Are there any catholic virgins left?

[RichardG]

30 - and still virgin. And i don’t plan on changing it before marriage. There used to be times - before i converted - I wished it was different and even felt bad about it and wanted to change it, but now i’m only happy it didn’t happen, there were even times when it was getting close of happening. And yes, people do find it strange when they hear it, but why should I listen to them?

 

[RichardG]

oh yes, and it also means i’m expecting to get married to someone who has the same moral standards about it as I have. People will find it harsh and even ‘do you think your better’ attitude will come from them. However, I also do not care about that anymore.

I guess, in someway people will always think that you think you’re better than them, just because you’re a Christian. But it is only the way we choose to live ‘detached’ from the secular world.

 

[Sarabande]

Both my husband and I were virgins until our wedding night and are Catholics. I was 26 and he was 28. Was it difficult to wait? Difficult is an understatement. You bet it was hard and it got harder as we got closer to our wedding day, but we made it.

FWIW - My sister, who considers herself an agnostic, was a virgin until she married at 30… and her husband loved and respected her to wait even though he wasn’t.

 

[twoangels]

A friend of mine is getting married in June. They are both in their 30s and still virgins. I know a couple others as well. I was 29 when I got married. My husband and I were both virgins.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Obnoxious people will always find something to pick on, whether it be virginity, wearing glasses, or anything else. People like that are simply to be ignored.

This type of nonsense generally stops when people enter the “real world,” often after college, at least in my experience. When dating at this age, standing up for one’s beliefs become desirable characteristics, versus just “going with the flow.”

No. Society really does hate virginity. If you’ve ever read anything like Cosmo, you will see that there is clearly a war on virginity. Even my mom thinks I’m a prude. I’m currently discerning becoming a Consecrated Virgin. I’ve already been informed the World will hate me for being a sign of contradiction.

 

[Rose71]

There are probably a lot more virgins out there than you think! I would say, if I am honest, that between the ages of 12 and 18, i.e. from the time I first began to see men as ‘interesting’ I was a virgin because my parents kept me on a tight leash: school work was more importnat than boyfriends (in fact - I never actually had the opportunity to have a boyfriend)

Aged 19 to 30, it was partly due to a sense of finding my Catholic values; partly down to not wishing to have sex with just anyone - it had to be someone I honestly could picture myself settling down with and partly just lack of opportunity! By 30, I was living in a small town where people tended to marry early, or return to the area aged 35+ with spouse and young family in tow.

It was only really in my mid-late 30s that I began to value my faith more and only after meeting a divorced man with whom I erroneously believed I could marry (due to ineffectual teaching at school and college) that I began to look deeper into my faith and understand what it was all about. Our ‘relationship’ never got beyond platonic, but coming to terms with the fact it could neve be broke my heart.

Aged 40, I realised I was spending more time talking to a man in my social circle who really seemed to understand me and was kind, caring and just lovely! It turned out, he was a virgin too! In his case, it was because he’d never met the right woman - and working long hours in agriculture didn’t help.

We are now engaged and looking forward to a happy life together. I have to admit I was elated when he first mentioned marriage, but after the proposal, terrified doesn’t begin to cover it To be independent for so long and to have prayed so long and hard for a good husband - and then be faced with one and all the responsibility that brings, I can only describe as like being handed the most precious, fragile, expensive object you can imagine and told, “off you go - it’s yours - careful now”

I was petrified! I was terrified that God must have made a mistake - putting this amazing man in my path. What if I let him down? What if I ruined it all? What if I was deluding myself and he turned out to be a player after all?

A close friend who is genuinely good and holy said something very wise - “just remember, doubts and obstacles can come from The Other Fellow too! The devil hates a happy marriage!”

Over the past few months, I have done the most soul-searching I have ever done and the most praying. It’s only now I can start to relax and accept and appreciate the great gift I have been given. Even now, I sometimes think, “why me? Why has God let me be soooo lucky?” (Interestingly, years ago, I remember reading an interview with a contemplative sister, who said precisely the same thing, when asked if she ever thought ‘why me?’)

We have agreed that we will both be virgins until our wedding night because why risk tarnishing something that is so special and that we have waited such a long time for?

It would have been so easy to stray though! I honestly don’t believe the Church does nearly enough for single people.

 

[Vim71]

It would have been so easy to stray though! I honestly don’t believe the Church does nearly enough for single people.

It varies where you live I have been told. In a few places they host events for young singles to meet and mingle, and in other places they could care less and have next to no opportunities to meet other singles.

I agree with you. More could be done to get other Catholic singles together. How do we meet other like minded people if there is a lack of opportunity?

 

[Cliff_Jumper]

No. Society really does hate virginity. If you’ve ever read anything like Cosmo, you will see that there is clearly a war on virginity. Even my mom thinks I’m a prude. I’m currently discerning becoming a Consecrated Virgin. I’ve already been informed the World will hate me for being a sign of contradiction.

