Are one nights stands and premarital sex within a relationship equally immoral?

[freethinker83]

I don’t know if The Church has any sort of position on this, but the question just came to mind. For the question please assume that the one night stand is between two people who just met and the premarital sex is between two people who have been in a committed relationship for a long time (1+ years).

 

[Della]

I think we can say that there is a difference in culpability and intention. My example is Pilate and the Jewish leaders who called for Jesus crucifixion. Pilate gave in for political reasons, but the Jewish leaders hated Jesus (remember Jesus was one of their own) and were bitterly envious of his popularity with the people. Jesus told Pilate that his was the lesser sin even though his actions sent him to the cross. So, yes there is a difference, but it certainly wouldn’t excuse the people in either of your scenarios.

 

[Soulstorm]

Pilate gave in for political reasons, but the Jewish leaders hated Jesus (remember Jesus was one of their own) and were bitterly envious of his popularity with the people.

Can you cite this please? I admit to being rusty in my readings but I fail to recall when Jesus told Pilate that his sin was lesser, I only recall Pilate himself just claiming that he “washed his hands” of this issue.

 

[SteveGC]

My take on it.

Both instances would be ipso facto fornication, and hence grave matter. Intent really doesn’t matter. What matters is knowledge of sin, and deliberate acting on sin.

So long as the couple in each scenario knows the act is gravely sinful, and deliberately performs the act, all in question would be guilty of mortal sin.

Thus, equally immoral, equally mortal sin.

Willing to hear why this take on it is off-base.

 

[JoanREDirector]

Dear FreeThinker

Is this ‘relationship’ a between unmarried persons co-habiting including sex? If so, sex acts between the two are already sins since they don’t occurr within marriage. Additional sex acts involvings others are also sinful.

If the first relationship is one of marriage, then all sex acts outside of it are sins of adultery. Are you asking which adulterous act is worse, a one night stand or a ‘romatic fling?’ They are both deadly sins.

 

[dusza]

I voted no, because I think that premarital sex in a relationship is more sinful than a one night stand. It’s like living a lie versus just telling a lie. The exception would be having continuous one night stands with the same frequency as that in a relationship. Additionally, one night stands are generally more hidden than a relationship, thus they tend to avoid the additional sin of scandal present when a couple openly lives together outside of marriage.

I would question the use of the word “committed” when talking about the unmarried. They’re clearly not committed.

 

[havana1]

I don’t know if The Church has any sort of position on this, but the question just came to mind. For the question please assume that the one night stand is between two people who just met and the premarital sex is between two people who have been in a committed relationship for a long time (1+ years).

Your question is a bit confusing. Aren’t “one night stands,” by definition, with someone you would never see again? That directly contradicts the notion of being in a committed relationship. If they were in a committed relationship, then they could not have just met. I re-read your post a few times and it still confuses me.

 

[freethinker83]

Your question is a bit confusing. Aren’t “one night stands,” by definition, with someone you would never see again? That directly contradicts the notion of being in a committed relationship. If they were in a committed relationship, then they could not have just met. I re-read your post a few times and it still confuses me.

I would say that yes, that is what I consider a one night stand. I tried to be specific so that the question was clear. I suppose it backfired…

 

[freethinker83]

Dear FreeThinker

Is this ‘relationship’ a between unmarried persons co-habiting including sex? If so, sex acts between the two are already sins since they don’t occurr within marriage. Additional sex acts involvings others are also sinful.

If the first relationship is one of marriage, then all sex acts outside of it are sins of adultery. Are you asking which adulterous act is worse, a one night stand or a ‘romatic fling?’ They are both deadly sins.

I didn’t mean to indicate the people in the relationship were married. I meant that they are a boyfriend and girlfriend in a committed relationship. I don’t know that it matters whether or not they live together does it?

 

[silicasandra]

Your question is a bit confusing. Aren’t “one night stands,” by definition, with someone you would never see again? That directly contradicts the notion of being in a committed relationship. If they were in a committed relationship, then they could not have just met. I re-read your post a few times and it still confuses me.

I think that’s the point - you have two situations, both between unmarried people.

1. One night stand between two people (who will most likely never see each other again)
2. Premarital sex between two people in committed relationship

I would say 1 is “more” immoral than 2, but both are not right. Didn’t Pope Benedict allude to something similar to this (that was then gravely distorted by the media) when he talked about the use of condoms by prostitutes? Clearly, prostitution is a great moral evil, but taking steps to avoid the spread of disease from one person to another does indicate that someone cares at least a tiny bit about other people, which is a step in the right direction.

Even though waiting until marriage is best because only then can the fullness of human sexuality can be realized, people who wait until they are least “exclusive” or seeking marriage are on a “better” path than those who engage in sex with complete strangers. (I am NOT SAYING that this makes it OK for them to do so…just, less bad.) It would seem to me that being able to engage in this kind of moral reasoning (that some kind of waiting should occur) makes a person more open to understanding the fullness of moral law than constantly seeking immediate gratification without regard for others.

 

[ADiosgracias]

Both are mortal sin but not equal.Te first one is make just for pleasure and the second suppose some kind of love.

 

[dusza]

To reiterate, the “relationship” part is irrelevant to the fact that EACH act of fornication is a mortal sin. A single act of fornication (one night stand) is less sinful than a number of such acts over a period of 1+ years. There’s no place for sex outside of marriage in Catholic teaching, and the Catholic church doesn’t recognize any other types of “committed” sexual relationships.

 

[silicasandra]

To reiterate, the “relationship” part is irrelevant to the fact that EACH act of fornication is a mortal sin. A single act of fornication (one night stand) is less sinful than a number of such acts over a period of 1+ years. There’s no place for sex outside of marriage in Catholic teaching, and the Catholic church doesn’t recognize any other types of “committed” sexual relationships.

