team in the nation. That school also pretty much always has one player on the team at UCLA and other top college teams. No, I didn’t play for that school. We won’t mention all the things that school does to recruit that are against the rules. However, maybe it’s a trend of the coach. If a coach has acted like that before, I would say that he’s lucky the kid didn’t walk away completely. You seem to be forgetting that this is just jv, too. JV means absolutely nothing. There is no reason to do that to a player in varsity, let alone JV. If this is normal for him, then it’s ridiculous. The high school that I was zoned for a coach like that. Due to not wanting to play for him, my oldest sister just stopped playing softball despite loving it. Due to not wanting to play for him, I transferred schools. We were both very good players. In fact, I pitched the game that my team won over that same school to decide which team would go to the playoffs. Every person on the other school’s bench knew I was supposed to go to that school and why I did not go. I can completely understand where that girl is coming from.

 

[psr13]

I can’t say, but the adults sure are, particularly 20 somethings

Oh my goodness, people my age are truly immature. I went through a lot when I was younger, and my middle sister and I matured very quickly. Now I have to work with a bunch of people that range from 20–about 24 I think. It is very difficult to make it through the day. The pettiness that goes on astounds me. One other girl isn’t immature, though, but she had a kid and had to grow up.

 

[Eris_Discordia]

The example you listed was bad, but yes, they are getting really immature. This coming from a 21 year old. I fear for my generation. I have a 13 year old cousin who is a spoiled brat, and gets everything she wants, or throws a tantrum when she doesn’t. I remember in HS my senior year, a fight broke out once a week, usually freshman and sophomores fighting. Even in college, I know so many immature people. There are people who talk to their parents in a way that would get me slapped across the face before you could say “grounded”, or who are rich and look down on the kids like me, who don’t have parents buy them every little thing, and make my own money, even if it means going like a year without any cash at all, and can’t afford designer clothes, and is just grateful my mom is able to send me to a 40,000$ a year school. It’s horrible. I’m glad people on the internet usually peg me for like 26-27, because I hate getting lumped in with the people in my generation. Luckily most of my friends are mature, at least.

 

[plinko]

The example you listed was bad, but yes, they are getting really immature. This coming from a 21 year old. I fear for my generation. I have a 13 year old cousin who is a spoiled brat, and gets everything she wants, or throws a tantrum when she doesn’t. I remember in HS my senior year, a fight broke out once a week, usually freshman and sophomores fighting. Even in college, I know so many immature people. There are people who talk to their parents in a way that would get me slapped across the face before you could say “grounded”, or who are rich and look down on the kids like me, who don’t have parents buy them every little thing, and make my own money, even if it means going like a year without any cash at all, and can’t afford designer clothes, and is just grateful my mom is able to send me to a 40,000$ a year school. It’s horrible. I’m glad people on the internet usually peg me for like 26-27, because I hate getting lumped in with the people in my generation. Luckily most of my friends are mature, at least.

The problem is, those people exist in every generation. Making blanket statements about 20-30 year olds is one of my pet peeves. For those who are over 60, how do you feel when young people tell you that you shouldn’t be behind the wheel because you’re probably a bad driver? It’s the same kind of thing. You’re displacing aggravation toward a select few onto a whole spectrum of people. I get annoyed with people who feel entitled too, but those people exist across all age groups. I also get annoyed with people who didn’t have to work in college as I did (graduated in 4 years with 2 majors, working 40+ hours a week), but that’s probably because I’m jealous, not because there’s something immature about them.

On a related note, what does it mean to be immature? Has anybody defined it in a way that we can say that 20 somethings have less quantifiable maturity than other age groups?

 

[Eris_Discordia]

The problem is, those people exist in every generation. Making blanket statements about 20-30 year olds is one of my pet peeves. For those who are over 60, how do you feel when young people tell you that you shouldn’t be behind the wheel because you’re probably a bad driver? It’s the same kind of thing. You’re displacing aggravation toward a select few onto a whole spectrum of people. I get annoyed with people who feel entitled too, but those people exist across all age groups. I also get annoyed with people who didn’t have to work in college as I did (graduated in 4 years with 2 majors, working 40+ hours a week), but that’s probably because I’m jealous, not because there’s something immature about them.

On a related note, what does it mean to be immature? Has anybody defined it in a way that we can say that 20 somethings have less quantifiable maturity than other age groups?

