Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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I appreciate your initiative, Father, and I enjoyed reading this thread so far.
I have one question regarding Confession, that I haven´t really made myself go and ask a priest about earlier.

I used to struggle a lot with scrupulosity, to the extent that it was very unhealthy concerning my spiritual life. Thanks to God´s amazing grace I was profoundly set free from it a few months ago. I have recognized and realized what a great gift the Sacrament of Confession really is. I now go for the right reasons, not because I fear judgment as I used to, but because I desire to do God´s will and to grow in holiness. So, I guess my question is, how often should I go? I have realized that going too often is challenging due to my past experience with scrupulosity, but I also know that I need the graces from Confession regularly in order to keep myself accountable. It´s so easy to become indifferent if I go too long without it. Sometimes, it´s actually also challenging my past scruples if I go too long without it. So, how often would you recommend me to go?
 
Thanks for the very interesting responses @edward_george1

In my RCIA (over a decade ago at this point) I received very little information about confession. Literally an older sister/nun talked to us (i.e. the people in RCIA) about confession for about 10 minutes. She basically said something like confession is for those who choose to put their conscience in the hands of the church. Somebody asked here if that means we don’t have to go to confession, and she shrugged. The priest RCIA said he was worried confession would scare people away from converting, so they were not focusing on it. …other than that my memories of what I learned about confession in RCIA are about as fuzzy as what you described remembering about the many confessions you’ve heard…not much at all.
  1. Not to put down my RCIA classes, but is this normal?
  2. Do all priests talk about how better to train people for confession? What you are doing with this thread is very helpful, so obviously you are talking and training people here. This is great! However, do many priests go out of their way to do this either in RCIA or other settings?
 
I agree. This was sad. Confession is a beautiful sacrament. I’ve been to confession, and there really is something to it!
 
Have you ever had to leave the confessional for a bathroom break?
 
I had the same experience in 2002. Very little instruction to prepare the Catechumens for regular Confession after baptism. (Obviously the Candidates had to be prepared for their first Reconciliations but I think that was even covered for them separately from us! Either way, I went many years before ‘discovering’ the sacrament for myself.)

Kim
 
jack63 said:
The priest RCIA said he was worried confession would scare people away from converting, so they were not focusing on it.
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I’m going to go someplace quiet and pray.
This infuriated me.

In not teaching the whole truth, you turn RCIA into a bait and switch ruse.

What exactly did this person think would happen once the people were in and discovered they were not given proper instruction?
 
vz71 said:
I’m going to go someplace quiet and pray.
This infuriated me.
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I’m not trying to upset people.

I would just hope there is more instruction in RCIAs. Priests should know if confession will scare people away, then perhaps they need more time and instruction rather than the subject being ignored.
 
vz71 said:
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The priest RCIA said he was worried confession would scare people away from converting, so they were not focusing on it.
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In not teaching the whole truth, you turn RCIA into a bait and switch ruse.

What exactly did this person think would happen once the people were in and discovered they were not given proper instruction?
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I agree entirely. This (the misinformation about confession, and the reasons given for it) were very bad. I hope the poster has since sorted these out with other Catholics and/or reading.

I suspect this misinformation about confession is not “common”, but also not as rare as it should be, ie. never.

(Just trying to guess what was happening in the RCIA session, there may have been some issues between the priest and the nun. From my long experience of parish life I suspect the nun here is effectively leading this group and the priest is very reluctant to contradict her. When the subject of confession came up she jumped on it to dominate with her opinion. The priest was is in a difficult position of whether or not to overrule her. The “I don’t want to scare people off” may have just been a nervous way to get out of the situation without upsetting the nun but without entirely agreeing with her. And if you think this is far fetched, you haven’t seen how priests can be bossed around in their own parishes and practice diplomacy all the time.).
 
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Anna5 said:
In what ways do you grow from hearing confessions?
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There are two main ways. One is a practical one, in that I tend to examine my own conscience more deeply as a result of hearing other’s sins. That is to say, there are maybe sins or faults I have that I don’t really think of until I hear someone else is struggling with them.

The other way is simply that by living out my vocation as a priest, I am spiritually built up, just as anyone is when they live out their own particular vocation.
 
