Are these beliefs acceptable for Confirmation?

[DianeMG]

My daughter, who is 15 years old, will be Confirmed in a month and I’m concerned. She has made it clear on numerous occasions that she believes in abortion, that it’s “no big thing” and she agrees with premarital sex. I’ve tried to talk to her, given her books to read (which I know she has read since I asked her to write a one page book report on each including Jason Everetts books) and have Catholic Answers on the radio quite often when she’s in my car. Nothing had made an impact that I can see. I even told her that she could not receive the Eucharist because her beliefs are in direct opposition to the church’s teachings.

I spoke to her Youth Minister who is handling Confirmation and she agreed to speak to my daughter. Her conclusion was that my daughter is open to trying to come to the right answer but just hasn’t made it yet. She believes that it’s important she continue receiving communion since through the grace of communion, my daughter will turn her thinking around.

The Youth Minister talked this over with sister and our parish priest. She told me that once my daughter is Confirmed that the grace from Confirmation will be available to her so that this will also help her attain a deeper and truer understanding of our faith, abortion and premarital sex.

I understand that I can’t know what’s truly in my daughter’s heart. She may just be playing the “rebel”, maybe it’s peer pressure (this is really disappointing since she goes to a Catholic School!), I can’t ever be certain. But I’m concerned that she’s not really being directed by the Youth Minister in a more firm manner. I don’t want to push her away from the Church but I don’t want her thinking she can do, say or believe whatever she likes as long as it doesn’t bother her conscience.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Thank you,
Diane

 

[1ke]

Holding the belief does not mean she cannot receive the Eucharist. Acting on the belief could.

I understand your distress regarding your daughter’s stance on these two subjects. But, I don’t think you should dissuade her from receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation or the Eucharist. Certainly this is something she can discuss in confession or at another time with the priest for spiritual guidance.

However, merely holding her beliefs is not in itself a sin if she assents to the Church in the matter and obeys the Church in the matter. She’s young. Give her time, and keep working with her on these issues.

 

[Heath_Bar]

I can certainly sympathize with you. My teenage daughter is a devoted Catholic, but she is having problems with the Church’s teachings on divorce/remarriage (because of a grandparent situation) and the fact that women are not allowed to be ordained. She reluctantly accepts these positions, but she still doesn’t like them.

I have found an good website for pro-life information, and it is geared towards teens/young adults. It has a cool look, and it is a good site where they can learn the truth about abortion and premarital sex without feeling “talked down” to or “preached” to. It is www.abort73.com. If you can encourage her to go there, she may get some good pro-life information that makes her confront her pro-choice views.

Also, one of the most effective pro-life videos is only a little over sixty seconds long. It is shocking, but tastefully done, from the Priests For Life. You can watch it here: priestsforlife.org/images/index.aspx?hp

GoD bless you and your daughter!

 

[BereanRuss]

It is not what we believe about abortion that saves us. It is what we believe about Jesus that saves us. Unless a person is born again they cannot see the kingdom of God.

 

[thistle]

My daughter, who is 15 years old, will be Confirmed in a month and I’m concerned. She has made it clear on numerous occasions that she believes in abortion, that it’s “no big thing” and she agrees with premarital sex. I’ve tried to talk to her, given her books to read (which I know she has read since I asked her to write a one page book report on each including Jason Everetts books) and have Catholic Answers on the radio quite often when she’s in my car. Nothing had made an impact that I can see. I even told her that she could not receive the Eucharist because her beliefs are in direct opposition to the church’s teachings.

I spoke to her Youth Minister who is handling Confirmation and she agreed to speak to my daughter. Her conclusion was that my daughter is open to trying to come to the right answer but just hasn’t made it yet. She believes that it’s important she continue receiving communion since through the grace of communion, my daughter will turn her thinking around.

The Youth Minister talked this over with sister and our parish priest. She told me that once my daughter is Confirmed that the grace from Confirmation will be available to her so that this will also help her attain a deeper and truer understanding of our faith, abortion and premarital sex.

I understand that I can’t know what’s truly in my daughter’s heart. She may just be playing the “rebel”, maybe it’s peer pressure (this is really disappointing since she goes to a Catholic School!), I can’t ever be certain. But I’m concerned that she’s not really being directed by the Youth Minister in a more firm manner. I don’t want to push her away from the Church but I don’t want her thinking she can do, say or believe whatever she likes as long as it doesn’t bother her conscience.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Thank you,
Diane

Why don’t you talk to the priest?

