Are you too embarrassed to do internet dating?

[HeWillProvide]

Everyone tells me to do it and I think it’s fine for others but too embarrassing for me! I feel like it’s too forced and awkward and kind of needy, like the absolute final try - this is definitely not to insult people who use internet dating at all - I think it’s fine for them. Can someone convince me otherwise?

 

[graceandglory]

Everyone tells me to do it and I think it’s fine for others but too embarrassing for me! I feel like it’s too forced and awkward and kind of needy, like the absolute final try - this is definitely not to insult people who use internet dating at all - I think it’s fine for them. Can someone convince me otherwise?

“internet dating” on a Catholic site is more like connecting with other members of Christ’s Church here on earth. It’s like a gigantic Catholic singles group. It is one avenue to meet real people.

Get over your feelings. I wouldn’t have friends all over the world if it weren’t for Catholic “dating.” (Sorry, hate that word)

As a Catholic you don’t go intending to “hook up.” You would be found out really quickly if you expected fast action. People would see that as “desperate.” You go intending to meet other people who share your faith. If you happen to connect with someone that’s wonderful. Check it out, and read the testimonies of people who have met through the internet. Of course, it’s not a “date” until you actually meet and go out in real life.

 

[KCT]

Two women I know met their fiances on Catholic dating sites. Both are getting married on All Saints Day!

 

[Kazimer]

Everyone tells me to do it and I think it’s fine for others but too embarrassing for me! I feel like it’s too forced and awkward and kind of needy, like the absolute final try - this is definitely not to insult people who use internet dating at all - I think it’s fine for them. Can someone convince me otherwise?

HeWillProvide

I assume that “everyone” ( the people in your life) who has suggested internet dating to you care and know something about you and your backgound.

What is the reason that all of these people have suggested this method of dating for you?

Your word choice already indicates that, for several reasons, you have made the decision that internet dating is not for you.

Note, there is some benefit in asking people’s advice in their experience/knowledge about internet dating and how it has worked/not worked for them or other people that they know.

However, it is not up to people ( those who care/know you or those on an anonymous internet forum) to convince you to try this method of dating.

If you are looking for confidence that internet dating will work for you, no one can give that assurance or guarantee.

The decision to try or not try this method of dating is yours alone.

I hope and pray that you find the confidence and peace to make that decision.

 

[Sierrah]

I’ve been at it for awhile and it’s not for everyone. I’m most likely deleting my profile soon as a matter of fact. It does work for a lucky few. I actually know several couples that used it with great results but it’s never been that great for me. I’ve have met a lot of great friends so in that sense it’s been successful but I just got back from a face to face tonight that was a little disappointing. Nice guy but again I don’t think he what I’m looking for and I’m pretty sure I’m not what he has in mind. All you can really do is try it. As long as you’re careful and use common sense who knows it might work for you.

 

[PrayHarder]

I met my wife on an internet dating site (www.catholicsingles.com)). To me it doesn’t seem any different than meeting someone on facebook, myspace, or some other social site. The advantage is that people on a dating site have one thing in common – they are all looking for a date! We come to rely on the internet for just about every other aspect of our lives, why not rely on it for finding a date? Is it really any different than meeting someone at a bar or being setup through a friend?

To put it another way, eventually you have to meet people, go on dates, and build a relationship. If things go well, does it really matter how you initially found them? The internet is just the starting point. You have to ultimately have to build the relationship. I say go for it!

 

[RHC]

One of my best friends met her now-husband on a dating Web site.

It wasn’t a Catholic site - I think it was one like match.com or something. But he was a great Catholic guy, and they are perfect for each other. I honestly couldn’t imagine a better match.

I’m not saying it works every time, and you should certainly be careful if you decide to do that. I had my doubts when my friend tried it, but it did work for her.

 

[dakotagirl]

Yes. That is way awkward. Sorry.

 

[AHapka]

I met my wife online.

We are both by nature shy, so it was actually very easy for us to talk at first online since we were both more comfortable. Then when we met in person, we both had plenty to talk about and there was already a comfort level there so it was easy for us both to open up.

I guess I will ask you why you feel it’s kind of “needy, like the absolute final try?” If it’s just how you personally feel, then fine, it’s not for you. But I think some of that perception still dates from when the internet was new and a vast majority of people using it fit the term “computer geeks.” Nowadays there is a vast variety of people online and you may meet a wonderful partner a state or two away that you would have never met otherwise.

I would at least suggest giving it a try. If you don’t like it, fine. But then you’ll know for sure.

What’s funny is that when my wife’s cousin learned that we had met online, she gave us both a look of amazement and that “i can’t believe you would do that” look. But yet she didn’t think there was anything wrong with dating someone she met at a bar and talked to for five minutes. Well, we all have different preferences.

Good luck in any event no matter what you decide to do.

 

[yessisan]

If someone can make really good friends online, I don’t see why it can be done, but I’d be very cautious in meeting anyone who I met online.

I have very great friends from CAF and I met a girl on another forum yrs ago and we talk on the phone once in a while. She considers me her best friend and she lives in Mexico. I see her as a really good friend too.

But I do know a few people here on CAF who have met their spouses thru Catholic dating sites.

 

[Bulldawg]

I met my girlfriend on Catholic Singles. And I am glad I did!

 

[Ridgerunner]

My great grandfather came to the U.S. from Ireland with his bride. Eventually she died. At the urging of friends, he got involved in writing to a woman in Ireland, whom he eventually married. I didn’t think that was weird, and I don’t think internet dating is either.

 

[PrayHarder]

I met my wife online.

What’s funny is that when my wife’s cousin learned that we had met online, she gave us both a look of amazement and that “i can’t believe you would do that” look. But yet she didn’t think there was anything wrong with dating someone she met at a bar and talked to for five minutes. Well, we all have different preferences.

