Asexual Marriage

[Anglewannabe]

As an asexual person who experiences same sex romantic attraction and struggles with the sin of reading erotica,

Umm… I realy mean these questions in all sincerity.

How do you know you are asexual?

If you are asexual and incapable of feeling sexual attraction, why would you read erotica? It almost seems those books wouldn’t intrigue you

How old are you? If you are a young woman, perhaps it is simply a case were your sexual urges have reached their strongest point

 

[Lea101]

Umm… I realy mean these questions in all sincerity.

How do you know you are asexual?

If you are asexual and incapable of feeling sexual attraction, why would you read erotica? It almost seems those books wouldn’t intrigue you

How old are you? If you are a young woman, perhaps it is simply a case were your sexual urges have reached their strongest point

While it’s worth looking into, asexuality isn’t so clear cut as you would think. There are asexuals who have sex, have orgasms, etc but they are still asexuals. Pretty confusing for us to understand, though.

 

[Anglewannabe]

While it’s worth looking into, asexuality isn’t so clear cut as you would think. There are asexuals who have sex, have orgasms, etc but they are still asexuals. Pretty confusing for us to understand, though.

Honestly, that response makes me think some psychologist just created a new word ie ‘asexual’ to make some money

 

[Lea101]

Honestly, that response makes me think some psychologist just created a new word ie ‘asexual’ to make some money

I don’t think they are making much money of this, honestly. Although society is trying to put a label on anything

I have a friend who says she is asexual, and the way she tries to explain is: assuming you are a straight woman. Another woman starts…touching you in a way that gets you physically aroused. But you are just not sexually attracted to her, so let’s say that you are having sex with her. There’s arousal physically but your mind just can’t get into it. It might be boring or whatever. Usually asexuals feel this way to both sexes. I know some just find the idea of sex gross. My friend also says that while she is passionately kissing and feels physical arousal, her mind basically goes “this is kind of boring, but i hope he doesn’t try to take it further”

There just seems to be a disconnection between the mind and body. It’s different from impotence or whatever. Their bodies work fine.

I don’t know if OP is genuinely asexual or not. My friend usually says asexuals don’t really get into porn or anything. They might like the buildup but then they lose interest soo… but hey, I don’t know much about orientations so I’ll step back and let them speak for themselves I guess. My point is that asexuality is a thing. But it’s easy to be confused

 

[Lea101]

An easier illustration:

A married asexual couple would rather cuddle than to have sex to build intimacy. Would probably have sex once out of duty to consummate the marriage or to try for a child. But they would rather do something else together.

A married couple (1 asexual, 1 sexual(???) ): asexual would have sex if sexual initiates bc asexual loves him/her. Probably have physical arousal but would rather be cuddling or something. very, very rarely/not at all would the asexual initiate sex.

Don’t mean to hijack the thread at all…i think it’s better for the OP to explain herself if she is comfortable with it. But the answer to her question is that she should ask a priest (who knows what asexuality is)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

No.

Well I think the lack of a potential spouse makes the point moot for now. If you find a person willing to get married in the church, follow moral guidelines if the church, not have relations or procreate all for the sake of not being alone, perhaps we can revisit. I’m not sure your pool of candidates would make this a viable subject to explore right now. However, if you are trying self discovery and are honestly discerning vocation then I would warn you against defining yourself a. By your sexuality, and b. With concepts and terms that are fluid in our pop culture. I think before you discern a mate, you need to discern yourself.

What do you think marriage is? That would be helpful. Why do you think God elevated it to a sacrament. What is the purpose of holy sex?

 

[Andrea_Day]

Umm… I realy mean these questions in all sincerity.

How do you know you are asexual?

If you are asexual and incapable of feeling sexual attraction, why would you read erotica? It almost seems those books wouldn’t intrigue you

I am asexual by definition: I do not experience sexual attraction, I have no desire or drive to participate in sexual acts.

I fit into a subset of asexuality known as autochorissexuality, which means that while I have no desire or drive to participate in sexual acts in real life with real people, I am attracted to and experience physical pleasure from fantasy and erotica involving fictional characters.

asexuals.wikia.com/wiki/Autochorissexual

 

[Andrea_Day]

You will find that there are people on the forum who deserve only to be ignored and who are better not interacted with. From my perspective, that list has grown over the time I have been in this forum.

