Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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I still have another question:

Do you often witness victory over sin in people who come to confession? I mean that confession makes them grow out of/claim victory over some habitual and deep rooted sins? Or do most people battle against (the same habitual) sins untill the end of their lives?
 
nearlycatholic said:
Is it ok to go to one church and make confession and then go across town to a different parish to take communion.
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Yes it is. You have no obligation to go to Confession or Mass in one particular Catholic church. We belong to the Universal Church. You can go to Confession in, or go to Mass and receive the Eucharist in, any Catholic church, and they don’t have to be the same. That is my understanding anyway.
 
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When a person comes back to confession after many years of being away from confession and committing all kinds of sins, and the person confesses in what they think is the right level of detail, but later on reads something suggesting that a certain sin should be broken out separately (Similar to the question the guy asked above about mutual masturbation and sex as in intercourse being two different sins) do they need to go back to confession and re-confess these old sins from 1 or 2 decades ago? This is particularly concerning for sexual acts when, say, one just confessed that they engaged in premarital sex 25 years ago with X number of people and didn’t actually say (probably can’t remember very well) what acts were done with each person how many times.
 
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Unfortunately where I am it’s a common problem that priests are busy and don’t have time to speak to parishoners outside of confession. Even when I had to schedule confession it was usually a fairly decent wait to find time.
 
Fathers,

How should one confess being an accessory to anothers’ sin wrt the 9 ways we can be an accessory, (obviously not mentioning names), so what terminology is to be used? If it was a relative should one say, my brother/sister/son/daughter/father/mother or my housemate or my friend?

And concerning the matter - how do we confess that. For example, I took my girlfriend to get an abortion? My brother and I robbed a store of $5,000?

I ask because we are not to confess the sins of others. So how should these types of sins be confessed?

ETA question was asked as a general Q & A - not stemming from a personal difficulty.
 
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Ok, tough question.

What should I do when the priest tells me something is not a sin when I know quite well it is?
Do I simply repeat with a different priest?

I cannot go into much detail as it was a confession, but something I confessed to was most definitely a sin, but the priest spent a great deal of time trying to explain some nuance to the church teaching that I am uncertain applied or even really existed.

Should someone simply go to another priest?
How do we know if we were or were not simply being scrupulous?
 
CRV said:
Fathers,

How should one confess being an accessory to anothers’ sin wrt the 9 ways we can be an accessory, (obviously not mentioning names), so what terminology is to be used? If it was a relative should one say, my brother/sister/son/daughter/father/mother or my housemate or my friend?

And concerning the matter - how do we confess that. For example, I took my girlfriend to get an abortion? My brother and I robbed a store of $5,000?

I ask because we are not to confess the sins of others. So how should these types of sins be confessed?
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I’m not the father, but sounds good to me.

As for not confessing the sins of others, I’m not sure that’s entirely true if it’s material to your own confession. So “I drove my girlfriend to have an abortion” is most certainly a good way of putting it because you’re confessing your own sin, which was of course to aid in the sin of another, which is a material detail. That’s a different case from “My girlfriend had an abortion, and I didn’t realize that till an hour ago.” That’s confessing another’s sin, not yours and that’s what the advice means: do not confess the sins of others. They have to confess their own sins. Mentioning the sins of others may be important at times if it means providing context to your own sins.
 
For the man who drove his girlfriend to get an abortion (I don’t know if this is hypothetical or not), is it a different level of sin that it is his girlfriend and his baby that is being aborted? It seems different than driving, say, a neighbor or female friend. Wouldn’t there by associated other sins, like not supporting the Mom of his child and not caring for his own child?
 
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😥😥😥 my question wasn’t answered.

Well here’s another one, Can a priest refuse someone forgiveness for their sin?
 
annad347 said:
😥😥😥 my question wasn’t answered.

Well here’s another one, Can a priest refuse someone forgiveness for their sin?
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Well, I’m not the Father, but yes, in some instances a priest can (and sometimes, must) withhold absolution. This happens if the penitent shows no indication of being sorry for his sins, or does not intend to stop sinning. For example, those living in invalid marriages without intention to stop sexual activity or validate the marriage. If the priest asks if he will work towards regularizing the situation, and the penitent says no, then the priest will have no choice but to withhold absolution. However if the penitent gives an indication as lame as “I will” or “I will try”, then that may be sufficient, and absolution must be given.

A priest must also take the penitent at his word. If the penitent says he’s sorry and resolves to not commit the sins again, he is to be believed. It does not matter if the penitent does not “sound sorry enough” or “mechanical.” If he gives even a slight indication that he is sorry, absolution is not to be denied.

I’ve heard a priest even say once that he would withhold absolution to “break” a penitent from a bad sinful habit, but I seriously think this is going to be a major mistake. However, I’m less certain of this, and I’m sure Father @edward_george1 can confirm.
 
