Arrogant Priest! Help!

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misericordie,

There is a prayer that I was taught long ago, “I am a citizen of this world and a member of a church without borders.” I say this to gain some clarity of thought. I have seen many of the replies and I want to speak directly to what I have heard you say:

You are working in a work environment that you feel is hostile and basic courtesies that you found before are not present in this Vicar. I would first suggest that you see that this is the behavior of the man behind the priest. Suggesting you find another job, be thankful you have a priest, while all true, do not address the wound that is being inflicted by someone you see that is in the role of shepherding souls. With that said, there is a process to follow and steps to take to safeguard both your physical health and emotional health. I have worked in parish life for many years and understand your pain and have seen good and not so good in the religious leadership. This also holds true in EVERY other vocation, both personal and religious. I would be happy to share this process and some resources for you to obtain support. Please e-mail me at acisneros@pwr1.com if you would like learn more. Until then, pray for this young priest and pray for God to give you the strength you need. As a final parting note, I saw a quote that can give some perspective, “I know God does not give me more than I can handle, I just wished he didn’t trust me so much”

vox populi, vox Dei
 
Tacis said:
misericordie,

There is a prayer that I was taught long ago, “I am a citizen of this world and a member of a church without borders.” I say this to gain some clarity of thought. I have seen many of the replies and I want to speak directly to what I have heard you say:

You are working in a work environment that you feel is hostile and basic courtesies that you found before are not present in this Vicar. I would first suggest that you see that this is the behavior of the man behind the priest. Suggesting you find another job, be thankful you have a priest, while all true, do not address the wound that is being inflicted by someone you see that is in the role of shepherding souls. With that said, there is a process to follow and steps to take to safeguard both your physical health and emotional health. I have worked in parish life for many years and understand your pain and have seen good and not so good in the religious leadership. This also holds true in EVERY other vocation, both personal and religious. I would be happy to share this process and some resources for you to obtain support. Please e-mail me at acisneros@pwr1.com if you would like learn more. Until then, pray for this young priest and pray for God to give you the strength you need. As a final parting note, I saw a quote that can give some perspective, “I know God does not give me more than I can handle, I just wished he didn’t trust me so much”

vox populi, vox Dei
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err, I might point out here this message thread is about 5 years old.
and they prolly don’t check for replys to this anymore… lol
 
FrCorey said:
err, I might point out here this message thread is about 5 years old.
and they prolly don’t check for replys to this anymore… lol
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This thread can be revived if they let us. 🙂
  1. I don’t like the title it is a bit judgmental.
  2. We have a priest like that but he internalizes everything so now he is in the hospital.
  3. I would call the behavior more intimitdating than anything.
    4.Our priest was pushy with me but now I am glad he was trying to give me a quick start and he did get me going.
  4. Some times a priest has to play the bad cop it they are assitant you know.
  5. Remember the asssissant principles in school?
 
Through_Him said:
This thread can be revived if they let us. 🙂
  1. I don’t like the title it is a bit judgmental.
  2. We have a priest like that but he internalizes everything so now he is in the hospital.
  3. I would call the behavior more intimitdating than anything.
    4.Our priest was pushy with me but now I am glad he was trying to give me a quick start and he did get me going.
  4. Some times a priest has to play the bad cop it they are assitant you know.
  5. Remember the asssissant principles in school?
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#7 “Prolly” is not a word.
 
I did consider that before my posting, however was moved to post my thoughts. There has been an overwhelming response to my post directly requesting information. We have a new generation of religious and lay leadership coming in and the role of the lay is just being figured out. Couple this with the lack of formation that has occurred over the last 25 years and the ever increasing load on our priests, we are going to have conflict. There also seems to be a number still following this thread. Do you think it would be a good idea to start a new thread concerning conflict resolution?
 
Bill_A said:
You could try praying to Saint Micheal outloud every time he does it.
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I’m wondering if it’s just I, or if the dramatic way the initial post was set up, makes many of the subsequent posts extremely amusing. …Because if you’re following it as a story, it reads like a sitcom for anyone with any imagination. 😃

But seriously, I like the approach of the person who volunteered her similar trouble and how she handled it with the intended resignation scenario (and how that turned things around). Unfortunately, and despite that wonderful secretary who contributed, sometimes the priest refuses to meet. This happened to me. The “trouble,” in my case, was not about him, per se, it was about another employee, but secondarily it was about him, because I had begged him to help resolve the issue as it was affecting the atmosphere and communication daily, in the parish.

