Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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Hi 🙂 Thanks for starting this thread! I’m seriously considering returning to the faith so it’s good to have this opportunity to ask questions.

I must admit, I haven’t read all of the thread so I apologise if my question has come up somewhere.

I’ve been thinking a bit about the forgiveness of sins, particularly venial sins (even though I know they are the lesser of my worries). This is my understanding, and please correct me if I’m wrong:
  • We should take our venial sins to Confession, because they weaken and hurt our relationship with God, but we must take our mortal sins to the Sacrament.
  • Venial sins can be forgiven by praying directly to God and during the Mass (during the Penitential Act or the Confiteor?).
My questions are these:
  • Since a key part of the Catholic apologetics stance in defence of the Sacrament is John 20:23 (“those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; those whose sins you retain, they are retained”), and the question is often asked “How could the apostles/priests know what sins to forgive unless the penitent confesses them?”, why are the rules different around venial and mortal sins different where Confession is concerned? (Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they are, because it makes things a bit easier, but just wondering!)
  • This is slightly outside Confession but still to do with confessing sins: When we say the Penitential Act, is the wording “I have greatly sinned…through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault (striking the breast)” implying that even venial sins are great in the eyes of God, or is it an acknowledgement that we have all been in a great state of sin at some point in our lives? (I mean, I know that in returning to the Church after 10-15 years I would have a lot of sins to confess, of varying degrees of gravity, so I’m not trying to suggest that my sin is not great; I guess I just wonder whether every person saying it week in, week out really always believes that they’ve sinned greatly since the last time they’ve said it - or, in future, whether I would really believe that on a good week. I realise anyone else’s state is a matter between them and God).
I guess the second question is not so important - if I return to the faith, I would still say it every week at Mass; it just makes me a little uneasy. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t grow up with the repetition and breast-striking in that part of the Mass (I think it was one of the changes that came in about 10 years ago?).

Hope this makes sense 🙂
 
AussieGirl said:
“I have greatly sinned…through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault (striking the breast)” implying that even venial sins are great in the eyes of God
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I’m not Father, but it’s pretty well established by many saints and many Church teachings that our venial sins are a serious matter before God, although they don’t sever our relationship with God in the way that a mortal sin would. And, given that the just man sins 7 times a day (7 being scriptural shorthand for “many times”), then even if you’re confessing every week and going to Mass every day, you’ll have plenty of “great” sins to think about when you say the Confiteor.
 
Could someone reply me?
I need to print the examinations of conscience, which it is in the PC. If someone sees my sins, due to internet cloud printing, the confession will still be valid, right?
 
It sounds like you’re scrupulous. Why would that invalidate your confession?

A general confession is not really a good idea except in very rare circumstances, and it definitely isn’t advisable for the scrupulous. Please seek the help of a priest and a counselor for your scrupulosity and do not ask questions online. It will not help you.
 
alphonsus1 said:
What should a penitent do who is distressed from the advice that he gets in confession? Because, while he wants to obey his confessor and he definitely does not want to get into an argument, he strongly suspects that the advice that he is receiving is in deep error?
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Thank the priest for his advice and remember that it’s just that - advice; it’s not a substitute for actual thought and prayer on your part. Sadly, I know that some priests tend to go a bit rogue in the advice that they give. Of course, just because you disagree, doesn’t make it wrong; when the Church disagrees (e.g. X is not a serious sin) that’s another matter. Bear in mind though the subjective/objective distinction - something may be serious generally, but is not as serious for you in your particular circumstances. Often, it seems that this is what some priests are trying to say even if they’re not making themselves clear.
 
Kindnessmatters said:
Can I write my confession and give a note to the priest, or must it be spoken out loud? It’s saying the words that I find I cannot do…physically, I can’t get the words out. I know it’s dumb but it’s just what I’m going through.
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Sins must be spoken out loud (unless of course you can’t speak…). If it helps, most people tend to use euphemisms (e.g. “impure/inappropriate thoughts/acts”). Explain your difficulties to the priest when you start and let him help you.
 
In Neal Stephenson’s weird fantasy novel Anathem, in the course of the protagonist’s travels he encounters a congregation of the Kelx religion, whose principal religious practice is confession of sins in front of the congregation, each confession followed by the pastor’s commentary. The key to being a successful clergyman in that religion is knowing psychological tricks that make people feel like confessing.

Do priests use psychology to elicit information from those confessing sins?
 
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Tommy999 said:
If a penitent confesses to you in confessional that he killed someone - to get it off his chest - but that the person deserved it and he would do it again if he had to (such as an abusive parent), would you absolve him?
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Getting something off your chest isn’t the same as confessing. There needs to be a genuine desire to seek spiritual guidance and forgiveness - otherwise, it’s just two people having a conversation.
If not absolved, are you at liberty to report what he did to law enforcement or is unabsolved grave sin still covered by the seal of the confessional?
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Whether a sin is absolved or not doesn’t affect the seal. Whether something is a genuine confession or not does. See my other post here:
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Question about the Seal of Confession Liturgy and Sacraments
It’s a difficult issue but fortunately one that arises only rarely. I know a canon lawyer who would say that, if abuse is revealed in the confessional (by the victim) then the seal doesn’t apply because they’re not confessing a sin (on their part at least). Personally, I’m uncomfortable with this simply because of the chilling effect it may well have on those who aren’t familiar with the finer points of confessional secrecy. The closest I’ve come to this is thoughts of self-harm being raised in…
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Oh. Probably just more yahoos jacking around with the churches in the area.
 