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porthos11 said:
I’m sure Father @edward_george1 can confirm.
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Can you please cause I have another question depending on the answer?

And about my first question, I really hope someone can answer that one… preferably the priest…thank you
 
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Is it possible to confess in a different language? Asking from a conversation that came up with my Spanish teacher.
 
If someone confesses a sin for which they are not truly repentant, and they manifest that to the priest, then the priest should not absolve them.

What that DOESN’T MEAN is “I did X sin 14 times, but I didn’t feel bad about it.”

What it DOES mean is “I am currently living in a state of sin, and will continue to do so even after confession.”

The reason the priest would withhold absolution at that point is simply that it wouldn’t work if he were to try to do it. We have to want to be forgiven to be forgiven. If we manifest positively some condition that indicates that we are not going to move on from the sin (this doesn’t mean a continual struggle with sin, where we are likely to fall again, nor does it mean not feeling sorry, as feelings don’t have anything to do with it), then we cannot receive forgiveness. The priest would be doing a disservice to the penitent, to the sacrament, and to his own soul if he absolved someone in a manifest state of grave sin.

So if you have someone who was married outside the Church, and who does not intend to rectify the situation, or someone who is using contraception and does not intend to cease, then the priest should not absolve them.

What was your other question? I’m sorry that it wasn’t answered; I must have missed it in scrolling through at some point.
 
anonimu said:
I am not sure if I’m scrupulous or simply need some guidance. Please if you think I’m getting scrupulous please let me know.
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It sounds like you’re scrupulous. Talk to your priest, and avoid posting questions about your sins online.
 
It certainly is. When I was in the Holy Land earlier this year, I ran into an Argentine sacristan at one of the Churches where I was saying Mass. He spoke English just fine, but got very excited when I spoke to him in Spanish, so we just conversed for quite a while in Spanish (the group ahead of us was taking their time, so our group was a little late getting set up for Mass, so we had a while). I asked him if I could go to confession before we started, and he agreed and put on a purple stole. Since we’d already been going in Spanish, I went ahead and confessed in Spanish. I had never done it before, but I speak Spanish well enough, and I hear enough confessions in Spanish, that it wasn’t really that hard. And he was delighted to have someone to speak Spanish with.

I’ve heard confessions in Spanish and English, and I’ve heard the act of contrition come back in about ten or twelve different languages, even if the penitent confessed in English first.
 
I’m not sure about a “different level of sin,” nor really what you mean by that. Do you mean is it a mortal sin or venial sin? I would say that if someone knowingly facilitated an abortion, even if it just meant driving them to the clinic, such that without their participation the abortion likely wouldn’t have happened, and their intention was to drive them there precisely for that, then it would be grave matter. Mortal or venial would depend upon the other factors, of course.

I would say that if someone confesses to driving his girlfriend to the clinic, “not supporting the mother of his child” or “not caring for his own child” are kind of self-evident, so it wouldn’t be necessary to confess those things separately. As the confessor, I’m going to get that that’s part of it, it’s kind of hard to do one without those things being involved. As an analogy, frequently married people will confess using pornography, then explain in what ways they have sinned against their marriage and against marriage in general as a sacrament and a concept by having looked at pornography. This isn’t necessary; if you said “I’m a married person, and I looked at pornography,” I’ve studied enough moral theology to know all the reasons that’s bad.
 
I think it would depend upon whether your relationship to the person somehow affected the gravity of the sin, just as any other detail would. If you facilitated some random person’s sin, then that’s one thing. If it’s someone for whom you are responsible, like your child or other close family member to whom you owe care and guidance, that’s different, since it becomes a different sin at that point. This is different from what I’ve just posted about above, where there are certain things that are self-evident that you’d not have to mention.

So if you drove your daughter to the abortion clinic, you would only need to say that, and I would understand the gravity of it. If you drove a neighbor to the abortion clinic, someone whose moral guidance is not your responsibility, that’s a different (though still bad) set of circumstances, and I would say it’s probably not necessary to add who it was.

Does that make sense?
 
It’s the reality in a lot of places. I know that in my parish (and really the others I was assigned to as well, for the most part) there were two rates of speed at which I could get back to you if you needed something: 1) right this second, or 2) two weeks from now. Calendars fill up, especially around the holidays. Pray for more priests hahahaha.

It’s part of why I continue to stick around the forum. For those who know and believe that I am, in fact, a priest (which has been called into question on more than one occasion lately…), I can provide at least some help that they might not be able to get in person. Now, I won’t do this all the time, nor for everyone–some cases require in-person help, as I rather often say about scrupulosity and mental health issues–but I can try to help people sort through more immediate concerns as best I can on here. It isn’t my ministry, my ministry is first and foremost to my parish and my diocese, but it’s a little service I try to offer when I can.
 
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