Are Marriage courses mandatory?

[PeterCampbell]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

 

[1ke]

Yes and no.

There are two pieces to premarital preparation: catechesis/proximate preparation and premarital investigation of freedom to marry.

It is the bishops who determine what form that takes in their conference (for example the US as a whole) and their own diocese. Instruction can take many forms: individual meetings with a priest or deacon, a class over a period of weeks taught by a lay person, taking a FOCCUS or other assessment, a retreat such as Engaged Encounter or Pre Cana, work with a sponsor couple, or any combination of the above.

The priest or deacon is responsible for ensuring that the premarital preparation occurs, so in places where there is a class or retreat as part of preparation, there may indeed be a requirement for some sort of proof of attendance such as a certificate of attendance.

In addition, the priest or deacon will conduct an investigation of freedom to marry, typically by filling out a form that discusses marital history, sacraments received, etc.

So, bottom line it is up to your bishop and pastor what form preparation takes where you live.

Canon law:

Can. 1063 Pastors of souls are obliged to take care that their ecclesiastical community offers the Christian faithful the assistance by which the matrimonial state is preserved in a Christian spirit and advances in perfection. This assistance must be offered especially by:

1/ preaching, catechesis adapted to minors, youth, and adults, and even the use of instruments of social communication, by which the Christian faithful are instructed about the meaning of Christian marriage and about the function of Christian spouses and parents;

2/ personal preparation to enter marriage, which disposes the spouses to the holiness and duties of their new state;

Can.* 1064 It is for the local ordinary to take care that such assistance is organized fit-tingly, after he has also heard men and women proven by experience and expertise if it seems opportune.

Can.* 1066 Before a marriage is celebrated, it must be evident that nothing stands in the way of its valid and licit celebration.

Can.* 1067 The conference of bishops is to establish norms about the examination of spouses and about the marriage banns or other opportune means to accomplish the investigations necessary before marriage. After these norms have been diligently observed, the pastor can proceed to assist at the marriage.*

So what you “have” to do is approach the Church (i.e. your pastor) in plenty of time to prepare according to the local requirements-- typically 6 to 12 months before marriage. The first step for a Catholic is always an appointment with their pastor.

 

[dconklin]

If you have questions about the requirements of a sacrament you most likely (definitely) need the preparation. To save you the time in years down the road, I’ll go ahead and answer your future questions. Yes, you need to go to Baptism prep classes and yes, your child needs to go to religious ed/CCD/faith formation classes before First Reconciliation/First Holy Communion/Confirmation.

 

[clem456]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

I recently had this discussion with my daughter so I will repeat what I told her.

If you were called to a career in politics, would you run for the senate this fall? Or would you take political science classes, and public speaking courses, learn world history, be an aide for a few years?

If you wanted to run a marathon, would you train for it? Or just go out and flail away?

Are your future spouse and marriage as important as, or less important, than a marathon or a career?
If you do the minimum in preparation, what do you expect the results to be?

If the Church is providing you a way to prepare for the most important decision of your life and you do not want to participate in it, why do you want to be married in the Church?? (I am not trying to dissuade you from being married in the Church, but you are begging the question). You could be married on the courthouse steps. If you want to be married in the Church, there must be some value in the process that is being proposed to you.

Marriage is a BIG commitment. You need to go all in.

 

[PeterCampbell]

I recently had this discussion with my daughter so I will repeat what I told her.

If you were called to a career in politics, would you run for the senate this fall? Or would you take political science classes, and public speaking courses, learn world history, be an aide for a few years?

If you wanted to run a marathon, would you train for it? Or just go out and flail away?

Are your future spouse and marriage as important as, or less important, than a marathon or a career?
If you do the minimum in preparation, what do you expect the results to be?

If the Church is providing you a way to prepare for the most important decision of your life and you do not want to participate in it, why do you want to be married in the Church?? (I am not trying to dissuade you from being married in the Church, but you are begging the question). You could be married on the courthouse steps. If you want to be married in the Church, there must be some value in the process that is being proposed to you.

Marriage is a BIG commitment. You need to go all in.

