Are you and your spouse at the same spiritual level?

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ShannonE

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When my husband and I were married we were both pretty much CINO. Throughout our married life my spiritual life has grown but my husband’s has not. Whenever I try to talk about anything even remotely religious he shuts me down. I can only pray that he will open himself to the Lord…but in the mean time, it is becoming a huge gap between us. Has anyone else had this experience?
 
My wife doesn’t attend church with me. She did attend my Baptism though. It really isn’t an issue with us, I do wish that she would attend church and pursue spiritual matters more. I leave that in God’s hands. It took me many years to commit to our Lord, it happened when he wanted it. I pray that he opens her heart to his calling, until that time I give up to him. It is really between her and him. If you want to talk about it there are plenty of people here that are more than willing to listen.

I am sure that you can find people at your church that will be willing to listen. Join some groups at your church, surround yourself with people that are filled with the Lord. Don’t let it be a stumbling block to your spiritual journey. Pray for him!

Welcome to the Forums!😃
 
Hi Shannon, I’m trying to figure out if I should give a short or long answer. Maybe some of both… The short answer is NO.

The long answer…When we got married (19 years ago this July) we were on the same level…as far away from God and anything spiritual as possible. But I am a Catholic convert.

I am American and was raised as a missionary kid in Ecuador (parents are protestant) and my husband is British and hates the Catholic Church with ever ounce of his being.

The story of my conversion is a long one and it was a 5 year journey.

The reprocussions of my conversion I live with daily. My husband blames anything and everything that goes wrong on the Church and the fact that I am Catholic. But I will not give up my faith, How can I? Where would I go, to which church? NO ONE else has the Eucharist, THE Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, right there before my eyes. I can not put into the words the sence of peace and joy that fills me when I am in HIS presence. Yes, I am saddened when my husband says or does things that are hurtful, I am saddened more so for my children. But it really is a privaledge, one that I am not worthy of.

All I want to do is get through one day at a time, in a manner that please my Lord in my thoughts, words, and deeds. As long as I live my life to please my Lord, everything else will fall into place.

I didn’t mean to run on, I just am so happy for my faith, it is a gift I don’t deserve but will ever be greatful for!
 
My lovely wife is much more holy than I can ever be.

We are both Catholic and very committed to our faith and I feel like I can live my faith fully with her. When it comes to knowledge of church doctrine and teaching, I am a little stronger than her in that department, but when it comes to living the faith (which is what really counts) she beats me.

My heart goes out to those in marriages who can’t live out their faiths fully together. It sounds like you are suffering a sort of spiritual martyrdom. Offer up your sufferings for the sake of your husband and let God do the rest.
 
That’s a tough answer for me. Given that my husband would be a priest if he wasn’t married to me (or if they allowed married priests), I would have to say no. I believe everything there is about the Catholic religon (I am a convert, he’s a cradle Catholic). We go to Mass every Sunday, our kids are all baptized Catholic, but I don’t think I would be able to give up my life as it is now and devote it to priesthood (granted I’m a woman, but the same concept).

However, we both believe the same thing, and we try to act the best we can as we do. So Catholism is definitely not in any way hurting our relationship, it has made it better. But I’m not ready to make sacrifices like he is.
 
My husband was an atheist and I was a cino when we married. After about 5 years of marriage he was having difficulty managing an addiction. We were trying to conceive and he stated that we should join a church, so the kids would have some kind of faith (not the way he was raised, which made him feel hopeless at times).

So, after much searching and prayer I came back to the Church and he came into it. We were in bible studies together (yes, Catholic ones!) We discussed the faith. He joined a christian rock band (all but one member are Catholic). Keep in mind I had no idea he was struggling with an addiction, he was very good at hiding it and I was very trusting. He was really into the faith at that time,but when “God didn’t take away” his addiction, he just stopped being interested. He sank deeper into it and I found out about it.

He’s been clean for almost three years now. He goes to mass with me & the kids and even goes to adoration once a week. But other than that he is not interested in the faith or God etc. I really miss it, it was so much fun and it brought us so close (when he was really into the faith he didn’t succumb to the addiction). The other members in the band are wondering why he’s still in the band and whether they should ask him to leave.