There is an ignore feature in the forum, which I would recommend.

The other thing to be aware of is that you will encounter a number of posters who present themselves as if they were an expert when in fact they are not – as those of us who actually are ordained, theologians, and canonists can quite quickly deduce.

For the most part, the question you present really cannot be answered in the abstract anymore than that of any couple, if they are a mental construct of attributes rather than actual individuals.

Over the years, I have married many couples who were acting from a variety of motivations and were in a variety of places in terms of their psychological makeup, life experience, purpose for marrying, and so forth.

You have, frankly, received much bad (name removed by moderator)ut in this thread and I would suggest discussing this with a priest who is actually schooled in theology, in canon law, and has had the pastoral care of souls.

 

[Andrea_Day]

Well I think the lack of a potential spouse makes the point moot for now. If you find a person willing to get married in the church, follow moral guidelines if the church, not have relations or procreate all for the sake of not being alone, perhaps we can revisit. I’m not sure your pool of candidates would make this a viable subject to explore right now. However, if you are trying self discovery and are honestly discerning vocation then I would warn you against defining yourself a. By your sexuality, and b. With concepts and terms that are fluid in our pop culture. I think before you discern a mate, you need to discern yourself.

What do you think marriage is? That would be helpful. Why do you think God elevated it to a sacrament. What is the purpose of holy sex?

I shall consider that, thanks.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I thought I was asexual as a teenager but it was really more a reflection of the boys I went to school with and I didn’t know any young adult men then who I could of been physically attracted to. I wonder if some asexuals simply haven’t actually met anyone they are attracted to in that way.

As for asexual marriage I don’t think any of us know how sexual we will feel over a lifetime, all sorts of things can affect it.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I am asexual by definition: I do not experience sexual attraction, I have no desire or drive to participate in sexual acts.

I fit into a subset of asexuality known as autochorissexuality, which means that while I have no desire or drive to participate in sexual acts in real life with real people, I am attracted to and experience physical pleasure from fantasy and erotica involving fictional characters.

asexuals.wikia.com/wiki/Autochorissexual

um… now I find that quite concerning. I think it is just some weird modern idea that a psycholgist invented to have a research topid for a Phd.

What you are describing is someone who may just have a low sex drive. Or doesn’t want the negative part of real life relationships so you get your urges met in artificial ways. Very concerning that you would label yourself as such instead of just trying to do God’s will. Which I personally think is if you are call to marriage have a healthy sex life with your husband and if you are called to be celibate leave the erotica alone. It is a well know fact porn ruins many a man’s life. But why there is taboo in speaking about the harm erotica does to women is beyond me

 

[Anglewannabe]

I thought I was asexual as a teenager but it was really more a reflection of the boys I went to school with and I didn’t know any young adult men then who I could of been physically attracted to. I wonder if some asexuals simply haven’t actually met anyone they are attracted to in that way.

As for asexual marriage I don’t think any of us know how sexual we will feel over a lifetime, all sorts of things can affect it.

It sounds to me like you were a normal teenage girl who urges were still not awakened. It is a well know fact that women don’t reach their sexual peek until around 30

Why society has to throw a label on a normal part of growing up just to confuse people is sad

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have a friend who says she is asexual, and the way she tries to explain is: assuming you are a straight woman. Another woman starts…touching you in a way that gets you physically aroused. But you are just not sexually attracted to her, so let’s say that you are having sex with her. There’s arousal physically but your mind just can’t get into it. It might be boring or whatever.

I think it would be fair to say there are a lot of heterosexuals whose mind just can not get into having sex with a particular person but touched by that same person could cause physically arousal. After all, don’t some men hate hugging for a reason

I know some just find the idea of sex gross.

