Argument over baptism - please help!

  • Thread starter Thread starter SDMom
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SDMom

Guest
Hi all,

I got into a small ‘tiff’ with my husband today. We are planning our son’s baptism, and of course are choosing Godparents. I chose my brother as godfather, and my husband agreed to that decision. Problem is that my siblings and I were not raised in the faith. I became Catholic as an adult. Even though he hasn’t admitted it, I feel like my husband has a problem with me choosing my brother as a godfather because my brother is not a practicing Catholic. My husband also mentioned that Canon Law requires Godparents to be practicing Catholics. I would trust my brother with my life and with my son’s life, but also realize he cannot teach him about the faith if he was only baptized Catholic and not a practicing one.

So what do I do? Tell my brother that he can’t be my son’s Godfather anymore? My husband and I are discussing the baptism tonight, so prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless.
 
You might be able to get a dispensation for your brother to be a godparent if he promises to teach your child the Catholic faith if anything should happen to you and your husband.

Or failing that, he can be a witness since, I assume, he’s a Christian.

In any case, talk to your priest about it before you make any more decisions or rescind your promise to your brother. 🙂
 
SDMom said:
So what do I do? Tell my brother that he can’t be my son’s Godfather anymore? My husband and I are discussing the baptism tonight, so prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless.
Click to expand...
Godparent isn’t a warm-fuzzy. It’s a Canonical role and has specific duties and requirements.

Your husband is correct. Only a confirmed, practicing Catholic can be a Godparent. And, no, this isn’t something that can be dispensed.

Canon Law allows for a Christian witness to the baptism in addition to their Catholic sponsor.

Your brother can be a Christian witness. Yes, you need to tell your brother this. It’s not about his “feelings”. And you should have discussed it with your husband and your priest (ie, made sure he could be a Godparent, which he can’t) *before *asking him.
 
Hi SD mom,
You know you can have godparents to guide your child in the faith and chose other people as guardians in your will in the event (God forbid) that you are unable to care for them. This is what we did with all of our children. Since I am a convert and I brought my husband back to the church when he had lapsed, this was really our only option. We did not have any close Catholic friends and all of my husband’s relatives were either too old (we married after the age of 30) or had wondered away from the church. So my advise is to make sure your brother knows he is the godfather of care and love in this world and then chose someone else to help guide your daughter in her faith journey (unless you think you can bring your brother back to church this way!)
Good luck:)
 
Interesting. Out of four godparents at our baby’s baptism, only one was Catholic, and she’s not practicing. Seems like something the priest should have mentioned to us.

Please tell me this doesn’t somehow invalidate the baptism. :eek:
 
Only one godparent is necessary. It is not at all possible to have four, as NaturalEnquirer mentions…the other three were only Christian witnesses.

SDMom - If you want your brother to witness the baptism then it’s fine - but he needs to be told he cannot be “godfather” because that is the role of a practicing Catholic. You’ll still need to find a godparent…
 
My brother and sister in law stood in a proxy godparents for my aunt and uncle. My brother is a non-practicing Catholic, and my sister in law is not baptised. My aunt and uncle are practicing Catholics, but could not be physically present at the baptism.

Maybe you could have your brother stand as proxy for a practicing Catholic so that he will be there as part of the ceremony. He will still be written in on the Baptismal certificate as well.
 
40.png
sanctareparata:
Only one godparent is necessary. It is not at all possible to have four, as NaturalEnquirer mentions…the other three were only Christian witnesses.
Click to expand...
Well, one of the others was Christian. I guess the other two were ballast.

The baptism’s still valid, right?
 
My daughters Godparents were both practicing catholics…at the time… now they are divorced, she has left the church due to the fact that she could not receive an annulment and he does not practice at all. One never knows!!!
 
SDMom said:
Hi all,

I got into a small ‘tiff’ with my husband today. We are planning our son’s baptism, and of course are choosing Godparents. I chose my brother as godfather, and my husband agreed to that decision. Problem is that my siblings and I were not raised in the faith. I became Catholic as an adult. Even though he hasn’t admitted it, I feel like my husband has a problem with me choosing my brother as a godfather because my brother is not a practicing Catholic. .
Click to expand...
if your husband wants to be a good Catholic father he should have a huge problem with choosing a godparent who is not a practicing Catholic, since yes it does violate canon law. If you cannot find someone (you only need one) within either family who is a fully initiated Catholic adult, living in harmony with Catholic moral teaching and practice, try the parents of those in your pre-baptismal class, or ask the pastor to recommend someone. You should not have spoken to your brother, or anyone else, until you and your husband discussed this and came to an agreement.
 
puzzleannie said:
You should not have spoken to your brother, or anyone else, until you and your husband discussed this and came to an agreement.
Click to expand...
We did discuss choosing my brother as a godparent, and did agree at the time, which is why we BOTH were physically present when asking my brother to be a godfather. It seems now, though, that my husband is having “issues” because he has been doing research on Canon Law, and such. Hence, our present arguments.