I have kept up with bible study and learning about Catholicism. Sometimes I think maybe he doesn’t want to get into discussions with me because he thinks I know more than he does. I don’t think that’s true, he studied alot more before he came to the faith than I did (and I’m a really slow learner).

I am going to try the green scapular, which is for conversions. I read about it in a thread on these boards. I know he won’t wear it, but I can put it under his pillow or under his side of the mattress and say the prayer myself.
 
If you mean who prays more - probably me. But my husband has the relationship w/ Christ that is right for him at this time in life. I don’t like comparing our spiritual lives. There’s no need.

—KCT
 
nope, she’s going to heaven for putting up with me, and i’m doomed…

at least that’s what she says…
 
I am a recent convert, (Easter Vigil)–Praise the Lord! Hubby GOES to a Protestant Church with kids most times, but with me as well to Mass. He and kids have said it’s “boring, same every Sunday”…I don’t think he’d even go to church anywhere, nor take kids if it were not for me insisting upon it.

I pray for him daily, yes, as many of you wives reading this also pray for your husbands, and it would be wonderful if he too were called to discover the fullness of the Faith, but more importantly, if he were called and responded to a deeper commitment with Jesus #1, as his personal Savior.

I’m thinkin’ of posing a new thread on this.

God Bless~~
 
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sgt.pat:
Hi Shannon, I’m trying to figure out if I should give a short or long answer. Maybe some of both… The short answer is NO.
The long answer…When we got married (19 years ago this July) we were on the same level…as far away from God and anything spiritual as possible. But I am a Catholic convert.
I am American and was raised as a missionary kid in Ecuador (parents are protestant) and my husband is British and hates the Catholic Church with ever ounce of his being.
The story of my conversion is a long one and it was a 5 year journey.
The reprocussions of my conversion I live with daily. My husband blames anything and everything that goes wrong on the Church and the fact that I am Catholic. But I will not give up my faith, How can I? Where would I go, to which church? NO ONE else has the Eucharist, THE Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, right there before my eyes. I can not put into the words the sence of peace and joy that fills me when I am in HIS presence. Yes, I am saddened when my husband says or does things that are hurtful, I am saddened more so for my children. But it really is a privaledge, one that I am not worthy of.
All I want to do is get through one day at a time, in a manner that please my Lord in my thoughts, words, and deeds. As long as I live my life to please my Lord, everything else will fall into place.
I didn’t mean to run on, I just am so happy for my faith, it is a gift I don’t deserve but will ever be greatful for!
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Hi Shannon: My heart melted and I can so relate when I read the above. Your story is very similar to mine. My hubby and even kids sometimes since my “conversion”, have spit out many nasty things towards me. Kids (1 of them) have even said “they hate me–I’m the worst mom ever with your stupid Catholic stuff”, etc., etc. “I’m a loser, turning to hubby–“why did you even marry her”? All she does is watch EWTN”, etc., etc. Boy THIS is hard! And it’s brought me to tears alot, last nite the most recent. I wonder if this is common, but I read from your post it must be. Lord help us and hear our cries of despair. I recall the verse in Holy Scripture saying we must sometimes turn against our brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, etc. (figuratively speaking of course) for the sake of the Gospel. WHERE is this verse when I need it? And in 2 Corint. I believe saying, WE WILL be made fun of, persecuted, etc., so we know it’s coming. Yes, we will do so won’t we all?-- we will not change our Faith, THE Faith of Christ, for anybody and anything. Praise God. I feel I need a support group for converts. What do you think, Shannon, anybody???

Just last week I got an e-mail from a family friend I’ve known my entire life. She said: “The Catholic Faith is a false religion, leading to a Godless eternity”…etc., etc. Can you believe it? Where they might be coming from? A very “ANTI-CATHOLIC” place no doubt. It does hurt when a friends speaks this way. But we have history on our side, the Saints who yes have been thru the same. What a joy! And now I really believe it will serve us all well to LEARN our faith, to learn how to become an Apologist, etc., how to learn what to say, and when. What Scripture, etc. I trust this forum will teach us how!
 
