Are there any married Opus Dei couples on here?

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SourGrape

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Note Please, please, do not try to turn this thread into an attack on Opus Dei. I did a search on past threads mentioning Opus Dei and became tired and, honestly, annoyed with all of the posts basically calling Opus Dei the work of Satan. I want serious answers from, hopefully, married couples belonging to Opus Dei. Thank you!

My husband and I are recent converts to the Faith (I received my First Holy Communion and Confirmation at the 2005 Easter Vigil, and he received these Sacraments in early 2006). Opus Dei has been an influence and inspiration to us both since the beginning of our conversion and we are now discerning whether we have a vocation to join. I have contacted Opus Dei via its website about where to go for more information in my area, but I am curious to hear from other married couples in Opus Dei what it’s like and all about.

The priest who instructed my husband in RCIA was actually an Opus Dei priest and my husband went on work mission trips to Latin America with Opus Dei members, but he said he never could get a straight answer from those friends about what exactly they do and he couldn’t join them in their retreat meetings since he wasn’t a member (this was in the UK but we are both Americans living in California now). Anyway, our questions are the following:
  1. How much control of your life does Opus Dei have if you are a married couple with children?
  2. Are you required to give a certain amount of your money to Opus Dei or is it that you are to give as much as you feel you can?
  3. How often do you meet with other members and what do you do?
My husband is in the military, and, although, we both desire to strenghten and deepen our Faith through working with Opus Dei or some other lay apstolate, he does not want to have to follow another strict schedule, so we are discerning whether Opus Dei really is where our Lord calling us.

Thank you!
 
I am interested also. I would love to find out more about Opus Dei! I hope you get some serious posters!! Congratulations on joining the Church!!! I am in love with this faith and am thrilled to find others who are!!!
 
This isn’t an attack but I’m curious why he couldn’t come to the meetings. It is my understanding that the reason Catholics can’t be Masons is because of the secrecy. I would think that if you wanted you could sit in on any meeting from a Catholic Ministry to learn more information… strange.

I know Scott Hahn is a member though and I have been impressed with much of his work.

Joe
 
Yes, the fact that they wouldn’t allow him to join the meetings seemed quite strange to my husband, especially when the only reason they’d give was simply that he wasn’t a member…Funny you mentioned Scott Hahn as my reading his and his wife’s book on their conversion to the Church, is what “sparked” this interest in Opus Dei within my soul again as he mentioned it a few times! I love the writings of Scott Hahn!

Another question I have about Opus Dei is what is the average age of members in it in the US? In the UK, my husband met many young 20 year-olds in it but when he met with a few over in Chicago, all of them were in their 40s at least, but most in their 60s or older. We’re in our mid 20s.
 
I am married and a member of Opus Dei (Supernumerary member, like all married members). My husband is not a member, but he is a Cooperator (not a member, but attends recollections and sometimes retreats).

Let me try to answer your questions -
  1. How much control of your life does Opus Dei have if you are a married couple with children? Answer - none. Opus Dei does not attempt to control anyone’s life.
  2. Are you required to give a certain amount of your money to Opus Dei or is it that you are to give as much as you feel you can? Answer - we are expected to contribute. The amount would be whatever we feel we can. I give a specific amount each month, but sometimes more - e.g. when I received a bonus at work I gave a part of my bonus to the Center I go to.
  3. How often do you meet with other members and what do you do? Answer - I attend a “circle” three times a month. Circles are a group of members (probably about 10 - 15). One of the Numerary members (one of the members who lives in a Center and are not married) leads the circle. The purpose of the circle is for formation - at each circle we will hear a talk on one of our norms (the different devotions we follow, as part of a plan of life). There will also be other talks.
Once per year we are urged to do a retreat - usually a 3 day one. These are silent retreats and are very spiritually uplifting.

We are also expected to attend a monthly recollection - a morning or evening, with the rosary, a meditation given by a priest (in the Oratory), listen to an examination of conscience based on the meditation, and a talk by one of the members (in one of the reception rooms of the center).

Members also do a one week workshop annually - this is usually a Theological workshop, but other subjects are also covered. I did this year’s workshop in Venezuela last month.

The OP questions why her husband was not allowed to join the retreat that the members he was with had. Well, the answer is simply because he was not a member. Retreats for members go deeper into spirituality and doctrine than retreats that are open to anyone (although these are good, too).

The formation of members is quite deep and continues for life. Someone who is not a member, and, particularly, someone who was, at that time, preparing to become a Catholic, might be out of their depth.

If God is calling you to Opus Dei, He will let you know, but the best thing is to start going to monthly recollections (you to a women’s center and your husband to a men’s center) and see where it goes from there.

