Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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Edmundus1581 said:
If I feel there is anything reducing my culpability for a sin (eg. “lack of consent”), particularly a mortal one, should I mention it? Briefly, of course.
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If culpability is lessened, is the sin not mortal? I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly.

If you committed what you think might be a mortal sin, confess it.

If you committed what isn’t a mortal sin, but is venial, you may confess it if you’d like.

If you are in doubt, ask your priest.

If you are scrupulous, talk to your priest, and don’t let the mind games persist.
 
edward_george1 said:
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If culpability is lessened, is the sin not mortal? I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly.
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Thankyou Father. I wasn’t clear.

My question was about whether I should mention any background I feel reduces my culpability, such as lack of full consent, rather than whether I should mention the sin.

We often hear confessors complaining about “long stories” behind the sins, but the contrast would be just the sins, with zero background, when I (the penitent) feel some background is relevant to culpability.
 
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Well, it’s pretty simple. If you are culpable such that it is a mortal sin, confess it. If you are not, you don’t have to. If you are in doubt, ask.
 
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I hope you don’t mind a light-hearted question. 🙂

When someone comes into confession and then starts up, can you usually guess quite quickly what they are going to confess?
 
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edward_george1 said:
One of the best books on the subject is Seven Secrets of Confession by Vinny Flynn. It’s a simple introduction that goes deep into how sin isn’t about breaking rules or bad behavior, but about damaging our relationship with God, and so how confession’s true nature is really about repairing that relationship. I read it right after ordination to prepare to hear confessions. And it was extremely helpful in that regard.
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I love this book! I almost didn’t read it because I get really annoyed by sensationalistic sounding titles, but it was recommended to me and I return to it often.
 
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I have another question. On average, without breaking the seal of confession, how often do you hear that someone is a pedophile or committed murder or abuse?

And, is there some sort of restitution other than the typical, 3 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers (or whatever) for penance? Do you ask these people to turn themselves in? Do you ask them to seek help to prevent them from harming another?
 
Edmundus1581 said:
When someone comes into confession and then starts up, can you usually guess quite quickly what they are going to confess?
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Sort of. Often I’ll hear something along the lines of “I’m arguing with my wife, getting grumpy with the kids, and crabby with my workmates” and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop - for them to say “and I’m looking at porn” because I’ve heard the same thing so many times before. of course I’m never going to suggest or even ask about sins they haven’t mentioned (that’s for them and their consciences) other than to say “is there anything else?”
 
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@edward_george1
@InThePew

If you don’t mind me asking. When were you ordained? Of course, don’t answer if you’d rather not say!

My pastor was ordained in 1972. Almost 50 years of ministry and still going strong.
 
AlruwhAlquds said:
I have another question. On average, without breaking the seal of confession, how often do you hear that someone is a pedophile or committed murder or abuse?
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Personally, never and people who do such things probably aren’t likely to confess it either
And, is there some sort of restitution other than the typical, 3 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers (or whatever) for penance? Do you ask these people to turn themselves in? Do you ask them to seek help to prevent them from harming another?
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It’s not something that would really be appropriate as a penance - if nothing else, completion of the assigned penance isn’t required for the confession to be valid. If somebody say confessed abuse, I would expect them to be willing to seek professional help (say from a counsellor) before absolving them since this goes to whether they are in fact truly contrite.
 
The priest who took us for practicuum had over 50 years of ministry behind him - not only had he heard more confessions then we’d had hot dinners it also meant that there was quite probably nothing he hadn’t’ heard before! He made us memorise the formula for absolution and would test us at the start of each class because, as he would tell us: “the first time you hear a confession probably won’t be in a confessional.” He would give us a variety of scenarios for roleplay, taking on the role of the penitent himself - be it a seven year old girl or a 40 year old man! My personal favourite scenario went something like this: “you go into the church and sitting next to the confessional is a man in a pink tutu. Begin.”
 
Thanks for all your wise and extensive answers, Father. And above all, thank you for being a priest and for all the good work you are doing for God and for all of us here on the forum. I pray that God blesses you very much as a priest and confessor.

Your answers help me to feel a bit less fear about going to confession.
I try to confess as much as I can to the same priest (face to face). For me, there is something comforting in having one priest who knows almost everything about me: my life story, my struggles and sins and who helps me to grow closer to God. This priest is not my parish priest. Sometimes I feel a bit bad about this, that I avoid going confession with my own parish priest (out of fear).

My question is: Do you think it would be best if parishioners go to confession to their own parish priest?

I wonder this because the parish priest is the primary responsible priest for the souls of his parishioners. And because the local parish is a faith family. I wonder: shouldn’t we feel safe in our own faith family/parish to let yourselves be known (including all our sins and struggles) and loved as we really are (and not only the best part of us), also in order to pray for each other and help each other to heaven? I think it happens very often that parishioners don’t dare to confess to their own parish priest (and they also don’t dare to share their struggles with other parishioners), out of fear of judgement and therefore they flee away to go to confession elsewhere (or even worse, they don’t go to confession at all). Don’t you think it is shame that people don’t feel safe/free/comfortable enough to confess in their own parish?

What are your thoughts about this?
 
I read it before my first Confession and I got hold of a few copies on sale when I was on holiday in the UK that I give to convert to the Catholic Church. 😅

Any other suggestions?
 
I know how that goes. It’s called “burying the lede,” in journalistic terms.
 
Hopefully this hasn’t already been asked. It’s a mile long so i only read half the thread.

Father, does it irritate you or other clergy you know of when we confess behind the screen? I recently had a experience at a parish I don’t normally go to. I was in the area and decided to drop in. I go behind the curtain and there was stone cold silence. I say bless me father for I have sinned, etc…still stone cold silence. It was eerie. Then he finally starts to speak. I confess and get scolded for my sins and he told me to say entire rosary. I walked out of there feeling as though I was worse than Hitler or Stalin. And I suspect he hated that I confessed behind the curtain.
 
I’m sorry that that was your experience. As I’ve said in other posts up the thread, I actually prefer when people go behind the screen. It’s more comfortable for me.

It’s not evident from what you’ve said that the reason the priest scolded you was that you went behind the screen. Best not to assume that. He was clearly having a bad day/week/month/life at that point, so pray for him and pray for those he might hurt by being like that too others. It’s sad that that happens, but priests are human too.

Again, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
 
Lenten_ashes said:
I go behind the curtain and there was stone cold silence. I say bless me father for I have sinned, etc…still stone cold silence. It was eerie. Then he finally starts to speak. I confess and get scolded for my sins and he told me to say entire rosary. I walked out of there feeling as though I was worse than Hitler or Stalin. And I suspect he hated that I confessed behind the curtain.
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Although Father has already answered you, I would just add that there are some priests who are tough confessors, for whatever reason - their culture, their tradition, their confession style, having a bad day or just reacting badly to certain sins. I’ve had a couple of priests in my life who scolded me for sins. It has nothing to do with whethr or not you go face-to-face and indeed, the tougher confessors are often traditionalists who prefer the traditional method of confession using a screen.

It’s important to know that once in a while you will get one of these priests and just write it off when it happens, rather than taking it personally. Also, protip: if you go in a parish church and there are multiple priests hearing confessions and one of them has a really short line and the others have long lines, that’s often an indication that the priest with the short line is a wonky confessor in some way - either very strict, gives lengthy penances, or perhaps is hard of hearing, or speaks English with an accent that people can’t understand.
 
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