I miss feeling comfortable with the way things were going. “Everything happens for a reason” is a mantra that can’t really be reconciled with a world view without some sort of God. It was calming believing that something bigger was always looking out for me. It was nice praying at night as a way to unwind and relay my thoughts to an all loving being.
But believing in God is not something you can just choose to do. I have come to the conclusion that it is very unlikely that there is a God and unless some world changing thing happened, I doubt that will change.
People say “you just have to open up your heart and God will open up to you” or things like that. In my eyes this is just a way of saying “you just have to be open to believing in God and your brain will do the rest.”
But it was nice when everything happened for a reason. Life was a little less stressful.
Welcome to reality, I like a lot of things and can’t get them, our desires do not always fit with the truth.
I don’t think if there is a god he would be that much loving, because of all the cruel and painful natural things happening around.
I truly wish that there is a god who is looking out for us, loving and caring for every creature he created, but facts show this is probably not possible.
If a god exists, I very much doubt he’s all loving and all powerful, besides , about the character of the Abrahamic God in particular in all the three religions, to me, his character doesn’t look very much loving and peaceful, on contrary, if that kind of god exists I would gladly reject respecting him , not only because of the existence of bad things, but also because of his unkind character in holy books.
I didn’t reject any god (wasn’t a choice, just like you and many unbelievers), I just found out by a lot of reasons that religions and personal gods are untrue, my first moments of doubts and unbelief were hard on me, I used to believe and love faith, a lot of atheists I’ve talked to and from all beliefs experienced a big loss once they recognized that what they loved and believed in was a hoax, but then things become better and we get used to it, like when you get used to the death of a dear friend, lover, or family member of yours, same for God, to me God is dead, life continues.