I started going to recollections in 1998, became a cooperator in 1999 and asked to become a member in 2000.

About the average age on members - I live in Trinidad, West Indies and I am 66 years old. In my circle, I believe I am the oldest member. There are at least 2 others in their 60’s; about 3 in their 50’s; perhaps 5 or 6 in their 40’s; 4 or 5 in their 30’s.

Another circle that is held at the same time and day or the week as ours, and sometimes both circles meet as one (when one or the other leader is away, or something). That circle has mostly members in their 20’s; 30’s and 40’s.

Opus Dei is a worldwide family and the warmth, in the center that I frequent and outside, is wonderful.
 
Joan M,

Thank you for your detailed response! I really appreciate it! I have contacted the Opus Dei center in my area and am looking forward to hearing from them and seeing where our Lord is really leading me with this interest. Thanks again!

May you continue to know the blessings of our Lord!
 
Oh and your answer to why my husband wasn’t allowed to attend the meetings makes so much sense to me! It reminds me of the fact that when I was going through RCIA, the catechumens would leave Mass with the cathechist after the Liturgy of the Word, or the “Mass of the Catechumens,” for the very reasons you mentioned it makes sense for non-members, especially, non-Catholics, to not go to the Opus Dei meetings. Great response! Thanks again! I can’t wait to share all this with my husband.
 
Here is a parish that is strictly Opus Dei laity related and ironically have a program named, Couples for Christ! Many young couples here. I would list all your questions or concerns related to this laity. It is super-strict there, so there is no doubt that there is some control, but there is also much benefit. I am sure they would work with your husband’s military schedule, and find some time for leisure as well. I guess you need to really ask what kind of commitment and time they are requesting in service for the couples/marriage vocation, aside from other things, and approximately how long is the endurance for it. Maybe if you call, you can receive some information, this as it stated in the picture, is Opus Dei Prelature, a hierarchy of Bishops. I am sure they can guide you somewhere.
 
OLHope,

Thanks for the reply. Being a Chicagoan, I know St. Mary’s of the Angels, but we moved to California, so, unfortunately, we cannot go there. I have contacted the Opus Dei in my area, though.
 
SourGrape said:
OLHope,

Thanks for the reply. Being a Chicagoan, I know St. Mary’s of the Angels, but we moved to California, so, unfortunately, we cannot go there. I have contacted the Opus Dei in my area, though.
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Just recently? Has all of the contact you have had already been with what you have already mentioned with these exclusionary members who will not give intimate details? I offered up the info so you could call and see if they had contacts of affiliates they work closely with or could guide you to nearby programs. Even if it is an hour or so away, it still might be worth it, the only other option is to find a parish that would like to begin the program, and you know what that means.
 
SourGrape, there is another CAF member named Red Meg who is a supernumerary in Opus Dei. I suggest you search for her posts or send her a PM. She gives great explanations.

Betsy
 
OLHope said:
Here is a parish that is strictly Opus Dei laity related and ironically have a program named, Couples for Christ! Many young couples here. I would list all your questions or concerns related to this laity. It is super-strict there, so there is no doubt that there is some control, but there is also much benefit. I am sure they would work with your husband’s military schedule, and find some time for leisure as well. I guess you need to really ask what kind of commitment and time they are requesting in service for the couples/marriage vocation, aside from other things, and approximately how long is the endurance for it. Maybe if you call, you can receive some information, this as it stated in the picture, is Opus Dei Prelature, a hierarchy of Bishops. I am sure they can guide you somewhere.
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A parish that is run by Opus Dei priests is NOT “strictly Opus Dei laity related” as stated by you. That is a misunderstanding. It is an ordinary parish in a diocese, the Bishop of which requested that Opus Dei allow him the services of some of their priests to run the parish. That’s all.

“Couples for Christ” is not a program of Opus Dei. See this link - couplesforchristglobal.org/v2.1/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14&Itemid=40

What do you mean by “super strict”? Certainly there will be no liturgical abuses. Is that what you mean? What “control” are you talking about?

There will be many, many opportunities for confession, because Opus Dei encourages everyone to go to confession frequently.
 
Hey Folks!

I do a CAF search once or twice a week to see if anybody is asking about Opus Dei, and lo and behold!

Joan, thank you for taking the time to give such thoughtful, detailed replies. As usual. :)And Betsy, thanks for thinking of me.

I just wanted to hit on two points from your original post, SourGrape, that weren’t questions per se, but still warrant a quick response.