Thanks to all

I personally want to go to a marriage preparation course and am not asking simply to see if I must go or not, I just wondered if you had to…

But I appreciate all these answers and I do see the importance of preparing even for my [potential] kids too. Sometimes I’m not sure if things within the church are simply good practice or are actually within it’s teaching!

 

[Back2Church]

I think the real question to ask is, “is it worth it?”

One of the reasons for the classes and the waiting is simply to make sure the couple aren’t making a hasty decision. If either one of the couple, or perhaps a third party like a parent or priest, observes frustration or impatience over something like the classes, then it could be a sign that they aren’t fully ready for marriage yet. Because let’s face it, if something like marriage prep classes are felt as too much of a chore, then what about the rest of the marriage? Because let me tell you, there’s quite a bit of work in marriage!

 

[JerryZ]

I recently had this discussion with my daughter so I will repeat what I told her.

If you were called to a career in politics, would you run for the senate this fall? Or would you take political science classes, and public speaking courses, learn world history, be an aide for a few years?

If you wanted to run a marathon, would you train for it? Or just go out and flail away?

Are your future spouse and marriage as important as, or less important, than a marathon or a career?
If you do the minimum in preparation, what do you expect the results to be?

If the Church is providing you a way to prepare for the most important decision of your life and you do not want to participate in it, why do you want to be married in the Church?? (I am not trying to dissuade you from being married in the Church, but you are begging the question). You could be married on the courthouse steps. If you want to be married in the Church, there must be some value in the process that is being proposed to you.

Marriage is a BIG commitment. You need to go all in.

I like the analogies, but Marriage is not a profession, after all you can change what you do to earn a living.
Marriage is even more than a commitment, it is a vocation, one that hopefully with the grace of God will end only with one’s own death. It is even more important than preparing for a career.

 

[GangGreen]

In the AD of NY, Pre-Cana classes are pretty much mandatory. I’ve heard of priests making exceptions for couples who recently went through RCIA together. However, for everyone else it’s mandatory. I have mine coming up in the next couple of months. From what I gather it really depends on who is doing the class (they’re typically not run by clergy) as to what you get out of it.

 

[Aramis]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

Canon Law requires suitable preparation and examination; the National Conferences of Bishops set what’s appropriate in their culture for examination.
The individual Ordinaries (Bishops) are to see that a suitable level of instruction exists on both what marriage is about and on how to have a successful Catholic marriage.

See canons 1063-1072 of the CIC (link to Vatican website edition of the cic.)

 

[Kielbasi]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

You do have to be instructed in the sacrament before receiving it.

Marriage classes are the usual method of instruction in most places in Catholic America at this point in time. I guess that private instruction is a possibility for Catholics who are already well-schooled and a priest who has the time to give the lesson.

But that would be an exception to the usual rule- and you probably won’t be able to do it unless their were extenuating circumstances like a bride or groom near death, the groom about ready to be shipped out to war, or some other out of the ordinary situation where a person wouldn’t be able to attend classes.

 

[otjm]

Thanks to all

I personally want to go to a marriage preparation course and am not asking simply to see if I must go or not, I just wondered if you had to…

But I appreciate all these answers and I do see the importance of preparing even for my [potential] kids too. Sometimes I’m not sure if things within the church are simply good practice or are actually within it’s teaching!

I am not clear by what you mean “within its teaching”. All of what the Church does could be considered teaching. If you mean doctrine, no it is not part of doctrine; but most of what the Church does and says is not literally part of doctrine. Practice may or may not flow directly from doctrine, but whether or not it does should essentially be pointless. The Church is not in the business of defending everything it does by tying it specifically to a doctrine. The Church simply does what is perceived to be in the best interest of souls.

 

[bben15]

If you and your girlfriend want to get married right away without marriage prep, then that is a sign you definitely need marriage prep. The point of marriage prep is to inform you about the seriousness of marriage. It is for life, and can never be dissolved. The point of those 6 months is to discern whether God is calling you two to get married.

Congratulations on your possible marriage vocation.