Thank you for reminding me that part of our disagreements stems from my husband’s attempts to be a good Catholic father. I appreciate your post. God Bless.
 
puzzleannie said:
If you cannot find someone (you only need one) within either family who is a fully initiated Catholic adult, living in harmony with Catholic moral teaching and practice, try the parents of those in your pre-baptismal class, or ask the pastor to recommend someone. .
Click to expand...
My husband’s brother is a fully initiated, fully practicing Catholic, so I am almost thinking he will be the sole Godparent.

Thanks for your suggestions. God Bless.
 
1ke said:
Canon Law allows for a Christian witness to the baptism in addition to their Catholic sponsor.

Your brother can be a Christian witness.
Click to expand...
Thanks, 1ke.

I’m clear of the role of a Godparent. Can you clarify the role of a “Christian Witness?”

Thanks & God Bless.
 
HumbleMom said:
Hi SD mom,
So my advise is to make sure your brother knows he is the godfather of care and love in this world and then chose someone else to help guide your daughter in her faith journey (unless you think you can bring your brother back to church this way!)
Good luck:)
Click to expand...
Thank you, HumbleMom. Your words were so kind. I will definitely talk to my brother and seek a Godparent that can guide my child on his faith journey. May the Lord bless you abundantly for your kind & gentle heart.
 
SDMom said:
Hi all,

I got into a small ‘tiff’ with my husband today. We are planning our son’s baptism, and of course are choosing Godparents. I chose my brother as godfather, and my husband agreed to that decision. Problem is that my siblings and I were not raised in the faith. I became Catholic as an adult. Even though he hasn’t admitted it, I feel like my husband has a problem with me choosing my brother as a godfather because my brother is not a practicing Catholic. My husband also mentioned that Canon Law requires Godparents to be practicing Catholics. I would trust my brother with my life and with my son’s life, but also realize he cannot teach him about the faith if he was only baptized Catholic and not a practicing one.

So what do I do? Tell my brother that he can’t be my son’s Godfather anymore? My husband and I are discussing the baptism tonight, so prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless.
Click to expand...
A Godparent by definition must be a practicing Catholic. Secularly, this is the person who, if you and hubby die in a plane crash would raise your kids (at least that’s how my non-catholic parents described it to me). But that’s a secualr view. The Godparent must be able to provide the child with Catholic upbringing. A non-Catholic can’t really do that. It’s not really a “Oh, I’m sorry…you aren’t good enough” thing. It’s a “I need someone who really understands our Faith and can give our child the kind of advice I’d want to give if I could” sort of thing. It’s really a big thing. My sister asked me and DH to be Godparents, and DH and I looked at each other and thought “Wow! Can we do this?”. It’s not a status thing…it’s a real…big…responsibility. We chose to, and it’s brought us closer to God. But…it’s not a secular thing, or a status thing. It’s a God-thing. I’m probably saying this wrong. But, it’s a huge responsibility.
 
tcay584 said:
A Godparent by definition must be a practicing Catholic.** Secularly, this is the person who, if you and hubby die in a plane crash would raise your kids (at least that’s how my non-catholic parents described it to me).** But that’s a secualr view.
Click to expand...
This is absolutely not true! Once you have kids, you should have a will which designates who will raise your kids should you both die. Whoever is named as Godparents has nothing to do with who might raise them if you both die!
 
How’s this for a funny turn of events:

When i was baptized we were Anglican - then my parents converted and I had all my other sacrements in the Catholic Church.

I have five Godparents. Three of those converted to become Catholics (one was even made a priest!). The other two are still Anglican but one of them…wait for it…is now a “woman-priest”!!! :eek:

Ah well, I still love her and she is a wonderful woman. I have to tell you though, when I was about 10 and I found out she was going to be “ordained” I went to my room and cried, prayed and cried some more!

My advice, have your brother and maybe add someone else who you know IS a practicing Catholic. You can have more than one Godparent.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top