Arriving at or Leaving Mass Early - without a really good reason

[Gordon_Sims]

I have experienced all of these things while trying to get out the door for Mass. Missing shoes is probably the most common. In fact, we deal with missing shoes nearly every time we leave the house. Toddlers are very fond of dragging shoes about. I do try to put aside appropriate shoes for Mass the night before, but those darn toddlers can always find a way. My current toddler went to church without shoes this morning. I found the missing shoe in the toilet this afternoon.

Since our toddler never wears shoes around the house, we’ve been keeping them in the car. It’s convenient because we just slip them on whenever we get where we’re going, and she always takes them off so we can just slip them back in the back-of-the-seat pouch when we get home. It’s been this way for several months now. A couple weeks ago I got to church early and even found a great parking spot. I went to grab her shoes and found that my wife had chosen the night before as a perfect time to take all her shoes (except one, that is) out of the car and not tell me. I didn’t realize this until I’d torn the car apart trying to find that other shoe. We were about two minutes late that morning.

 

[Neofight]

Here’s the gamble part with really young kids. I hate to be late anywhere, and we rarely are. I have it down to a science. We know when we need to start getting ready and when we need to walk out the door. I lay out clothes ahead of time and make sure we can find the shoes. We don’t want to arrive too early, because the little ones will get restless inside the church, but if we let them play outside for a few minutes, they have trouble settling down. I aim to arrive 5-10 minutes early. It should be time to park and go to the bathroom. We need to leave at 9:25 to accomplish this. At 9:23 (as we’re loading up), I realize that the baby has a dirty diaper. I pull him out of the car seat, and discover the hard way that it is a “blow out”. It is all over me, I have to change the diaper, the baby’s clothes, wash myself and change my clothes. While my husband and I have been dealing with this disaster, the kids have scattered to the four winds and have to be gathered back into the car. No, this scenario is not common, but it has happened more than once and is just one example of the many things that can derail a family with young children on the way to mass.

 

[jmcrae]

Here’s the gamble part with really young kids. I hate to be late anywhere, and we rarely are. I have it down to a science. We know when we need to start getting ready and when we need to walk out the door. I lay out clothes ahead of time and make sure we can find the shoes. We don’t want to arrive too early, because the little ones will get restless inside the church, but if we let them play outside for a few minutes, they have trouble settling down. I aim to arrive 5-10 minutes early. It should be time to park and go to the bathroom. We need to leave at 9:25 to accomplish this. At 9:23 (as we’re loading up), I realize that the baby has a dirty diaper. I pull him out of the car seat, and discover the hard way that it is a “blow out”. It is all over me, I have to change the diaper, the baby’s clothes, wash myself and change my clothes. While my husband and I have been dealing with this disaster, the kids have scattered to the four winds and have to be gathered back into the car. No, this scenario is not common, but it has happened more than once and is just one example of the many things that can derail a family with young children on the way to mass.

And this is exactly why it is always so edifying to see families with young children arriving on time - they have a much greater challenge than those of us who only have to make sure we ourselves manage to get out the door on time - if you guys can do it, there’s no reason the rest of us can’t!

 

[Irishgal49]

I know quite a few people that come into Mass late, but they are firefighters, nurses, doctors, and law enforcement.

Their schedules are so bizarre, they never know when they’re going to be free and able to rush to Mass, so yes, many times they slid in late.

These same people get “paged” out of Mass for emergencies.

I have also seen other people get up and leave Mass early, appearing quite calm and collected, only to find out they had some sort of emergency that required them to leave.

I try not to pay attention to the comings and goings of people during mass, but if by chance I do see someone coming in late, or leaving early, I simply add them to my prayers in hope that if there was some sort of emergency, that everyone involved is safe and sound.

Think about that when you want to post a sign that says Judas left early.

This is not true at all in my parish. Everyone who strolls in late has teenagers, no kids with them at all, older folks without canes or wheelchairs, I mean COME ON. It’s the same people every single solitary week that are late and don’t get in their way during that closing hymn. I actually saw a woman physically bump into the priest as he was coming up the aisle so she could escape before everyone else. I swear you would have thought a knife wielding serial killer was after her. She was literally almost running. The people who run like the church is on fire are the seniors at our parish. It’s the 55+ crowd setting a cruddy example for our youth and children. It’s the same ones every week. If it wasn’t a violation of fire laws I’d love to see them chain the door shut until the closing hymn is over and watch them freak out. It’s just so rude.

They have nowhere to go and nothing to do and, get this…some even stay the back and chat it up with people, so what’s up with that. I understand those who are manning tables for dinners and such, but these are the same lame people who just feel like they might get a call from the president and need to hurry out of the church. You aren’t getting me to buy this firefighter stuff with older adults who are perfectly capable of practically RUNNING up the aisle and talk about being retired and how nice it is.

Our church has one man who is about 40-45ish who works midnights. He explained this to all of us who attend on Tues night for mass and adoration. He comes in for Tues night mass and then gets in line for Confession. We know he has to be at work so we always let him go first and when he comes out he prays for a few minutes, waves and hugs people, and then leaves for work. He doesn’t bolt out the door or act rude. We can tell people if we have these kind of schedules so that they know.

