D
DL82
Guest
I have noticed a trend on this forum lately, in threads such as this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10873431&postcount=80
and this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10350389&postcount=2
forum posters are increasingly encouraging people to be suspicious of their spouse, to consider divorce and annulment as the easiest solution whenever the Church’s canons would even remotely allow it.
I have had similar advice myself during a difficult phase in my marriage, and found it singularly unhelpful. Being told that there is an acceptable escape route when the one you love is hurting and you feel hopeless is like giving a suicidal person a rope and a bottle of pills.
I realise people often come here to seek advice when they don’t know where else to turn, when revealing information to someone they know in real life (a family member, priest or counsellor) would be too hard. Then people often stay, because they find a like-minded community to support them, and that’s wonderful.
However, I wonder whether that experience of hurt then colors our judgment when others come looking for advice. If you have been hurt and deceived, manipulated by an evil person, if your marriage has fallen apart and you have been left to try to reconcile yourself to God and to pick up the pieces, then whenever someone else comes here hurting, you’re going to imagine the worst. Suspicion and separation become the go-to responses.
Marriage is a sacrament, and in that sacrament, grace is given from God. That is efficacious grace, it actually accomplishes the thing that God intends, and all we have to do is be open to receive it. None of us are perfectly disposed at the beginning, otherwise we wouldn’t need the grace in the first place. All of us could be said to be closed off in some way, that some annulment tribunal could possibly pick apart. Some of us take a long time to grow into acceptance of that grace, and some of us never do, but live in hope all the same. Only if we actively resist it, can God’s grace not work, because He respects our freedom.
That’s why we should always assume that a marriage is valid unless there is some de jure immovable impediment (such as someone who is already married, a priest, two people of same sex, etc.) It might not look like it to the outside, but God’s grace is an incredible thing. Not every Eucharist is the miracle of Lanciano, not every person who receives the Anointing of the Sick recovers, but the sacrament is efficacious in every case. Sometimes we won’t see the hidden grace at work.
Now, of course, the Sacrament of Marriage isn’t magic, and there has to be some common sense employed too. All the same, God will work his purpose out in ways we can’t imagine, and with Him is forgiveness, for His steadfast love endures forever.
I wonder whether some of us, myself included, are seeing the world through unresolved bitterness. Perhaps be aware of that, if we are to avoid encouraging others to become suspicious and resentful of their spouses, and to avoid making a bad situation worse.
Sts Joachim & Anna, pray for us!
Bl. Louis & Zelie Martin, pray for us!
Bl. Luigi & Maria Quattrocci, pray for us!
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10873431&postcount=80
and this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10350389&postcount=2
forum posters are increasingly encouraging people to be suspicious of their spouse, to consider divorce and annulment as the easiest solution whenever the Church’s canons would even remotely allow it.
I have had similar advice myself during a difficult phase in my marriage, and found it singularly unhelpful. Being told that there is an acceptable escape route when the one you love is hurting and you feel hopeless is like giving a suicidal person a rope and a bottle of pills.
I realise people often come here to seek advice when they don’t know where else to turn, when revealing information to someone they know in real life (a family member, priest or counsellor) would be too hard. Then people often stay, because they find a like-minded community to support them, and that’s wonderful.
However, I wonder whether that experience of hurt then colors our judgment when others come looking for advice. If you have been hurt and deceived, manipulated by an evil person, if your marriage has fallen apart and you have been left to try to reconcile yourself to God and to pick up the pieces, then whenever someone else comes here hurting, you’re going to imagine the worst. Suspicion and separation become the go-to responses.
Marriage is a sacrament, and in that sacrament, grace is given from God. That is efficacious grace, it actually accomplishes the thing that God intends, and all we have to do is be open to receive it. None of us are perfectly disposed at the beginning, otherwise we wouldn’t need the grace in the first place. All of us could be said to be closed off in some way, that some annulment tribunal could possibly pick apart. Some of us take a long time to grow into acceptance of that grace, and some of us never do, but live in hope all the same. Only if we actively resist it, can God’s grace not work, because He respects our freedom.
That’s why we should always assume that a marriage is valid unless there is some de jure immovable impediment (such as someone who is already married, a priest, two people of same sex, etc.) It might not look like it to the outside, but God’s grace is an incredible thing. Not every Eucharist is the miracle of Lanciano, not every person who receives the Anointing of the Sick recovers, but the sacrament is efficacious in every case. Sometimes we won’t see the hidden grace at work.
Now, of course, the Sacrament of Marriage isn’t magic, and there has to be some common sense employed too. All the same, God will work his purpose out in ways we can’t imagine, and with Him is forgiveness, for His steadfast love endures forever.
I wonder whether some of us, myself included, are seeing the world through unresolved bitterness. Perhaps be aware of that, if we are to avoid encouraging others to become suspicious and resentful of their spouses, and to avoid making a bad situation worse.
Sts Joachim & Anna, pray for us!
Bl. Louis & Zelie Martin, pray for us!
Bl. Luigi & Maria Quattrocci, pray for us!