First, I just want to encourage you and your husband to approach the question of a vocation to the Work as individuals. While it is a wonderful blessing for a husband and wife to be in the Work together (my husband is also a supernumerary) there are also a very large number of supernumeraries whose spouse does not belong. I haven’t seen any data on it, but thinking among the women in Opus Dei I know, I’m inclined to say that here in California, at least, it’s slightly under 50% where both husband and wife belong. And that is totally okay, because this is a calling that God grants to souls on a one-to-one basis.

Second, I just wanted to address your question about schedules. While we do keep a very demanding Plan of Life-- prayer, Mass, rosary, etc.-- which I’m sure you’re already familiar with, the actual scheduling of it is determined by the individual. There are no “rules” about what time the rosary or spiritual reading or whatever must be done at. Obviously, we are dependent on the schedule in the parish for Mass, and there are only a couple of day and time options for my circle each week, but those are the only truly fixed points on the calendar. Beyond that, we are each encouraged to tailor the plan of life so that it fits our lives and circumstances. A schedule that works really well for a surgeon, keeping a doctor’s timeframe, would not work for a housewife like myself with a large family, and vice versa…

As I mentioned above, I’m in California, specifically in Silicon Valley. PM me if you’d like to get in touch-- I have no idea what part of the state you are in.

Also, allow me to make a truly shameless plug for a book that just came out recently, Women of Opus Dei. Besides containing many personal stories from women in the Work-- numeraries, supernumeraries, and I think associates, too-- it also contains chapters with lots of “nuts and bolts” information about Opus Dei in general. It might give you a better sense of what it’s all about…

Best,

Margaret
 
Red Meg,

Great to see your post. Thanks for the book plug. I followed the link and printed it out so that I can request it from the woman who imports books for our small book shop.

The Editorial Review and the Readers reviews are very helpful. I’m sure we will purchase some copies of this book.
 
Joan_M said:
A parish that is run by Opus Dei priests is NOT “strictly Opus Dei laity related” as stated by you. That is a misunderstanding. It is an ordinary parish in a diocese, the Bishop of which requested that Opus Dei allow him the services of some of their priests to run the parish. That’s all.

“Couples for Christ” is not a program of Opus Dei. See this link - couplesforchristglobal.org/v2.1/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14&Itemid=40

What do you mean by “super strict”? Certainly there will be no liturgical abuses. Is that what you mean? What “control” are you talking about?

There will be many, many opportunities for confession, because Opus Dei encourages everyone to go to confession frequently.
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As SourGrape said in her original post in the third paragraph about not getting straight answers, and Joe speaking about the secrecy within Opus Dei. Those are the very suspicions I have read over and over in these forums, what is so secretive about the organization that details cannot be public? Is it like the Catholic Skulls and Bones Club?

Control meant in the way Opus Dei needs your time/money/talent commitment, I mean it is service related. I would assume it is like a religious order. There are necessary rules you must abide by with everything. School, parents, programs, marriage, etc…, control usually does not get tagged to things like bible study or PTA. Whereas things like a Carmelite order, a boarding school, and yes, Opus Dei, have direct practice that take’s one person or marriage out of their normal everyday life. If you know yourself best, it is only fair to be able to deliver promises made if you get to know the information up front. Why is there secrecy involved w/OD?

See, with the need for the OP to get “straight answers” may have indicated that she would like to know what is involved upfront so her and her dh can directly know whether they can deliver on the mission/services/finances, (maybe it was not meant in this form). I like what Margaret wrote about time constraints for someone like her, a mother with many children, may not be feasible in a surgeon’s style work schedule, and I am sure that OD recognizes that and works with that. I am no expert with OD, I only offered a source to find more information, that’s all. If she sought out every source of her own, I do not think she would have posted here. It is odd with all the Opus Dei websites out there, that they do not give specific contact info or updated locations(or any locations for that matter). I hadn’t a clue the OP was from Chicago or that she already knew about this specific church.
 
OK, Joan, C4C is not OD direct, it is church direct. I should have separated the thoughts better.

Super strict has nothing to do with any liturgical abuses, I was referencing moreover the mass style. No women at the altar, only priests give communion, dress for mass like you are going to a formal function,…etc. My mother went to masses like this growing up in the EU.

I know Vatican II made for change, but this change gave way to much more relaxed atmosphere at modern masses. Growing up in this environment, I always thought mass was casual. Since most masses still are casual, someone walking into mass at St. Mary’s with khaki shorts and flip-flops may feel very uncomfortable(anyone waling into any church should feel inappropriate like this). I was dressed nice, but I admit, at times, I felt I should be wearing a skirt instead of pressed slacks.
 
Responding to OLHope, as best I can.