I have to sit in the front so I’m not bothered by it. But in my view, it has always been the same ones and in our church, they are usually the older folks who seem to have good running legs.

 

[twopekinguys]

This is not true at all in my parish. Everyone who strolls in late has teenagers, no kids with them at all, older folks without canes or wheelchairs, I mean COME ON. It’s the same people every single solitary week that are late and don’t get in their way during that closing hymn. I actually saw a woman physically bump into the priest as he was coming up the aisle so she could escape before everyone else. I swear you would have thought a knife wielding serial killer was after her. She was literally almost running. The people who run like the church is on fire are the seniors at our parish. It’s the 55+ crowd setting a cruddy example for our youth and children. It’s the same ones every week. If it wasn’t a violation of fire laws I’d love to see them chain the door shut until the closing hymn is over and watch them freak out. It’s just so rude.

They have nowhere to go and nothing to do and, get this…some even stay the back and chat it up with people, so what’s up with that. I understand those who are manning tables for dinners and such, but these are the same lame people who just feel like they might get a call from the president and need to hurry out of the church. You aren’t getting me to buy this firefighter stuff with older adults who are perfectly capable of practically RUNNING up the aisle and talk about being retired and how nice it is.

Our church has one man who is about 40-45ish who works midnights. He explained this to all of us who attend on Tues night for mass and adoration. He comes in for Tues night mass and then gets in line for Confession. We know he has to be at work so we always let him go first and when he comes out he prays for a few minutes, waves and hugs people, and then leaves for work. He doesn’t bolt out the door or act rude. We can tell people if we have these kind of schedules so that they know.

I have to sit in the front so I’m not bothered by it. But in my view, it has always been the same ones and in our church, they are usually the older folks who seem to have good running legs.

I see where you’re coming from, and I can agree with you.

We have a rather large parish, and not everyone knows everyone the way they should.

The point I was trying to make was, we can’t automatically assume something is bad. We can’t automatically assume when we see someone come in late, or leave early, there isn’t a good reason for it.

I remember many years ago, I was at Midnight Mass in Minot ND. It was an older church with some beautiful architecture. I was there early, so I was checking things out, right above the door between the Nave and Narthex was a sign that read, “Please wait for priest to leave before exiting.”

I also remember when one of our associate pastors (newly ordained), was processing in, and almost had a head on collision with someone coming down the main aisle in order to get to their pew. I found out later it was his parents!!

People can be late, and have to leave early. I just think it’s wrong to automatically assume the worst.

 

[HonoraDominum]

Sometimes with my anxiety, I have a hard time getting out the door for Sunday Mass, let alone finding a seat in the crowd without having a major emotional surge as I walk into that room swarming with people. I end up getting there barely on time, literally bolting and running out the door because there’s not an obvious place for me to sit, sitting otuside on a bench right outside the main doors to catch my breath, and then coming back in. I’ve actually had this happen the past two Sundays. I even was introducing myself via email to one of the ushers who could not put my name to my face. I said, “I’m the one that runs out in the middle of Mass about once a month and has a panic attack on the bench for a while.” To which he responded, “Oh, I know who you are now!”

But my priest understands my anxiety, and is patient with me.

I have often described my tendancy towards tardiness for the 6:30a Daily Mass as saying I show up right between the Confeteor and the Gloria, right on time. There’s a regular group of us who all go to the 6:30a mass, and of that group, about 1/2 regularly shows up between 6:32a and 6:35a. But we’re always there. I think especially with Daily Mass, that’s the important part. Also, one of the advantages of going to the EF Daily Mass is that the priest is facing the altar and not the pews, and won’t notice as easily when you show up late.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

This is not true at all in my parish. Everyone who strolls in late has teenagers, no kids with them at all, older folks without canes or wheelchairs, I mean COME ON.

To be fair, it’s sometimes a lot easier to get the little ones out the door than the teenagers. One instance that springs to mind, it was some special Mass–either a funeral or something for the kids. Our son was in his mid to late teens at the time and had been absolutely horrible all week. He knew that arriving on time was important and we woke him up at least two hours early to get ready. He stayed in the shower long enough that my wife went in and shut off the water. He then spent 20-30 minutes in his room and came out in a dirty T-shirt and shorts. I sent him right back up and he didn’t come down until the exact time I said we needed to leave. When he came down he had put this fowl-smelling pomade in his hair and styled it to look like a mess. He was also wearing a T-shirt for the band Godsmack. I dragged him upstairs and watched him change, then into the bathroom and brushed his hair for him (he looked like an extra from a 30’s gangster movie by the time I was done). The only reason we were on time was because I’d told the family we needed to leave 15 minutes earlier than we really needed to.

