Are wives responsible for all housework when working full-time?

[sunshine1986]

Hello,
I was pretty recently married and have been feeling very overwhelmed and confused.I work full-time about 45 hours every week and my husband works about 60. I know marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100 but I am completely burnt out. My husband expects me to be responsible for all housework, all cleaning, all laundry, all cooking, all dishes, grocery shopping, errands etc etc. Pretty much the only thing he doesn’t expect me to do is wash the car. I know he works a lot but I feel like his duties are simple. All he has to worry about is working and washing the car… I feel responsible for EVERYTHING. He says I don’t need to work well if I didn’t we would barely make it and not have health insurance…And we don’t even have kids yet, or a house. I budget feverishly and make almost everything from scratch etc. Plus I believe it’s the 21st century and I always want to be hirable with recent experience in case he gets ill or we divorce. He also goes back and forth saying I don’t need to work to him wanting me to have a fulltime job in the government like some of my relatives do.
Please help I am getting so burned out I’m always stressed, feel like I’m drowning. I’m terrified as I don’t know how I can do this when we have kids. I’m happy to learn shortcuts and not make everything from scratch, clean perfectly etc. But still I am getting so resentful to him as even when I’m sick sometimes and I can’t get to the dishes or the trash sometimes he’ll do it (I never ask) but when he does he gets mad like he’s doing “my work”.
I gave up the idea of having a career as most nowadays do require about 60 hrs a week and I am barely breathing working 40. We really can’t afford for me to not work or even just part time… And yes we live very very frugally. I’d like some advice please from Catholics what you think. Is it still the wives job to do all the housework even working full-time? I’m happy to keep trying to do everything but it really hurts sometimes the way he expects it.I really feel like he treats me like a maid sometimes. He’ll just throw his dirty laundry on the couch, leave his dirty plates on the coffee table, beer cans out, and expect me to make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner in very detailed ways. He is from Mexico and his family is very traditional. His mom didn’t work and I think she might of done everything. I’m wondering if he might be “macho” or something. My mom was disabled and I was also used to my Dad only doing housework as “favors” for my mom. But now I’m working full-time…Please help I don’t even get time to take care of myself barely ever getting to exercise, see my family and friends, or even what I long for: several hours each week just to paint and write. I think I have gotten so depressed and overwhelmed. I feel guilty taking time doing any of these things for myself…I just work ft as an administrative assistant, come home and pretty much just work at home till I go to sleep and do it all over again the next day.
He has talked about us maybe getting a maid once or twice a month but I still need to do all the other things. I just wish he would either make dinner or do dishes everyday or help with laundry without being angry like “that’s not his work”. And I don’t know but I feel guilt deep down too whenever he “helps me” with any small task.
Aside from this he’s a great husband. I don’t want something as petty to hurt our marriage. But all of these things take so much time for me. Plus I earn a little more per hour than him, he just works 15-20 hrs more than me. But housework and everything takes more than 20 hrs a week so I don’t know why it’s all my job. Honestly I feel like I’m really losing myself. It was hard enough giving up the idea of going back to school for a career because I feel I can’t handle one and family duties and settling for administrative assistant work. But I’m finally ok with it… now I just want to be healthy again, have time with family and friends I neglected, just a few hours a week by myself to be creative, and to not be confused and resentful at him anymore. He always just watches tv after work. I don’t even get to sit down after I come home from work…Honestly I would be ok with it too if I didn’t feel like he expected all of it and treats me like a maid.
Please help I am so overwhelmed…

PS. Please don’t get me wrong I am very grateful he is a hard worker and works long hours. But he is very low paid so I need to work full time too. I feel blessed he feels the duty to always work and provide for family… I’m grateful for that I’m just very confused and lost how to handle everything else on top of a full time job. Even BEFORE kids. How will I handle this after them? Plus my parents have very poor health sometimes and as an only child I’m worried about helping them out too… How will I do it all? :bighanky: I don’t want to drown in anxiety and depression anymore. I want to enjoy life and not feel like a servant all the time. I know it’s wrong because as Christians we are supposed to have a servant heart. I just feel so much stress… Lately I’ve been pretending I’m like Cinderella and even though life feels so hard right now, by serving others (or my husband) all the time I’ll go to heaven one day and never have to clean again haha… Honestly though I don’t know if I want a “Prince Charming” there…I am just so exhausted… I want to be happy and excited for life not feel like I’m dragging bricks behind me 24/7…

 

[sunshine1986]

Sorry I wrote so much guys… Thank you for anyone who took the time, to read this, you are an angel. I guess to sum it up my question is if it is the wives responsibility and husband doesn’t help how do other ladies handle all of this? Do you get hired help, eat out a lot, how? I don’t know how I can do it with children someday? I worry that I’m just weak or too slow or a perfectionist or something? Or I don’t know how to time manage?

