Are you ever really "ready" for a baby?

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MooCowSteph

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Is anyone ever completely ready for a baby? Are you ever free of doubts or concerns? I tend to think not, but…

The two concerns for my husband and me are finances and age (my concern). When I have a baby, I will quit my job. However, five months ago my husband starting a new line of work, at home, which is commission only. It’s still taking off, and he just started working part-time out of the house to bring in extra money while he continues to work on the at-home business. My income has really kept us afloat during the last 5 months. So, understandably, my husband wants his business to be well-established before trying to conceive. I am of the mindset that God will provide for us, as He has always done. My husband thinks He will too, but doesn’t think it’s responsible to try without having our finances in order. Should he not be making enough to support us after the baby comes, I’ll have to continue to work. My husband never wanted children until a few years ago, and while he swears it’s not true, I sometimes interpret this concern more as a fear of just having children.

I also have a (lesser) concern that maybe I am having children too early. I am 24, but my husband is quite a bit older than me. I don’t want to wait too long because I don’t want him to be too old when we are finished having children. I want him to see his children graduate college and know his grandchildren. This really isn’t a huge concern, but I think worth mentioning. It seems the trend these days it to wait until your thirties, and I guess I keep thinking if so many women are doing this, there must be a reason.

Sorry this is so long…I trust the opinions of the folks on this forum and I’d love to see what everyone has to say.

Thanks! 😛
 
I was 24 when our first child was born. My husband was unemployed at the time but I knew that God would provide. He did.
But no, one is never really ready for a baby. It completely changes your life, no matter how ready you think you are.
 
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krazykatlady:
I was 24 when our first child was born. My husband was unemployed at the time but I knew that God would provide. He did.
But no, one is never really ready for a baby. It completely changes your life, no matter how ready you think you are.
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Amen to that! I had my first child when I was 23 and we had no health insurance and were very poor.

No one is ever really ready because it is a very big responsibility.

By the way we are now doing very well and have 4 kids. God has blessed our family abundantly.

Peace,
Jen
 
I was also 24 when I had my first baby (25 with #2 and 26 with #3). We both worked great jobs at the time, and were very financially stable. Then my husband decided to join the Air Force, and his salary dipped to about 25% of what it was before. I still work, but even with the “Great dip”, we are doing just fine. Somehow, everything just wort of worked out.

If I had decided to wait until I was “ready” to have a baby, I would be childless for life. There is always going to be something - pay the car off, get settled in the bigger house, wait a year in a new job, etc. We were “surprised” with all three of our kids, and we couldn’t be happier!!!

Also, I have foud that babies themselves, aren’t all that expensive. Friends and family will provide most of your neccesities at your shower. Diapers is about all you’ll need, and formula if you must breastfeed. Even when my oldest was on formula, we had enough to get him through 6 months from free samples from the companies and hospital, and coupons they mailed to us.

What you need to ask yourself, is IF you were to get pregnant right now, would you be happy? If so, then great! Having your husband on the same page as you is a must though. Truly tell him how you feel. Besides, baby won’t be here for 9 months - and that’s if you get pregnant on the first try!
 
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AirForceMama:
What you need to ask yourself, is IF you were to get pregnant right now, would you be happy? If so, then great! Having your husband on the same page as you is a must though. Truly tell him how you feel. Besides, baby won’t be here for 9 months - and that’s if you get pregnant on the first try!
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I would be very happy. I think hubby would be too, but he would be stressed. And the 9 month part- that’s what I keep thinking. I was shocked when my gyn told me the average couple takes 9 months to concieve. I want to start trying soon in case it does take a long time.

I, too, think babies aren’t super expensive. What we’re worried about is the loss of salary since I’ll quit working. But God has always cared for us, and as long as we believe he will provide for us, I know he will continue to.
 
I laugh when “youngsters” talk about readiness and planning for babies.
Back in “the old days” we just had them. They came, we took them home and raised them. We didn’t even think about readiness and didn’t know anything about planning.
P.S. And yes, I walked 5 miles through the snow to school…😃
 
If you wait until you can afford it to have a baby, you will be paying for it out of your social security, and I doubt medicare has maternity benefits. the longer you wait (like buying a house or car or college degree) the more expensive it gets. have them while you’re young and have the energy, and are too stupid to worry about the inevitable mistakes you will make.
 
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catsrus:
I laugh when “youngsters” talk about readiness and planning for babies.
Back in “the old days” we just had them. They came, we took them home and raised them. We didn’t even think about readiness and didn’t know anything about planning.
P.S. And yes, I walked 5 miles through the snow to school…😃
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It’s funny that you brought this up, because I was thinking the same thing. Today, there is such an emphasis on happiness and “me, me, me”. It used to be everyone got married and started having babies. I don’t think it’s bad to start planning families as opposed to letting them happen to us, but I think it is interesting that so many women wait such a long time to start their families. I think women are afraid of missing out on something, and want to have it all. There just aren’t as many women today who are happy to be mothers and wives, with that as their life’s purpose. I wonder why…
 
I thought I was ready at the age of 32. But, I had a complicated pregnancy with our oldest, who was born at 26 weeks at 1 lb 12 oz. and even then, I was never prepared to what was going to happen-- She is now 4 and very healthy. We have a son who is 20 months and hitting the “terrible twos” early (I jokingly say we need an exorcism performed) and he is a 180 opposite of our daughter.

