Article: "What Do Women Really Want - A Husband Or A Career?"

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https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2017/09/what-do-women-really-want-a-husband-or-a-career/

“‘If a magical genie appeared and told you that you could have a guarantee of either a fabulous marriage or a fabulous career, which would you choose?’

This is the question that a radio talk show host I listen to regularly asks every young woman he meets.

He says it isn’t meant to imply that the woman would be choosing to only have either a great career or a great marriage. Just that only one would be guaranteed…"
 
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mdgspencer said:
https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2017/09/what-do-women-really-want-a-husband-or-a-career/

“‘If a magical genie appeared and told you that you could have a guarantee of either a fabulous marriage or a fabulous career, which would you choose?’

This is the question that a radio talk show host I listen to regularly asks every young woman he meets.

He says it isn’t meant to imply that the woman would be choosing to only have either a great career or a great marriage. Just that only one would be guaranteed…"
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CM should be shot for reposting this drivel.

NO ONE EVER EVER EVER asks this of men.

EVER.

Why do women continued to be subjected to this twisted thinking?
 
I seriously wish I could sparkle heart like this… it needs more than just a heart.

We have a friend who is a stay at home dad who basically disappeared from our lives because he was embarrassed by what we would think of his choice. After my husband reached out to him he admitted to what was happening and my husband’s reaction was, “If my wife was a doctor; I’d stay home, too!”

His wife isn’t less of a woman or a mother because she has a career. He isn’t less of a man because his career is on pause.
 
“It isn’t meant to imply that the woman would be choosing to only have either a great career or a great marriage.”

And yet, that is what he is asking.
 
Men are not asked this question because men do not have a choice in the matter. For us, it’s make a living or else. This isn’t a complaint on my part, just an observation. I want to stay home, well that is not happening anytime soon. But if a wife wants to stay home and be a mother, that is a legit option. That’s a terrible question in the OP, but work-family balance for wives is a good question that every couple must figure out.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Men are not asked this question because men do not have a choice in the matter. For us, it’s make a living or else. This isn’t a complaint on my part, just an observation. I want to stay home, well that is not happening anytime soon. But if a wife wants to stay home and be a mother, that is a legit option. That’s a terrible question in the OP, but work-family balance for wives is a good question that every couple must figure out.
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You do realize that most women don’t either, right? For many women it’s make a living “or else”. I mean really! “Legit option” isn’t so for most of Americans today. “Work-life” balance is not a burden that woman in 2018 should have to deal with because of their genitalia.
 
The difference is that women can still speak of being a stay at home mother, even if it’s only a dream. While men who speak of being a stay at home guy are usually called Peter Pan’s.
 
A lot of men and women expect that the woman will be working as well as the man. It’s not just their choice, but sometimes a necessity. And then the woman has housework, meals and childcare thrown into the mix as well. :hugs:
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
The difference is that women can still speak of being a stay at home mother, even if it’s only a dream. While men who speak of being a stay at home guy are usually called Peter Pan’s.
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Not really.

And I think you’re a bit out of touch if you think that SAHM is a “socially acceptable” thing. Perhaps because I’m in a liberal area, but being a SAHM without a job of some sort is pretty taboo, especially once kids go to school.

And SAHD is rarer but they are seen in just the same way.

Not only that, but this perpetuation of “well woman have the option of being a SAHM” often drives women whose families need dual income to to have a mom who does everything and daydreams about being a SAHM because dad literally just has work.

I mean you can say that a woman can dream of being a SAHM and a man can dream of not lifting a finger with cooking, cleaning, diapers and anything domestic.
 
🤣🤣🤣

I was a SAHM when my children were little. I kept other people’s infants for extra $$$.
It was a lovely time, but HARD, and I still got to wash dishes and cook and clean, and rock babies.
The hubs went to work and had the nerve to say “so, what didn’t YOU do all day?”

Some people just don’t get it.
 
pianistclare said:
🤣🤣🤣

I was a SAHM when my children were little. I kept other people’s infants for extra $$$.
It was a lovely time, but HARD, and I still got to wash dishes and cook and clean, and rock babies.
The hubs went to work and had the nerve to say “so, what didn’t YOU do all day?”

Some people just don’t get it.
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Honestly, then you weren’t really a SAHM…and therein lies the issue. You were a small business childcare provider. And just the fact that you–a highly intelligent woman–classifies what you did as SAHM and “watching” other peoples children just shows how much we devalue SAHM life. Take on a few more kids for pennies on the dollar? SURE.
 
Well, it did make my oldest VERY responsible.

True story:
One day I was in the grocery store with 5 kids under the age of 6.
This woman in front of us looked me up and down, then scanned the children and said: slight_smile:
“Well, this one looks like you, and those two look like each other, and that one looks like this one, but that one doesn’t look like ANY of you!”

I responded:

"well, they all have different dads. " 🤣🤣🤣

Teach HER to stare at me.
 
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mdgspencer said:
“‘If a magical genie appeared and told you that you could have a guarantee of either a fabulous marriage or a fabulous career, which would you choose?’
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It’s rather common for husbands to be thrilled by the idea of their wives bringing in income.

