Argument regarding choice of Godmother, I think I am justified, do you agree?

[Married39]

Greetings everyone:

My wife and I are having a heated debate on choosing the Godmother for our 2nd child.

My sister who got married Catholic, goes to church, doesn’t have any children but lives out of town was the unanimous choice for our first born, no arguments, no Godfather was chosen due to being unable to find one that was Catholic.

Here is the argument. I want my sister to be the choice again. My other sister never baptized her daughter due to the fact her husband is an atheist and he wanted to show us that he is “In Control”. So that eliminated her right off the bat for me.

She wants her best friend to be the Godmother due to the fact that my wife is the Godmother of her first child and wants the favour to be returned.

I am against it for these reasons:

1. She is a non-practising Orthodox, I don’t think her daughter has even seen the inside of a church
2. She has 2 other children by a different father, neither which are baptized. Note: all 3 kids she had out of wedlock
3. She is very liberal sexually, has the reputation of sleeping with every guy on the first night she meets them

My wife thinks I am being too “Judgemental” and wants me to re-consider but I tell her, if it was important to her then why aren’t her 2 other kids baptised? She states the father doesn’t want it done. Then I tell her "Why didn’t she discuss this before getting herself pregnant again??.

The argument continues. Am I correct or am I being too judgemental??

 

[Servulus]

Your being “judgmental” is not really the issue. The requirements for a Godparent are pretty clearly established and documented. The candidate does not appear to meet the requirements.

 

[Stylites]

See here: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=29771

 

[ora_pro_nobis]

Reasons 2 and 3 are none of your business - that she has had 3 children out of wedlock would not in itself rule her out of being a godmother, and her “reputation” wouldn’t necessarily be true - some people are gossiped about and there is no foundation to the gossip.

However, being a non practising Orthodox would surely preclude her from being a godmother- sponsors should be Catholics of good standing, i.e. regular Mass attenders.

Maybe this could be an opportunity to encourage her to come back to her faith - if she is to be godmother, she could be given some literature about her duties as such, and maybe you and your wife could draw her closer to the Church, perhaps even to have her other children baptised.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Your being “judgmental” is not really the issue. The requirements for a Godparent are pretty clearly established and documented. The candidate does not appear to meet the requirements.

This. If I were you, I would stop arguing about about how your wife’s best friend is so horrible. That can’t be good for your relationship whether she’s the godmother or not.

Find the specific guidelines in the CCC and use those to start thinking again. Take both your sister and the friend off the table and work from a clean slate. Consider younger people, maybe a babysiter, and older people. Think of co-workers, neighbors, as well as people from your church. This may be a way to bring someone into your closer circle of friends who you would all benefit from knowing.

Also, since your older child didn’t have a godfather, you may want to more strongly consider that this time.

Finally, although a godparent is important, remember that your children will have many different role-models as they grow up. There will also be the opportunity at confirmation time to have your sister or this friend (if she’s attending church regularly then) be a sponsor.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

1. She is a non-practising Orthodox, I don’t think her daughter has even seen the inside of a church

Since the godparent must be Catholic, this person doesn’t qualify. She could serve as a Christian witness to the baptism if you have a qualified godfather.

“Qualified” means:

Can. 874 §1. To be permitted to take on the function of sponsor a person must:

1/ be designated by the one to be baptized, by the parents or the person who takes their place, or in their absence by the pastor or minister and have the aptitude and intention of fulfilling this function;

2/ have completed the sixteenth year of age, unless the diocesan bishop has established another age, or the pastor or minister has granted an exception for a just cause;

3/ be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on;

4/ not be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared;

5/ not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.

§2. A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community is not to participate except together with a Catholic sponsor and then only as a witness of the baptism.

 

[Married39]

I am still surprised how nobody has agreed with me in regards to her 2 other children not being baptized. How can someone who didn’t baptize their own children be able to be the Godmother of someone else’s? To me that’s a red flag.

 

[1ke]

I am still surprised how nobody has agreed with me in regards to her 2 other children not being baptized. How can someone who didn’t baptize their own children be able to be the Godmother of someone else’s? To me that’s a red flag.

Well, I agree with you.

 

[jilly4ski]

I am still surprised how nobody has agreed with me in regards to her 2 other children not being baptized. How can someone who didn’t baptize their own children be able to be the Godmother of someone else’s? To me that’s a red flag.

Because we don’t need to go that far. She is an Orthodox, and therefore cannot be a Godmother to a child being baptized in the Catholic faith. We don’t need to examine her behavior, whether that be practicing a religion or failure to baptize her children, or her other bad actions.

 

[1ke]

Because we don’t need to go that far. She is an Orthodox, and therefore cannot be a Godmother to a child being baptized in the Catholic faith. We don’t need to examine her behavior, whether that be practicing a religion or failure to baptize her children, or her other bad actions.

Well, this isn’t strictly true.

From Principles and Norms on Ecumenism 98b:

*Because of the close communion between the Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox churches, it is permissible for a just cause for an Eastern faithful to act as godparent; together with a Catholic godparent, at the baptism of a Catholic infant or adult, so long as there is provision for the Catholic education of the person being baptized, and it is clear that the godparent is a suitable one.
*
And:

*It is the Catholic understanding that godparents, in a liturgical and canonical sense, should themselves be members of the church or ecclesial community in which the baptism is being celebrated. They do not merely undertake a responsibility for the Christian education of the person being baptized (or confirmed) as a relation or friend; they are also there as representatives of a community of faith, standing as guarantees of the candidate’s faith and desire for ecclesial communion.
*
Even with these guidelines, the friend does not meet the critieria for being a godparent.

 

[Aggies08]

I’d simply leave it at “We want someone who is a practicing Catholic, so they can help teach her the ins and outs of our beliefs.”

There is no need to bring up all the other issues if you don’t need to. It’s only going to make her defensive and upset.

 

[agnes_therese]

I am still surprised how nobody has agreed with me in regards to her 2 other children not being baptized. How can someone who didn’t baptize their own children be able to be the Godmother of someone else’s? To me that’s a red flag.

Just because no one had mentioned it doesn’t mean no one agrees. “Non-practicing Orthodox” is even more important – she’s not Catholic, that’s the end of the discussion.