Are they Catholic?

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I need some help, feedback, advice on a problem that occurred recently at Mass at our parish.

I serve as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion and as a Reader. Like many people, we attend the same Mass and we sit in the same pew/seats every week and are familiar with most everyone who also attend that Mass, etc. About a month ago, I noticed some people (3 adults and a child approx 6-8 yrs old) sitting 2 rows ahead and to the right of me, it was kind of hard not to notice them. They seemed to not know what they were doing, were kidding around with each other during Mass, did not respond to the prayers, the one ‘adult’ was literally draped over the seat in front of her, napping, well you get the drift I am sure.

When it came time for Communion, all 4 of them approached the EMHC, (I was not serving that day) I did notice that she questioned if the child should receive, the adult with her nodded and when she was given the Eucharist it was very obvious she had no idea what to do with it, thankfully, the adult had her consume the Host. The following week was pretty much the same, but I was serving that position as EMHC and I asked the adult behind the child has she made her first Communion and she responded ‘well that’s what they tell me’ Not wanting to cause a scene at the altar during Communion, I presented the girl with Eucharist and she consumed it as did the 3 adults.

I was SO troubled by it all with a strong feeling that either none of them were Catholic or if they were, they had not been to Mass in a very long time. As soon as Mass was over and I could catch up to them, I stopped them and asked if the child had indeed been baptized and made first Communion. They said well we are trying to get her baptized. . . my heart dropped in my chest. I explained to them that we are happy that you are coming to Mass but if a person is NOT Catholic, baptized and has not made first Communion, they CANNOT receive Eucharist until they have met at least those requirements. I suggested that they would need to contact one of the priests to further discuss the matter. I was not unkind about it, I just wanted them to understand.

When I was leaving the church, I did stop and speak to the priest who said Mass and explained to him what had transpired. He was aware of the people I was talking about and said they were supposed to be in touch with one of the other priests.

The following week, 2 of the 3 adults were there again along with the child. I spoke to the presiding priest prior to Mass and told him what had happened and that I was not sure at all if any of the adults were Catholic. He said he would make it a point to serve that section. Only one of the adults came up for Communion, Father asked if she was Catholic, she said yes and he presented her with the Host.

After Mass, this lady comes flying up to me and proceeded to scold me for what I had done the week before in approaching these people and that I should be ashamed. I attempted to explain to her why I did what I did and that as an EMHC, let alone as a Catholic, I have a responsibility to correct when I believe the Blessed Sacrament is in danger of desecration and/or being received by a non-Catholic. She said ‘we as Catholics don’t care about that!’ I got a little upset at that point and said ‘excuse me, but we as Catholics absolutely DO care about that and if you don’t, then shame on you!’ Then I tried to calm down and have a rational discussion about it and she said I shouldn’t have done that I should have told the priest and I explained that I had in fact made 2 of the priests aware of the situation.

It has really been bothering me, did I do the right thing? Did I handle it correctly? Should I have done nothing? In my heart I believe that I did the right thing, I certainly did not want to alienate these people but I could not let the situation go on uncorrected.
 
From your account of the situation it sounds as if you did exactly the right thing. Good for you. 🙂
 
Judging from the family’s behavior the following Sunday, it corrected the problem and helped (re)introduce them to Church tradition. This makes me think that they were there for the right reasons to begin with, they just weren’t aware of the Catholic views of Eucharist.

If it had been me and my family , We would have been grateful for the correction (although maybe a little embarrassed. 🙂 )

It sounds like that lady that scolded you needs an RCIA refresher course, though. 😉
 
Was the person who scolded you one of the family members in question? If not, she probably didn’t even know the whole story. I wouldn’t worry about it. It seems to me you did exactly the right thing.
 
Yes you did the right thing! You are a defender of the Holy Eucharist! Congrats! although the first time you shouldn’t of given them Holy Communion but i understand, you were kind of embarissed to make a scene, but you handled it very well after.
 
i need some help, feedback, advice on a problem that occurred recently at mass at our parish.

I serve as an extraordinary minister of holy communion and as a reader. Like many people, we attend the same mass and we sit in the same pew/seats every week and are familiar with most everyone who also attend that mass, etc. About a month ago, i noticed some people (3 adults and a child approx 6-8 yrs old) sitting 2 rows ahead and to the right of me, it was kind of hard not to notice them. They seemed to not know what they were doing, were kidding around with each other during mass, did not respond to the prayers, the one ‘adult’ was literally draped over the seat in front of her, napping, well you get the drift i am sure.