I really appreciate any advice. I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about this as I don’t want my husband to look bad. If it continues though I might go to counseling or ask he and I go to a priest. I just feel so confused and lost…

 

[sunshine1986]

Honestly it’s gotten so bad I wish sometimes so hard that I could just get an annulment somehow and never ever marry or date again. I don’t think I can be a good mom someday cuz I struggle so much now, and I’ve been scared of getting pregnant. I’m thinking I really shouldn’t have got married at all. We got married in the Catholic Church though… I love him I don’t want to hurt him but I feel like I’m not strong enough to be a good normal wife and future mother. Sometimes I think maybe I have a mental problem as since I was a child I was always overwhelmed with everything from school work to social gatherings. I feel like I always have a a million things to do and never get enough done. All the while never being to relax and enjoy time with loved ones or quiet time by myself with God. Maybe something is really wrong with me? Do any other women feel like I do or Amy I just weak and slow at keeping up with anything? :’(
All I want is to be a great Christian and love God and others with all I have… I don’t know what’s wrong with me…

 

[Sarcelle]

:hug1:

I am single so I cannot suggest anything substantial.

However you are in my prayers.

May God give you solace and rest and your husband a wake up call.

Maybe you can talk to your parish priest?

 

[sunshine1986]

Thank you so much for your reply… I’m sorry I’m venting so much I just feel so confused and lost… I feel like I’m losing it… Sometimes I even wish he would just cheat on me and leave as I don’t believe in divorce but would be fine if he left me… Especially before we have children… Don’t know how I could ever be a good single mom… He kind of had emotional affairs I think… Sometimes I wonder if I can go to a priest and ask for an annulment with that as an excuse… I think God meant for me to always be single… and I would be so happy and stay that way forever if that happened… Ah… what’s wrong with me… :bighanky:

Is there a way I can get an annulment before it’s too late and I’m pregnant? I think maybe I have a mental health condition… Tons of anxiety and depression… One psychologist diagnosed me with Schizotypal Personality Disorder… But that was for when we were going through the legal process to get his permanent residency… But if I didn’t have sound judgement when getting married… Can I use that for annulment… Or his emotional affairs (that’s a long story but I won’t get into it… I’m sure it was valid though). I love him but I don’t think I’m strong enough to be a normal healthy wife and mom someday…
We’ve been married three years and thankfully don’t have any children yet … I just want to get out before it’s too late. I’m scared of messing up his and our future families lives and I just want to be healthy again. Besides the above my mom has extreme history of bipolar disorder and she even lost custody of me for two years, almost permanently because she was declared unfit to care for me… My dad’s side has all passed away to Huntington’s disease… I’m so scared that something’s very wrong with me and I just want nothing more to be single again and free… Every day is a struggle… I can’t take it anymore… I want so badly nothing more than to tell my husband I love him, always will but for my own health and sanity need to be single and stay single for the rest of my life…

 

[Sarcelle]

Thank you so much for your reply… I’m sorry I’m venting so much I just feel so confused and lost… I feel like I’m losing it… Sometimes I even wish he would just cheat on me and leave as I don’t believe in divorce but would be fine if he left me… Especially before we have children… Don’t know how I could ever be a good single mom… He kind of had emotional affairs I think… Sometimes I wonder if I can go to a priest and ask for an annulment with that as an excuse… I think God meant for me to always be single… and I would be so happy and stay that way forever if that happened… Ah… what’s wrong with me… :bighanky:

Yes please go to a parish priest and talk to him, not for an annulment but just to unburden yourself.

You seem to built up a lot inside.

I am praying for you.

Do you have family or friends you can confide in?

 

[pensmama87]

Do you have a budget written out with all of your expenses and where they go? If not, you should, and your husband should see it as well as you. Then you both know what it takes to run your household. If you find that there are substantial areas you can cut, all the better . If you want more advice on budgeting I’m happy to help either here or via PM. We had to live incredibly frugally for several years and I learned a lot about saving.