My wife and I got the same looks (usually from the older generation). When people asked us how we met we always first said how long we were dating before saying we met online. That way the length of our relationship was put front and center instead of the origin.

But you would be amazed how many people would say, “Me too! I met my husband/wife online.” Internet dating really has gained acceptance in the last decade as a legitimate way of starting relationships. Like I said in an earlier post, if you found a great person and are in a good relationship it ultimately doesn’t really matter how you met.

 

[Eliza10]

Everyone tells me to do it and I think it’s fine for others but too embarrassing for me! I feel like it’s too forced and awkward and kind of needy, like the absolute final try - this is definitely not to insult people who use internet dating at all - I think it’s fine for them. Can someone convince me otherwise?

I have simlar reservations. Yet I know it works well for may! So I think the answer is that it is just not something that is right for me at this time. Maybe another time.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I have been married for many years and am “out of the market”. But for a lot of these young people, I’m not sure how they’re going to meet once they’re out of school. In bars? In the workplace? Where? The old neighborhoods in which everybody knew everybody are pretty well vanished, and suburbs are pretty isolated places to live. Church “singles groups” are the same thing in a way as the online stuff.

I think it’s particularly difficult for more traditional type Catholics, what with so many being “cafeteria” patrons. My adult son goes out with girls he meets, but he still makes acquaintences online. I expect he’ll get married one of these times, and I would say it’s about a 50-50 whether it would be someone he chances to meet or someone he meets online.

 

[whatevergirl]

I have simlar reservations. Yet I know it works well for may! So I think the answer is that it is just not something that is right for me at this time. Maybe another time.

Eliza, I thought you were married with a son?

 

[jman507]

Everyone tells me to do it and I think it’s fine for others but too embarrassing for me! I feel like it’s too forced and awkward and kind of needy, like the absolute final try - this is definitely not to insult people who use internet dating at all - I think it’s fine for them. Can someone convince me otherwise?

I think you expect too much, and put too much pressure on it. If you come in with it having that attitude, I think you’ll find it a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine, but I don’t think you should quit for the wrong reasons.

If you want to do it, and do it well, it will take a commitment of time. There are a lot of good guys and gals out there, and for them you need to give it a bit of time of trying to get to know the person, before really saying this person will not work out.

As far as forced, you might just want to take time to get to know the other person, and not put too much pressure on making a love connection. That is much the same as trying to date anyone looking for a long term relationship. As far as awkward, dating and courtship is always awkward. Your taking big risks, granted they are big risks that can lead to a pretty big payout.

As far as you feeling needy, maybe in some respects you are and don’t want to be, if you are aware of how you are feeling, you can do things to avoid that. If you feel that doing Internet dating is like you last final try, just tell yourself, “no it’s not.” On the other hand of course your needy, with a name like HeWillProvide, your place your neediness with God. As far as someone to have a relationship, that isn’t a need, but something you want. You won’t just jump if some person replies back saying “hi.”

 

[chevalier]

One shouldn’t be embarrassed just because the Internet is the medium. There is a certain social stigma, looking down on the nerds and whatnot, but one shouldn’t care about that.

This said, of course, there’s more ability to pretend and be fake, but it’s not like it doesn’t happen in real life. One should just not be naive.

What may be embarrassing is the fact that those dating ads typically contain pictures and a lot of personal data, as well as self-written introductions, and are potentially available to masses of anonymous visitors. That might be embarrassing, but not more than putting a printed ad in a local newspaper.

Another embarrassing factor is the expectations and the pressure. Nearly everyone’s expectations are spelt out and everyone is there for a very specific purpose. This may put a strain on any meeting or conversation. What I don’t like is that conversations are generally bound to take on a flirtatious tone or a lot of overt probing and comparing “if we match”. That’s not something I’d feel comfortable doing with everyone who merely visits my profile and yet I don’t feel it’s enough grounds to start an exclusive relationship, either. I’d much rather just talk and strike a normal acquaintance first. Even in strictly real life “affairs”, I don’t like the word “date”, since it presupposes some kind of relationship or some promise of an open ending while there is none. I don’t want to make decisions without enough data and I think it’s no one’s business who I go to a coffee with, but at the same time it’d certainly be everyone’s business if those meetings involved something more - notwithstanding the fact I’m not in the slightest inclined towards having a relationship with multiple women until I pick one of them. All this makes me want to keep it friends and keep it natural. If it were to be called a “date”, it would be embarrassing to me.

 

[Gertabelle]

I’m not too **embarrassed **to do internet dating.

I’m too sensitive. Honestly, I’m an open, friendly, genuine, playful person.

But after having one man after another after another after another ignore my greetings, tell me they wouldn’t consider a single mom, or that they wanted someone ten to fifteen years younger than themselves – forget it. I was becoming bitter and resentful.

I’m a precious child of the Living God. I’m delighted to remain single the rest of my life if that be God’s will. But if He wants me to get married, that one lucky, lucky man will have to meet me at Church or the coffee shop or the grocery store.

Younger women, prettier women, women without children probably do fine. A very shy friend of mine met a wonderful man online, and they’ve been married two years now.

But during a year of internet dating this 40-year-old single mom began to feel old, unattractive, and desperate. God is using my life for such beautiful things right now, and internet dating was really depriving me of my strength and joy.

Just my bitter two cents’ worth. I’m putting down my cigarette now and am stopping my complaining about men. (I’m KIDDING about the cigarette – never smoked anything, never will)

Gertie the old grumpy graduate student

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

I met my husband on Catholic Match!

The message boards there are a lot of fun. It’s just like here, only everybody is single and has a profile with info on them, their photos, what they’re looking for.