What I am trying to say is that I do not think anyone is " ready" to have a baby. Books, psychologists can try to tell you how to raise your child, but each child is very unique as all of us are. I trust that God will guide us in our journey through parenthood.

I am not looking forward to the teen years though…
 
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MooCowSteph:
I would be very happy. I think hubby would be too, but he would be stressed. And the 9 month part- that’s what I keep thinking. I was shocked when my gyn told me the average couple takes 9 months to concieve. I want to start trying soon in case it does take a long time.

I, too, think babies aren’t super expensive. What we’re worried about is the loss of salary since I’ll quit working. But God has always cared for us, and as long as we believe he will provide for us, I know he will continue to.
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Word of advice: Don’t wait too long to start trying. I wish DH and I had started trying sooner. Maybe as soon as we got married. We’ve been trying for 7 months now and I found out last week that, once again, we are not going to be parents in 9 months. 😦

I don’t mean to scare you with that. Just- if you’re seriously thinking about it, go for it. If we all waited until we were ready no one would ever have children. Right now I do not have stable work and DH’s job doesn’t pay enough for me to not work. We’ve got a tiny house, no savings, and neither of us has experience caring for babies. But we’re still trying because who knows how much our situation could change in 9 months?
 
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catsrus:
I laugh when “youngsters” talk about readiness and planning for babies.
Back in “the old days” we just had them. They came, we took them home and raised them. We didn’t even think about readiness and didn’t know anything about planning.
P.S. And yes, I walked 5 miles through the snow to school…😃
Click to expand...
The worst advise that was given to me was wait a year after marriage. At the time, I thought it was good advise and then we learned that maybe my husband would not be able to have children after a needed operation. This scared us and thankfully we had a child. The operation as it turned out enabled us to have children. Were we ready. Yes! When I had my first all my friends told me they were glad because from childhood that was all I talked about. Something I didn’t realize until they told me.
 
I married at 28. Most of my friends already were married with children, so I didn’t wait to try. I was very fortunate and I had my first of 4 on my first anniversry. I thought I was ready, but I will have to say it was so much more fun and all encompasing than anyone would ever tell you. I don’ t know that you can be really ready.

We didn’t have any new furniture, but had used stuff and we had an old car. I stayed home, and I didn’t spend any money that didn’t need to be spent. We didn’t have cable, internet access, or any monthly bills other than necessities. There were no VCR’s and so therefore no rented movies. We played with the baby, and took her everywhere with us. We invited people over because I had no money for a sitter. Most people did this back then. It was common. We went to church and always stayed for the pancake breakfasts.

All the talk of planning came when planned parenthood came onto the scene. Before then, babies were routine I guess you might say. I think it was better in a way. You will torture yourself wondering always, “Are we ready?” or “Is this the best time?”
Actually, only God knows that.
 
I was definitely ready when I had my first at age 34. My husband was as well. We now have two beautiful children ages 6 and 8, and I still wouldn’t change a thing about my life with them. I never had any reservations whatsoever since I have always known I wanted children.
 
Nope, never. Even at 41 weeks pregnant, I still didn’t feel ready!
But as I’m typing to you I’m cuddling the most beautiful 4 week-old baby boy, who has turned our lives upside down, deprived us of countless hours of sleep, caused us both to worry about our health, finances, etc., and yet, has so easily & quickly caused us to fall deeply, helplessly in love with him & forget why we were worried about any of the above in the first place!!
 
There is no way you can ever be truly ready for the birth of your first child, which is the most beautiful experience ever (with the probable exception of entering heaven, to which I cannot personally attestk)! I was 38 when our first was born because I married later in life than I would have liked, and I don’t think anyone can ever completely anticipate how much a baby turns everything in life on its head. It is, however, so amazing that the things you worried about the most prior to the birth are suddenly no longer important. Also, the money thing almost always works out. It seems people worry about being able to “afford” children, when what they are really worrying about is being able to “indulge” children in every material desire. Concentrate on providing the basics and raising your children for God and the money issue will be much easier.
 
I can’t wait to be a mom. I am really excited about it, and have wanted kids since I was little. I will be a mom at the age of 22. But I already live a quiet life and don’t do most of the things my friends are doing, so it is interesting.

I wouldn’t wait to long, and I wouldn’t read all the books before either. I have heard so many things from everyone about how to do it right, and I have ignored most of them and have a great life.

It all depends on you, and where you are in life.

Kat
 

It’s funny that you brought this up, because I was thinking the same thing. Today, there is such an emphasis on happiness and “me, me, me”​

There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be somewhat mentally and financially stable before she has a child. While no one is ever completely ready to have a baby, it does some good to attempt to be prepared and have a nest egg or a skill behind you in case something happens to your mate. Personally I wish I would have waited. I would be more financially stable and more patient.
While some may state babies are cheap, children are not cheap. Currently I am dealing with the braces issue. It has nothing to do with cosmetics either, if my kid doesn’t get them some of his teeth won’t grow in. So for the folks believing that children are cheap if you won’t want the extras that is completely false.
 
So what does ‘ready’ mean, anyway? I was married a year when we began trying for our first. It took us four months. Our next two were surprises, and there has never been an ounce of regret for either one of them, the youngest being just 5 weeks old.

At the beginning of a pregnancy there are lots of doubts and fears, what-if’s, and all the 'you’re ALREADY pregnant again??" comments…My children are about 1 1/2 years apart, which is close in today’s world. When you hold that newborn child in your arms, all those doubts and fears melt away in your tears of happiness.
 
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