When it came time for communion, all 4 of them approached the emhc, (i was not serving that day) i did notice that she questioned if the child should receive, the adult with her nodded and when she was given the eucharist it was very obvious she had no idea what to do with it, thankfully, the adult had her consume the host. The following week was pretty much the same, but i was serving that position as emhc and i asked the adult behind the child has she made her first communion and she responded ‘well that’s what they tell me’ not wanting to cause a scene at the altar during communion, i presented the girl with eucharist and she consumed it as did the 3 adults.

I was so troubled by it all with a strong feeling that either none of them were catholic or if they were, they had not been to mass in a very long time. As soon as mass was over and i could catch up to them, i stopped them and asked if the child had indeed been baptized and made first communion. They said well we are trying to get her baptized. . . My heart dropped in my chest. I explained to them that we are happy that you are coming to mass but if a person is not catholic, baptized and has not made first communion, they cannot receive eucharist until they have met at least those requirements. I suggested that they would need to contact one of the priests to further discuss the matter. I was not unkind about it, i just wanted them to understand.

When i was leaving the church, i did stop and speak to the priest who said mass and explained to him what had transpired. He was aware of the people i was talking about and said they were supposed to be in touch with one of the other priests.

The following week, 2 of the 3 adults were there again along with the child. I spoke to the presiding priest prior to mass and told him what had happened and that i was not sure at all if any of the adults were catholic. He said he would make it a point to serve that section. Only one of the adults came up for communion, father asked if she was catholic, she said yes and he presented her with the host.

After mass, this lady comes flying up to me and proceeded to scold me for what i had done the week before in approaching these people and that i should be ashamed. I attempted to explain to her why i did what i did and that as an emhc, let alone as a catholic, i have a responsibility to correct when i believe the blessed sacrament is in danger of desecration and/or being received by a non-catholic. She said ‘we as catholics don’t care about that!’ i got a little upset at that point and said ‘excuse me, but we as catholics absolutely do care about that and if you don’t, then shame on you!’ then i tried to calm down and have a rational discussion about it and she said i shouldn’t have done that i should have told the priest and i explained that i had in fact made 2 of the priests aware of the situation.

It has really been bothering me, did i do the right thing? Did i handle it correctly? Should i have done nothing? In my heart i believe that i did the right thing, i certainly did not want to alienate these people but i could not let the situation go on uncorrected.

congratulations to you!!! You had every right to question their motive and to tell the pastor.

Jesus i trust in you
 
Maybe you would do better to bring your question to the priest you talked to who responded to this issue directly, since you know he takes it seriously. As this is pastoral issue and he knows the people involved, ask him how you ought to handle both this particular family and this issue in general in the future. I think he’ll give you worthy advice.
 
I think you handled all parts of the situation quite well, except for the part where you approached them yourself outside of Mass.

I think the job of an EMHC begins and ends at the Communion line. Being the EMHC to these folks, you were correct in asking if the child had made her first Communion, after all how would you know otherwise.

But outside of the Communion line, especially when dealing with people we don’t know, this type of correction should come from the priest. As a priest and especially if he is the pastor, he has authority that a layperson doesn’t have and so this correction is more appropriate coming from him.
 
I got a little upset at that point and said ‘excuse me, but we as Catholics absolutely DO care about that and if you don’t, then shame on you!’
I think this was a bit of pride.

Why not just say, “I’m sorry if my actions offended you. I just love the Church, and Jesus, and the Eucharist so much. I’m sorry that I acted like a jerk. My name is JC. Will you please forgive me?”

God loves humility. Perhapse you would have gained a new friend or a new soul for Christ. Even if you were absolutely right and she was absolutely wrong, why not take the lowest place for the sake of peace? You already addressed the situation to the priest and prevented profanation of the Blessed Sacrament in the communion line over which God gave you responsiblity.

*'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy. (Matthew 25:23)

:)*

Your intention was pure, you did the right thing in the sacramental presence of our Lord, and I’m sure Jesus is proud of you. But what does a scolding do, even undeserved, except hurt our pride? And did not Jesus pray for The Father to forgive those who crucified him unjustly?