Sorry, didn’t mean to offend or annoy. I’m just talking about what I’ve noticed from being around people my age. I should have probably mentioned I know a lot of more mature people in my group, and should not have generalized. Sorry! Although, a lot of kids I know are generally shallow and spoiled. Then again, it’s probably because I go to a suburban school, so there are some stereotypical suburban kids (Not all, but some). I usually hang out with the more “outcast” kids at school, so they are likable intelligent, and all around good people. I just get frustrated with the bad ones, and there are a lot that I’ve experienced. (Especially working in retail…)

I commend you for being able to work and go to school. I wanted to, but I had a lot of trouble finding work in my area. I just found a job, and I’ve been looking since Jan '09. So I would have been working, my area just had no work. I just went without for the most part.

And to me, immaturity can be a lot of things. I try to be respectful, and carry myself well, and respect people. I help my friends, I try not to gossip, I try to get my work done, and I don’t party often. I am always there for my friends, and I try not to be judgmental (Though I fail, sometimes, I’m human). I respect my family, and don’t feel entitled to anything I didn’t earn myself. I don’t throw a hissy fit when I don’t get my way, and I try hard to be nice to people, unless they’ve personally done something wrong to me, and admit when I make mistakes.

I feel like it’s 50/50 at this point. I know an equal number of people my age who have a good head on they’re shoulders, and those who explode when they can’t afford a 90$ pair of jeans, and their parents won’t buy it for them, and they have a lot of other nice things. So it’s a tough call.

 

[plinko]

Sorry, didn’t mean to offend or annoy. I’m just talking about what I’ve noticed from being around people my age. I should have probably mentioned I know a lot of more mature people in my group, and should not have generalized. Sorry! Although, a lot of kids I know are generally shallow and spoiled. Then again, it’s probably because I go to a suburban school, so there are some stereotypical suburban kids (Not all, but some). I usually hang out with the more “outcast” kids at school, so they are likable intelligent, and all around good people. I just get frustrated with the bad ones, and there are a lot that I’ve experienced. (Especially working in retail…)

I commend you for being able to work and go to school. I wanted to, but I had a lot of trouble finding work in my area. I just found a job, and I’ve been looking since Jan '09. So I would have been working, my area just had no work. I just went without for the most part.

And to me, immaturity can be a lot of things. I try to be respectful, and carry myself well, and respect people. I help my friends, I try not to gossip, I try to get my work done, and I don’t party often. I am always there for my friends, and I try not to be judgmental (Though I fail, sometimes, I’m human). I respect my family, and don’t feel entitled to anything I didn’t earn myself. I don’t throw a hissy fit when I don’t get my way, and I try hard to be nice to people, unless they’ve personally done something wrong to me, and admit when I make mistakes.

I feel like it’s 50/50 at this point. I know an equal number of people my age who have a good head on they’re shoulders, and those who explode when they can’t afford a 90$ pair of jeans, and their parents won’t buy it for them, and they have a lot of other nice things. So it’s a tough call.

Oh no, you didn’t offend at all. You just had a good sum-up of what everyone else was saying which is why I chose to quote you. I share a lot of your sentiment though…there’s too many people that feel like they’re owed something, but it permeates across all age groups. I don’t think our generation is any worse off than others. Be proud of your age! Let’s break some stereotypes!

 

[flyingfish]

Oh no, you didn’t offend at all. You just had a good sum-up of what everyone else was saying which is why I chose to quote you. I share a lot of your sentiment though…there’s too many people that feel like they’re owed something, but it permeates across all age groups. I don’t think our generation is any worse off than others. Be proud of your age! Let’s break some stereotypes!

I’m probably going to get heat for this, but every time I hear this sort of thing it comes across to me as poor people who are jealous of the wealthy people who get to have everything they want.

 

[plinko]

I’m probably going to get heat for this, but every time I hear this sort of thing it comes across to me as poor people who are jealous of the wealthy people who get to have everything they want.

No, there’s a difference between having everything you want and appreciating it, and constantly desiring more while feeling like you deserve it more than others. But that doesn’t have much to do with “kids being immature”, the topic of the thread.

No heat from me, flyingfish

 

[flyingfish]

No, there’s a difference between having everything you want and appreciating it, and constantly desiring more while feeling like you deserve it more than others. But that doesn’t have much to do with “kids being immature”, the topic of the thread.

No heat from me, flyingfish

Almost every time immaturity of today’s young people is brought up someone tells a story about how when they were young they had to walk 10 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways and these kids today expect a car ride. Not really, but you get my point.

It just sounds like envy on the part of people who’ve had tough lives and resent others for having their lives be fun and easy.

 

[JimG]

Almost every time immaturity of today’s young people is brought up someone tells a story about how when they were young they had to walk 10 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways and these kids today expect a car ride. Not really, but you get my point.