But couldn’t one say that intent matters somewhat here? I think there is quite a lot of difference between a person who engages in one act of fornication with a complete stranger and a person who engages in many acts of fornication with a person he or she deeply cares about and may even eventually marry.

I get your point about the number of instances, but I guess I would also think that a person who feels comfortable engaging in one one-night-stand probably engages in more. But that changes the original scenario.

 

[dusza]

But couldn’t one say that intent matters somewhat here? I think there is quite a lot of difference between a person who engages in one act of fornication with a complete stranger and a person who engages in many acts of fornication with a person he or she deeply cares about and may even eventually marry.

I get your point about the number of instances, but I guess I would also think that a person who feels comfortable engaging in one one-night-stand probably engages in more. But that changes the original scenario.

Nope, their feelings have nothing to do with it if the person is aware of the sinful act. The exception would be if they were completely ignorant of the moral teachings regarding sexual morality due to bad upbringing or primitive culture.

If you deeply care about someone, you’ll want them to go to heaven (e.g. go to confession, sin no more, and plan on getting married). Yes, there is provision for human weakness, because we’re all sinners, but that doesn’t justify the rejection of the church’s moral teaching.

If you look at history, you’ll realize that one night stands have been happening all the time (they don’t call it world’s oldest profession for nothing), but it wasn’t until “committed relationships” started getting popular in the last few decades that family life started falling apart. Well, duh. Furthermore, the sin of scandalizing the young by living in unmarried unions is a very grave matter not present in the hiddenness of one night stands.

 

[Castello]

Fornication is fornication. Both are grave sins that if committed with knowledge and free will are mortal.

 

[NeedImprovement]

Can you cite this please? I admit to being rusty in my readings but I fail to recall when Jesus told Pilate that his sin was lesser, I only recall Pilate himself just claiming that he “washed his hands” of this issue.

I think the passage in sacred scripture that Della is referring to may be this one :

[John 19:10-11 ; NAB]

So Pilate said to him, “Do you not speak to me? Do you not know that I have power to release you and I have power to crucify you?”

Jesus answered (him), “You would have no power over me if it had not been given to you from above. For this reason the one who handed me over to you has the greater sin.”

 

[Sheadad]

But couldn’t one say that intent matters somewhat here? I think there is quite a lot of difference between a person who engages in one act of fornication with a complete stranger and a person who engages in many acts of fornication with a person he or she deeply cares about and may even eventually marry.

I get your point about the number of instances, but I guess I would also think that a person who feels comfortable engaging in one one-night-stand probably engages in more. But that changes the original scenario.

It’s actually more easily understood when you evaluate what “springs” from the heart. A couple that engages in sexual activity prior to marriage most likely is going to live in a perpetual state of sin. They don’t *intend *to live separately, they *intend *to continue having sex, and they don’t intend to repent for it until perhaps someday they agree that its wrong and come to the church to get married. So in their hearts they excuse themselves and keep on doing what they’re doing. Perpetual state (a greater sin).

The person that has a “one night stand” can be deeply remorseful for that action and repent and come back into full communion with the Church and resolve to “sin no more”. This is no different then someone who has a problem with impurity, or perhaps some other grave sin. Falling short of God’s commands is something that most of us try to avoid but sometimes need to be forgiven. This forgiveness is asked for and given with a resolution to avoid the sin in the future. This is not possible in the scenerio of the couple living together and engaging in pre-marital sex, or a homosexual couple (also in a physical relationship), or a couple remarried with no anullment (outside the church) etc… These things are all the choice of the individual to remain in a perpetual state of sin, that’s why it’s completely different.

 

[Soulstorm]

Thank you NeedImprovement.

As for the OP, I find both not only cause the sin of Lust in the participants but also the dulling of the guilt of sin by either the anonymity of a one night stand or by rationalizing that because you are in love with a person it’s ok to commit premarital sex.

With that in mind I’d have to say they are equal in their sinfulness.

 

[steve_b]

I don’t know if The Church has any sort of position on this, but the question just came to mind. For the question please assume that the one night stand is between two people who just met and the premarital sex is between two people who have been in a committed relationship for a long time (1+ years).

1. 
   *]one night stand = fornication providing neither is married. Then it is adultery
   *]sex is between two people who have been in a committed relationship for a long time (1+ years) = fornication
   
   sex outside of marriage is fornication and a mortal sin. As is adultery, married people having sex with someone not their spouse.

 

[fbl9]

It’s actually more easily understood when you evaluate what “springs” from the heart. A couple that engages in sexual activity prior to marriage most likely is going to live in a perpetual state of sin. They don’t *intend *to live separately, they *intend *to continue having sex, and they don’t intend to repent for it until perhaps someday they agree that its wrong and come to the church to get married. So in their hearts they excuse themselves and keep on doing what they’re doing. Perpetual state (a greater sin).

The person that has a “one night stand” can be deeply remorseful for that action and repent and come back into full communion with the Church and resolve to “sin no more”. This is no different then someone who has a problem with impurity, or perhaps some other grave sin. Falling short of God’s commands is something that most of us try to avoid but sometimes need to be forgiven. This forgiveness is asked for and given with a resolution to avoid the sin in the future. This is not possible in the scenerio of the couple living together and engaging in pre-marital sex, or a homosexual couple (also in a physical relationship), or a couple remarried with no anullment (outside the church) etc… These things are all the choice of the individual to remain in a perpetual state of sin, that’s why it’s completely different.

That the person having one night stands could repent, does not equal; that the couple could not just as easily repent.
Sins of impurity drag many down,
Don’t think that people who have ‘one night stands’ can’t just as easily covince themselves that it is not a sin. Either party could just as easily choose to live in a state of perpentual sin.