Super strict - in relation to “the mass style”. No women at the altar? What exactly do you mean by this? Certainly women do readings at Mass. They do not assist in distributing Communion, but then, neither do lay men. The Vatican only gave permission for Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion to be used in extraordinary situations. Unfortunately, in many churches that became regular use and far too many of them.

It unfortunate that so many changes that happened in the church are changes that were never foreseen, much less recommended, by Vatican II. The Mass was never meant to be casual.

Most of the women members of Opus Dei that I know wear pressed slacks (as well as, at other times, skirts and dresses). No one feels out of place not wearing a skirt.

What details of the organization do you need to know and can’t get answers about? There is no secrecy about it. Let me invite you to read these -

opusdei.us/art.php?p=48

opusdei.us/art.php?p=11401

There is a lot of information on the Opus Dei web site - opusdei.org.
 
OLHope said:
As SourGrape said in her original post in the third paragraph about not getting straight answers, and Joe speaking about the secrecy within Opus Dei. Those are the very suspicions I have read over and over in these forums, what is so secretive about the organization that details cannot be public? Is it like the Catholic Skulls and Bones Club?

Control meant in the way Opus Dei needs your time/money/talent commitment, I mean it is service related. I would assume it is like a religious order. There are necessary rules you must abide by with everything. School, parents, programs, marriage, etc…, control usually does not get tagged to things like bible study or PTA. Whereas things like a Carmelite order, a boarding school, and yes, Opus Dei, have direct practice that take’s one person or marriage out of their normal everyday life. If you know yourself best, it is only fair to be able to deliver promises made if you get to know the information up front. Why is there secrecy involved w/OD?
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I’m sorry, but I’m still a little lost here. What “secrecy” are we talking about here? The fact that her husband couldn’t go to a supernumerary circle? That’s already been addressed to SG’s satisfaction, I believe.

But in case it’s still bugging you, can I give a concrete example of why this is done? We occasionally have evenings of recollection that are also just for supernumeraries, whereas normally they are open to anybody walking in off the street. The reason is, that it allows us to go much more in depth to the specific spirit of Opus Dei, given a limited amount of time, because everybody there has already heard the basics already. For example-- at a regular evening of recollection, if the topic for the first meditation was prayer, the priest would probably spend the first ten minutes (out of thirty total) just talking about why we should pray and why we need it. Then probably another ten minutes on the basic stuff of “how” to pray. Etc…

That is all well and good, and it’s always good to hear the basics again even after a number of years. That being said, it’s also helpful, from time to time, to be able to start with the basics already assumed. When it’s a supernumerary recollection, the priest can jump straight into some of the issues that pertain to people who are already actively trying to pray on a daily, committed basis. Then he covers things about how to not let it get routine, how to still try and keep it fresh, how to prepare it well ahead of time and mentally “file things away” to bring to prayer that afternoon, how to not go looking for excuses to skip it when life gets hectic, etc. It’s sort of like the difference between an introductory and an upper-level university course.

There are also a ton of classes that are required before someone can officially join the Work. After one makes a request for admission, there is a six-month waiting period when the person receives scads of one-on-one instruction in the spirit and practices of Opus Dei. It’s really intensive. After that is all done, the person gets asked (repeatedly!) if they are still sure they would like to be admitted. St. Josemaria was a huge, huge defender of personal freedom. And as a practical matter, one cannot make a truly free choice about something like a vocation to Opus Dei unless it is a very, very informed choice. Hence, all these classes. Nobody is allowed to walk in blind. Everybody has to know quite clearly what they are saying yes to.

I hope this makes some sense? If you have something more specific that’s bothering you, please share it, either here or in a private PM. It just gets a bit difficult to keep addressing claims of secrecy when I’m not even clear on what we’re being secretive about… 🙂

Best,

Margaret

PS I may not be able to jump back into the thread for a day or two. I have a commitment tonight, and tomorrow is Father’s Day here in the US, so I will be trying to make my husband’s day more pleasant by staying the heck off the computer…😃
 
On your links:
Thank you for the links, these were some of the very links I was referring to. Has maps, but no specific locales(maybe I am not navigating correctly?) or addresses of a main OD church or office.

Perhaps I should have used the word conservatively devout instead of super strict, since it gives off an awkward stance. My tone in using it that way was to reference it being a serious life movement and the understanding that all requirements must be met devoutly. I really only wanted to relay information for her, because she was looking for it, that’s all. St. Mary’s is the only Opus Dei church I know of, as the whole OD service is new to my knowledge for the last ten years, however, like we stated before, it is run by priests who are men, another restored church I will speak of is run by Brethren, so of course more men. I do not feel offended as a woman at all. I do not want to be in territory that may not be suited for me, if I do not know better.
 
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