 

[DixitDominus]

If your evaluation of your daughter’s beliefs was right, then you were correct in telling your daughter she shouldn’t receive Holy Communion. It is required that one be in the state of grace to receive Communion, and, to voluntary doubt or deny the dogmas and definitively proposed doctrines of the Church is gravely sinful. It is also necessary for one to be in the state of grace to receive Confirmation. Your daughter needs to believe the truths that the Church proposes for our belief and receive the Sacrament of Penance before she can receive the other Sacraments.

 

[diggerdomer]

My daughter, who is 15 years old, will be Confirmed in a month and I’m concerned. She has made it clear on numerous occasions that she believes in abortion, that it’s “no big thing” and she agrees with premarital sex. I’ve tried to talk to her, given her books to read (which I know she has read since I asked her to write a one page book report on each including Jason Everetts books) and have Catholic Answers on the radio quite often when she’s in my car. Nothing had made an impact that I can see. I even told her that she could not receive the Eucharist because her beliefs are in direct opposition to the church’s teachings.

I spoke to her Youth Minister who is handling Confirmation and she agreed to speak to my daughter. Her conclusion was that my daughter is open to trying to come to the right answer but just hasn’t made it yet. She believes that it’s important she continue receiving communion since through the grace of communion, my daughter will turn her thinking around.

The Youth Minister talked this over with sister and our parish priest. She told me that once my daughter is Confirmed that the grace from Confirmation will be available to her so that this will also help her attain a deeper and truer understanding of our faith, abortion and premarital sex.

I understand that I can’t know what’s truly in my daughter’s heart. She may just be playing the “rebel”, maybe it’s peer pressure (this is really disappointing since she goes to a Catholic School!), I can’t ever be certain. But I’m concerned that she’s not really being directed by the Youth Minister in a more firm manner. I don’t want to push her away from the Church but I don’t want her thinking she can do, say or believe whatever she likes as long as it doesn’t bother her conscience.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Thank you,
Diane

Tough issue. thanks for sharing. I’d say keep working, as you are, and as some other helpful posts have suggested, with your parish/pastoral team. This is such a personal issue I really doubt there will much more help you’ll find, ultimately, in this impersonal online format. BEst wishes.

 

[DianeMG]

Many thanks to those of you who have replied to my question and especially thank you for your prayers.
Since my posting I was finally able to speak to our pastor directly. He let me know that it’s better to offer her the sacraments (whether it’s Communion or Confirmation) for which she’ll eventually be open to. We can’t know what’s in another’s heart and Fathers’ philosophy is to assume the best.
Father said he would be more concerned if we, her family, were not involved in the church on a regular basis. Since our daughter has been brought up in a “good” family, she receives a lot of support and encouragement from us and her church community, he feels this is an issue that will eventually work itself out.
I can’t tell you how much your replies have meant to me. I felt very loved and supported by all of you in understanding my concerns. Since my parish tends to be too liberal for me, it often causes me to question the answers I receive from them but you’ve allowed me to see that I need to let God work in her heart.
Thank you again and may God Bless you all,
Diane

 

[jmcrae]

It is not what we believe about abortion that saves us. It is what we believe about Jesus that saves us. Unless a person is born again they cannot see the kingdom of God.

If we believe in Jesus, our Creator, then we will certainly also love His little ones, and abortion would be completely unthinkable.

 

[jmcrae]

My daughter, who is 15 years old, will be Confirmed in a month and I’m concerned. She has made it clear on numerous occasions that she believes in abortion, that it’s “no big thing” and she agrees with premarital sex.

Have you asked her why she believes these things? (Is there some boy in her life who is talking to her like this, for purposes of his own?)

 

[1ke]

to voluntary doubt or deny the dogmas and definitively proposed doctrines of the Church is gravely sinful.

She’s 15.

It’s a stretch to say she is “voluntarily denying dogmas.” She is still learning and maturing.

I believe the Church’s bar in this regard is **much **higher than yours in the area of full knowledge and free will necessary to form the requisites for mortal sin.

It is also necessary for one to be in the state of grace to receive Confirmation.

No. It is necessary to be in a state of grace to receive the graces and *fruit *of the Sacrament of Confirmation. She would still be validly confirmed even if not in a state of grace at the time the Bishop lays hands on her. It is the Bishop’s actions, not hers, that creates the Sacrament. She would receive the grace of the Sacrament upon making a good confession.