I’d also write out all the household tasks and go over it with your husband. You may find that you can let some things go or at least be done less frequently, he might take some things on, you might decide to hire out based on your budget. I’d assume the best from him for now, that he just doesn’t know how hard you’re working (yes, even if you’re doing it right in front of his face) or that he thinks it’s fun for you. I like neatness and order so I am willing to put in a lot more effort in housekeeping than my husband would because he doesn’t care. It’s not at all because he thinks I should slavishly prevent even a speck of dust from touching the shelves.

One thing that gives me pause is that you haven’t been married that long and you’re already mentioning the divorce word as a possibility. I’m not saying that never happens, but that’s really not the approach you should be taking. You two are a team and should be working as a team.

I do have some advice on time management so let me get that out in a post…

 

[sunshine1986]

Thank you you guys for your replies it means a lot. Sorry I edited the post and wrote more before I saw them…

I know it’s so bad I am thinking divorce but I feel so unwell… I’m scare of getting locked up in a mental hospital like my mom has been over twenty times in her life. I know I may have some anxiety issues but I’m scared if they give me pills it’ll cause me to become bipolar to an extreme like her. I’m ok with being anxious or even depressed I’m not ok with losing complete control and becoming manic or dangerous. When I was a baby she was so sick she took me in the car and sped down the street the wrong way, that’s when they lost custody of me for a couple years. I have seen many times severe reactions to meds both my mom and dad have had and wound up in mental hospitals after. I have managed to stay off meds all my life and I’m so scared that if I am forced into treatment I’ll end up like that someday…

I want to leave before we have children and I am unable to care for them… I know right now I would never do anything like that but I struggle so much finishing simple tasks. If I go into treatment and get pills though I’m scared I’ll lose complete control and don’t know what I’ll do.

I don’t think I’m meant to be a wife and a mother. I love my husband I think I’ve helped him a lot. He used to be an alcholic before he met me, and we finally got his permanent residency… But I just want to leave before I lose myself and my mind completely…

 

[pensmama87]

Time management:

OK, so I stay at home, but I am something of a neat freak and yet I do not spend that much time on housekeeping every day, 2 hours absolutely tops. Most of that is cleaning up after children and ourselves, which is much less of a factor when you and your husband are out of the home during the day.

I prioritize everyday tasks. Beds get made, clothes get laundered and put away, dishes get done, stuff gets put back where it belongs.

Then I designate days of the week for certain things. I do laundry pretty much every day because there’s five of us now and it’s a lot easier for me to do about one load per day instead of saving it up to do 5-6 one day per week. But Monday is my kitchen day, Tuesday is a dust and vacuum day, Wednesday is my bathroom day, Thursday is my paperwork and sheets and towels day, and Friday is vacuuming again. If I end up missing or not completing everything, then oh well, it’s clean enough until the next day it’s due. Most of the time most of the things are clean enough.

Saturdays are “project days” - basically anything that it’s useful to have two people for, or things that are difficult for kids underfoot. On Sunday I try not to do anything beyond the very basics. It’s very nice to have a rest day. God knew what He was about when He gave us one. It makes the rest of the week bearable.

For cooking, I have a system. One day every week is designated as leftover night. The other weeknights are crock pot meals, reheated freezer meals, or skillet/wonderpot meals (only dirty one dish). On Saturdays when I have more time to cook, I’ll double or triple a recipe and then freeze the extras to reheat on a weeknight. I use foil pans for these or a plastic container for things like soup that I can stack in the freezer. One nice thing for cooking is there’s tons of suggestions for meals that are easy, nutritious, quick, and freezable. We use a lot of rice and beans because they freeze well, are nutritious, and inexpensive. (If you want more advice on cutting your grocery bill, I have that, too.)

It takes time to learn these things, though. I didn’t grow up in a house that really prioritized homemaking or nutritious meals, or even budgeting (my family was wealthy, which I didn’t realize until very recently, and they still don’t know that they are.) About 3-4 years in is when it clicked for my husband and me. It takes time. Give yourself that. If you’re very stuck emotionally, consider counseling. Anxiety makes you spin your wheels but it’s not really useful to get you anywhere.

Since you and your husband are both working, I’d see if it would indeed be possible to live on one income. Not by you quitting, but by you putting your earnings away - either for a house or something else depending on your debt situation (pay off your debt if you have any, pronto.)