It is a great gift to be presented with an opportunity to imitate Christ.

-Tim-
 
I think this was a bit of pride.

Why not just say, “I’m sorry if my actions offended you. I just love the Church, and Jesus, and the Eucharist so much. I’m sorry that I acted like a jerk. My name is JC. Will you please forgive me?”

God loves humility. Perhapse you would have gained a new friend or a new soul for Christ. Even if you were absolutely right and she was absolutely wrong, why not take the lowest place for the sake of peace? You already addressed the situation to the priest and prevented profanation of the Blessed Sacrament in the communion line over which God gave you responsiblity.

’Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy. (Matthew 25:23)

🙂

Your intention was pure, you did the right thing in the sacramental presence of our Lord, and I’m sure Jesus is proud of you. But what does a scolding do, even undeserved, except hurt our pride? And did not Jesus pray for The Father to forgive those who crucified him unjustly?

It is a great gift to be presented with an opportunity to imitate Christ.

-Tim-
A jerk? Being humble does not mean that when someone jumps all over us about being a jerk that we have to agree with her. That passes over into the disingenuous, and humility does not drive us there.

I can see where passing over the scolding and just addressing the issue is humble, I can see expressing regret that someone is upset with us is humble, I can see where it might be wise to stop at reiterating what the Church teaches and avoiding extrapolating to the “if you don’t…” line, and I can see where a person might respond with, “I tell you what, I’ll talk to Father about how to handle these things,” but I don’t think humility means apologizing whenever you don’t meet an angry person’s expectations. You can’t win that game.
 
I think this was a bit of pride.

Why not just say, “I’m sorry if my actions offended you. I just love the Church, and Jesus, and the Eucharist so much. I’m sorry that I acted like a jerk. My name is JC. Will you please forgive me?”

God loves humility. Perhapse you would have gained a new friend or a new soul for Christ. Even if you were absolutely right and she was absolutely wrong, why not take the lowest place for the sake of peace? You already addressed the situation to the priest and prevented profanation of the Blessed Sacrament in the communion line over which God gave you responsiblity.

’Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy. (Matthew 25:23)

🙂

Your intention was pure, you did the right thing in the sacramental presence of our Lord, and I’m sure Jesus is proud of you. But what does a scolding do, even undeserved, except hurt our pride? And did not Jesus pray for The Father to forgive those who crucified him unjustly?

It is a great gift to be presented with an opportunity to imitate Christ.

-Tim-
Thanks to all of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut, it does help.

Certainly hearing the story after the fact gives one much more opportunity to formulate in their mind what they would have done and how they would have handled it. Pride? No, I was not upset for her ‘scolding’ me, I was upset at her comment ‘we as Catholics don’t care about those things’. That was what upset me, her telling me that she (or we as Catholics) don’t care if a non-Catholic comes to receive the Body and Blood of Christ when they don’t have a clue that we BELIEVE it truly IS the Body and Blood of Christ. That is a profanation of the Blessed Sacrament. That is why I was upset. However, I quickly regained my composure and the lady(she was not a member of the family in question) and I discussed it further. While she did not agree with me totally, she did seem to understand my point.

In hindsight perhaps the family did feel embarrassed and that bothers me, I did not intend to embarrass them, but again considering the situation there was likely no way they would NOT have been embarrassed. Yes, perhaps it would have been best handled by the priest, but by the time I could talk to the priest to see if he was even aware of this family, they were long gone. I couldn’t very well have gone to get the priest and dragged him away from his greeting people as they exited the church and asked him to attend to the matter. I did what in my heart I felt I had to do and, with perhaps a slightly different approach, would do it again.

Thanks again for the feedback and suggestions.
 
I fully understand your plight.Here in Ireland we have the same situation with foreign nationals,particularly from a former Soviet state.There was never a Catholic Church in Russia,but these parents claim their children were baptised into the Church merely to ensure they get into free Catholic schools.The Church now lets them make Holy Communion.It is clear when you see these children at school masses that they have never been to a Church.If the parents and children will deceive The Church in such a manner,what else are they capable of
 
I need some help, feedback, advice on a problem that occurred recently at Mass at our parish.

