Are there any saints who (or good literature about) struggled with feeling like they would go to hell despite trying to live a good Catholic life?

[GaudentAngeli]

I try to make good confessions and I try to live a good Catholic life but I always feel like I’m going to go to hell. And by always I mean pretty much all my waking hours. It’s a constant nagging nervousness that causes mild knots in my stomach. It’s like my confessions aren’t good enough even though I put in a sincere effort to make a good examination of conscience and a good confession. I always walk out of the confessional worse than I felt going in! And I feel like I should not be receiving communion, and there’s no point in praying for myself because I can’t do anything in Catholicism correctly anyways.

Intellectually, I know I’m doing everything I can to live according to God’s will for me. I know this very well, yet I’m struggling with this very deeply, and no I’m not normally a scrupulous person. My SD tells me quite often to keep praying to St Michael for help, and I follow his advice, but I still can’t help how I feel and this aspect is CRIPPLING me. I had a fleeting temptation to leave the faith over this the other day, and that’s when I realized I really need some extra help with this one. It’s a savage trick the devil is playing on me. Please help!

This is despair, right? My problem is not that God’s mercy can’t reach me or that my sins are too great, I just see flaws in my confessions. They are not PERFECT confessions. But what sinful human being can do perfect anything? It’s a ridiculous way to think. I make my examine, I write down the bigger issues on a piece of paper so I won’t forget, then I go to confession and try to be as honest as I can though my intense nerves, and if I’m really struggling to talk about things I simply read from the piece of paper. I don’t know what I expect of myself…

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I can think of one off the top of my head- St. Theresa of Avila. I’m sure there are others, but it might be a bit different than what you are experiencing. I’m just not sure because I haven’t read about any saints in a long time. I just remember in the movie (yeah, you have to take that with a grain of salt) that St. Theresa had some troubled moments about hell.

Yes, it is despair. But the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom too. Proverbs 9:10 There is healthy and unhealthy fear of God though. But we are told by many saints not to despair. I think St. Theresa the little flower said in her bio basically, who else can I turn to but God when I am well aware of my weaknesses? She did so with love and trust and I believe this kept her from the despair you hint of.

Remember Jesus sees the heart. Can you imagine a good and loving God who is entirely fair be upset over someone being upset over not being perfect enough for His sake? Only if that person is really not trying could I see it. He is the Good Shepherd. Sheep are valuable, and a good shepherd risks his or her life for those sheep… even if they are annoying, stubborn, don’t listen, etc. (Read about how sheep can be- it helps to understand what is meant by all that! Or get your own and see for yourself how they are!)

Sometimes troubling times like this are a lesson to learn that God is the only one we can turn to. A good father does not coddle a child continually, but always presents life lessons in such a way the child can handle them and grow stronger. So, don’t despair!

 Walking out of a confessional feeling worse usually is an issue of ignoring the gratitude we should feel for having such a sacrament.  Practice that instead- gratitude. If you are really thankful that God has heard your sins, then it will be hard to feel so badly about how well or not so well you confessed.   Its not about you, its about Jesus!  So be happy about that!  (Not saying you are prideful, but that your focus is too turned inward *maybe*.)   St. Paul says- in everything in prayer and supplication, give thanks to God.   Phillipians 4:6

May God bless you abundantly.

 

[cmicher]

Thank you for this post…I have some of the same feelings. They can leave me frozen out if fear of doing anything wrong.

 

[ChibiViolet]

This is NOT despair. It’s a form of scrupulosity or caused by a demonic attack called obsession. I will pray for you.