 

[pensmama87]

Thank you you guys for your replies it means a lot. Sorry I edited the post and wrote more before I saw them…

I know it’s so bad I am thinking divorce but I feel so unwell… I’m scare of getting locked up in a mental hospital like my mom has been over twenty times in her life. I know I may have some anxiety issues but I’m scared if they give me pills it’ll cause me to become bipolar to an extreme like her. I’m ok with being anxious or even depressed I’m not ok with losing complete control and becoming manic or dangerous. When I was a baby she was so sick she took me in the car and sped down the street the wrong way, that’s when they lost custody of me for a couple years. I have seen many times severe reactions to meds both my mom and dad have had and wound up in mental hospitals after. I have managed to stay off meds all my life and I’m so scared that if I am forced into treatment I’ll end up like that someday…

I want to leave before we have children and I am unable to care for them… I know right now I would never do anything like that but I struggle so much finishing simple tasks. If I go into treatment and get pills though I’m scared I’ll lose complete control and don’t know what I’ll do.

I don’t think I’m meant to be a wife and a mother. I love my husband I think I’ve helped him a lot. He used to be an alcholic before he met me, and we finally got his permanent residency… But I just want to leave before I lose myself and my mind completely…

Based on this I would get help immediately from a competent therapist and psychiatrist. Share with them your concerns about medical reactions. It’s possible there was misdiagnosis. Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, nobody can force you to take medication, but I would highly advise at least talking to somebody. Your anxiety and fear are not proportional to the situation you’re in. It may be useful to be screened for something like ADHD since you mention difficulty finishing tasks.

We can’t give medical advice on CAF, but there are a variety of treatment plans available for those who are struggling to live daily life. I would not hobble along crippled by anxiety and suffering because you know of one treatment plan that might not be ideal for you to pursue.

Praying for you.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Even if you were a stay at home wife, your husband should not leave 100% of the housework to you, if there was still stuff left to be done when he got home, he should help out. Obviously if you were at home all day you wouldn’t need much help, but on the days you did he should be willing to help out without complaining like a petulant teenager. I agree with you, he has been conditioned to expect this kind of treatment by his mum.

This is what the Church teaches: Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. They should be willing to DIE for their wives. And to be honest, most husband would be more than willing to take a bullet for their wives. It’s much harder to die to yourself on a daily basis by always putting your wives needs before your own. Truly great husbands do this. Of course, wives have to be willing to put their husbands needs before their own too. But one person should not let the other walk all over them out of a sense of duty.

I’m not sure how to advise you here. I can tell you that he is definitely in the wrong. Marriage is a partnership and if you are running around trying to clean up after him while he watches TV, that is incredibly selfish. But, it is difficult to change an entrenched cultural thing like this.

You are going to burn yourself out if you keep going the way you are going. The best thing I can think of is to sit down some time when you are both in a good mood and explain to him that his family had their own sets of traditions and that you want a different set. It might help to write him a letter, so that you can get all your thoughts down coherently without interruptions.

I don’t recommend any passive aggressive behaviour; that is always super toxic. But I do recommend not doing everything for him. Don’t make packed lunches for him. If you are home first and cook dinner every evening, that’s fine. But he should wash up. And not complain. You would have to outline these things with him rather than just stop doing them. You could also stop doing his laundry, or his ironing, or something along those lines. Whatever makes your life easier. I suggest those things, because you won’t get mad if he goes hungry at lunch / has no underwear / has no shirts but you will get mad if the vacuuming is never done. You should definitely stop picking up after him… if, as a kid, I left dirty laundry on the couch my parents would have flipped out.

I have no idea if that will work. It will be a long road. If you both have good communication skills he should be willing to listen but even if he has the best intentions he will slip up a lot before you both get there.

You could also maybe do chores together at the same time and then sit down to watch TV together, like you vacuum while he cleans the bath or something. Try and get it all done as fast as possible so you can have a nice evening

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Based on this I would get help immediately from a competent therapist and psychiatrist. Share with them your concerns about medical reactions. It’s possible there was misdiagnosis. Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, nobody can force you to take medication, but I would highly advise at least talking to somebody. Your anxiety and fear are not proportional to the situation you’re in. It may be useful to be screened for something like ADHD since you mention difficulty finishing tasks.

We can’t give medical advice on CAF, but there are a variety of treatment plans available for those who are struggling to live daily life. I would not hobble along crippled by anxiety and suffering because you know of one treatment plan that might not be ideal for you to pursue.

Praying for you.

Yes, this, 100%.