I serve as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion and as a Reader. Like many people, we attend the same Mass and we sit in the same pew/seats every week and are familiar with most everyone who also attend that Mass, etc. About a month ago, I noticed some people (3 adults and a child approx 6-8 yrs old) sitting 2 rows ahead and to the right of me, it was kind of hard not to notice them. They seemed to not know what they were doing, were kidding around with each other during Mass, did not respond to the prayers, the one ‘adult’ was literally draped over the seat in front of her, napping, well you get the drift I am sure.

When it came time for Communion, all 4 of them approached the EMHC, (I was not serving that day) I did notice that she questioned if the child should receive, the adult with her nodded and when she was given the Eucharist it was very obvious she had no idea what to do with it, thankfully, the adult had her consume the Host. The following week was pretty much the same, but I was serving that position as EMHC and I asked the adult behind the child has she made her first Communion and she responded ‘well that’s what they tell me’ Not wanting to cause a scene at the altar during Communion, I presented the girl with Eucharist and she consumed it as did the 3 adults.

I was SO troubled by it all with a strong feeling that either none of them were Catholic or if they were, they had not been to Mass in a very long time. As soon as Mass was over and I could catch up to them, I stopped them and asked if the child had indeed been baptized and made first Communion. They said well we are trying to get her baptized. . . my heart dropped in my chest. I explained to them that we are happy that you are coming to Mass but if a person is NOT Catholic, baptized and has not made first Communion, they CANNOT receive Eucharist until they have met at least those requirements. I suggested that they would need to contact one of the priests to further discuss the matter. I was not unkind about it, I just wanted them to understand.

When I was leaving the church, I did stop and speak to the priest who said Mass and explained to him what had transpired. He was aware of the people I was talking about and said they were supposed to be in touch with one of the other priests.

The following week, 2 of the 3 adults were there again along with the child. I spoke to the presiding priest prior to Mass and told him what had happened and that I was not sure at all if any of the adults were Catholic. He said he would make it a point to serve that section. Only one of the adults came up for Communion, Father asked if she was Catholic, she said yes and he presented her with the Host.

After Mass, this lady comes flying up to me and proceeded to scold me for what I had done the week before in approaching these people and that I should be ashamed. I attempted to explain to her why I did what I did and that as an EMHC, let alone as a Catholic, I have a responsibility to correct when I believe the Blessed Sacrament is in danger of desecration and/or being received by a non-Catholic. She said ‘we as Catholics don’t care about that!’ I got a little upset at that point and said ‘excuse me, but we as Catholics absolutely DO care about that and if you don’t, then shame on you!’ Then I tried to calm down and have a rational discussion about it and she said I shouldn’t have done that I should have told the priest and I explained that I had in fact made 2 of the priests aware of the situation.

It has really been bothering me, did I do the right thing? Did I handle it correctly? Should I have done nothing? In my heart I believe that I did the right thing, I certainly did not want to alienate these people but I could not let the situation go on uncorrected.
You did the right thing, the other lady was WAY out of line. Our Deacon used to tell us, “If you don’t stand up for the Eucharist, who will?” You handled it as tactfully as you could, it sounds like these people are aware that they should refrain from receiving until they complete instruction, but since we live in an entitlement society, they are going to do what they want anyway.
 
I After Mass, this lady comes flying up to me and proceeded to scold me for what I had done the week before in approaching these people and that I should be ashamed. I attempted to explain to her why I did what I did and that as an EMHC, let alone as a Catholic, I have a responsibility to correct when I believe the Blessed Sacrament is in danger of desecration and/or being received by a non-Catholic. She said ‘we as Catholics don’t care about that!’ I got a little upset at that point and said ‘excuse me, but we as Catholics absolutely DO care about that and if you don’t, then shame on you!’ .
it is so hard when flustered by an incident like this to think what to say.
in all such cases it is best to refer her directly to the pastor if she has a question or wants an explanation, and simply not go there.

however since the first time they were questioned, evidently the people said they were Catholic, and the child had made first communion, other than alerting the pastor, I would have dropped it and left it to the pastor to make further contact with them. this is one of the reasons I object so strongly to the entire concept of lay communion ministers, because such situations put them in an impossible situation, and force them to make decisions or ask questions that belong entirely in the province of the priest, not the laity. Sorry you had to be the one but you did your best.
 
👍 You did the right thing. 👍
You explained the situation to them and then you informed the priest. You did not step out of bounds. So many would not want to get involved.
 
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