Hater’s gonna hate. Keep up the good work.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

No. Society really does hate virginity. If you’ve ever read anything like Cosmo, you will see that there is clearly a war on virginity. Even my mom thinks I’m a prude.

Seriously, I don’t believe this is the case. And who cares what is published in some rag?

Hate is way too strong of a word. Do I think people will make fun of people because of certain characteristics or beliefs? Of course. But that has nothing particular to virginity. People “hated” me because I wouldn’t respond to being called names, people “hate” my wife because people like her due to her very outgoing personality, people “hate” my daughter because of her slanted eyes, etc.

The way people view things will also depend on how they handle it. If people internalize other people’s hateful opinions, it will make them miserable. If they assert themselves, that “hate” can turn into “respect” real quick. Ignorant people don’t like confrontation. That’s why they often turn to the press. They can say a lot of things to a lot of people without consequence. They won’t say the same thing one on one, because they are cowards and somebody is going to give it back in their face.

 

[aemcpa]

Both my husband and I were virgins until our wedding night and are Catholics. I was 26 and he was 28. Was it difficult to wait? Difficult is an understatement. You bet it was hard and it got harder as we got closer to our wedding day, but we made it.

See, I didn’t think it was hard at all. It’s a black and white issue - you just don’t have sex until you’re married. It was never on the table.

 

[Sarabande]

See, I didn’t think it was hard at all. It’s a black and white issue - you just don’t have sex until you’re married. It was never on the table.

Of course, it’s a black and white issue. We both knew we had to wait until marriage… and we did, but it still was not easy for us. We wanted to be with each other, which I would think is a normal emotion to be felt… albeit should be controlled if you are not married yet. For us, it was a lot easier when we were just dating. We had a two-year engagement, so that probably did make it harder. The first year was easier than the second. Not everyone is the same, though, such as you didn’t think it was hard at all (and I think that’s great), but I know that my husband and I aren’t and weren’t rare cases.

I know that there are those who feel the same way as we did. I had friends and a sister who believed I was this rock… someone who never thought I had any temptations and difficulty with sexual desire. When they came to me to ask about how I kept my virginity (many of my friends ended up not being able to) for so long, they were surprised to find out that I was human and had normal desires and had temptations. What helped them was the fact that I was able to control them no matter how hard it was for me. They previously assumed that I had it easy and was able to stay a virgin because I must not have had that much temptation or feelings of desire. They thought that it just didn’t cross my mind much. (My reputation was “Sister Sarabande”, as I seriously considered becoming a nun as a girl and young adult.) When they realized that I was a hot-blooded human, it made them feel like they could actually accomplish the same - either staying as as virgin or not engaging in sex again until marriage. It wasn’t some abstract, unreachable accomplishment.

Some were afraid to tell me about their sexual failings because they thought I would judge them. I had one friend who actually told me and believed that I was this “perfect” person and always viewed me as this “angel living on earth”, so she was afraid of how I’d think of her when she told me that she lost her virginity. I had to bring her down to reality quickly and let her know that I was no where close to an angel and that I was just as human as everyone else, that I had failings, sins and temptations just as much as anyone else AND that I would NEVER EVER judge her. Just because I didn’t fail at this, didn’t mean I wouldn’t fail at something else. But that was the actual outlook many people had on me as a teenager and young adult. I never purposely put went out to be thought of like that. I was just doing my thing, but it did disturb me a bit that so many people thought that way of me… just because I was a virgin.

I don’t applaud myself for how I handled and controlled myself in order to stay a virgin. And I definitely wouldn’t applaud myself if it did come easily for me and didn’t have to work at staying chaste. I only look at myself as someone who was fortunate enough to have had a husband who was of the same mind when it came to sex and faith and had parents as good role models. Had I been in a different situation or life or have been of a different personality, perhaps I wouldn’t have been so fortunate or would not have been able to control myself OR everything could have been A LOT easier for me. Who knows? But I don’t believe I should be proud that I was able to stay a virgin.

What’s most important is the outcome, how they lead their lives now and the lessons learned. Some people aren’t virgins when they marry, but have made a conscious decision to stay chaste without any sexual relations until marriage (and I believe that is much, much harder than being a virgin.) Those are the ones who should be celebrated and applauded for strength of will. I have a ton of respect and admiration for my friends who have done this, because now that I’m not a virgin I know how much harder it is to control yourself (like when practicing NFP, etc.) when all you want is to be with your spouse.

Sorry about this being so long. I just wanted to explain myself better.

 

[Sarabande]

See, I didn’t think it was hard at all. It’s a black and white issue - you just don’t have sex until you’re married. It was never on the table.