At the time I felt I didn’t have options (since no meeting was agreed to), and perhaps I didn’t – in a practical way. But the one thing I didn’t do was pray. Always in my life when I have encountered an “impossible” relationship, as long as I work on myself , and leave the rest to God, things do happen to right or change the situation (not always or even usually by my hand). You’ve heard the phrase, “God sees the truth. … And waits.” And sometimes that waiting is hastened by our own spiritual efforts.

Bring it to Mary. She’ll see to a speedy improvement.

This is also an opportunity for the OP to become a leader or facilitator. I suggest that when “the parish” starts complaining about the priest, that the first words out of the OP’s mouth are, “We must pray for him,” and also that the OP not contribute to any carping that’s going on – as that works counter to the spirtuality/prayer.
 
Just adding:
I also like what the parish secretary said here about “the new guy” asserting authority. Many people (females as well as males, by the way – and sometimes females way worse) over-compensate when selected or transferred to a position of authority. It’s the way they handle their own insecurity, or their anxiety about being new, being young, whatever.

It does appear that something is lacking in the management training of this priest, but the sad thing is, such lack appears to be the rule, not the exception. The RCC has extremely underserved its priesthood and its laity by failing to consider how important it is to train priests in management. Now, I myself want to lift as many management requirements from priests as possible, recognizing and needing their spiritual role, but the fact is, that there will always be some aspects of management to every parish priest position, and for that matter to any lay pastoral position. So it’s a necessary dimension of their role, as unglamorous as that role is.

Priests who have no clue how to handle people, or even their own authority, or don’t “like” to handle people, end up causing enormous heartache, fomenting sins against charity by their omission (lack of leadership, lack of response), costing people their jobs, and worst of all – creating scandal in those that look “up” to them, resulting in many, many people leaving the church, God, prayer altogether. People have no idea how many people have left the Church because of priests who did absolutely nothing sexual to them but plenty of a different kind of scandal. No, priests should not be idolized or have unfair burdens of “perfection” put on them. But we should expect of priests no less than we expect of a decent (but imperfect) boss: integrity, leadership, responsiveness, and communication. We may not like all the answers our bosses give us IRL, but we can continue to cooperate with those who show us those 4 factors.

Priests who have no interest in the difficult work of daily management do not belong in the active ministry. They should quit their jobs and become contemplatives.
 
misericordie said:
Hello all, I currently work in a Church rectory here in Manhattan, and it is run by a new VERY authoritarian NEW religious Institue. The Pastor is great: a little stoic but a patient and kind man: very considerate of his employees.
Things have changed though since a NEW assistant to the pastor was named (priest of the SAME Institute: about 31-32 years old). He is very beligerant and arrogant: he even told the poor woman who cleans that he wants his shirts hand washed. He GIVES orders like a Marine seargent and does not tolerate ONE mistake on the parish bulletin, etc. Many people of the parish have been taliking about his pompous attitude(and he is a RELIGIOUS priest) and he treats lay people as if they are WAY below him and stupid. Today I reminded him that the bulletin needed to be re-viewed by him (i prepare half of the bulletin) and he said: "I know!!! You don’t have to tell me!! In a very nasty way as an adult would speak to a child who just did something bad. I really am getting very frustrated at this priest, and God knows I am holding my temper BECAUSE I need the job at this time. But God knows I don’t know how long before I stand up and get in his face too.
The institute/order seems to train their priests(most) that we LAY MEN AND WOMEN are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY below them. Is this okay?? Is this BAD example what Christ would do??
WHAT SHOULD I DO, please help me: my patience is shrinking.:banghead:
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Time to go above him to the pastor. Remember the Pastor is his boss too. If no satifaction there it’s time to go to the bishop. Yes you have to do his work, but you have a right not to be treated like a little child, especially from a priest!! As an associate pastor he is there to help the pastor only and at his service, not anything more. The pastor is boss and it’s time for the pastor to take the bull by the horn and tell him he can chillout or comeassignment time find a new parish.
 
If I was the pastor of that prish, that priet’s morning regiman every morning except Sunday would be to roll a peanut with his nose around the parimeter of the church parking lot till I was satified he got some humility.
 
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