 

[jmcrae]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

What you **HAVE ** to do, is get an appointment with your pastor and find out from him what his requirements are - what he expects you to do - before he will allow your wedding to take place in his parish.

He’s the one who decides these things; not you or your girlfriend.

 

[QNDNNDQDCE]

If you and your girlfriend want to get married right away without marriage prep, then that is a sign you definitely need marriage prep. The point of marriage prep is to inform you about the seriousness of marriage. It is for life, and can never be dissolved. The point of those 6 months is to discern whether God is calling you two to get married.

Isn’t discerning marriage the purpose of dating in the first place? Surely a couple already has a firm idea of their commitment to marriage before they approach the Church about the matter.

 

[jmcrae]

Isn’t discerning marriage the purpose of dating in the first place? Surely a couple already has a firm idea of their commitment to marriage before they approach the Church about the matter.

In today’s society, many people have imbibed false ideas about what marriage is from television, literature, and common stereotypes. Even people who think their ideas about marriage are “traditional” are often caught up in fairy tales rather than actual tradition.

The purpose of marriage preparation is to make sure people are made aware of the reality of marriage.

 

[Back2Church]

Isn’t discerning marriage the purpose of dating in the first place? Surely a couple already has a firm idea of their commitment to marriage before they approach the Church about the matter.

Sometimes (or perhaps many times) a couple’s firm idea of their commitment gets shattered once they endure some hardship or conflict. That’s why they need to be prepped for it. For some couples, letting them marry without being prepped is like sending them into the wilderness with no food or supplies.

So many marriages today don’t even last five years. I’m sure the couples in all those short marriages went through the dating process and had a firm idea of their commitment when they got married. But their idea of commitment fell short of true commitment.

 

[Aramis]

Isn’t discerning marriage the purpose of dating in the first place? Surely a couple already has a firm idea of their commitment to marriage before they approach the Church about the matter.

But many have a flawed, inaccurate, and/or incomplete understanding of Marriage as the Church teaches it. Both that of a Natural Marriage and a Sacramental Marriage.

Lord knows, my view was incomplete. Even tho’ I had the benefit of a clerical father (My dad’s a Deacon), excellent instruction in my youth (several significant theologians, and a bunch of their fellow Dominicans), and a propensity for bible study and study of the documents of the Church.

And the local ordinary almost didn’t give permission for my marriage. 18 years and counting later, I realize why it was bounced up to the ABp, and why it almost didn’t happen.

It’s not enough to just “jump through the hoops”… one truly needs to understand what a Catholic marriage means. My wife still doesn’t. And it’s a major source of friction between us.

 

[1ke]

Isn’t discerning marriage the purpose of dating in the first place?

Dating is a modern invention. It has many purposes for many people, marriage discernment not necessarily among them.

Surely a couple already has a firm idea of their commitment to marriage before they approach the Church about the matter.

Commitment, perhaps, sacramental understanding perhaps not.

 

[bben15]

Dating is a modern invention. It has many purposes for many people, marriage discernment not necessarily among them.

I agree. Dating is not a discernment period. Dating is relatively new. Back then, during the times of kings and queens, people wouldn’t meet their soon-to-be-spouses until a few days before the marriage. Marriages were arranged to make alliances.

You may be faithful to each other right now, but ask yourself: If my wife and I were about to loose our home, and our jobs, would we still be faithful to each other? If you’re reading this, and you immediately answer “yes,” then you don’t have a good understanding of a Catholic marriage. That question takes a little bit of thinking before you can answer it.

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

There are more explanatory answers here I’m sure, but I’ll just make mine simple.

It isn’t “mandatory”, like you can’t get married without taking the necessary preparation, but it is very recommended.

Couples today ought to know EVERYTHING about what they’re getting into, which may take months, it is very important.

Without this process of being fully informed, couples can be annulled if the marriage doesn’t work out so well.

My parents went through a very rough patch, have for years, my dad even left the house for a time, he was so stressed (leaving me with a itty-bit of resentment), oy. My parents are still together, things are more calm, but they still regret not having taken that prep-period, would have made the marriage easier.