I only read your first post before replying. Based on what you are saying your number 1 priority should be to go to a doctor or councillor or something. A lot of the reason that you think you can’t cope might be related to the feelings you described in your other posts. You might find it all works itself out once you get help. Don’t be afraid of it! It will only be good for you!

And yes, you can totally let some housework slide if you are feeling overwhelmed on a particular day / week… it’s really not the end of the world!

 

[sunshine1986]

Thank you so much… I am not on medication but I’m afraid if I seek therapy they’ll push it on me and I will lose control of my thoughts… I feel like if I coI ment… I want to leave before I mess up my husband’s life and any possible future children… Honestly as much as I love children I’m terrified I won’t be a good healthy mother when it happens… It makes me concerned that I should never have gotten married if I don’t think I can handle children someday… I just want to tell my husband I love him, always will, but because I love him I need to leave and I’ll never get married again. I think I can only be single to be healthy… I will always give my time and love to others but I don’t think I’ll ever be strong enough to be a good mother… I am falling apart. I’m close to calling my aunt as she’s part of the marriage ministry at our church and asking her advice. But I don’t want to burden her or confide anything negative about our marriage…?

 

[sunshine1986]

Even if you were a stay at home wife, your husband should not leave 100% of the housework to you, if there was still stuff left to be done when he got home, he should help out. Obviously if you were at home all day you wouldn’t need much help, but on the days you did he should be willing to help out without complaining like a petulant teenager. I agree with you, he has been conditioned to expect this kind of treatment by his mum.

This is what the Church teaches: Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. They should be willing to DIE for their wives. And to be honest, most husband would be more than willing to take a bullet for their wives. It’s much harder to die to yourself on a daily basis by always putting your wives needs before your own. Truly great husbands do this. Of course, wives have to be willing to put their husbands needs before their own too. But one person should not let the other walk all over them out of a sense of duty.

I’m not sure how to advise you here. I can tell you that he is definitely in the wrong. Marriage is a partnership and if you are running around trying to clean up after him while he watches TV, that is incredibly selfish. But, it is difficult to change an entrenched cultural thing like this.

You are going to burn yourself out if you keep going the way you are going. The best thing I can think of is to sit down some time when you are both in a good mood and explain to him that his family had their own sets of traditions and that you want a different set. It might help to write him a letter, so that you can get all your thoughts down coherently without interruptions.

I don’t recommend any passive aggressive behaviour; that is always super toxic. But I do recommend not doing everything for him. Don’t make packed lunches for him. If you are home first and cook dinner every evening, that’s fine. But he should wash up. And not complain. You would have to outline these things with him rather than just stop doing them. You could also stop doing his laundry, or his ironing, or something along those lines. Whatever makes your life easier. I suggest those things, because you won’t get mad if he goes hungry at lunch / has no underwear / has no shirts but you will get mad if the vacuuming is never done. You should definitely stop picking up after him… if, as a kid, I left dirty laundry on the couch my parents would have flipped out.

I have no idea if that will work. It will be a long road. If you both have good communication skills he should be willing to listen but even if he has the best intentions he will slip up a lot before you both get there.

You could also maybe do chores together at the same time and then sit down to watch TV together, like you vacuum while he cleans the bath or something. Try and get it all done as fast as possible so you can have a nice evening

Thank you for the advice maybe I can try it… I don’t know why I feel guilty asking for help… Honestly I feel like a single mom to him often… But also I feel like I am losing it,… Like Im saying I don’t think I’m meant to be a wife or mother… I don’t want to take anymore chances and get pregnant… I just want to leave… :’(

 

[pensmama87]

What about a service like this that is confidential, just to get you started?

Nobody can force you to take meds. They might strongly recommend it as part of an overall treatment plan, but nobody can force you. If someone wants to prescribe you something, I’d tell them about the reactions.

I didn’t see it perhaps as I should have at first, and this may be hard to hear, but your thoughts as you’ve written them down are not rational. You need someone to help you untangle your thinking who is qualified and competent to do so. You can learn to take good care of yourself, I’m sure of it, but nobody gets anywhere by endlessly spinning their wheels when they’re trapped in a ditch. You need to call a tow truck first, know what I mean?

I’m praying for you, and I bet lots of other people here who read this thread without posting will be praying for you, too. But please get help. You won’t get better if you don’t.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Thank you for the advice maybe I can try it… I don’t know why I feel guilty asking for help… Honestly I feel like a single mom to him often… But also I feel like I am losing it,… Like Im saying I don’t think I’m meant to be a wife or mother… I don’t want to take anymore chances and get pregnant… I just want to leave… :’(

Please, please see a doctor or councillor and don’t be afraid. They will be able to help. Express all your concerns to them and they will find something that works for you.