It just sounds like envy on the part of people who’ve had tough lives and resent others for having their lives be fun and easy.

Hey, I really did have to walk, not 10 but only about 4 miles, uphill both ways in the snow! (There were two hills, so you were going up one each way.) But I don’t envy today’s kids; I think I had more fun.

As for the twenty somethings–they have to move out of their parents’ house and dependency sometime. Don’t they?

 

[flyingfish]

As for the twenty somethings–they have to move out of their parents’ house and dependency sometime. Don’t they?

That isn’t the point, the point is so what if they don’t? So what if someone’s parents want to support them for as long as they live and provide them a life of no work and all play? There are people (the wealthy) who can and do provide this kind of a life for their children. So what?

How can being outraged at this sort of thing be anything other than envy?

 

[mjs1987]

I think teenagers and young adults are more immature. However, it depends on how you see it. I see guys being spoiled by their mother and having helicopter mothers that do almost everything for them makes them lazy and undisciplined when left on their own. At the same time, many fathers have taken a more withdrawn approach to parenting and spend most of their time working and doing other projects. A lot of the positive male influences are lost and young men become too used to having mom take care of them.

On the female side, many of them really have it together in academics and being personally well organized. They are also good at caring for themselves and are less lazy than many guys. On the flip side, young women are incredibly immature and naive most of the time when it comes to men. I see them turn down perfectly good looking and smart men to be with the lowest common denominator. These women academically are outstanding but throw away their brains when it comes to men. I think this is a result of fathers spending less time in the house and leaving the family jobs almost entirely to the wife. Women come to find attractive men that are most like their dad: distant and unreliable. Just like men tend to go for women that are like their mother, women go for men like their dad.

What young people do have in large supply is confidence and a sense of empowerment. They have been told all their life that they can do anything they want to do. However, hard work is rarely emphasized and the reality of life is shielded from young people who get told how well they would do if they had a certain college degree even if they were not a natural or good fit for that major. Realistically, I think the greatest problem I see in the young generation is not immaturity or entitlement but rather unrealistic expectations of life that get sold to them by everyone in life. What young people need and frequently do not have is someone to tell them the honest truth about what they can expect and to plan out their life based on realistic expectations. What I worry the most of my generation is that many people will come to realize they have been sold a terrible bill of goods and will develop a terrible cynicism towards life.

 

[gmarie21]

What young people do have in large supply is confidence and a sense of empowerment. They have been told all their life that they can do anything they want to do. However, hard work is rarely emphasized and the reality of life is shielded from young people who get told how well they would do if they had a certain college degree even if they were not a natural or good fit for that major. Realistically, I think the greatest problem I see in the young generation is not immaturity or entitlement but rather unrealistic expectations of life that get sold to them by everyone in life. What young people need and frequently do not have is someone to tell them the honest truth about what they can expect and to plan out their life based on realistic expectations. What I worry the most of my generation is that many people will come to realize they have been sold a terrible bill of goods and will develop a terrible cynicism towards life.

You hit the nail on the head, I think. And in actuality it is showing by the number of youth who are in desperate need for the Truth, who, despite their parent(s) “open-minded” “free” and “anti-establishment” attitude are becoming more faithful to the Truth when they hear it (thank you God for putting that ability to recognize truth within each soul and for lighting the fire when they do hear it). Today’s youth are slowly rising to realize that success isn’t gaining the most “stuff” (though they do enjoy it) but being at peace in one’s life. They grew up with parents who were more concerned with everything else, with keeping up with the Joneses and being the best than just being loving and spending family time together. Many grew up more neglected than their parents and then the parents wonder why their children leave and don’t look back many times.

But at the same time, they were told they could conquer the world and many college graduates are realizing that it was a lie. The best advice and reality check I was given was by my cousin after I graduated college (she only went to college for a year, but has a much better paying and more stable job than I) when she said “just because you have a degree doesn’t mean you deserve a job. You need to prove yourself” and she was right. My first post-college job was in a field that I had not education in, but had dealt with in my high school and college job (where I did prove myself). But most of my relatives do not have college degrees and are doing quite well for themselves materially. My measure of success has always been in regards to my faith life. Without that, the rest doesn’t matter. There are many youth who feel the same, who find greater value and peace in becoming missionaries after college than going to a 9-5 job. Even vocations are on the rise in certain circles of youth. That isn’t coincidental, that is due to a focus on faith by their families, or by them as individuals seeking out the truth.