Zach said:
Is there a “proper” way penitents should feel when leaving the Confession booth after being absolved? A feeling of relief? Joy? Indifference? I can’t p(name removed by moderator)oint my exact feeling. I just know I feel better when leaving the booth than when entering.
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There isn’t a “proper” way to “feel” at any time about anything, if you think about it. Feelings aren’t really the be-all, end-all of human experience, the way the modern world makes them out to be. Sometimes I feel good after confession. Most of the time I feel nothing.

Faith, hope, love, these things are not feelings, but acts of the will. Feelings might accompany them sometimes, but they are certainly not the essence thereof.

The Catechism has this to say:
[1768] Strong feelings are not decisive for the morality or the holiness of persons; they are simply the inexhaustible reservoir of images and affections in which the moral life is expressed. Passions are morally good when they contribute to a good action, evil in the opposite case. The upright will orders the movements of the senses it appropriates to the good and to beatitude; an evil will succumbs to disordered passions and exacerbates them. Emotions and feelings can be taken up into the virtues or perverted by the vices .
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Kima said:
So, how often would you recommend me to go?
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First off, thanks be to God that your struggles with scrupulosity have gotten better. I would say, though, given that this has been an issue for you, you need to talk to your priest, who knows you better, to determine how often you should go, and follow his counsel. The nature of scrupulosity is such that it might seem to subside at a certain point, but it might also come running back out if we poke at it. I know this firsthand, given my experiences with anxiety. On the one hand, I am grateful to God that I have found a lot of healing and a lot of clarity about how to navigate it. On the other hand, I recognize what it means to have found that healing and clarity–it isn’t completely taken away from me, so much as it is something I have learned to live with and not to let rule me. Just because the engine is running doesn’t mean I have to put the car into gear, as it were, and so it is with anything like this.

In short, talk to your priest about this. It would be imprudent for me to attempt to give you specific advice on this online.
 
jack63 said:
  • Not to put down my RCIA classes, but is this normal?
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Dear Lord, I hope not…it certainly isn’t the case anywhere I have worked in a pastoral capacity. I can tell you that if I heard that whomever was teaching/leading RCIA in my parish said anything of the kind, I would soon find other ways to put their talents to use, if you catch my drift. I have taught RCIA classes on Confession, focusing on the nature of the sacrament and then how to do it well. I find that the best preparation is actually catechizing on the nature of the sacrament, so then how to do it will seem logical.
jack63 said:
  1. Do all priests talk about how better to train people for confession? What you are doing with this thread is very helpful, so obviously you are talking and training people here. This is great! However, do many priests go out of their way to do this either in RCIA or other settings?
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We do talk about what kinds of things might be helpful for getting people to make better confessions.

I should note here, in response to you, and to everyone else, I can’t really speak for priests in general or parishes in general. I can’t answer questions of “why does everyone seem to do this?” since it concerns the intentions of other people, people I largely don’t know. I can only speak for myself and my experience. So asking general, broad-brush kinds of questions is less likely to yield a helpful response.
 
Yes. We had a confession practicum class, just like we did for Mass and the other sacraments. The format of our class was first classroom instruction, and then practice of the ritual. The instruction consisted of old-school material, just going through the Ten Commandments and the sins covered under them. We took turns giving presentations on the Commandments and talking about the various parts of each, and then how to counsel people with regards to each. Then we would have a scenario. One person would be the confessor, the other the penitent, and they would sit in front of the class, the penitent reading from a sheet provided by the professor, that was also handed to each of us. The confessor would hear the confession and give counsel and assign penance, and then recite the absolution. We would all then discuss how the confessor did and give them critiques on what they did well and what they could do better.

And before anyone says anything about sacramental validity–no, it wasn’t a valid confession, since the penitent wasn’t really confessing his own sins, but reading off a script, and the confessor wasn’t actually a priest. But this is totally normal. I know this comes up in threads where Mass practicum is mentioned. We practice the sacraments, knowing full well that we aren’t doing them validly. This doesn’t constitute simulation, and is not only helpful, but necessary for learning how to do it.
 
What is the busiest week and day of the year for Confessions? Maybe Holy week? A particular day during Holy week? Another time? I just want to echo what others have said and say thanks for doing this. Very helpful and informative.
 
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If I feel there is anything reducing my culpability for a sin (eg. “lack of consent”), particularly a mortal one, should I mention it? Briefly, of course.
 
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Usually right before the holidays, so before Holy Week and right before Christmas.
 
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