 

[Bl_Pope_Pius_IX]

To be fair, it’s sometimes a lot easier to get the little ones out the door than the teenagers. One instance that springs to mind, it was some special Mass–either a funeral or something for the kids. Our son was in his mid to late teens at the time and had been absolutely horrible all week. He knew that arriving on time was important and we woke him up at least two hours early to get ready. He stayed in the shower long enough that my wife went in and shut off the water. He then spent 20-30 minutes in his room and came out in a dirty T-shirt and shorts. I sent him right back up and he didn’t come down until the exact time I said we needed to leave. When he came down he had put this fowl-smelling pomade in his hair and styled it to look like a mess. He was also wearing a T-shirt for the band Godsmack. I dragged him upstairs and watched him change, then into the bathroom and brushed his hair for him (he looked like an extra from a 30’s gangster movie by the time I was done). The only reason we were on time was because I’d told the family we needed to leave 15 minutes earlier than we really needed to.

Personally, I am ashamed at those teenagers. I am often ashamed to be a teenager and to be in this heathenous generation. That boy should be lucky I wasn’t his father! I notice classmates come into mass as if their mothers had a leash around their throats. It embarrasses me to bits. This is a problem with pride and hidden atheism. They must think they’re too good for Our Lord, they mustn’t be bothered with Him. Its pathetic. Good for you for stressing reverence in dress.

But I beg of you not to think this way about all teenagers (just in case you do). There are some good ones out there.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I sincerely didn’t mean to sound as if I was aiming this thread at the people who have an occasional true emergency (like the baby that decides to have a Mt. Vesuvius incident in her diaper for instance). More like the people Gordon Sims was describing who “make a show of it.” And the priest has tried the techniques described in that same post - repeatedly. (I even wonder if we could be talking about the same priest!)

From my pew it’s hard to watch Father getting steamed and the blatant latecomers sitting there all la-te-da from all appearances. If I’m mistaken about that, then I’m mistaken; perhaps they are roiling inside with remorse. We just all need to show as much respect as we can - and if we make an error that we could’ve avoided, have the humility to admit it instead of taking out resentment on the Church or the priest or other people - or using it as a convenient excuse not to darken the door of a church for decades.

The idea of speaking with the priest and maybe the usher if you have an unusual set of circumstances (being in medicine or law enforcement, having a medical condition, etc.) as a couple of posters mentioned, is a great idea. To have the understanding in place beforehand would save everybody a lot of stress.

I’m going to stop here with this - didn’t set out to antagonize anyone and I’ve probably said more than enough. Maybe I just need to pray and hope the Holy Spirit will inspire people to do what’s right. My apologies to anyone who truly experienced injustice in what I said.

 

[jmcrae]

I sincerely didn’t mean to sound as if I was aiming this thread at the people who have an occasional true emergency (like the baby that decides to have a Mt. Vesuvius incident in her diaper for instance). More like the people Gordon Sims was describing who “make a show of it.” And the priest has tried the techniques described in that same post - repeatedly. (I even wonder if we could be talking about the same priest!)

From my pew it’s hard to watch Father getting steamed and the blatant latecomers sitting there all la-te-da from all appearances. If I’m mistaken about that, then I’m mistaken; perhaps they are roiling inside with remorse. We just all need to show as much respect as we can - and if we make an error that we could’ve avoided, have the humility to admit it instead of taking out resentment on the Church or the priest or other people - or using it as a convenient excuse not to darken the door of a church for decades.

The idea of speaking with the priest and maybe the usher if you have an unusual set of circumstances (being in medicine or law enforcement, having a medical condition, etc.) as a couple of posters mentioned, is a great idea. To have the understanding in place beforehand would save everybody a lot of stress.

I’m going to stop here with this - didn’t set out to antagonize anyone and I’ve probably said more than enough. Maybe I just need to pray and hope the Holy Spirit will inspire people to do what’s right. My apologies to anyone who truly experienced injustice in what I said.

This isn’t the only issue that’s like that.

People just can’t be corrected any more - we just have to accept their excuses, and pretend everything is okay. We aren’t allowed to challenge people to become better - they have to have a disability or a special circumstance that excuses every kind of rudeness, and that’s just that.

Our Pastor tried to deal with this issue a few weeks ago, as well, and got no where - it was the same thing - just excuse after excuse, special circumstance after special circumstance, and nobody saying, “Thank you for the correction; I will endeavor to do better next time.”

But how are people to become perfect, if they can’t be corrected?

 

[Elizium23]

I just want to mention a beautiful family in my parish. It is a fairly young couple with a beautiful mom and a smiling dad, and they have three young daughters and a young teenage son who is an altar server. This family comes every week to the Saturday vigil Mass, and they always arrive an hour early. All of them get in line for Confession, and Mom and Dad hand off the youngest girl who doesn’t need to go. As I understand it, all the children are home-schooled. It is very heartwarming to see such a lovely family participating regularly in the sacraments like this, as they arrive faithfully and reverently week after week.

 

[thomasf]

When I was a kid my father would leave the house 5 min before church started and we’d be late every time. And to make it worse, he insisted on sitting right up front. So we’d be coming in late every week and stting right up front. How embarrassing.

That’s why when I get to mass late I always sit in the back.