Again, it is healthy to think sex is gross unless you are in love with the person

My friend also says that while she is passionately kissing and feels physical arousal, her mind basically goes “this is kind of boring, but i hope he doesn’t try to take it further”

Isn’t it just logical if she thinks it is boring she would think ‘I hope he doesn’t try to take it further’

Not to mention, if she finds it boring, why doesn’t she just stop

 

[Andrea_Day]

you are called to be celibate leave the erotica alone. It is a well know fact porn ruins many a man’s life. But why there is taboo in speaking about the harm erotica does to women is beyond me

God does call single people to be celibate and leave erotica alone. I developed an erotica addiction last year after stumbling into Fifty Shades by accident and I am in the process of breaking that addiction now, though the temptation/attraction to it remains. I would be thankful for your prayers in this endeavor.

 

[Lea101]

I think it would be fair to say there are a lot of heterosexuals whose mind just can not get into having sex with a particular person but touched by that same person could cause physically arousal. After all, don’t some men hate hugging for a reason

Again, it is healthy to think sex is gross unless you are in love with the person

Isn’t it just logical if she thinks it is boring she would think ‘I hope he doesn’t try to take it further’

Not to mention, if she finds it boring, why doesn’t she just stop

Well, for those people who claim to be asexual, they feel that way for anyone who touches them, even people they are ‘romantically attracted to’, hence why they label themselves as such. There are people who only get sexually attracted to people after they form a deep connection, but that has another label (demisexual?? God knows…)) You know since society looves to label everything that involves sex…

She doesn’t stop because she is doing it out of duty, because that’s what the boyfriend wants/needs for intimacy . So obviously she continues to ‘make him happy’. Like how I said that an asexual person will have sex, but they are just not into it and they aren’t the ones who initiate it. If they do, it’s just to make their partner happy, instead of doing it out of desire. Not a healthy attitude for any girl to have, I will say that, but that’s just something a lot of them do.

There is this disconnect between the mind and body, like I said earlier. Society is definitely too sexualised to the point where labels are needed for everything. But in my opinion, asexuality seems to be a result of an issue that is not getting addressed or it could be a way to lead the person into his or her rightful vocation (singlehood?? Adoption??? I don’t know??). Some people definitely change, some people remain this way no matter what they do (kind of like homosexuality)

 

[Lea101]

But why there is taboo in speaking about the harm erotica does to women is beyond me

Easy. Because women+sexuality makes people uncomfortable. Society did a good job on making women look soo pure to the point where people don’t realise women struggle with lust as well, and if they do, they think these women are more shameful/abnormal than the men who lust.

 

[Anglewannabe]

God does call single people to be celibate and leave erotica alone. I developed an erotica addiction last year after stumbling into Fifty Shades by accident and I am in the process of breaking that addiction now, though the temptation/attraction to it remains. I would be thankful for your prayers in this endeavor.

Of course ! I have already prayed for you

 

[SusanneT]

Easy. Because women+sexuality makes people uncomfortable. Society did a good job on making women look soo pure to the point where people don’t realise women struggle with lust as well, and if they do, they think these women are more shameful/abnormal than the men who lust.

That may be true to an extent although I don’t see anything actually wrong with celebrating purity and I simply don’t believe that as a rule women are naturally as motivated by physical sexuality.

But in any event now the pendulum has swung way way to far the other way and feminism seeks to make women feel guilty or inadequate if they are not lustfull and don’t sin.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Easy. Because women+sexuality makes people uncomfortable. Society did a good job on making women look soo pure to the point where people don’t realise women struggle with lust as well, and if they do, they think these women are more shameful/abnormal than the men who lust.

umm… I think we live in 2 different worlds because I am 47 and I have not encoutered that mentality since high school

 

[Lea101]

That may be true to an extent although I don’t see anything actually wrong with celebrating purity and I simply don’t believe that as a rule women are naturally as motivated by physical sexuality.

But in any event now the pendulum has swung way way to far the other way and feminism seeks to make women feel guilty or inadequate if they are not lustfull and don’t sin.

It’s not the celebration of purity. It’s just double standards. Porn is seen as a man’s problem, and if a woman were to be hooked on it, she is often shamed for it. Usually women who are hooked on porn feel so alone. Or how men are praised for sleeping around but when a woman does that, she gets called names that aren’t nice to repeat here. If a woman were to flaunt her sexuality vs a man, well the same thing applies.

Modern feminism of course tried to fix it by switching it around-blaming men for objectifying women and encouraging women to be sexual. But like with almost any issue, it didn’t fix rhe problem.