Are Marriage courses mandatory?

[maryjk]

What you **HAVE ** to do, is get an appointment with your pastor and find out from him what his requirements are - what he expects you to do - before he will allow your wedding to take place in his parish.

He’s the one who decides these things; not you or your girlfriend.

Yep. No one here can tell you what your pastor requires.

(I didn’t have to go to marriage prep classes. At the time our pastor didn’t require it. I met with the associate pastor twice, my husband met with him once. That was it.)

 

[Bergon]

This is an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with my girlfriend and don’t really know the answer to so thought I’d ask on here.

Do you **HAVE **to go on some sort of marriage course and have prrof of it before going on to get married in the church?

Thanks

It depends on local circumstances. Many dioceses require it. Where I live premarital courses are normally required and a minimum of six months notice is required before you can marry.

 

[BettyBoop416]

I think the real question to ask is, “is it worth it?”

And, “is it worth it” for this particular couple in their particular situation.

One of DH’s law firm partners had been previously married and divorced before he married his current wife 15 years ago. They now have two children and what seems to be a very happy marriage. His wife decided a few years ago that she wanted to become a Catholic. Although the husband had no serious objections, it meant that he had to apply for an annulment so that their marriage could (hopefully) be regularized. As a non-Catholic who had absolutely zero interest in the Church, the fact that his previous marriage had to be examined by the tribunal did not go over very well. In fact, it was a constant source of friction between them until, finally, a decree of nullity was granted. At that point he thought he was in the clear - a quick convalidation and their marriage would be valid and his wife could join the Church.

Then they learned about the marriage preparation requirements that had to be completed before their marriage could be convalidated. Long story short, the husband had reached the end of his rope by that point and viewed marriage prep for a couple who had been married for 15 years to be a colossal waste of time. Honestly, given this couple’s circumstances, I have to agree.

 

[David2010]

In my diocese, yes, a Marriage Preparation course is necessary for people who want a Catholic wedding in a Catholic church.

My wife and I went through it umpteen years ago and it wasn’t bad. Before taking it, we didn’t know what to expect, and I was somewhat irritated; I thought it was just a case of the diocese buying into the bureaucratic nonsense craze that seems to be taking over the country (force people to take a course AND charge them for taking it–yay another fundraiser!). And we expected it to be heavy on the dogma.

But to our surprise the course was very non-religious. Each evening a different speaker would come in and discuss different topics: the raising of children, financial planning, etc. And each couple would then take some time to discuss the various aspects of that theme for the evening. It turned out to be a very enlightening process.

You’d be surprised how few couples discuss some of these topics before they get married, and these issues are usually the ones that cause break-ups afterwards. Everybody is so wrapped up in the infatuation with each other, or they want to rush into marriage because they think if they don’t they will lose their resolve, or they don’t want to bring up a touchy subject because they don’t want to risk offending their partner, or whatever. It is one excuse after another. But it is better to address these issues before marriage than wait until later when it turns into a much bigger issue.

For example, if one partner would like several children but the other only wants one (or none). I can’t believe how rarely this conversation actually takes place.

Or money issues. One partner is much more self-disciplined than the other. Sooner or later the spendthrift is going to cause some major issues, so it is better to bring up these differences now and discuss how they are going to be handled.

If you want a Catholic wedding, don’t worry about the course. Go through it and work through the material honestly (do not just give the answers you think your partner wants to hear. If you are already being dishonest and caving in to a partner, those are two issues right there that will blow up later–among others that may come up ).

Make the best of the course, and try to have some fun with it instead of treating it like a chore.

 

[Aramis]

We went to Engaged Encounter. Specifically, to the Catholic Engaged Encounter (as locally, there are 4 different flavors - Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, and non-denominational.

It was particularly useful.

It wasn’t the only thing, tho.

The personality inventories and counseling from the sister assigned to us by the deacon doing our prep wasn’t much help, but it was useful to know the issues up front.

 

[WhiteLeather]

May I suggest that you also take the time to meet at least twice with the music director about your music plans, and please take the time to learn about the Marriage Rite as part of your instructions. Learn why the Church prescribes the procession as it does, why you should think about a cantor and not a soloist, why the music should be singable by all, and why the wedding party should set the example of active participation in the liturgy.

Don’t get excited about following the rules for marriage prep if you don’t plan to respect the Rite on the day of your wedding. Many “practices” that seem to be common for weddings only add to the stress of the day.

May your marriage be long and blessed.

 

[GangGreen]

May I suggest that you also take the time to meet at least twice with the music director about your music plans, and please take the time to learn about the Marriage Rite as part of your instructions. Learn why the Church prescribes the procession as it does, why you should think about a cantor and not a soloist, why the music should be singable by all, and why the wedding party should set the example of active participation in the liturgy.

Don’t get excited about following the rules for marriage prep if you don’t plan to respect the Rite on the day of your wedding. Many “practices” that seem to be common for weddings only add to the stress of the day.

May your marriage be long and blessed.

My fiancee refuses to do the procession as the Church prescribes. Honestly, I have yet to have been to a Catholic wedding where the bride comes down with the groom. This is both where I live and even out of state. It’s always As Seen On TV.

Other than that the Mass is my baby for my wedding. The only thing I couldn’t win on was getting the EF. However, I can still make it traditional, unique (compared to what people are used to) and solemn.

I plan on having the Latin Propers sung (as long as I can find someone who can sing in Latin) along with most of the hymns in Latin, so if no one but me and some older folks sing along that’s fine. Since I can’t have an EF Mass, this is what I plan on doing. Personally, one of my biggest problems with the OF is the music, I just don’t like it. Many people who are going to wedding Masses hardly if ever go to church, same goes for the bridal party (at least from my experience). I’d rather them come to a beautiful solemn Mass that may sway them to look further at the Church than to come to the typical OF Mass with “easy to sing” music that they’ve seen a hundred times.

Sorry for the rant. Just felt the need.

 

[_Jenn]

If you and your girlfriend want to get married right away without marriage prep, then that is a sign you definitely need marriage prep. The point of marriage prep is to inform you about the seriousness of marriage. It is for life, and can never be dissolved. The point of those 6 months is to discern whether God is calling you two to get married.

Congratulations on your possible marriage vocation.

Not necessarily true. The marriage prep my husband & I went through (FOCUS test, EE weekend, meetings with the priest) did not make us aware of one darn thing. We had discussed all of this while dating. Not engaged, dating. I never would’ve accepted his proposal if those serious discussions hadn’t taken place. However, I know we are in the minority in this sort of thing. I could’ve married him the day he proposed, & nothing would’ve been different. Been married 12 1/2 years, & still would call it blissful & honeymoon feeling. We’re just lucky, I guess.