Are you able to forgive?

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If someone do something bad to you, are you able to forgive them?
I’m amazed at how good persons priests can be. It’s beautiful too see all the kindness radiating from them and it makes you want to look like them.
But one thing I found the most difficult is to have patience and being able to forgive to those who really messed up with us. And by that, I mean people that hurt us deliberately. It’s even more difficult when it is a family member or semone you trust in the past. Life goes on and you have to pretend at least to forgive but I can’t help myself but to not really forgive and more importantly, I don’t see the person the same way than before.
I went to a meeting where a priest gave a speech about his work in a prison. He said he was only seeing the good in the prisoners and considered them as victims. I understand deeply that prison is not heaven and can make people even more violent but I don’t know how he does to not paying attention to the reason why these persons are there at first…

What do you think about it?
 
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First of all, forgiving sinners and healing them is the priest’s job, so he spends all day building his skills at being able to do that.

Second, if he volunteered for a prison ministry, it’s partly because he felt able to do that work and see the good in those people in prison. Not everybody can do that so easily, so they maybe choose other ministries.

Finally, if the prisoners he is visiting didn’t commit their crimes on his own friends or family, it may be easier for him to forgive them than if they murdered his own parent or fellow priest. It’s easier to see good in someone when you don’t feel their harm personally. That doesn’t mean it would be impossible for him to forgive someone who harmed his family member or another priest, but it might be a bigger challenge. The priest would have to sacrifice his own personal self-interest in order to see God in this prisoner.

Forgiving people who have hurt us is really hard, especially when it’s someone in our family or close to us because they really betrayed a trust, and also we might have to keep seeing that person at family gatherings or in our home rather than just cut off contact. When someone hurt me, often I never want to see them again, and if it’s just some ex-friend then often you can manage that, but when it’s your family member, not so easy. We have to pray to Jesus constantly for the grace to forgive. We make this prayer every time we say the Our Father.
 
It can be difficult to forgive, it can take lots of prayer. But I think it is important. Think of how greatly we offend God. Yet we cannot forgive such little things in comparison?
 
Firstly, I would suggest that pretending to forgive is not a good idea as it is sort of living a lie. Trying to forgive by praying for help, taking it to the Sacrament of Reconciliation or a priest and persevering seems the better option. It is something I struggle with.

Yes, I pray and genuinely try to forgive but it is a shock to discover when I have failed utterly e.g. I thought I had forgiven someone and a surge of resentment and anger came out of the blue. It has happened twice, on the first occasion I kept bumping into the person until I could be polite (without gritting my teeth), so it looks like I had divine help. The second time, the person concerned had passed away many years ago and I can only pray that my prayers and further attempt at forgiveness are being answered.

I do have a far bit of resentment and anger, much of which is based on the smoke and wind of the enemy and am praying for help and so grateful for the stillness and peace that God provides (especially when He quickly moves me back when I realise I wandered off). Through God’s grace and mercy, I would like to be like the priest you describe.
 
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Tis_Bearself: good point. I didn’t think about the Our father. Indeed we ask God to help us to forgive others all the times. You really hit the nail on the head about family members. I have a family member who really hurt me and I still don’t understand why he acted like this but I’m forced to see him for family’s sake. It’s even harder when you perfectly know that if the same situation was to come again, he would act the same way than before.
 
Avila123 said:
Yes, I pray and genuinely try to forgive but it is a shock to discover when I have failed utterly e.g. I thought I had forgiven someone and a surge of resentment and anger came out of the blue.
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As part of my forgiveness I will try to say prayers for people who hurt me. Often when I pray for another person (whether someone I like or someone who hurt me or someone who just needs grace) I will say a Divine Mercy and put their name in it for every prayer or every few prayers (e.g. “For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on (name of person) and on the whole world”). I have done this for people who did hurtful things to me like 30 years ago and I haven’t seen them in many years or even thought much about them, and it was interesting how difficult it was to keep saying their name. It just made me feel resentful all over again, showing me that I still have these feelings to work on.
 
I think christianity makes beautiful person because we are always trying to improve and be better :D.
 
After I have confessed my sins in the confessional, the first words of my Confessor are " have you forgiven anyone ? "

The first time it caught me off guard. But I remembered I did forgive A co-worker for something he said. So I answered yes and we finished.

I have never asked him why he always asks that but I suppose it’s because of the Lord’s Prayer.
 
The priests doesn’t have to “forgive” you, but they are the vehicle by which CHRIST forgives you.
They determine if you are remorseful and absolve you, God does the forgiving. In seminary they are taught how to let things go, not to think about them outside of the confessional and how to truly forget what they have heard along with not ever speaking about it.
 
It is often difficult to forgive people, but God asks us to forgive others, as He has forgiven us. One thing that has helped me is making a conscious decision to choose to forgive that person, even if I don’t feel like it. Then I pray to ask God to help me feel like forgiving that person (although that might take a while to actually feel like it!). Forgiveness is very powerful and also very freeing. 🙂 I hope this is helpful. God bless!
 
Forgive, like love, is easier said than done. It is hard to do it on our own. We can only ask God for the grace to forgive.

God bless.
 
For a lot of people forgiveness is a long process rather than an instant thing, sometimes all you can do is pray and be open to the process.
 
It helps me to see weakness in people which makes them vulnerable to evil/sin or selfishness, whatever force that causes the offense; separate that from them in my mind. (this applies to myself too; I think we have to forgive ourselves as well, along with repentance) I can be really shocked at how weak people are in terms of acting with integrity, etc. Succumbing to pressures, impulses. Dishonesty. I don’t think forgiveness necessarily means wiping the slate clean in terms of how you view or deal with people. It is ok to adjust accordingly. By the same token if you want someone to forgive you, you have to really change for the better. If you don’t, don’t be surprised if you don’t receive forgiveness or the same open arms you did at first. One thing I will say for not holding grudges is it conserves so much energy and suffering - amazing. Sometimes I forgive just because I don’t want to undergo the ordeal of getting so outraged. 🙂 (does that even count I wonder) Depends on the circumstances, the offense.
 
I used to find it difficult, but after reading Ken Barker’s book “His Name is Mercy”; I understood better what mercy is.

The other thing to remember is to forgive does not mean to forget.
 
needadvice said:
I understand deeply that prison is not heaven and can make people even more violent but I don’t know how he does to not paying attention to the reason why these persons are there at first…
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Practice? It’s his job?
I’ve never been a priest but I imagine they started a very deep prayer life in seminary. Seminary goes for say 8 years? By the time they have become a priest, their relationship with God should be pretty strong.
I mean as long as you feel safe with prisoners, that you will come to no physical harm, then I can see how someone could start seeing only the good. They could be at their best behaviour with you too.
 
Yeah. Not that able to reconcile but forgiveness isn’t hard
 
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