Yarb said:
Do priests use psychology to elicit information from those confessing sins?
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The priest’s role in the sacrament isn’t really to elicit information - I can only go by what I’m told. If what a penitent says is vague or I’m not sure if I’m understanding them correctly, I’ll ask them for more information or to elaborate on what they’ve said. I’ll also often ask at the end “is there anything else” both as a way of wrapping up and giving them an opportunity to add anything they’ve missed. What I’m not going to do is ask about sins that haven’t been mentioned (at least not in specific terms, if at all) without an invitation - be it express or implied.

Granted some (particularly those who have been away for a considerable length of time or kids making their first confession) often need prompting and, yes we’re taught techniques for doing this.
 
AussieGirl said:
why are the rules different around venial and mortal sins different where Confession is concerned?
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The purpose of reconciliation is to enable us to turn back to the right path which we’ve wandered from as well as to heal us in terms of our relationship with God and with others. Some things are naturally more serious than others and so require a more specific response. Still, an overly legalistic or literal focus on moral versus venial can be unhelpful since there’s a risk of losing sight of the simple fact that all of our sins impair our relationship with God and others. In other words, the sacrament isn’t only for the “big stuff” and, since little problems can all too easily grow into bigger ones a holistic approach is sin is in some way more helpful.
AussieGirl said:
When we say the Penitential Act, is the wording “I have greatly sinned…through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault (striking the breast)” implying that even venial sins are great in the eyes of God, or is it an acknowledgement that we have all been in a great state of sin at some point in our lives?
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In some ways, both and. We’re acknowledging our sinfulness and need for forgiveness as well as our generally flawed character which tends too often to lead us into sin. That said, the confiteor shouldn’t be confused with the sacrament of reconciliation. While there is obviously a penitential element to it, it’s more about humbly acknowledging our need for help as well as our role in helping others - in a word charity - which of course draws us closer to the Lord. As Aquinas puts it:
venial sin is forgiven through the fervor of charity, which explicitly or implicitly contains contrition; and so those things that are in themselves of a nature to excite the fervor of charity are said to remit venial sins. Of this sort are the things that confer grace, like all the sacraments, and things by which impediments to fervor and grace are removed, like holy water… or another exercise of humility on our part
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AussieGirl said:
if I return to the faith, I would still say it every week at Mass; it just makes me a little uneasy.
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Acknowledging our sins tends to do that! Sometimes I think the hardest part of the sacrament of reconciliation is simply showing up but, at the same time, it’s our own pride which makes it difficult. The Lord’s forgiveness is always on offer but it’s up to us to seek it and doing so, despite the difficulties caused by our pride enables us to receive His grace which helps strengthen and heal us.
 
I would love to write a thank you note to my priest to thank him for something he said to me in confession that has helped me very much to grow in my faith and to love God more. Do you think this is appropriate?
 
Thank you for your reply! That is loving of you that you have done this. Did your priest appreciate this? I don’t intend to remind my priest of the sins I confessed.😊 But I would love to thank him for his very good advice. I hope this will encourage him, to know how strong God works through his priesthood.
 
That is encouraging that you write this. I often write a small note/email to my priest to thank him, eg for a beautiful Mass or a good homily, but usually he doesn’t reply. I don’t expect an answer of course, but this makes me sometimes wonder whether he appreciates this or not. I don’t want to disturb my priest with my thank you notes! But I love to just encourage him. I think there are too many people complaining too him when they don’t like something, I love to tell him how much I appreciated him as a priest.
 
Thank you! I often do this, after Mass or later that day, by sending him a short email. I think, if I were a priest, I would love to know how my homily has been received by my parishioners. I also give my priest some feedback sometimes, mostly very positive, but I also tell him honestly if I didn’t understand something etc.
 
What a beautiful heart you have, (name removed by moderator), that you do so much to encourage your priest! I am sure you are a gift from heaven for him. I pray that God will bless jou very much. Everything you do for your priest, you do for Jesus Himself.
 
Thabk you, Margaret_An. And yes, that would perhaps even be better, to tell him in person. However, I almost never have the opportunity to tell him in person. Every time I see him, there are many other people around him as well and it is a bit too personal to tell him then. And I admit, I am a bit shy… So I thought: a kind note with perhaps a small Christmas present might be a good thing to give to him.
 
Father is there ever a Valid reason to go to confession while still in a state of grace. This does sound Pointless but one of the people teaching in my pre rite of confirmation program said that as a child (She being a cradle Catholic layperson and around 60 + years old) that In her family they would all go to confession every Friday night without fail, as that was what people did in the days when Church was open all the time and Friday and Sunday where the main days for people to go.

She mentioned that some times she would have no Sins and would start lying and making things up. She then said “I didn’t realise you can go to confession and just sat I have nothing to confess”.

This obviously does sound Pointless, but is there any point whatsoever to go to confession again while still in a state of grace? Do you know what she meant by this, or was it just a complete error?
 
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