P.S. Also want to make clear that I do not think you were applauding yourself for not having a hard time with it. I truly do think it’s great that you did not have a difficult time during your engagement period.

 

[Rose71]

I totally agree with Sarabande. There seems to be a sort of ‘pander to the lowest common denominator’ in the media, at least here in the UK. This sends out the message that it isn’t quite ‘normal’ to stay a virgin until marriage and those that do are somehow in receipt of super-human (or should that be sub-human) powers!

My fiance and I do struggle - of course we do, because we are male and female, we find eachother attractive and we love spending time together. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have found a man who can understand, appreciate and share my values and because of the regard we have for one another, we are managing.

Realistically, if you took a straw poll among friends and family, I would say 80% or more would assume we were having sex. Why? Because we generally look quite happy and because most of my ‘Catholic’ friends and family just assume that ‘nowadays’ it’s fine to practice for the honeymoon!!!

Add to that, we don’t look or behave like what ‘Christians’ are meant to be like, according to the social media. We are happy, we look after ourselves, we try to act with kindness and compassion etc…but that’s not how the good old media likes to pigeon-hole Christians. The media likes its Christians to be serious, humourless and either outspokenly critical of everything that might appear fun - or as quite as the archetypal ‘church mouse’…or harmless eccentrics.

Of course, if it got out that it is quite possible for healthy, sane, educated, fun-loving, friendly and occasionally even quite silly people to believe in God and choose to obey the Commandments… The whole 3rd estate would crumble! Journalists would have to report on real news, like wars and famines and social injustice because nobody would care to stoke the egos of celebrities who wanted to justify why husband No.5 ‘had to go’ and read all about it!

In fact, to all those searching for one…there may be a virgin closer than you think. Some of us do a very good job of (gasp) appearing to be just like everyone else…

 

[SuperLuigi]

30 - and still virgin. And i don’t plan on changing it before marriage. There used to be times - before i converted - I wished it was different and even felt bad about it and wanted to change it, but now i’m only happy it didn’t happen, there were even times when it was getting close of happening. And yes, people do find it strange when they hear it,** but why should I listen to them?**

You shouldn’t.

 

[SuperLuigi]

It does help to be the kind of man you think would make a good husband to the kind of woman you’d be happy to marry. You know, groom yourself, dress like married women like to see their husbands dressed, be willing to do the kinds of things that women like to do and not just the things you like, be willing to talk and listen to women without acting like they’re some kind of different species, and so on. If you’re in the Knights of Columbus, ask some of their wives for what you need to look like someone that a woman your age would be interested in getting to know better. If you want to know what the kind of woman you want likes, after all, find one and ask!

Do not be surprised if those women ask you if you’ve thought about being a priest. Sometimes, there are guys who don’t get dates because although they are attractive, they also send out “Belongs in the Seminary” vibes, and there are women who hesitate with the idea of getting into the way of that! If someone in the Knights, that is Knight or wife, answers your question by asking if you’ve thought about the seminary, think about it.

Those are all excellent points, but I would advise single men to be judicious about the advice they get from women by just asking them “what they look for in a guy”.

When people get asked that, it’s usually a list of generic adjectives (ie loyalty, trustworthy, ect.)—lots of things you’d expect from your dog or a good friend.

Dating author Marius Panzerella writes extensively about the difference between being good friends and a good romantic partner with a woman.

The basics are true for most women, who want a man they can feel secure and safe with as well as someone who can romantically communicate with them.

If she can’t connect on these levels with a man, it’s really not going to happen.

 

[altms]

I am. The few people I’ve told are usually very surprised! It might be accidental, as the only time I had a gf was back when I was 16 and that was for 2 months and a few weeks (and it wasn’t serious), but as I’ve grown up I’ve bought into the idea of saving myself for the right one when she comes by.

A good girl friend of mine (we share the same birthday, I’m older by a few hours), a Catholic too, usually tells me that “the one who deserves you is not yet born”. Possibly because I once asked her out and she turned me down as she was dating someone else

 

[aemcpa]

A good girl friend of mine (we share the same birthday, I’m older by a few hours), a Catholic too, usually tells me that “the one who deserves you is not yet born”.

That’s creepy.

 

[QNDNNDQDCE]

A good girl friend of mine (we share the same birthday, I’m older by a few hours), a Catholic too, usually tells me that “the one who deserves you is not yet born”.

Is she suggesting that you marry someone that is two decades younger than you? She needs to think through her words better. You shouldn’t listen to her either. What she is saying, while maybe well-intentioned, is insulting and false. There are millions of girls who would be suitable for you right alive right now (and who you can pursue without fear of statutory rape charges).

 

[Magickman]

Past the age of 21, there are not too many.

We might wish things were different, but it may be impossible to change.

 

[Nonsmoker]

I’ve read a fact somewhere, about that only about 20% (rough estimate in my head) of people that get married are actually virgin.