The youth are now realizing they have been sold a bill of lies by the culture and sometimes their parents. Go and talk to some youth, how many are pro-life? How many girls hope to stay-home with their children one day? How many boys want to have a faithful and faith filled marriage and enjoy a lot of children? You will find a great percentage of the 14 - 24 crowd who want these things than from the 34 - 44 crowd (though I would venture that those among this crowd who have delayed things for a career are beginning the regret mode at a rapid pace).

So in a way, the youth I would say, are more advanced in maturity in one way than those in the generation or two ahead of them, but the letting go of the life they were raised in is difficult.

My husband is in a band and I have been to some of his shows at various venues including bars. The women there (who are mainly in their 40s and 50s) are truly sad to watch. They seem to think that dressing scantily, wearing a lot of makeup, getting drunk, and throwing themselves at men sexually will get them the love they are looking for. It really is a cycle of wash, rinse, and repeat, never realizing that they are taking steps in the wrong direction. My husband is very kind and friendly and he reminds some of these women that they are being disrespectful to themselves and that’s why the losers they date are disrespectful to them and don’t love them. He always tells these women to stop their ways of trying to lure with sex. They think he’s wrong (after all, he goes to Church and doesn’t hide his faith at these shows) but still ask his opinion about the latest guy they introduced to him. I have seen some of these women through the years and it saddens me to see how they never seem to change, yet they are confident in their work world. They haven’t awoken to the lies they have been told and have come to believe. That is where I believe the youth are more mature, they see it and are struggling to be free from the grip of the lies.

 

[jet100]

Yes. Parents now in days let their children be inmature and baby them. I wasn’t raised that way. I am 19years old and my Mom made me grow up early. I was running a house and paying bills at 16years old and had to deals with loads adveristy my whole life.
I’m a old soul and been adult for a long time. It upsets me how inmature this world is. Young adults like me get picked on for being more mature, more knowledge, acting like adult instead of inmature teenager. People make fun of us for being RESPONSIBLE!

 

[jet100]

I think teenagers and young adults are more immature. However, it depends on how you see it. I see guys being spoiled by their mother and having helicopter mothers that do almost everything for them makes them lazy and undisciplined when left on their own. At the same time, many fathers have taken a more withdrawn approach to parenting and spend most of their time working and doing other projects. A lot of the positive male influences are lost and young men become too used to having mom take care of them.

On the female side, many of them really have it together in academics and being personally well organized. They are also good at caring for themselves and are less lazy than many guys. On the flip side, young women are incredibly immature and naive most of the time when it comes to men. I see them turn down perfectly good looking and smart men to be with the lowest common denominator. These women academically are outstanding but throw away their brains when it comes to men. I think this is a result of fathers spending less time in the house and leaving the family jobs almost entirely to the wife. Women come to find attractive men that are most like their dad: distant and unreliable. Just like men tend to go for women that are like their mother, women go for men like their dad.

What young people do have in large supply is confidence and a sense of empowerment. They have been told all their life that they can do anything they want to do. However, hard work is rarely emphasized and the reality of life is shielded from young people who get told how well they would do if they had a certain college degree even if they were not a natural or good fit for that major. Realistically, I think the greatest problem I see in the young generation is not immaturity or entitlement but rather unrealistic expectations of life that get sold to them by everyone in life. What young people need and frequently do not have is someone to tell them the honest truth about what they can expect and to plan out their life based on realistic expectations. What I worry the most of my generation is that many people will come to realize they have been sold a terrible bill of goods and will develop a terrible cynicism towards life.

AMEN!!!

 

[JimG]

That isn’t the point, the point is so what if they don’t? So what if someone’s parents want to support them for as long as they live and provide them a life of no work and all play? There are people (the wealthy) who can and do provide this kind of a life for their children. So what?

How can being outraged at this sort of thing be anything other than envy?

The point is this. IF their parents really do have enough money for them to live on for the rest of their lives, they might be OK, but they won’t develop character. But I know some 20-somethings who only think they can live indefinitely on what is really just middle class savings of their parents. They don’t know how to make it last. They will outlive their income and end up struggling. And when the next depression hits, they will be totally unprepared.

Everyone is different. There are some youth who are very well prepared for whatever life may bring. I know some of them. They are what employers call “self starters.” They will make it no matter what. jet100 (see post #38) is one of them. I know a girl who is graduating from HS this year, who will make it fine. She did cold calls on employers when she turned 16 and convinced them to hire her. This summer she’ll be a manager in a summer job. Others are simply clueless, maybe because neither the culture nor their parents have prepared them for real life. Those are the ones who are going to have a hard time when the going gets tough.