(I know mine is keen on the idea–we are about to have three children in private school full time and the kids’ school costs as much as buying a new car every year.)
 
My mother was an SAHM. My sister did the SAHM thing for a few years when her children were born. So it can be done. Of course I know this isn’t an option for many women. But I think deep down, a lot of them would like to stay home more, it’s just not politically correct to say that as well as not financially practical.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
My mother was an SAHM. My sister did the SAHM thing for a few years when her children were born. So it can be done. Of course I know this isn’t an option for many women. But I think deep down, a lot of them would like to stay home more, it’s just not politically correct to say that as well as not financially practical.
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Unless you’re 5 your mother is irrelevant to modern times.

Your sister was privileged.

What you’re not getting is that the whole premise of the article is total garbage. PC and financially SAHM isn’t a reality for most women today. It was only a reality for very brief few decades from the 1930-1970’s. Previous to that, most women and men were in an agrarian culture and women did domestic things but BOTH worked out of the home.

The notion of SAHM as it is seen today just really isn’t reality.

And again. What a “modern” SAHM mean for a family also reflects deeply on what is expected of the man. A man with a SAHW doesn’t have to worry about dinner, laundry, diapers, washing the floor and vacuuming.

Should we be asking guys if they want to never do a domestic chore or have a career?
 
Today my husband dropped both kids off at school/daycare, went to work from 8:30 to 5:30, picked up one kid, cooked dinner, did homework, and put kids to bed while I worked 15 hours because tax season.

…so I didn’t chose to have a husband? :roll_eyes:

Please.

We made financial decisions and goals and we have to pay for those choices which means we both work and we both do what needs to be done to take care of stuff at home and we have to talk about it and evaluate whether those choices still work for us all the time.

We are adults and get to decide what our marriage and family life looks like; that’s not choosing one over the other.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Your sister was privileged.
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Or poor. SAHMs come in both the upper middle class version and the poor people version.

Also, there are a lot of temporary SAHMs during the years when childcare would be very expensive.
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
What a “modern” SAHM mean for a family also reflects deeply on what is expected of the man. A man with a SAHW doesn’t have to worry about dinner, laundry, diapers, washing the floor and vacuuming.
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I think SAHMs vary a lot in responsibilities.

My husband actually does a lot of dinners when we cook at home, but he definitely didn’t do the other stuff. We have a cleaning lady twice a month, but I do a lot of spot cleaning. (One member of the household–naming no names–almost invariably leaves a big mess on and under her chair in the kitchen and in the bathroom several times a day.) Cleaning help is one of those take-it-from-my-cold-dead hands things for me. I’d much rather work and make the money for cleaning help than do it all myself–there have been times where I nannied for other people, but still had a cleaning lady.

I guess my version of that would be: his socks and underwear magically multiply in his drawers, his work clothes magically appear on hangers in the closet, the kids go to school while he’s still in bed, the kids are brought home while he’s at work, the fridge is magically replenished, the plumber and other tradesmen are dealt with, the school emails are read and acted on, the kids do their homework, Baby Girl’s backpack is unpacked and her school folder checked, Big Girl does her music practice, the kids clean their rooms, the kids have all of the uniform items they need, the beds periodically get fresh sheets and pillow cases, we have soap and toilet paper, the kids go to the doctor as needed, get their flu shots, go to the dentist as needed, go to therapy as needed, playdates get booked for Baby Girl, the kids go to birthday parties with appropriate gifts, the kids get help packing for school trips, old clothes go to friends and Goodwill, toys go to a baby cousin, Baby Girl is given baths, major scheduling conflicts are prevented, school meetings are attended, Big Girl gets help with the music club at school she runs, small dead animals are disposed of, etc.

As Baby Girl ages out of needing a lot of hands-on care (feeding, clothing, potty, baths), it’s getting more and more clerical and managerial. But, at the same time, as the tuition crunch increases, it’s ever more urgent that I start making some money for our children’s needs.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Why do women continued to be subjected to this twisted thinking?
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“In the first place, the worker must be paid a wage sufficient to support him and his family. That the rest of the family should also contribute to the common support, according to the capacity of each, is certainly right, as can be observed especially in the families of farmers, but also in the families of many craftsmen and small shopkeepers. But to abuse the years of childhood and the limited strength of women is grossly wrong. Mothers, concentrating on household duties, should work primarily in the home or in its immediate vicinity. It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father’s low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children. Every effort must therefore be made that fathers of families receive a wage large enough to meet ordinary family needs adequately. But if this cannot always be done under existing circumstances, social justice demands that changes be introduced as soon as possible whereby such a wage will be assured to every adult workingman. It will not be out of place here to render merited praise to all, who with a wise and useful purpose, have tried and tested various ways of adjusting the pay for work to family burdens in such a way that, as these increase, the former may be raised and indeed, if the contingency arises, there may be enough to meet extraordinary needs.” - Quadragesimo Anno #71
 
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