 

[sunshine1986]

Honestly when I was single I was healthy… I just wan’t to get an annulment before it get’s too late… I don’t think I should have children… and I feel like I’m wasting my husband’s time when he should be with someone stronger and healthier…
Is it possible to get an annulment because I may have been unwell when we married? I don’t think I made a good decision or had good judgement… I’m sorry but I am freaking out so much I just want to leave before I end up like my mom… or he leaves me someday and I’m a weak single mom without a strong enough career able to support them. I know if I’m single I’ll stay that way never date again and I’ll be healthy and able to love others freely without going unwell.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Is work and washing the car all he really does ?

Back when I was working and my wife was working full-time, I helped with some house chores, such as cooking and doing dishes, kids got that job when they were old enough.
Cooking is my hobby, so it’s not work for me.

However, I washed the car, did the oil changes and other repairs.

I painted the house and mowed the lawn and removed snow from the driveway when it snowed.

I also did all remodeling inside the house.

I was lucky that my wife saw the balance and never complained.

Wives I knew who did complain, didn’t look at all the other things besides domestic chores their husbands actually did. When I pointed out what I did, they suddenly acknowledged that their husbands also did those chores, but never thought about it.

Not saying your husband isn’t pulling his fair share, but be sure you understand what he does do besides just washing the car.

Jim

 

[sunshine1986]

Thank you… I think maybe my concern has turned from handling too much, to not being strong or healthy enough to be a normal wife and mom someday. On top of severe anxiety and depression lately I’ve been having very negative intrusive thoughts, poor memory, and many other health problems such as dizziness and something in my head moves and makes clicking squishing sounds.
Honestly I’m so so scared that I am getting really sick related to genes from either my mom’s bipolor problems or my dad’s side of huntington’s disease. I am terrified I may actually be getting some sort of dementia as well… I don’t feel well… I don’t want to subject my husband to my further illnesses and incapabilities and even more I’m terrified of having children I’m unable to care for…
I’d rather get an annulment now then have my poor husband dragged through my illnesses and treatments. I am not normal and I don’t think I ever really be. We can’t afford for treatment right now and I will not take pills because of all the bad reactions I’ve seen my parents have had and ended up in mental hospitals… I want to leave my husband and be single forever and not mess up anyone’s life… and I wan’t him to be free to be with a good woman who can love him the way he needs to be loved and to someday give him children as he would be a great father.
I do not feel strong, healthy, well, or capable. I don’t think I’m meant to be married anymore. I helped him overcome alcoholism and get a green card so I think I did some good for the three years but I have become very unwell and I just want to be single, have so much less stress, and deal with my health problems by myself without it hurting anyone else… I can’t be a mother and I am deteriorating as a wife…
I think when my husband comes home I will talk to him the best I can and ask to separate for a few days. Then I can stay at my parents and talk to a local priest there and ask what I should do… I feel myself becoming unwell and I do not want to subject my husband or any future children too it… I just want to be single forever and have all this weight lifted off my shoulders… I have such a migraine right now I have had one a hundred times this year I am terrified of getting pregnant and terrified that I’m messing up my husband’s life…

 

[Vanny]

No, I think if a wife is expected to work outside the home, she must have help with the household chores.
I can’t comment on the marital or medical issues- You are in my prayers. sounds like you are under a lot of stress now.
I work 40 hours a week. I hear you on the health insurance. The only reason I work, really. My husband is retired with a part time job.(Very part time)
He doesn’t cook or dust or clean bathrooms, but he does vacuum, laundry, dishes, and basically all outside work.(Mowing, snow removal, ect) We live in a small house, so not too bad.
Can you get away with working part time? It sounds like your husband is receptive to you not working or at least cutting your hours, Right?.
We made sacrifices when my children were young so I could stay home with the kids, which I’ve never regretted. We drove used cars, didn’t have a lot of fancy things, and didn’t go out a lot, if at all.
To me it was worth it.
I just sat my husband down when I went back to work and told him I would have to have help, or I couldn’t do it. And he agreed and helps as he can.
Crockpots are a Godsend. I use them a lot since Hubby doesn’t like to cook.
I’m not too organized, but if you can plan meals ahead of time, crockpots are great.