You all have been so helpful…even moved me to tears with your posts.

I feel like I have been denying my faith by my actions, just to avoid confontations with him. When John Paul II died I went into the bathroom to cry secretly and when he comes into the room I’ll quickly flip away from EWTN just because I don’t want to subject myself to some of his comments.

There are many ways for me to feel connected with others in my faith, this forum being one; I just long to share it with my husband.

Thank you so much to everyone here. I have been lurking around this forum for months now and many of you have unknowingly helped me so many times. Thank you!
 
while i am not married yet (me and my boyfriend plan on marring in a year or two), i’d still like to post.
i was raised catholic, but in my teens got away from it. i then met my boyfriend, who is a very religious Lutheran. he has encouraged me to go back home. we have the most wonderful religious discussions, go to catholic mass together, plan on getting married by a catholic priest, and even bring the any kids we have up in the catholic church. i don’t know if he’ll ever convert (his faith means so much to him, and is so much of who he is i don’t think i could ever force him to give it up), but it would be nice. he was even excited when the new Pope was elected, and talks about him from time to time (he feels the two of them have a lot in common with their ideas torwards religion).
so while our relationship is strongly based upon our faith, i think he is the more spiritual one, but then again i’m just starting my journey again. so give me a year and maybe i’ll catch up 😃
 
The biggest misconception I had when I married 22 years ago was that I thought somehow my Catholic husband and I would suddenly share the same umbilical cord to God and we would be singing praise in unison together every morning, noon and night. If we can get into the car at the same time for the same Mass we are lucky.

The fact is that every one has a unique relationship with God - married or not. We each have our own umbilical cord to God. Marriage does not graft that cord together.

Tertullian, an early Church Father wrote in a letter to his wife about the ideal spiritual life of a married couple. It is only an ideal model - something to hope, work and pray for.

How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.

They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in Spirit. They are in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit.
They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.

Side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another, they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts… Psalms and hymns they sing to one another.

Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present, and where He is, there evil is not.
 
My husband and I don’t have much religion in our relationship…none in fact. He knows that I have been interested in catholicism for a long time and even tells people I’m catholic if they ask. We have a rosary on the wall. We have a bible on our shelf that has never been read past Luke (we haven’t touched the OT). DH doesn’t believe in going to church and feels I should believe the same, but he’ll still take me to mass when I go. Whenever I want to talk about religion he won’t because he says I have too many opinions that he can’t address.

I really want a spiritual life and relationship with him. I want to share this with him but it seems he’s not interested. I’ve told him that I want to be a devout christian, I want to be charitble but he says that isn’t needed (he’s pentacostal and so once saved always saved…). I also told him that I want our future children to have a strong faith life but in order for that, we need to have it too. I hope that one day, he understands why I long to have this. Where I see selfishness, addiction, cruelty and carelessness in our lives he sees us just having fun like young people…it’s hard to change when your husband thinks there is no problem…
 
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Binney:
How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.

They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in Spirit. They are in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit.
They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.

Side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another, they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts… Psalms and hymns they sing to one another.

Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present, and where He is, there evil is not.
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That is beautiful.
 
😦 No we aren’t. But I pray for him everyday that God will touch his heart the way he’s touched mine in the last couple of years. Here is something that helps me though:

For the unbelieving husband is made holy through the believing wife and the unbelieving wife is made holdy through her husband. 1Cor 7:14

I like that verse. It gives me hope
 
I read more about my faith, talk more about the faith and probably technically know more about the faith. My husband doesn’t need all that. He has a very simple, childlike love for Jesus, believes totally in the Catholic faith and for the most part lives what he believes. It’s awesome.
 
I am absolutely having this same experience! My husband grew up Catholic & I have just started really being interested in it for the last two years. He has no interest in growing spiritually & it is sad to see because I want him to be the spiritual leader of our family. I feel like we are going in two totally different directions. He has no interest in praying w/me & our kids or reading any books that I think are really good. He does go to Mass with us, though, and that is a big change from last year. I’ll be praying for your husband’s conversion. I know it’s hard to see your husband that way, stay strong & keep moving forward.
 
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